A/N: I'm just a Warg with a computer. I never owned all this flying and magic and awesome and stuff.

So, I have been egregiously spoilered as to the Legend of Korra via TV Tropes, including the name of a certain chief of police and the statue of her mother. That leaves me wondering just how much got snuck under the radar, as far as Chief Lin's history is concerned, so of course my brain comes up with multiple scenarios, ranging from "Radar-Smuggling" ala Pinako Rockbell to "Potentially World-building" ala Melina Shield to the expected in-between...

1. In which Zuko can barely finish a sentence without a spit-take.

"So you're… really-?" Trust the Firelord to stumble over a simple question when he ought to very well know the answer, what with two of his own.

"Ready to get out of this city. It's made me so fat and out of shape that I ended up with a kid in my belly." Toph applied her usual brand of pity for her discomfited friend, cutting Zuko off before he really embarrassed himself.

"Somehow you and civilization never really seemed to coexist peacefully," Mai added delicately around a sip of her tea.

Toph privately agreed, but Zuko seemed eager to smooth over any potential insult. "So, who's the lucky guy?"

"You." She had waited to answer until Zuko had taken shelter behind his cup, and was not disappointed with the spray of tea fountaining from her guest's mouth. "Mai and I still hang out with you even when you do that, don't we?"

"Who's the father, Toph?" Mai asked more directly, passing Zuko a handkerchief. While the Fire Lady doubtlessly carried just as many knives as ever, having two young children demanded that she use a few of her hidden caches for treats and cleaning supplies. Even Toph had gotten in the habit of tucking away a few bits of hard candy for the kids, while they were visiting her. As gloomy as their parents could be, the little princesses were entirely too adorable for their own good.

"Not Sparky, here. Beyond that, don't worry about it." She shrugged and picked up her own cup, bare toes curling restlessly beneath the table as she felt for the slightest change in posture from the Fire Nation rulers. "He's not in the picture, anyway."

"Toph, if you need anything…" Zuko put a hand on her arm, his touch delicate and warm.

"You know you don't have to ask if you want help kicking his butt," his wife volunteered. "It's always good to have something to keep our lives from getting dull."

Mai wasn't as close to the rest of the old gang as Zuko was, though Toph had found a kindred spirit in the Fire Lady, beneath her cultured air of bored disdain. It was sweet of her to offer. "Thanks, but I already turned down Sokka, Suki, and Katara's offers, so I guess I oughta play fair." She offered them a devil-may-care grin, opening her free palm and twining her thick bracelet up into a wickedly-spiked knuckle guard. "Or as fair as the Blind Bandit, Master of Metal-bending can be, when dealing with such poor schlubs."

Zuko removed his hand; both he and Mai groaned over the sound of the Firelord's palm making contact with his forehead. "What? Seriously, Mai, Zuko, I'm fine. And the kid's going to be fine, too." If she said it enough, maybe it would be true. "Though if you happen to know of a good babysitter, I guess I could use one, every now and then."

The Fire Nation royals held their silence a moment. If they shared a secretive look, they didn't need to hide their expressions from Toph.

"Also, I'm trusting you guys to inform me if Suki, Aang, or Ty Lee offer me any ridiculously girly baby clothes. Or anything else that'd make me glad I was blind," she forged on relentlessly.

"I think we can handle that much," Zuko said.