Chapter Nine-Juliette's Nightmare

I was working on some of my files in my office when I realized how late it was. I usually stay up pretty late, but this was late, even for me. I walk into my bedroom.

Juliette's asleep on the far end of the bed.

I still can't believe she's here.

In my room.

In my bed.

I find myself on the other side of the bed, sleeping in no time.

I'm awakened to the feeling of Juliette fidgeting all around.

I know how this is.

She's having a nightmare.

I understand this better than anyone will. I gently try and help her. I touch her shoulder blade, still surprised when I feel no pain from her touch. Everyone else does, but not me.

Or Kent.

But, that's beside the point.

I say to her, "Juliette-Juliette, love, wake up-wake up-"

She flies up, suddenly awake. She's gasping for air and she's crying at the same time. She's shaking.

God, she's shaking so hard right now.

I cup my hands around her face and say, "Look at me." Surprisingly, she does. She holds onto my gaze. I continue, "it's okay. It was just a bad dream. Try closing your mouth and breathe through your nose." She follows my instructions. "There you go," I say gently, "Easy. You're okay. I won't let go until you're ready. Don't worry. Take your time."

Slowly, she begins to calm down.

Chapter Twenty Four-Juliette's Best Friend

I reach out and touch her shoulder. I say softly, in her ear, "It's getting late, love, and I really must be getting back to base. And, I'm sorry to keep asking, but are you certain you want to stay here?"

She meets my eyes.

I don't know how I'm still standing here. How am I still composed right now? Her eyes… her stare will be the death of me. She nods to me and says, "I need to talk to Kenji. I don't know how everyone else feels right now, but I don't want to do this without Kenji. I mean, I can if I have to. But, I don't want to."

I have to stop looking into her eyes for two solid reasons: 1, her eyes are eating my soul away. 2, I feel a strong sense of jealousy rising.

I say, "Right." I find myself frowning. "I expect one day you'll tell me what you find so incredibly appealing about him?"

She can't hide her surprise. "Who? Kenji?" I nod, not able to find nice words to say. "Oh. He's my best friend."

I can't help but raise an eyebrow.

That's not what I was expecting her to say. She continues, "is that going to be a problem?"

I stare into my hands and shake my hands. There's still two solid reasons why I can't meet her eyes: 1, her eyes are too beautiful to even stare at. 2, I can't help but feel disappointed. I mean, why would I be her best friend? "No, of course not," I find myself saying, "so, I'll come back tomorrow? Thirteen hundred hours?"

She looks at me like I'm insane. She struggles to find the right words, "thirteen hundred hours from… now?"

I can't help but laugh. I forget she wasn't army-bred like about everyone else in this room. I say, "one o'clock in the afternoon."

She smiles. God, that smile will kill me. She says, "Okay."

I leave without another word to anyone.

Chapter Twenty Eight-Juliette's Pager

I was in my training room, working on cardio, when my pager went off.

I gave a pager to Juliette and whenever she clicks her button, my pager goes off. I told her I'd come whenever she clicks the button.

It just went off twice. I speed walk to the tank garage. I'm about to check one out when the pager goes off four more times. I don't have time to check out a tank.

So, I just steal it.

Every so often, while I'm driving, my pager goes off. Oh, please, Juliette, just be okay.

When I get to Kent's house, I slam into the front door. I yell out, "JULIETTE! Juliette!"

She's right in front of me and she turns around.

She's safe.

Oh, God! She's okay.

I sigh with relief. I cup my hands around her face; just to be sure she's safe. She is. I ask, "Are you okay? God-are you okay? What happened? Are you alright?"

I want to keep asking her questions, but she says in a small, fragile voice, "thank you. Thank you for coming-"

Her voice sounds like it wants to break and I just can't keep away. I pull her into me. I just hold her, not caring about the stares everyone is giving me. I say, "What's wrong, love? What happened? Please tell me." She doesn't answer me. "Do you want me to take you back?" Still no answer. "Do you want me to leave?"

