Title: Scare Me
Pairing: One-sided Edward/Bella
Rating: G
Summary: One night, Edward does some heavy thinking about a certain brunette. More or less an introspective monologue. Not a songfic (though it was inspired by the lyrics)
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer I am not. =] Nor do I have any claim on Kenny Chesney. *weeps*
-The-Key-Is-Love-
Scare Me
In all of my years as a vampire, not once do I remember being afraid. Nervous? Yes. Uncertain? At times. Remorseful? Quite often.
But afraid? Never.
At least, until now.
Because now, I am terrified.
And all because of one seemingly insignificant human girl…
One girl…
How many times has Tanya attempted to persuade my affections over the years? Too many to count. Yet I have never been tempted to stay for her. No, no one could hold me.
At least, not until she came along…
How have I fallen so far?
I am in no way opposed to walking my own path through the years. Far from it. I've relished the freedom to come and go as I please, saying "goodbye" to my family for a few weeks at a time, simply enjoying the silence that only solitude can bring.
Solitude… Alone with myself, my thoughts, my worries. Able to run as far as I wish, without having to take care not to leave someone behind.
And, for all that, I find myself sitting here, gazing at a girl who could never dream to keep up with me.
Yet I feel inferior.
Perhaps I should go for another walk… but what good would that do? My last attempt to gather my thoughts, to remember my fearless days, had been futile. All my mind could picture was her face, with her wide smile, naïve blush, and innocent eyes.
Those large, dark brown eyes…
Sometimes, as ludicrous as it seems, I feel that her gaze is staring right through my lies and pretenses, uncovering the truth I keep hidden.
Which is impossible, of course. True, she may be aware that I am not an average human (thanks mostly to that stunt with the minivan) but there is no way on this earth that she's discovered the truth.
And yet, I wait in fear that she will say something to the wrong person, let loose a bit of too-good-to-keep-to-yourself gossip, and ruin the life my family and I have so recently begun here.
So here I sit, perched just inside her bedroom window, feeling like the worst of all peeping Toms, watching her as she sleeps.
And I am afraid.
Agh!
This emotion, this gut wrenching anxiety that hounds my every waking moment, is an entirely new experience for me. I have never, ever felt anything quite like it. To think that this unknowing girl holds my fate (and that of those I love) in her tiny, fragile hands…
"Edward."
I stiffen, an excuse already forming on my lips as I glance up to see…
A sleeping girl.
But I could have sworn that she just said…?
Almost as soon as the thought passes across my mind, she rolls over on her side, her dreaming expression now visible to me as she says my name again, a small smile following the soft sigh that escapes her lips.
Immediately, my silent heart clenches within my chest.
She is dreaming of me?
Me?
This brave, honest, sincere, kind, good, average, beautiful human girl is dreaming… of me.
And in this moment, tender as the first rays of false dawn that are beginning to light the room, I distinctly feel something shift within me. A cold place in my heart, empty for untold years, melts with the glow of this warmth. And in its place, a fissure forms. A cavern, a hole… a room, filled with love, undeniable love, all for this sleeping angel before me.
Alice will be ecstatic… but no longer can I deny it.
No longer can I deny her.
I am changed forever.
I can never go back to who I was before this moment.
And I would never, ever choose to.
This girl, with her luxurious locks and luminescent eyes, is completely oblivious to my ground-shaking transformation. Her gentle breathing and steady heartbeat are the only sounds in the stillness, creating a façade of peace.
For a new fear has risen in me.
Fear for her. This frail human child has no chance to survive against the evils of my world. As pure as her soul is, I must never let it be tainted. This girl – woman, must be protected.
At all costs.
She sighs again, and her scent is swamping my senses, causing the venom to pool in my mouth…
Yes, she must be protected.
Especially from myself.
But… I cannot leave her now. The mere thought brings such agony that I shy away from it. For a moment, terror grips me.
But only a moment.
I am stronger than this. I can – no, I will protect and defend the one I love.
And I do love her.
So, so much.
My eyes lift until my gaze traces her delicate features, lingering on her beautiful smile. Who would know, upon first glance, that this innocent creature could be so terrifying?
Settling myself into her rocking chair, I prepare to watch the sun rise on the face of my beloved, the one who holds my heart and my future.
No matter how much that thought might scare me.
-The-Key-Is-Love-
A/N: So… what do you think?
~Ali