Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter JK Rowling does and I am in no way making any profit off of this story.

Summary: Harry loses the love of his life and his life spirals out of control. Will he be able to get through it so that he can be the father his son deserves?

This was written for the 'First Sentence Challenge' by Tani Smiles.

It will be a multi chaptered fic.

I don't normally write in first person, nor do I write angst so I hope this turns out okay.

Please R&R

Enjoy!

…

Hermione is worried about me. She does her best to hide it but I've caught her sideways glances when she thinks I'm not looking.

I wish I could say that she doesn't have any reason to worry but I know in my heart that if I did I would be lying.

I've been struggling and not taking care of myself, even I know I should be worried about my health and mental status but I just don't have the will power to care anymore.

It's been five months since the love of my life, Luna, died, and since then my life has spun out of control.

She had gotten sick two years after our son had been born. At first Luna had just thought it was a cold but after a few weeks she was still feeling ill so we decided to go St. Mungo's to get her checked out.

They ran many tests but none of the doctors could figure out what was wrong with her.

We ended up going back to St. Mungo's fourteen times in the year that Luna was sick.

We tried every potion and medicine known to wizard kind, in hopes that we would find something to make her better but nothing we found worked.

Then one night in early summer, a few days before our son was to turn three, Luna woke up with a fever. She never did get much sleep those days but that night was different. She was sweating and shivering. I tried to keep her warm and comfortable but nothing I did helped.

I laid beside her and held her close to me.

I remember whispering to her that I was sorry; so sorry that I couldn't do anything to help her. I felt useless, the boy who lived, who had saved the Wizarding world from peril couldn't do a thing to help ease his wife's pain. What a sad excuse for a husband I was.

Luna laid a shaking hand on my cheek and told me not to worry, that she loved me and didn't blame me.

I think she knew the end was coming; she had been so tired in the weeks leading up to her death. She just wanted to be at peace and I couldn't blame her for that.

I remember crying silently as I held her, in some ways I knew her end was coming too. There was nothing the doctors could do, nothing that we hadn't tried already.

At some point her shaking had stopped and I looked down at her in my arms. Her breaths were coming in shallow huffs and her face was glistening with sweat.

I didn't know what to do, I could feel her slipping away but I didn't want to let her go.

"Luna" I whispered out into the night "I love you, I'll always love you, you complete me."

She made a sound, I couldn't decipher what it was but I could tell that she was trying to say something. I strained to hear her and heard her whisper "Tell Al…that I lov…" that was all she got out before her hand slipped from my face and breathing stopped.

"I will…I'll tell him…" I sobbed even though I knew she couldn't hear me. Of course I would tell our son that she loved him.

I held her in my arms for hours after that as I cried, I just could believe it, believe that she was gone. In my mind it just wasn't possible. There was no way that my Luna, my friend, my lover, my soulmate, the one person who completed me, was gone.

…

"Coffee?" Hermione asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

I looked out at the cup she had in her outstretched hand "Thanks" I mumbled as I took the hot beverage from her.

I took a small sip and then held the cup in my lap and stared ahead of me at the wall, not really seeing it.

I heard Hermione sigh as she walked away.

Hermione and Ron have been letting me and my son stay with them since Luna died. They have really been looking after Albus for me because I can barely keep myself in check these days.

I was grateful to them for their offer; I don't know what I'd do without them. For the last five months I have been a shadow of myself and I know it.

As I sit here, silently staring at nothing, I can hear Albus in the background playing with Hugo and Rose.

I find myself smiling as I hear him laugh, a high pitched giggle.

I was ecstatic when Luna told me she was pregnant with him. We had been trying to have a baby for some time and I couldn't wait to start a family with her.

When he was born I felt like the luckiest man in the world. Holding him in my arms for the first time was one of the greatest moments of my life as I looked down at his sleeping face. He was so perfect, ten fingers, ten toes, with short wisps of black hair and when he opened his eyes they were an identical match to Luna's blue eyes.

When I told Luna I wanted to name him Albus Severus after two of the bravest men in my life, Luna had smiled and given me a knowing look. She had always understood me more than anyone else could.

For those first two years of his life, when Luna wasn't yet sick, they were the best two years of my life.

I spent every free moment I had with Luna and Albus; I loved getting to know my son and watching him grow up. With Luna by my side there was nothing more I could have asked for.

At this moment I knew that Albus was the only thing keeping me going, if I didn't have him I was sure I wouldn't have made it through Luna's death.

Again I was pulled out of my thoughts but this time is was by a tapping at the window.

I looked up to see a brown barn owl sitting at the window with a letter in its talons, waiting for someone to open the window.

I watched as Ron went to open it.

I was surprised after the window was opened and the owl flew over to me. It dropped the letter in my lap and then flew away.

Flipping it over in my hands I opened the seal and began to read. I hadn't gotten any mail since Luna had died. During the weeks after I had gotten a ton of mail with people wishing their condolences but that had stopped soon afterwards.

My eyes scanned the page and I felt my chest tighten with anxiety. The letter fell out of my hands and landed beside my chair.

"What is it?" I heard Hermione ask as she rushed over.

I shook my head, I knew this day would come but I wasn't yet ready to deal with it. I didn't know if I ever would be.

"Can I?" Hermione asked as she bent down to pick up the letter.

I gave a jerky nod of my head and then stared at my hands.

After I few minutes I heard Hermione's involuntary "Oh…"

"What?" Ron asked from the kitchen, I could tell from his voice he was worried, "What is it?"

"It's a letter from Mr. Lovegood" Hermione explained.

"Oh…" Ron repeated, already knowing what the problem was without Hermione having to explain further.

Luna's father had been away when she had died. He was on an exploration of tropical plants on the other side of the world and no one had been able to get in touch with him.

He still didn't know that Luna had passed away and I knew I should be the one to tell him.

The letter was him announcing that he was finally home and that he was inviting us to tea.