Over and Out
Logan couldn't make his own lips confess that a dark, grisly death was literally on their heels. That he could lose James any second. How could he accept that? He'd only just gotten James, he couldn't afford to lose him now.
a/n: Hopping on the apocalypse train and trying for a multichapter. Here's hoping it goes well! Big Time Rush belongs to people who have better things to do than write fanfiction.
WARNING: Character death, possibly explicitly gory descriptions to come.
…
Logan's feet pounded the ground and his heart slammed against his ribs so hard he thought he was going to throw it up. He wished it was because of incessant dance practice. He wished he was in the studio, stumbling to rhythms he couldn't grasp and watching his friends perform at a standard miles above him. He wished he was going through the steps in half time with Carlos, Kendall, and James guiding his motions patiently.
And if wishes were bullets, Logan would be at least a touch safer right now.
The ground felt harder with every slam of his foot and the air felt colder as it bit at his lungs. He'd never run so hard or fast in his life. He had to wonder if he ever would again, either. "James, come on!" he snapped. His fingers were going stiff and numb from the tight hold he had on the hand of the other boy, whose feet weren't quite keeping pace with Logan's, despite the extra length on his legs. James was falling behind and one glance over his shoulder was more than enough to tell Logan that that was not okay.
"I'mtrying!" James shouted back, all frustration and fear. But that fear clearly wasn't doing enough to keep him running fast to stay alive. Logan wanted to say something to scare James into keeping up. Tell him he was going to die if he didn't, tell him those things were going to tear him apart. He should have. He probably could have saved James' life if he'd have just worked up the guts to scare the adrenaline into him.
But he couldn't bring himself to say it. He couldn't make his own lips confess that a dark, grisly death was literally on their heels. That he could lose James any second. How could he accept that? He'd only just gotten James, he couldn't afford to lose him now.
"Let go of my hand!" James yelled with a yank of his hand, effectively slipping it out of Logan's sweating fingers without a struggle. Logan very nearly stopped running out of shock, to grab James again. What did he think he was doing? They needed to make sure they stayed together! They needed each other! Logan needed James! He slowed a fraction as he snatched for James' hand again with a look of terror in his eyes, but James hit his hand. "Keep running!" he ordered, his voice hard. Logan hated that. Hated that James, who hours ago had been joking lightheartedly about Logan's sense of fashion, had to be hard and serious now.
He obeyed, legs pumping mechanically now. He couldn't even feel his knees or ankles. If he'd been in dance practice, Logan would be thinking, I just want to die. As it was, he was thinking the opposite: I just want to live.
Kendall was ahead of him, somehow clutching Katie to him and barreling down an eerie, familiar boulevard with terrifyingly unfamiliar traits. Crashed cars, smashed store fronts, small fires.
Dead bodies.
Logan could sense that James was now trailing further behind him, near Carlos and Mrs. Knight. He was struggling to keep up with Kendall, and doing an okay job, and he found himself praying that James and the others were closer to him than he felt they were. As soon as he couldn't hear James' heavy panting behind him, dread pervaded his stomach. He watched as Kendall handlessly clamored over the hood of a car blocking their way and chanced the look over his shoulder as he followed suit, though able to help himself with his hands.
Mrs. Knight had tripped many yards back and James and Carlos were helping her up. Logan shouted to them, and he wanted to turn back and retrieve them, but Kendall was already getting ahead of him. He couldn't lose Kendall, Kendall knew where they were going. But how could he leave the others? How could he abandon James?
He yelled Kendall's name at him as the other three got back to their feet, cautiously checking behind them as they tried catching up. Kendall didn't react and Logan had to start off again to try and get to him.
He wanted to believe that it was just his fear making him hear snarls and growls on all sides of him. After a short glance to the side, he even did believe it. But a second later and he had tripped, landing on his hands and scraping the heels of his palms on the asphalt. He flipped over in time to see that the top half of a human body—corpse had a hold of his ankle. He kicked, trying to shake its hold off, but it held tighter, yanking and snarling at him. It only let go after James' foot suddenly collided with its head. "Go!" James commanded, that edge and corner and flat hardness still on his normally soft, silky voice. Logan didn't have to be told again before he was on his feet, taking off after Kendall's silhouette.
