Here is a little something that had come to my mind watching the latest season 8 episode. As always thanks to the fabulous Kendall for proof reading and giving me advice.
CM isn't mine, or this would have been in the show.
Losing the One
She walked up the long staircase to his floor. It had been two weeks and she had wanted to be here so much earlier, but he wouldn't let her. Reid hadn't wanted anyone to come to the funeral. He hadn't even talked to her since that day and all she knew was what their friends had told her over the phone. She had been ready to pack up her bags a week ago, but then her job had gotten in the way and now that she was finally free, nothing had stopped her from flying in. Her hand knocked softly against the wood, while her eyes took in the baskets left for him. Garcia had tried so hard and she could see the love her friend had put into each of them.
"Go away."
She raised an eyebrow at the door, before knocking again and speaking:
"I didn't sit in the uncomfortable plane seat for six hours, just so you can tell me to go away."
She could hear his footsteps and finally he actually opened the door.
"What are you doing here, Emily?"
She gave him a small smile and a raised eyebrow. Reid looked terrible. His eyes were blood shot and the clothes looked like they hadn't been changed in days.
"Can I come in?"
Em could see in his face that he was about to say no, but the fact that she had flown in from a different continent seemed to stop him in that action and he slowly opened the door more widely. His apartment looked worse than he did. Books were stacked on the floor, while others lay open on the couch and little table. A blanket on the couch indicated that he had spent at least one past night there. As she heard the door close behind him, she turned.
"Spencer, I'm so sorry."
"I don't need your pity."
"I'm not pitying you. I'm just truly sorry that you had to lose her like that. I wish you two would have gotten some more time."
"Well it's too late now." He sat back down on the floor, where he had sat before and stared at the wall. She sighed quietly, before moving to sit next to him. Emily didn't know what she could possibly say that could make him feel better, because really there wasn't much. She only knew that something needed to be done to open him up and help him work through this terrible loss.
"Tell me about her."
"What?" Reid looked at her incredulous.
"Tell me about Maeve." She encouraged him again with a small smile.
"It hurts too much."
"Yes it does, but memories are the one thing nobody can take from you."
"What do you know about losing the person you love?"
Emily didn't respond but stared towards the window. Reid usually a genius was oblivious to the shimmer of hurt that had flickered through her eyes and she was fast in hiding it, before he could have taken a closer look.
"Two years ago, just around this time I got a phone call. It was an old friend of mine. A coworker. Deep down I knew that I was in trouble when I first heard he had called, but I was hoping he was just in town and wanted to catch up."
She glanced over to Reid and although he refused to look at her, she could see that she had his attention.
"Within two months I lost everything I had lived for the six years before that. Doyle…" She still had a hard time saying his name. "He managed to take everything and everyone that I loved from me."
They sat in silence, as she wanted to give him some time to think her words over. "I never got to say goodbye to most of you. I knew that Hotch and JJ were miserable because they had to lie. I broke Penelope's heart and her perfect little world into pieces. Rossi is like a father to me, and I know what it is like to lose a child. Derek, of course, beat himself up, although he was playing the strong one and you…" She glanced over, hoping he would look at her.
"You, Spencer, are like a little brother to me and I was so worried that I would be the reason why you would go back to the drugs. I was worried that your headaches would get worse and that nobody would be there to tell you to go and see a doctor."
Emily noticed the pain coming back to his face and realized her mistake. Reid had gone to see a doctor. Maeve had been one of the specialists he had been consulting with.
"Sitting in Paris and not being able to do anything about it, there were days when I just wanted to die. I thought it wouldn't make a difference, because I had lost what was most important to me and technically I was dead already."
"You could come back. She can't."
"At this point I didn't think I could ever come back. I didn't want to risk your life and if Declan hadn't been kidnapped I would still be sitting alone in Paris." She swallowed at the thought. "Spencer what I'm trying to say is that I would probably have ended everything right there, if it wasn't for the memories."
Reid was quiet and so Emily continued in her story.
"One day I was ordering some Chinese food. At first, I thought it was horrible because it reminded me so much of back home. Then, I remembered one of our team nights. I saw all your smiling faces in front of me and I knew that you are okay, because I was in hiding. You were still out there smiling or at least I was hoping you were."