That gets an answer. "No." She says, stronger this time, "no."

I lean back a bit to see her face, I say, "Tell me what to do and I'll do it."

Her best friend, Kenji, says, "this is, by far, the craziest s**t I have ever seen. I, really, never would have believed it." Believed what? I want to ask. He continues, "not in a million years."

I wonder if Juliette has told her best friend about me. I want to know what she said about me.

I need to know what she said.

A guy, (I think his name is Ian) says, "it's like a soap opera, but with worse acting."

"I think it's kind of sweet," says a different guy.

"What's going on? Why does she look like she's about to cry?" I ask. No one answers me. I have to break the hug to stare into all their eyes and gage their emotions. I realize Kent isn't in the room. "Where's Kent? What did he do to her?"

A girl answers me, very quietly, "he's out. He left a little bit ago."

I turn to Juliette, "please tell me you don't want to stay here anymore."

I watch, helplessly, as she drops her head in her hands. I'm going to kill Kent for doing this to her. She hardly gets the words out, without a little break in her voice, "everyone wants to help-to fight-except Adam." I hate the way she says his name. She continues, "But they can't leave. And, I don't want to leave them behind."

I sigh and close my eyes. I just want her to be happy, even if I'm not by her. I say, "Then stay, if that's what you want. Stay here. I can always meet you."

I open my eyes as she says, "I can't. I have to go. I'm not allowed to come back here again."

"What?" I ask, "What do you mean you're not allowed?"

"Adam doesn't want me to stay here anymore. I have to be gone before he gets back."

I have to think about this rationally. But, how can I? I want to kill Kent for hurting Juliette.

I come up with a solution though.

Chapter Twenty Nine-Tank Scene

I'm holding her hand.

I'm holding her hand.

I've always been able to feel Juliette's emotions. I can feel so much pain and grief… all from Kent.

I want to kill him.

I think I need to kill him for this.

She whispers to me, "thank you. Thank you so much. For coming to get me. I appreciate-"

I cut her off. I can't take this enormous pain. I say, "Pease. I'm begging you to stop." She instantly freezes. "I can't stomach your pain. I can feel it so strongly and it's making me crazy. Please. Don't be sad. Or hurt. Or guilty. You've done nothing wrong."

She breathes in and out. In and out, until she responds, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry either. God," I mutter out loud, "the only reason I'm not going to kill Kent for this is because I know it would only upset you more."

"You're right," She mutters. "But, it's not just him."

"What?" I ask, thoroughly confused. "What do you mean?"

She says, "I don't want you to kill anyone at all. Not just Adam."

And there it is.

She wants me to change.

The idea is so ridiculous I laugh. It's a horrible, venomous laugh. I ask, "do you have any other stipulations?"

She surprises me yet again. I was waiting for a list of things, but instead, she says, "not really."

To clarify, I ask, "You don't want to fix me, then? You don't have a long list of things I need to work on?"

"No," She repeats. She won't look at me or meet me in the eye. She's too busy watching the scenery fly by.

It's amazing really.

She's still surprising me. She continues, quietly, "there's nothing wrong with you that isn't already wrong with me. And if I were smart, I'd figure out how to fix myself." I can't figure out a way to respond correctly, so I don't respond to her at all. I have no words for her. She continues to watch the trees fly by. "Aaron?"

She says my real name so casually, I forget to breathe. "Yes?" I ask.

"I want you to know I don't think you're crazy," She says.

She's. Telling. The. Truth. I. Can. Feel. It.

"What?" I ask.

She stares out of the window as she says, "I don't think you're crazy. And I don't think you're a psychopath. I also don't think you're a sick, twisted monster. I don't think you're a heartless murderer and I don't think you deserve to die. And I don't think you're pathetic. Or stupid. Or a coward. I don't think you're any of the things people have said about you."

I know she's not lying. Nobody's ever said something like that to me… ever. She's looking at me now, but I can't meet those eyes. I'm barely able to say, "You don't?"