Finally, Kendall swung around a corner and Logan wasn't far behind him. He turned in time to see Kendall stop, turning his head back and forth before he took off again, down another street. After following him around a couple more turns, Logan was running towards a giant sporting goods store behind Kendall. The front windows were blacked by huge walls of lumber, likely from the hardware store next door. Logan practically ran into the front double doors with Kendall and they both slammed their fists against it, shouting. After a couple moments, the door cracked and they were met with scared eyes and the barrel of a gun. When it was confirmed they were human, though, the door swung open, hands ushering them in. Kendall set Katie on her feet, shooing her through the doors, and slipped in himself, but Logan was turned around, staring down the street with panic in his chest.
James, Carlos, and Mrs. Knight weren't anywhere around them. "James!" Logan screamed, running to the curb. "James!" There wasn't a true response, but he thought he may have heard some feral screeches nearby reacting to him. He didn't even consider the fact that he was drawing attention. "Carlos! Mrs. Knight! James!" Nothing.
Logan felt a hand clasp around his mouth and an arm around his waist, and although kicked and swung his arms and tried to bite, Kendall was dragging him backwards into the store.
When he was freed, dropped on the tiled ground past two sets of double doors, Logan snapped up, trying to make for the doors again. And, again, Kendall's hands were on him, pulling him back. In a moment he never thought he'd experience and he knew he may regret later, Logan swung around, throwing his fist into Kendall's jaw. Kendall stumbled back, hand immediately going to his face.
"They're still out there, Kendall!" Logan screamed hoarsely and breathlessly, not even perceiving their surrounding or any other people in the makeshift safehouse. "Our best friends are out there! Your mom is out there! We have to save them!" He paused for a second, choking with the attempt to get air in his lungs. "They could be dead!"
Kendall didn't move. He just held his hand against his jaw, his head low. He was as drenched in sweat as Logan was, and he was struggling to catch his breath. Logan wondered for a second if Kendall was crying, because he couldn't see his face, but it was only a brief thought. Kendall's voice came low and cracked with coughs. "Don't you think I know that? You think I want to leave my mom? Dammit, Logan!" He finally lifted his chin, throwing his hands out in anger as he fixed Logan with a seething glare. "I don't want to leave them out there, but if you go after them, you're going to die, too!"
Logan didn't have the energy or concentration to fight his eyes welling up with hot tears. They kept throwing around variations of the word "dead" and he couldn't stand the images that came with it. Of accident-prone, risk-seeing Carlos dead from something he didn't sign up for. Of Mrs. Knight, practically a second mother to him, somewhere past recognition due to those screeching, feral things. Or of James…
He couldn't even consider it.
And he was pissed, too. He rushed Kendall, shoving his chest. "This is your fault!"
Kendall stumbled back again, looking shocked at Logan's behavior. Logan couldn't exactly blame him for his shock. This wasn't who Logan was, impulsive and angry. But of all the things Kendall should have been shocked about right at that moment, Logan's actions were probably close to the bottom of the list.
"Explain to me how this is my fault, Logan," Kendall snarled, advancing on his friend. Logan's feet stayed planted as Kendall leaned over him, using his height to its full power. "How is it my fault that people are turning into monsters and hunting us? How is it my fault that over half of LA has gone bloodthirsty in the last day? Did I start this, Logan? Seriously? It's my fault?" He gave Logan's chest an angry push before turning on him again, walking a few steps away, probably to resist returning Logan's earlier punch.
Logan felt his energy draining, the heat of exhaustion melting anger, the strain of the run here from the Palmwoods catching up to him. Furious, helpless tears mixed with sweat on his face and he didn't try wiping them away. Anyone who could even tell he was crying wouldn't care. Who could bring themselves to care about that in this sort of situation? He grabbed at Kendall's wrist, pulling him around to face him again. He heard the twist of pain in his own voice when he croaked in an accusatory response, "You didn't wait for them. I yelled for you and you didn't wait."
Kendall looked at Logan, mouth open slightly and eyes a little wide. The side of his face was striped with red where Logan had slammed into his jaw, and his own eyes looked glossy and puffy, and whether that was from the running or the onset of tears like Logan's, Logan wasn't sure, but he morbidly hoped Kendall was crying. He hadn't seen Kendall cry since they were children, but he hoped he had the heart to shed tears over this.
