Hello everyone! Welcome to my second post on fanfiction! I'm not entirely sure where this is going to go, or even much about where this came from at all, but I will be letting this story form itself on its own and I hope someone out there can enjoy my ramblings of fandom
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters
I wasn't sure when it had begun.
People often told me I was oblivious to the feelings of others, that someone could explain their emotions in grave detail and yet I would still misunderstand.
Aloofness or just an overwhelming indifference, no one could be sure.
I had never really thought too much about it, though I'm sure I should have. Perhaps if I had, I would have noticed long ago that I was not just completely ignorant to others feelings but also to my own.
It had been nothing at first. Embers of a hollow acquaintance, based on a shared friend. Looking back I can't pinpoint when it had formed its own foundation. When it had branched into its own blosseming bud.
What exactly had brought me over that edge of friendship and into this crumbling ground of self-doubt and fluttering nerves?
Was it a smile, or a glance. Was it one day nothing and then everything the next?
I despised the unknown. Feared it even a little more than I hated it. And yet the unknown was the only thing I knew for certain.
For I did not know when I fell in love with Orihime Inoue. Could not name the day or the look or the moment. One day I glanced away from the black board, eyes finding the back of her head without hesitation, and realized they had done just that 12 times within the hour. Twice that the day before, and would no doubt exceed that before the day was done.
I had accepted it easily. Had stepped out into this unstable way of being with both eyes open and a mind knowing exactly what it was doing. The feeling had been fully formed before I'd acknowledged its existence and it had planted itself deep inside me long before that day.
It was dark on this plane within myself. And I realized instantly that it was because I was standing alone for the first time since meeting her. Alone in my feelings and alone in my willingness to swallow them whole. I could see her radiant light through the cracks of the blackness, streaming to me in the form of bubbled laughter and good morning greetings yelled from across crowded courtyards.
And if I had to exchange the sun for that smile? For those stories and those eyes?
Then find me in the darkness, smiling.
.
.
.