"No," She says. I think I need to die now. She's being nice and I can't even meet her eyes. "I don't. And I just thought you should know. I'm not trying to fix you; I don't think you need to be fixed. I'm not trying to turn you into someone else. I only want you to be who you really are. Because I think I know the real you. I think I've seen him." I can't even respond to her kind words. After a moment of silence, she says, "do you… believe me? Can you sense that I'm telling the truth? That I really mean it?"

I'm. Going. To. Drive. This. Tank. Off. The. Road. If. She. Keeps. Talking. To. Me. Like. This.

I only manage to nod my head to her. I can't meet her eyes or even say anything, just one quick, sharp nod.

She's going to be the death of me.

Chapter Thirty Two-Scars

I was studying the bottle Delalieu gave me. It's for my scars… that's why I'm shirtless in my own office. Juliette says, "Aaron are you-?"

I accidentally drop the bottle. The glass bottle hits tile. She rushes inside, eyes wide in alarm. I ask defensively, "what are you doing in here?"

She replies back coolly, and just as defensive, "the door was open." I can't think of an answer for her. I just stare. She's absolutely amazing. She asks, "What time is it?"

Immediately, I say, "One thirty in the morning."

She just mutters a, "oh."

I'm nervous all of the sudden. She's watching me with a small fascination. I guess she's wondering why I'm shirtless in my office at one thirty in the morning. Uncomfortable and nervous, I say, "You should go back to bed."

"I'm not tired anymore," she says. She glances around my office nervously.

"Oh," I mutter. I set the bottle down behind me. I'm about to ask her to leave… I don't want her in here right now.

But, she asks, "What are you doing?" She walks to me and I instinctively freeze. She notices and immediately stops. She chooses her words carefully, "Is everything okay?"

I respond quickly, "Yes."

"What is that?" She points to the glass bottle.

I tense up again. I say my words too quickly, "You should go back to sleep, love. You're probably more tired than you think."

She walks up to me and grabs the bottle before I can even think to tell her to stop. I say, "That is a violation of privacy. Give that back to me-"

"Medicine?" She asks. I see in her eyes it's all making sense now. Why I would be in my office, alone, and shirtless. "This is for scars."

I rake a hand through my hair. "Yes. Now please give it back to me."

"Do you need help?" She asks. We catch each other's eyes.

"What?" I ask, a little startled. I tense up again.

"This is for your back isn't it?" She asks.

I almost sigh. I say, "you won't allow me to walk away with this with even an ounce of self-respect, will you?"

She completely ignores my question. She says, "I didn't know you cared about your scars."

She steps forward and I step back.

"I don't."

"Then why this?" She asks. I can feel her confused emotion sneaking up on me. She holds the glass bottle in the air. A little dent is in the glass from where I dropped it. "Where did you even get this from?"

I fumble for words, "It's nothing-it's just-" I shake my head and sigh a little. "Delalieu found it for me. It's ridiculous. I feel ridiculous."

She's growing more confused.

"Because you can't reach your own back?" She asks, still puzzled. I look into her eyes and sigh. She orders, "turn around."

"No."

"You're being weird about nothing. I've already seen your scars."

"That doesn't mean you need to see them again."

She does the weirdest thing.

She smiles.

"What?" I demand. "What's so funny?"

She drops her smile a bit. "You just don't seem like the kind of person who would be self-conscious about something like this."

"I'm not," I say defensively.

"Obviously," She rolls her eyes.

I say, "Please." We hold each other's gazes. "Just go back to bed."

"I'm wide-awake," She responds.

I retort, "that's not my problem."

"Turn around," she orders again. I don't turn. I narrow my eyes at her. She says, "why are you even using this stuff? You don't need it. Don't use it if it makes you uncomfortable."

I'm surprised again.

Will she ever just stop being surprising?

I don't say anything for a while. I say, in a hushed tone, "You don't think I need it?"

Her answer is instant, "of course not. Why? Are you in pain? Do your scars hurt?"