Kendall gently shook his wrist out of Logan's hold, looking him earnestly in the eyes. "I didn't mean to, Logan. I didn't hear you. All—all I was thinking about was getting Katie here safe. Please believe me." He didn't wait for a response before he turned to go to his sister, having reminded himself of her presence and his need to protect her.
Logan wanted to believe Kendall, he had no reason not to. Of course Kendall would never purposely abandon his own mother, or James and Carlos. He loved them all, Logan knew that. He knew better than to think Kendall would leave them on purpose. That was stupid and Logan wasn't stupid.
But he couldn't stop thinking it. He couldn't stop thinking how much this was all Kendall's fault. He needed someone to blame it on and the only available warm body was Kendall, his best friend and fearless captain. The boy who had been some kind of golden, shining beacon to Logan his whole life, who he had followed everywhere, followed here, to the end of his world, and now all Logan wanted to see in him was a selfish monster.
Logan watched the blockaded doors, willing there to be a hurricane of fists knocking to be let in. He wanted to hear James' deceivingly delicate-looking hands banging mercilessly against the door, begging for entrance. He expected a familiar cry to be on the other side of the wood and glass, screaming his name in a brand new, horrific way that would make him feel so relieved. He wanted it more than he'd ever wanted anything. He'd never wanted James this bad.
So when nothing came after minutes of staring, waiting, Logan's knees finally gave out and he dropped to the ground, dissolving. He couldn't even feel his legs under him anymore. They were just numb. The others had known where they were headed. If they didn't come, it only meant one thing.
He stared at the ground, his hands just useless things in his lap; they couldn't do anything of any worth. Tears dropped freely in sobs that shook his spine and didn't make anything hurt any less.
…
Nothing had been special about the morning before. It was normal by Logan's standards.
He woke up early enough to beat everyone to the bathroom, something he often tried to do and often failed at. But this morning he got lucky and was in and out of the shower before anyone was pounding their fist on the door.
By the time he was in the kitchen, standing in front of the open fridge contemplating breakfast possibilities, he was far from the only person awake anymore. The entire apartment was bustling. Carlos was trying to find his helmet and graciously informing everyone loudly that he was doing so, Kendall and Katie were yelling something or other at each other with Mrs. Knight intervening half-heartedly, James was spraying himself en route to the bathroom for the sixteenth time that morning. Logan was the only still, quiet thing in the whole apartment, hand resting over his mouth as he stared silently into the ice box. He was used to tuning everyone out in order to focus. It was possibly one of his greatest skills.
He was only shaken out of his brain by a hand on his waist, a brief kiss on his cheek, the overwhelming musk of manspray, jasmine and vanilla with the necessary tinge of rubbing alcohol wafting past him. Logan turned his head in time to see James disappear into the bathroom, feeling his mouth lift into a smile. He wasn't used to that yet, the small gestures and touches that James seemed to be fond of. They were important little snippets of sanity that interrupted the roar of lunacy parading through Logan's life.
Logan and James hadn't been seeing each other for long. Seeing each other… that was a weird, really unclear phrase. Logan didn't care for it; it didn't seem to really correctly encompass what they were doing. Of course they were seeing each other, they'd been seeing each other since they were children and been actually seeing each other for some indiscriminate amount of time. Touching each other was probably a better way to say it…
Even then, though, they weren't really touching each other in the way some people would think. It was just short grazes of the hand here and there, lying against each other on the couch during a movie, gentle kisses by the fridge in the mornings… They'd made out a couple times, even, but it was comfortable. They weren't taking anything anywhere fast. After the way they'd fallen so quick and strange into this, Logan was glad at how slow things were happening now. He was perfectly content to take his time learning all the things about James that no one else knew or was allowed to know, to feel and see everything that was sacred and secret about him. They had all the time in the world and it felt nice to stroll through their relationship with leisure.
Logan grabbed a plastic container of strawberries and ran them quickly under the faucet. He ate them at the counter, using a small knife to cut the stems off into the sink. He noticed a couple rotted spots and sliced them off, easy as that. Things like that were so simple when the day started.
