Title: Overprotective
Author: Saigo no Hajime
Summary: Rukia attempts to prevent the men in her life from spoiling her first command mission by being overprotective. Set an undetermined number of years in the future. Assumes Ichigo has taken a position with the Gotei 13 and is living in Seireitei.
Pairings: IchiRuki (assumes they have had a physical relationship for some time prior to this story)
Authors Note: This is my first time ever writing a humor story of any sort. I tried my best to keep everyone in-character, but if I failed in places, I apologize ahead of time! Please let me know what you think! All reviews and constructive criticism will be read repeatedly, cherished, and responded to.
When Rukia was given her first mission as a seated officer, she had to practically fight off the overprotective men surrounding her. All of them wanted to accompany the team, just to make sure that she would be safe. Rukia, however, was determined to prove her strength and capabilities as a leader. She decided she would do anything she needed, anything at all, to make sure she would be allowed to run the mission on her own.
When Ichigo told her flatly that he was coming whether she liked it or not, she smiled and gave him a chaste kiss. Then she whacked him on the head and declared that he wasn't allowed anywhere near her bed until he agreed to stay behind. Ichigo told her smugly that she wouldn't be able to go without sex for long either.
He sourly gave in to her demands after she locked him outside in the rain for the night, while she painted Chappy in bright pink and orange colors all over the walls and ceiling of his barracks dorm. Shivering violently, dripping from head to toe, and staring in horror around his room, he promised not to follow her on her mission.
Renji was a little more sensible than the orange-haired substitute. At least, that's what he told himself. He made no mention of the mission in his conversations with Rukia, making it seem as if he had no intention of interfering. But then he spent hours together with Hisagi, Kira, and Hinamori, plotting elaborate ways of avoiding detection by his childhood friend as he snuck after her during the mission. Unfortunately for Renji, Hinamori sympathized with Rukia, and deliberately let slip his plans in front of Matsumoto. The busty fukutaichou, of course, went straight to Rukia.
That night, when Renji was getting ready for bed, he opened a special little box that he kept well hidden. Hidden from everyone except his oldest friend, at least, and that shared knowledge turned out to be a major mistake. Instead of the worn and patched stuffed gorilla that he had been clutching upon his first arrival in Rukongai all those years before, he found a threatening note. It was written in dripping red ink and signed by a lopsided bunny wearing a crooked smile. Needless to say, he went straight to Rukia and promised not to carry out his plans of pursuit.
Byakuya took the middle line. He said nothing to Rukia from the day the mission was assigned until her departure three days later. Rukia walked up to the gate biting her lip anxiously and hoping her brother wasn't as angry with her as he seemed. As a result, she nearly fell over in surprise when Byakuya stepped out of the shadows, fully equipped and ready to leave. He solemnly informed her that he would be accompanying the team. When Rukia, disappointed, asked him if she had been replaced as team leader, Byakuya quirked an eyebrow and told her no. Realizing then what his intentions were, Rukia thanked her lucky stars that she was early.
By the time the rest of the team arrived, Rukia had, with much bowing and eloquent speech, convinced her brother to go home. "How devastating to the Kuchiki name would it be," she had asked slyly, "if the unranked foot soldiers came to believe that the newest Kuchiki officer was incapable of a solo command? How much shame would it bring to the family if we are treated with disrespect as the result of my supposed failings?"
Byakuya had been rendered silent, his lips twitching in irritation as he tried in vain to summon a counter argument that would both deny her words and allow him to accompany the mission. Finally he had given in, but as he left, his stride was oddly jarring as he struggled to contain his frustration.
To Rukia's surprise, it was meek little Hanatarou who was the hardest to get rid of. He had come bustling out the gate after the team, just as they were bidding farewell to Jidanbo.
"Rukia-san, Rukia-san, wait for-oof!" As he called and chased after them, his steadying grip on his zanpakuto hilt loosened, and the sheathed weapon tangled up between his legs. He was sent crashing to the ground in a heap, but immediately pushed himself up onto his knees and cried, "Please take me with you, Rukia-san! You might need a healer while you're out!"
