Disclaimer: Delusional human here...

a/n: I do not know IF this is as AU as I have think it is. It is kinda crappy though...

Pain, without love. Pain, I can't get enough. Pain, I like it rough. 'Cause I rather feel pain than nothing at all. -three days grace

Pain in my body as I grew up.

Pain on my forehead as the caged bird seal was branded on me.

Pain in my heart as I found out my parents died in a mission together.

Pain in my stomach as I get hungry.

Pain of my muscles as I trained myself to become stronger.

Pain in my chest as I have been neglected by the clan.

Pain on my body and spirit as I continuously got bullied.

Pain on my head as the cursed seal has been activated.

Pain in my every battle as wounds has been inflicted upon both my opponent and I.

.

Pain in my falling in love as the person I love was of the same gender.

Pain in my heart as I get mercilessly teased by the one I love because that person knows I am gay.

Pain in my heart as I knew that person will never return my affections.

Pain in my heart as I have been continuously belittled.

Pain in my heart as harsh words keeps raining on me.

.

Pain on my cheek as I had been slapped when I tried to become a better ninja than their proclaimed clan genius.

Pain on my body as I let myself lose on spars.

Pain on my chakra coils as I had gotten them burned due to over usage by training non-stop till I dropped.

Pain in my head as I continued to lack sleep.

Pain as I continue to live

Pain as I continue to serve.

Pain as I have been denied.

.

Pain as a realization dawned upon me.

Pain as I have been betrayed.

Pain as I became the scapegoat.

Pain as I become a decoy.

Pain as my teammates have left me alone.

Pain as I was cornered by two groups of 4 Iwa-nin.

Pain as I noticed I was-

No, I am a cannon-fodder.

Ever since from the very start.

Pain as I tarried on and fought the losing battle as a last stand to prove. What I want to prove… I do not really know. I want to take a stand because of my pride as a warrior, as a killer, as a player of the game or just because I am a human. I think I deserve to choose even just once how I will die. If I die, I will be bringing all the souls I can with me to the Shinigami's world.

Pain as shuriken had sunken to my flesh.

Pain as I teared a tendon or more.

Pain as my hands bleed.

Pain as my body bleed.

Pain as I overused my chakra coils.

Pain as I got frustrated when I missed a mark.

Pain as blades have wounded me.

Pain as I continue to fight.

Pain as I take lives.

Pain as they attempt to take my life of pain.

Pain as I had flash backs.

Pain as I remembered the ones I was loved by are dead.

Pain as I just realized I lack love.

Pain as I am not loved.

Pain as this is the first time I contemplated on dying. On ending my life.

Pain as I regret living this long. For this 18 years, I regret.

Why did I even exist?

Pain as I remembered having just contemplated suicide.

Pain as I want to die.

Pain as I want them dead.

Pain as I moved my body.

Pain as I had suddenly moved with more desperation and drive to murder.

Pain as I noticed I am now alone.

Pain as the adrenaline have left me.

Pain as my body had slumped to the ground, dead tried as hell.

Pain as I want to die right this moment.

Pain as I grabbed a stray kunai that was just beside my left hand.

Pain as the blade had broke into my skin and was just an inch short on its intended location to finally end my life.

Pain as reinforcement had arrived.

Pain as again I was denied.

Why CAN'T anyone let me decide?

Pain as I will be continuing to live my life.

Pain as I had survived the skirmish.

Pain on my eyes as I had stop myself from crying when the stinging behind my eyes was becoming too insistent.

Pain when I was injected a drug.

Pain as I fell to the abyss of darkness called unconsciousness.

.

Pain as my consciousness had decided to return.

Pain on my eyes when opened them as I had remember on being in a fight.

Pain as there was a headache was pounding in my head.

I looked around when I felt like I could afford to. I saw that I was in a white room. Hospital, my mind supplied.

The numbness I am feeling is not welcome. So very not welcomed, I do not like it. I could not feel anything.

I can't feel the pain.

I CAN NOT feel Pain.

I tried to escape in my bout of hysteria but a nurse had arrived, alerted and ordered other capable ninjas around to restrain me.

"I do not like the numbness." Was my parting words before I blacken out because someone had stabbed and drugged me, again.

Numb.

I feel numb.

NUMB.

No.

Oh, No.

Please… no.

My mind was in a complete panic mode that I did not realize I was not alone in my hospital room when I woke up.

"Sen. Sen. Sen. Sen! Look at me!" someone who insistently had been calling me, commanded. The tell-tale pain on my forehead was familiar. The voice was familiar. But, I do not want to listen.

Panic was driving my mind to not think straight. It had jumbled my thoughts into a complete mess.

Then suddenly, Pain.

Pain had shut my jumbled thoughts to a stop. With my mind cleared up, it was thankfully starting to go into the process of thinking or at least working more coherently.

"Sen." It was that familiar voice again. I looked at the owner of that voice.

Imagine my surprise when I found the clan heir sitting on a chair beside my bed.

The pain on my forehead where my cursed caged seal was branded has become insistent. It was liberating that I could feel pain again.

"Sen." Hinata-sama called again patiently.

"Yes, Hinata-sama?" I croaked through the pain of my throat.

The pain was a familiar comfort as I had felt it before.

"I…I-I… I am s-sorry-y." her firm voice wavered and stuttered. It broke. She was trying her best not to. It was evident on her face as it flushed in embarrassment but her determination was strong as she did not leave like she would use to do.

I close my eyes in acknowledgement but did not accept the apology. She was apologizing for the whole clan.

I did not accept for I know I could never not in this kind of situation. The pain caused by the clan as a whole could not be easily forgiven.

Hinata-sama is a very sweet and kind girl but she could never apologize, no, she can apologize for the clan but I know that her apology could never come from every person from the clan as a whole.

Too much of their pride and ego in the line.

The pain they had caused…

I could see how Hinata-sama had come into realization when I opened my eyes and dully looked back at her. Her eyes had become glassy as she looked away. She was about to cry. Crying is unbecoming of an heir. Even if that heir is the sweet and kind Hinata-sama.

I grabbed a hold of her hand to catch her attention back.

"If you are sorry… Do not cry, heir."

My words made her quickly wipe the forming tears on her eyes by the back of her hand.

"If you are sorry, Hinata-sama." I started again.

"Yes?"

"Could you please give me some time just by myself alone?" A worded order in a request.

"B-but-"

"Hinata-sama." I sighed wearily.

I am very tired right now.

"Yes, I will leave you to your peace." She had gracefully stood up. As she was about to exit, she stopped and said, "I will be back tomorrow." Then she was out before I could protest.

Pain in my chest.

Pain as something had tightly coiled in my stomach.

Pain in my heavy and weary heart.

Pain of my broken body.

Pain in my wounded soul.

Pain of my past.

Pain of my present.

Pain because I feel hopeful.

Pain as hope had shown up.

"A ray of hope had come,

But I wonder… will my hope

Become another reason of my pain or,

Be my savior."

*thnks for reading tis crappy one-shot. Bye.

.