Having been prepared for school for awhile, Logan took his time eating his strawberries, watching Carlos run across the living room with a cry of "Where is it?" Kendall and Katie were on either side of the dining room table in some sort of standoff that Logan definitely knew nothing about. Katie hadn't paid Kendall back some money or something. Logan honestly cared very little. Everything would work itself out eventually. Everything always did.
He was sucking on a dark, sweet strawberry when he felt a hand on the middle of his back. He straightened up, taking his elbows from the counter to be met with a freshly brushed, bright smile. "Good morning," James greeted, finally getting the chance to do so in all the insanity. Logan wasn't expecting it and tensed a little when James leaned down to kiss his lips. He wasn't necessarily accustomed yet to really kissing in front of anyone else, not even the people they lived with.
Not that anyone was paying any attention, but Logan felt the need to turn his face away quickly, grabbing the last strawberry and holding it to James' lips to replace his own. "Morning! Have a strawberry. They're good for you." He let James take it from him, glad that there wasn't a trace of hurt in his eyes at Logan's breakage of the kiss. It was what was making them work: James understood Logan. Not all the time, not when he went on and on and on about the solar system and the respiratory system and systemic diseases and disease control and control command centers and star command or whatever… But he understood how Logan felt about and reacted to the world around him. For the most part, they were on the same page.
Once Carlos had located his helmet and Kendall swore to Katie they would settle their argument later, things began to settle into more normality. It was school, then lunch, then studio.
But their ride to the studio didn't come. Kelly was supposed to show up every afternoon to fetch them and chauffeur them to the studio, and she'd never been late. Time was money, after all, and Gustavo loved money.
"Guys, I'm worried." Carlos turned to the others with his hands wringing in front of him after fifteen minutes of waiting outside the Palmwoods. They'd all been thinking something was off, but no one had really wanted to say anything, each one of them interpreting the lateness a little differently. In fact, James was combing his hair, eyes locked on a hand mirror, clearly beginning to assume this was a signal that they had the day off. Even Kendall had his cell phone out, playing a game to kill time.
Logan couldn't help agreeing with Carlos, though. It wasn't like Kelly not to text or call if she was going to be late. Carlos looked between all three of them searchingly before he apparently decided Logan was the only one who was on his same mind track and pulled on the other boy's sleeve, seeking some sort of response. But all Logan could do for him was shrug with a helpless look. He didn't know what to say. It wasn't like Logan knew something Carlos didn't.
Carlos pursed his lips in frustration. "Come on, guys! Isn't anyone going to do anything?" he whined, throwing out his hands and stepping away to face the other three confrontationally.
"What do you want us to do, Carlos?" Kendall replied, eyes not leaving his cell phone's screen. "We tried calling Kelly and Gustavo both, no one's answering."
Logan rocked on his feet. They could walk to the studio. It would only take them about half an hour. But clearly, none of them wanted to, and something made Logan feel like it wasn't the distance that was discouraging them. It was just the overwhelming feeling of wrongness permeating the whole situation. The fact that Kelly wasn't here and no one was answering their phones was unsettling. This had never happened. He knew it wasn't that Kendall didn't care; it was just that he didn't know what to do. And, of course, Kendall being the fearless leader he was, he hated being at a loss and really admitting it.
Something else felt off, too, Logan noticed. There seemed to be fewer people on the street, less pedestrians on the sidewalk, not quite as many cars in the road. And that was unusual for LA.
"Oh," Kendall stopped playing his game and held his phone away from where it had been, close to his eyes. "Mom just texted. She says we need to come upstairs…" He looked up and among them, eyebrows drawn together.
Something was definitely up.
When they got back up to the apartment, Mrs. Knight was on the couch with the television programmed to the news. She looked worried and it made Logan's stomach turn with nerves. Mrs. Knight was like Kendall; she didn't worry about things. Kendall hurried to drop on the couch next to his mom. He was followed by Carlos as Logan stepped behind the couch with James close to him. This didn't feel right.