"Sometimes," I mutter a bit. "Not as much as they used to. I actually can't feel much of anything on my back anymore."

Her breathing shakes, "Really?" I nod slowly, really hating where this is going.

Then,

she

asks

the

question.

I can't even answer her at first.

She asks, "Will you tell me where they come from?"

She won't meet my eyes. A defensive anger radiates off of her.

I reluctantly tell her about how my dad beat me every birthday.

"He cut you?" She asks.

"Whip," I mutter.

She gasps and takes a deep breath. She slowly pulls herself together. "Oh my God. I'm so sorry," She sounds like she wants to cry over me.

I don't think I could handle it if she lost her mind over me.

She says, "Aaron, I'm so sorry."

I say the only thing I think of, "I don't want you to be repulsed by me."

"You're not serious."

I'm the one who's confused now.

"Have you never looked in a mirror?" She asks, angrily.

I'm still confused as we meet eyes. I'm still confused. "Excuse me?"

"You're perfect," She says. "All of you. Your entire body. Proportionally. Symmetrically. You're absurdly, mathematically perfect. It don'ts even make sense that a person could look like you."

And that

is when

my soul

breaks.

Chapter forty-Adam Kent

When I get out of the shower I see Juliette laying face first on my-our-bed. I touch her back. She jumps up so quickly she falls to the floor. She moans out. "Juliette? Are you okay?" I ask.

She glances at me, "Adam and James are coming here tomorrow."

I raise my eyebrows in surprise, "I didn't realize they'd received an invitation."

"Kenji is bringing them here."

He must know she doesn't like Kent. What a great best friend.

She sighs, "he's been sneaking out to check on them, and now he's bring them here. Tomorrow morning."

I remain calm, although I want to kill Kenji. I don't want Juliette's former boyfriend here. I state, "I thought he wasn't interested in joining your resistance anymore."

She clutches a fallen pillow to herself.

It hits me how odd and ridiculous this conversation is. She's lying on the floor, holding a pillow. I'm wearing a towel. And, we're talking about her ex-boyfriend.

She whispers, "Kenji told Adam I'm still in love with him."

My anger radiates through my body before I can stop it. She glances at my eyes and I can tell she saw how angry I got. "I see," I say.

"He knew it was the only way to get Adam back here."

I don't say anything.

She explains she

doesn't have

any feelings

for Kent.

Relief soars through my body. I show none of it though. I say, "I understand."

She asks, "So what do you want to do? About tomorrow and Adam?"

Truly wanting to know how she'll answer, I ask, "what do you think should be done?"

She sighs loudly as I start to get dressed. "I'm going to have to talk to him. I'll have to break up with him for the third time." I mask my smile. "This is stupid. So stupid."

I hear her sit up on our bed as I finish putting on pants. Eventually, I sit next to her.

I have to know.

I need to know.

I move in closer and closer until our noses almost touch. I ask, "You don't love him at all?"

"Romantically?" She questions. I find myself nodding. "No."

"You're not attracted to him?" I clarify.

"I'm attracted to you," she says. Our noses are still so close.

Our mouths even closer.

"I'm serious."

"So am I," she responds.

My self-control is leaving me.

5…

4…

3…

2…

I focus on her eyes instead of other things. I blink, trying to gage her feelings. "Don't you believe me?" She asks. I have to look away.

She's. Telling. The. Truth.

"Can't you tell? Can't you feel it?" She asks.

I move my head away from hers and look down. I say, "you give me too much credit, love. I will disappoint you. I am every bit the defective human being you don't think I am."

She focuses on my eyes. "You're so different," She whispers and shakes her head. She holds a look of happy puzzlement. "So different and exactly the same."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You're so gentle now. You're very… calm," she says. "Much more than you were before."

We sit in silence for a while. Neither of us can really say anything. I eventually stand up. "Yes, well," I say, "I'm sure you and Kishimoto will find a way to sort this situation out. Excuse me."

I have to leave before I do something that gets me shot again.