Here I am, back from vacation/work. I'm ready to write for you!
Guys, just so you know, I'm going to a much harder nerd school this coming school year, so I don't know how great my updating is gonna be with the work load... I like to try for every week day when school rolls around, but we'll see, you know?
Anyway, let's get down to business...
Oh, wait. Just so you know, it's another one of those "Wear whatever kind of goggles you like" stories. (Whoever said that, I love you...)
James still couldn't process what was going on. He felt lost with the world just swimming around him. Logan's body shook in frustration. He was obviously near the breaking point, and it rattled James's heart, but he wasn't paying any attention to it. He was too confused to focus on much of anything. He stared blindly at the paler teen. Logan had one hand on the handle of his packed suitcase and the other on the door handle; he looked one part exasperated, one part tired, and five parts really sad. Looks like James couldn't have picked a better moment to come out of his room.
"I'm sick of bugging you guys," he was explaining, and James fumbled to find his voice. He shook his head mutely against Logan's words. "It's like... all the time, I'm so dependent and clingy, and you can't like that. I'm holding you guys back; I'm a nuisance. They say I'm a nuisance... you can't... you can't want me around anymore, I need you too much... you can't... I can't... you..." he fell off the phrase to bit his lower lip. His eyes were trained on the floor, and James tried to wrap his head around what was going on.
"So... you're leaving?" he asked, afraid of the answer. James could actually feel the color drain out of him when Logan nodded his had yes. "Loges," James half sighed, half whispered despite every fiber of his being screaming in a burning, white-hot panic. Tears streamed down Logan's face, and James subconsciously wiped away a few stray ones of his own as it dawned on him what he was facing. What he wouldn't give for Kendall right now. Heck, he'd even take Carlos. Anyone who could help him with... this would be a blessing. Logan had one foot out the door, they were both crying, and James couldn't handle making toast by himself. He reached out to hold Logan's hand, but the shorter boy pulled away.
"No!" he yelped, backing into the door, fear unexpectedly etched across his face. "Don't touch me! Don't pull me in! Why don't you get it? I can't DO THIS TO YOU ANYMORE!" he shrieked, still not making eye contact with him. James backed up a bit, startled by his outburst, but bravely tried to reach out to him again.
"Logie, it's okay..." he said what he hoped was soothingly. He searched to meet Logan's gaze, but the shorter boy was avoiding it at all costs. James positive that he didn't want to do this, but there he was, trying to escape from 2J before his very eyes. Logan's suitcase was practically bursting at the seams, the zipper pulling like Logan had to sit on the top to get everything in. It was almost painfully apparent that one of his best friends in the whole world had absolutely no plans of coming back, not leaving anything behind. According to everything Logan was saying, this could be it. He tried for his hand again, but he got the same results as last time.
"I said NO!" he shouted. His shoulders were tense, his knuckles white on the door knob. "I can't need you anymore," his voice shook, and the lock clicked as he turned the door knob. "I don't need you anymore," he said quietly, as if convincing himself more than James. When he turned to go, James snagged his shoulder and whirled him around. "Can you not hear me? I. DON'T. NEED. YOU!" he screamed in his face, James pinning him to the wall and trying to ignore the hurt that accompanied the statement. As Logan struggled in his grasp, squirming to get away, James found himself growing angry.
If you had one chance, would you let it slip away?
"Well, you know what, Logan?" he questioned angrily, running a fist through his hair and slamming it into the door beside Logan's head in frustration. Emotion coursed through him, and he didn't know what to feel. His heart beat fast and loud like a machine gun in his ears. "It's not always about you needing us, it's about ME needing YOU! IT'S ABOUT ME THIS TIME, LOGAN! I NEED YOU TO LET THIS BE ABOUT ME!" he yelled desperately, his voice cracking at the end. He cupped the smaller boy's cheek in his hand, anger disappearing as fast as it came and felt his jaw tense beneath it. "I need you to let this be about me," he repeated calmly. "Because, honestly?" he quirked an eyebrow, "I need you about as bad as you think you need me?"
"Wha~a...?" Logan's brow furrowed in confusion. James laughed a little and ran his spare hand through the aspiring doctor's short hair. Their eyes finally locked, and the color of James's emotions went from an angry, twisted, terrified red to a soft, glowing gold. He pried Logan's fingers away from the suitcase handle and shut the door with his foot, simultaneously pulling his confused friend a bit closer to him.
"Loges," he said seriously despite the forever old nickname, "you don't even get how much it goes both ways." He kicked Logan's bag to the ground, a visible atonement to the willingness of James allowing him to leave, and suddenly, Logan was up in his arms before either of them could realize what was happening. The raven haired boy looked up at him quizzically, and James just cast him a faint smile, bringing him over to the couch. He situated him in his lap, refusing to let him go for even a second after such a scare.