The anchorwoman on screen looked nervous as she spoke. Logan immediately blindly grabbed for James' hand. Whenever people gathered in front of a television to watch the news in the middle of the day, there was something bad going on. It never meant that a war had ended or they'd found a cure for the common cold or they'd discovered an alternative source of energy. People didn't come together with the news to celebrate. They did it to be scared.
"Reports are flooding in from hospitals across all of Los Angeles that the virus is spreading faster than anything doctors have encountered before. Symptoms of the yet-unnamed virus include a high fever, severe nausea and muscle pain, respiratory failure, and death. In a matter of less than two days, all LA hospitals are reporting an overflow of patients. Authorities highly suggest people stay indoors and avoid contact with those infected. Again, symptoms include a high fever…" Logan's brain turned into hyperspeed at the word 'hospital,' hoping he would be able to deduce what was going on. But he just found himself shaking his head at the television, unable to comprehend what was being said. Still, whatever he understood was more than any of the others did.
James squeezed Logan's hand as the anchorwoman continued to repeat the same things over and over, restating the same information in new ways. That basically some new strain of a virus had been spreading for a couple days but only today did it become severe enough to make the news. Although from the sounds of it, they were reporting a little too late.
"I don't understand," Logan finally said, looking out the window towards the pool. No one was out there. It was probably the first time Logan had ever seen the Palmwoods pool empty before nightfall. "How can a virus become so bad so quick that they don't even want people leaving their homes?"
When he looked back, James' eyes were on him, a look in them Logan hadn't seen since grade school: fear. It must have been that Logan expressed his confusion out loud. Logan was supposed to understand everything. Of course James would be afraid to hear that there was something in the world that Logan didn't get. That meant it was serious.
Mrs. Knight stood up decisively, turning off the TV before she turned to the boys. "Alright. I don't want any of you leaving the apartment for the rest of the day," she said in that mom voice that was all at once a comfort and a cause for concern. She started towards the hallway. "I sent Katie to her room so she wouldn't see the news, so she's probably pretty suspicious," she clarified, then stopped and turned, pointing threateningly. "I mean it. If any of you leave…" She cut off, though, unsure of how much worse she could threaten them considering how serious this virus thing seemed. There was a moment of hesitation before she just disappeared down the hallway.
The living room went quiet. Understandably so. Logan wanted to turn and tell James that he was okay, everything would be alright. But they'd just been told by both the television and Mrs. Knight that if he so much as left the apartment he could die, so it probably wasn't fair of him to try and make it seem like things weren't a little serious.
Carlos fidgeted in the silence next to an uncomfortably still Kendall until he clearly couldn't take it anymore. "Do you… do you think that's why Kelly didn't pick us up? Because she's…" He trailed off. Normally, saying the word 'sick' wouldn't be so difficult, but after that newscast, Logan understood why Carlos couldn't finish his sentence.
Kendall came suddenly back to life, leaping off the couch with the remote to turn the television on and immediately flip it to ESPN. "No," he answered simply, turning to face the other three. "Kelly's fine. And we're just gonna stay in today and chill like my mama told us to and we're not going to worry about stuff." The last part was directed at Carlos, who pulled his knees up to his chest and looked away from Kendall. Logan knew what he was thinking. He wanted to know if Kelly and Gustavo were okay just as much as everyone else. But Kendall was right. They couldn't do anything about anything, and panicking would just make things worse. "There's a Wild-Avalanche game on tonight," he continued, turning to settle back down and put his hand on Carlos' back. "So we're gonna keep the TV on ESPN until then and not the news."
Logan moved to walk around the couch and join them, but James stayed in place, holding tight to Logan's hand. He turned to look at James again, eyebrows raised curiously as if he didn't know anything was wrong. He knew what James wanted from him, what he expected. He wanted Logan to know everything and to tell him things would be okay and to just relax. But Logan had trouble with lying to James. So he just returned James' stare for a few moments before turning away again, tugging James along by the hand. "Come on…"
The four of them sat on the couch in near silence for hours, resisting the urge to switch the channel to a news station. Carlos continued to check his phone every ten minutes until Kendall just took it away, shoving it into his own pocket. Carlos didn't fight him. Katie joined them later, the way she sat close to Kendall's side a little unusual compared to her regularly independent behavior. Mrs. Knight made them popcorn, then chicken nuggets and fries for dinner during the hockey game. There wasn't nearly as much cheering as there usually would have been.
