Hi, everybody ! Here's a little one shot about Doctor Who. It's the first time I write about this serie (which is also my favorite serie), so I hope it isn't too bad. Good reading !
PS: I'm french, so I'm sorry if the English is too bad.

Until when ? Until when can I keep doing this ? Die, change face, die again and another new face. Will it ever stop ? I don't want to do this anymore, I can't. The life of a Time Lord is far too long. So many things lived, so many losses, so many pain. I can't take any more of this. I don't want to change anymore, never again.

-Doctor, are you ok ?

Clara is so lucky to be human, her life is so short. She will die before she even has to live, still child. For a Human, being 90 is extremely old, but for a Time Lord, it's still childhood, it's still happiness and innocence. It's the good old days.

-Doctor ?

Now she sits next to me on the TARDIS steps, she's worried, I see it on her face.

-I'm fine Clara, you can go back to the Library.

Always hiding his feeling, looking strong to impress her, when will I stop ? She sees very well that I'm not ok, and yet I keep lying to her.

-I know you Doctor, you're hiding something from me. What's going on ?

Why is she insisting ? Does she not understand that her question will not be answered? I can't ever tell her I want to die. Never be a coward, that's what I keep telling her, and yet that's who I am. From the moment I ran away from Gallifrey with the TARDIS, since I started running, I've always been a coward.

-I assure you everything is fine, Clara.

I've already shown her how I feel before, but it was in different contexts. It was times of weakness and questioning, times when she was not afraid for my life. I can't tell her what I think right now, I can't worry her and hurt her.

-Talk to me Doctor, please.

Now she's begging me, what a bad person I am to let her do this.

-What about we go somewhere! A planet full of diamonds, how does that sound ?

I get up of a sudden, which surprises her, and start to calibrate the TARDIS. Diverting is so stupid in this case, but I have no other idea. She's getting closer to me.

-Doctor, you're acting strangely. Why are you trying to change the subject?

There she goes, she gets it. She also surely understood that, unconsciously, I treated her like an idiot. While she's anything but that, she's one of the smartest humans I ever know. She's extraordinary, and that's why my 11th regeneration was in love with her.

-Because there are more important things Clara, worlds to save for example. Are you ready?

I put a lever down and the TARDIS takes off. Always the same noise, always the same amazed face on each companion, whatever happens. I give them the best moments of their lives, and then they die because of me, because of all those stupid trips.

-Doctor, stop doing that, and talk to me.

The TARDIS has landed, but she don't come out. She refuses to see one of the most beautiful planets in the universe because I'm not fine. Why am I so important to her?

No, you stop Clara! And look at me, look at me well! I'm just an impostor, an idiot who travels with humans to impress them. I'm not a hero.

She's probably shocked, I'm not used to expressing myself like that. But she wanted to know, so she does. She knows the truth. I'm just a Time Lord among many others, but for a human, I'm the most incredible person in the universe.

-Doctor... What's going on? Why do you say that?

She's sad, and all because of me. Because it's the only thing I know how to do, make people around me sad, comfort them a little, then run away and start over. That's what I am, I'm a cruel person.

-Because it's the truth, Clara, and you have to understand it. You have blind trust in me, but I don't deserve it, because it's not reciprocal. You will never know my real name, my darkest secrets, and all those other things that create that trust. I keep lying to you, to my previous companions, and to all the people who cross my path, that is my nature. And I'll never stop doing it.

Because I will never die, I will never have the courage. Stopping a regeneration is extremely difficult, more than that, just saying that you are going to die is extremely difficult. And that's why I'm condemned to live forever.

-How can you say that? Do you really think I need to know your name and secrets to trust you. I've seen you act, I've seen you save entire civilizations and do incredible things, and that's why I can trust you, not because I consider you a hero.

Clara Oswald, the impossible girl. What would I do without her? She could have left a long time ago, after I regenerated myself, but she stayed. Despite my older physique and my different personality, she never left.

-Now I can't wait to see this planet filled with diamonds.

She's walking towards the exit.

-Clara... She turns back to me. Thank you.