"Emily I never saw her smile."
"I also remembered conversations. I would walk somewhere and a certain sound or building structure would bring me back to a memory. One day I was shaking a hand and I remembered the first time I shook Morgan's hand. I heard his voice saying his name again just as if he was standing next to me."
"She told me once that we couldn't be in touch anymore, but I called anyway and she answered."
Emily smiled, knowing that she had gotten him to think.
"I had to hear her voice again."
"Maybe Garcia can retrieve her voice from a voicemail or something like that." Emily had already heard that he had refused to look at Maeve's picture, but her voice had a different meaning to him.
"I could be myself whenever I talked to her. She understood all those things that I usually get weird looks for."
"You still can be that person."
"Not in that way." His voice grew sad again.
"Don't forget that she can live on in your heart as long as you want her to."
"I won't be able to talk to her."
"Write her letters."
Reid finally turned his head, surprising her with the sudden reaction. He studied her for a moment. Spencer needed to be sure that he could trust her. The thing that he was about to say was too personal to share as the new discussion topic of the whole team.
"I never got to tell her that I love her."
Emily swallowed not sure how to respond, but finally she followed her heart. "I'm sure that she knew that."
She saw how he opened his mouth to protest, but lifted a finger to stop him: "Have you ever heard of the 5 love languages? Your consistency of calling her. You refusing to meet her for her safety. You sending a whole FBI team out to find her when she was in danger. You offering to give your life for her. That was your love language." She had cried when she had heard about his last try of saving Maeve's life. "You don't just offer to die for someone Spencer."
Emily watched the silent tear travel down his cheek.
"She knows that you loved her and we both know that she loved you back. You and her, you have memories together that neither the team nor her stalker have any access to. Their yours!"
"Thomas Morton."
She barely heard his whisper.
"The one thing she can never take from us."
"Nobody ever will."
"We only had six months."
"And a lifetime of memories," she gently reminded him.
Spencer had his hand glide to the book that had still a ribbon around it. It had been sitting on the table in front of him for the past days. He hadn't been able to open it up knowing every word by heart anyway.
"You know, when I was in Paris there was one thing that made me feel better. I knew that you had each other. The team would help everyone to find the strength to get through it and I hope that Maeve, wherever she is now, knows that the team is here for you now as well."
Reid got up and began moving stuff around. After a while, he disappeared into the bedroom. Emily didn't know what he was doing, but she assumed he needed some time to collect his thoughts. When he stepped back into the living room, she noticed with surprise his changed outfit. It looked like he was actually planning to leave the house now.
"She would have liked you."
Emily smiled as she still leaned against the couch, her eyes on the book he put back down.
"I like her too."
"You never met her."
"Spencer, I know all about her that I would possible need to know to like her." She gave him a pointed look: "She made you happy and smile. So I'm sure I would have loved her."
"She was the most amazing person."
"I know." Em got up from her position on the floor and walked to where he was standing. "So what is the plan?"
"I'm going to fly to San Francisco. I think I know what they need."
She raised a surprised eyebrow, but didn't respond. Him wanting to fly to the team was certainly a surprise, but she was not going to stop him now that he finally picked his life up.
"Okay, let me give you a ride to the airport."
Reid nodded and grabbed his bag, before following her out the door. For the short ride to the airport both remained silent, trying to collect their thoughts. It was not until he was about to open the door to get out of the car, when he spoke again.
"Since you are here…" He glanced at her: "You should tell him."
"Tell whom what?"
"Morgan…" He stopped when he saw her expression change. "I didn't have a chance to tell Maeve that I love her. Do you really want to wait until you don't get another chance either?"
Before she could respond, he had left the car and hurried to the building. She was stunned by the directness of his words, as he was never one to talk about other people's love interest. She watched as the door closed behind him and sighed. Emily hadn't even realized that he had known about those feelings, but it probably hadn't taken a genius to figure it out. Her eyes left the building and she tried to focus on the road, but all she could think about was his last words: Do you really want to wait until you don't get another chance either?