Yes. After. Because he was James freaking Diamond, and no one said no to him. It ran in the family.
His thumb rubbed Logan's arm as he held him close. He rested his head on the shorter boy's shoulder and began unfolding all the reasons James absolutely refused to let him take a step out the door. "Let's start with the obvious, okay?" he spoke into his ear, voice quiet and relaxed. "Every night, at five on the dot, it's homework time, and who comes to the rescue?" he asked, pinching Logan's sides and evoking a giggle. "Yup, you do. And when six thirty rolls around and Mama Knight is no where to be seen, who's pulling dinner out of the oven?"
"James-" Logan said, sounding annoyed, but he cut him off.
"Yup. You do," he declared in a tone that said "this is how it is, get over it" plain as day. "Logan, you're the one to keep our room clean. You're the one to keep Carlos out of my hair stuff. Heck, you're even the one to make sure Mama Knight buys Extra Creamy Kraft Mac 'N Cheese. You keep me on time, you check up on me in school, you encourage me at rehearsals, you keep all my secrets, and, dude, you've seen me cry more than any sixteen-year-old guy should be allowed to and then some! I don't ever feel embarrassed around you, you pay more attention to me than my mom ever did, you check up on me and make sure I'm okay... When I walked out of our bedroom to see you headed for the door, I think I threw up in my mouth a little. There'd be this terrible, gaping hole without you, Logan. Don't let that happen," he said, and Logan shifted uncomfortably on his lap.
"Don't stay stuff like that," he said, and James could feel his face heat up. "It's not that big of a deal... it doesn't make up for me... for me... gah, I'm so annoying." James just laughed.
"Yeah, you are annoying," he responded, picturing Logan's dejected face before quickly continuing, "cause you don't understand how important you are. Who else is gonna side with me when put on the spot, no hesitations? Who else is gonna get beat up for me while I ask the hottest girl in Hollywood to prom? Who else is gonna get so close to me that they're not scared to get all near and share a blanket with me during movie night? You're my best friend, Loge. You know more about me than anyone ever should, and it kills me that you think our relationship is so one-sided like that. I mean, tell me this," he said, pulling his arms around Logan just a bit tighter and smiling, "where am I going to find another human being who would willingly let me borrow and stretch out all their clothes without asking?" he asked. Logan hit his arm.
"You don't stretch them out that much!" he yelped, and James just laughed.
"Whatever makes the tears stop, Wittle Wogie," he answered, making fun of his skinny frame. Unfortunately, he was only rewarded with another punch to the arm. Of course, at that moment, the door opened behind them and Kendall and Carlos walked into the apartment. They froze at the sight of James and Logan on the couch, and there was a very uncomfortable moment in 2J. The other set of boys walked out, confused, and James and Logan could hear Carlos asking "What were they doing?" behind the closed door. Awkward, awkward, awkward. Thank goodness they had a good explanation. Cuddling like this was a major no in any guy's book.
"Did you mean all that?" Logan asked uncertainly, the light mood of the room darkening after their friends had walked in and walked out on them. James just smirked, nuzzling his nose into Logan's hair. He had definitely been using the peppermint Cuda shampoo he had bought him the other day. He could breathe in that scent for the rest of his life.
"Well, duh, I did. I mean, you were there for all that, weren't you?" he asked, running his fingertips gently up and down the shorter boy's arm, feeling him shudder beneath him. Weird Logan Fact #56: He loved having his arm tickled like that. James would never get it, but he'd never truly get Logan either, so it didn't matter much. He twisted around on his lap and looked at him, eyes shining. He punched him on the arm.
"I need to unpack," he said with a smile in his voice. James grinned so hard, he was sure Logan could see his back teeth.
"You might as well put them all in my dresser..." he told him, and when Logan looked at him funny, he continued, "I'm gonna wear them all anyway." Logan laughed and extended his hand to help him up.
"Whatever, it's not like I don't borrow your lucky comb to get my hair right all the time, anyway." James chuckled, and then what he said hit him.
"Wait, you use my WHAT?" he shrieked, and Logan just headed off with his suitcase to their bedroom. "NO! Wait, Logan, don't leave! I need you!" he yelped, trying to nab him and find out if he was joking or not. He had better be joking. "Logan! I NEED YOU!" he shouted, running after him because, let's face it-
He really did.
Corny end, but it's ME, so that's not a shocker... YAY! ONE SHOT DONE! I missed writing these! I don't know if you've all noticed, but soon my fiftieth review is coming up. I wanna do something special, but I'm not sure.
"Beautiful blue forget-me-nots grew scattered throughout the grass like acne on a teenager's face."
Review pretty please! It feels like no one has been anymore, and it's kind of getting me down...