Rukia turned to him, utterly exasperated with overprotective men by this point, fully intending to give the boy a stern lecture on matters of trust. One look at his face nearly did her in, though. He was crouched on the ground with his head hanging, his shoulders slumped, and his eyes pleading. He looked for all the world like a whipped puppy begging his master for a kind word. Before she even realized what she was doing, Rukia was at his side pulling him gently to his feet. It was on the tip of her tongue to say he could come, when she was finally able to snap back to her senses.
Biting her tongue fiercely to force the words down, all that passed her lips was a quiet, "Hanatarou…"
The timid boy clutched at her arm with both hands, wordlessly pleading for permission. Rukia sighed, then summoned her determination and said, with a little reluctance, "Hanatarou, we already have a healer with us."
The boy's face fell instantly and he let go of her arm. "O-oh," he stammered. "Al-alright…Rukia-san."
"Sorry Hanatarou," Rukia told him, patting his head before she turned away. "Maybe another time."
The disappointed healer remained standing there, his posture dejected, until the team disappeared from sight. Then his head jerked up and, with a surge of energy, he scampered back into Seireitei. By slipping into the sewers, it didn't take him at all long to reach his final destination: a small room in the 13th division filled with comfortable furniture, which overlooked a koi pond and a surrounding rock garden. It was normally a very peaceful place, and it was, in fact, the very room Ukitake-taichou always came to when he wanted to escape the noise of his argumentative third seats. This time, however, the occupants were not at all peaceful.
Kuchiki Byakuya was staring out at the pond, and the fish were undoubtedly grateful that looks could not kill, as his thunderous expression appeared capable of vaporizing everything it gazed upon. His lips were forming silent words, and Hanatarou's mouth curled into a small smile as his skill at lip-reading allowed him to pick out the words 'out-witted', 'little sister', and 'disrespectful brat'.
Abarai Renji was sitting on the floor in the corner of the room. He was hunched protectively over a small box about the size of a cat. Hanatarou blinked in surprise at himself when his mind supplied the word cat as a comparison for the box's dimensions. Then, looking closer, he realized why he had. There was a pinch of black fur trapped under the seam of the lid. He shook his head, deciding not to question what was inside.
The sound of two sets of coughs caused him to turn toward the other two people present in the room. Kurosaki Ichigo was curled up under a blanket on the couch. His nose was bright red and he was sniffling constantly. On the floor beside him was a trash can filled almost to the brim with used tissues. As Hanatarou watched, he pulled the blanket over his head and groaned. The night out in the rain had not done Ichigo-san any good at all.
Ukitake-taichou, sitting in the plump armchair next to the couch, was watching the antics of those around him with eyes that were sparkling with amusement. Then he caught sight of Hanatarou and sat up straight. "Oh, Hanatarou-kun, you're back!" he exclaimed eagerly.
All three of the others turned to look at Hanatarou also, and the timid healer shied back from the attention. Ichigo had pulled the blanket back down at the sound of Ukitake's greeting, and now he spoke up, his voice hoarse and nasally. "Did you do it? Did it work? Were you able to plant it on her?"
Stepping forward again, his expression solemn, Hanatarou held out his fist. He opened it slowly, a proud smile spreading across his face. Resting on his palm was a small black electronic device. On one side was a pronged plug, and on the other was a slowly flashing red light. Renji gave a whoop of triumph and Ichigo grinned in delight. Even Byakuya gave the healer boy a nod of approval, his expression lightening ever so slightly.
Ukitake shook his head in amusement and took the device from Hanatarou, carrying it over to a special computer he had commandeered from the 12th division for this very purpose. "I wouldn't have given Kuchiki the mission if I didn't think she could handle it," he said with a chuckle. "But I won't deny I'm concerned as well. If she won't let any of you follow her, let's just keep track of her progress from here, shall we?"
With that the whole group leaned forward eagerly as they waited for the tracking device's camera to activate and transfer its picture to the screen of the computer. The instant it appeared, however, they reared back in dismay. Rukia's furious face filled the entire screen. "Nice try," she growled. "But you will pay when I get home."
The last thing the camera transmitted was Rukia's hands as she blasted the tracking device to pieces with her kido. The men at home could only slump their shoulders and admit defeat. For now, anyway. But next mission? We'll see...