Background: Edward and Bella haven't met. All the other cullens are together like usual. Um well im Australian so that makes Christmas in the summer holidays for me. Sorry if it all confuses you but the start of this story is set at Christmas before the next year of school starts. Enjoy!

EPOV

Christmas day. My 90th Christmas as a vampire. For some reason that's meant to be something to celebrate, according to Alice.

I groaned as I heard Alice squealing downstairs in excitement as she decorated the lounge room with green and red tinsel.

Aren't you excited Eddie? Her voice filled my head. I growled in response knowing she knew full well of how I thought of Christmas. If only reminded me of how long I have been a vampire. It tells me how many years have past by with nothing to show for it. My torture of continuing to live when all I want to do is die.

Alice had a totally different point of view to all of this. But she can't remember her human life. She doesn't seem to understand just how stuck we are. No way of getting out with having to go to some extreme lengths. I have often thought of running to the Volturi and just giving up, but something keeps me back. The love for my family, I assume.

I laid on my couch and turn on my stereo. Blasting it so loudly that the house rocked with the bass beat. My daily ritual and I knew it tormented each and everyone being in this house.

Shut up Edward! Turn it off why don't you!

Man, Edward find something else to do.

Turn off that racket or I'll come show you how!

The voices filled my head but I ignored it. Wishing that the music would block it all out, failure to my regret.

Edward, dear come down and see what Alice has done for you. Esme's calming voice always seemed to work just that little more for me. Giving in, I grouchily made my way down the stairs at human walking speed.

Looking up I discovered the room was filled with sparkling objects, green and red glitter covered the walls. My piano was left alone, thankfully. But nothing else was as fortunate.

"Wow great job Alice" I said, even I could hear the boredom in my dull tone.

She just smile warmly at me but it didn't reach her eyes. I stared at her trying decipher what exactly was in her eyes. Sympathy? Fear? Excitement? I shook my head at her and she gave me a questioning look.

Come on Edward cheer up a little. What's so wrong about having one joyful day with your family?

I ignored her thoughts and walked over to the kitchen, hoping to get away from all the eyes I could feel boring holes into me.

When I entered the room I met the eyes of Carlisle. Those wise young eyes. Sighing I slouched into the nearest chair by the table.

"Everything ok there Edward?" He asked casually but I knew his desire to help me feel better.

I shrugged. "Never been better" It was true, my whole life has been dull or horrible. My human life had death pretty much written all over it and my vampire life was dreary.

Carlisle let out a long sigh. Straightening himself up again, I could tell I was in for another long and boring talk to.

"Edward, could you please just lighten up a little. Just today, if not just for your sister? She looks forward to this day all year and to be honest…you're dragging it just a bit. Cut Alice a little slack too. She worries constantly about you. What ever decisions go through your head comes out as reality to her."

I lifted my eyebrows at him incredulously. "What ever goes through my head? What about everything that goes through your heads? I have to deal with all of you!" I started to tense up in anger. Everything that I keep inside was on the edge of my tongue and in the fists on my hands.

Despite all this Carlisle kept a calm look. "You missed my point dear son." He stated simply. "Just loosen up a little, for today at least" With that he picked up his newspaper he'd been reading and walked gracefully out of the kitchen, leaving me alone and confused.

Easier said then done.

So tell me what you think and thankyou for reading!

Gem.