Wild lost two-to-three in the shoot out.
Laying in bed that night, Logan could sense that Kendall was just as awake as he was. They'd gone the entire day without a word from either Kelly or Gustavo. They didn't even hear from any of the other Palmwoods residents. Logan had wanted to go check on Camille at one point, but Mrs. Knight was adamant about them staying inside the apartment. Logan had had to settle on just texting Camille, and he hadn't gotten a response until hours later that said "I'm not sick." And even then, he wasn't allowed to leave and visit her.
No one wanted to say anything like "We'll be okay," or "This will all be over soon," because that made it seem like some kind of serious epidemic, when, in reality, they'd only seen the news footage that afternoon. No way could anything feel that serious that soon. It wasn't a big deal.
And yet, here was Logan, laying awake, mental images of white blood cells and microscopic viral infections running through his mind.
He may have actually fallen asleep after some time spent projecting biology textbook images on the backs of his eyelids, because he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly. Logan turned over to barely see Carlos, illuminated by the moonlight reflecting off the pool and through the bedroom window. He had a stuffed puppy clutched under his arm, something Logan hadn't seen Carlos carrying around since they were kids. He didn't know Carlos even still had it.
"Sorry…" Carlos whispered. "But… James can't sleep. And he's way too proud to just come for you, so…" Carlos looked pleadingly at Logan, trying to finish the rest of the sentence with his eyes.
After a second, Logan understood what Carlos was saying and gave himself a mental shake to wake up. He nodded, sitting up and slipping out of bed as quietly as he could. Kendall wasn't asleep, as was evident by the fact that he was up on his elbows, watching the action, but Logan still felt the need to speak in a whisper when the lights were off. "Thanks, Carlos… uhm… You can have my bed if you want, or…" He felt bad asking Carlos not to sleep in his own room just because he was going to go to James, but Carlos was already scurrying under Logan's covers now that they were vacant and waving Logan towards the door. He gave a last glance at Kendall, who wordlessly flopped back onto his pillow to try and sleep, then stepped lightly towards the door.
He stopped, though, just at the handle. "Hey, Carlos," he whispered back to him, seeing Kendall sit up a little as well. "Everything's gonna be okay. Okay?" He couldn't be sure, because the light was so dim, but Logan was pretty sure Carlos smiled a little at the long-awaited reassurance, and he nodded. Logan tip-toed out of the room and across the hall, turning handles and setting his feet silently so Mrs. Knight and Katie wouldn't be disturbed.
When he opened the door to James and Carlos' room, Logan wondered for a second if Carlos had been imagining things, because it seemed at first like James was totally passed out, his back to the door, snuggled tightly under his blankets. But after a couple seconds, he turned over, his face visible with the nightlight next to Carlos' bed. His expression caught somewhere between affection and annoyance at seeing it was Logan and not Carlos who had entered the room. "I told Carlos I was fine…" he drawled, laying back again.
"Clearly, you're not, if you're still awake," Logan rebutted, coming to sit on the edge of James' bed. His hand brushed for a second against James' side over the covers, but he placed both his hands in his lap after a moment of trying to figure out where they could comfortably go. Things like that were weird still. It was like Logan had to draw brand new boundaries with James, even after having been so close for so many years. What used to be just an accidental meaningless touch had turned into something that made Logan bashful and fluttery.
James rolled his eyes, although it was clear that he wasn't displeased to have Logan there. "I would have fallen asleep eventually. It's no big deal." He gave a sleepy smile which Logan returned, but his faltered a little with a thought. After a moment's hesitation, Logan placed the back of his hand against James' forehead, then his cheek, feeling for any unusual amount of heat. James raised his eyebrows, his smile disappearing, and slowly lifted his hand to grasp Logan's, pulling it away from his face. "Logan… I'm not sick…"
Logan swallowed. The thought of James getting sick like they'd been describing on the television made him want to be sick himself. He didn't think he could handle something happening to James. "I'm just… covering my bases," he replied, unable to help himself from wiggling his fingers out of James' hold.
James let him go, but sat up in bed to reach forward and gently touch Logan's cheek. "Hey. This is probably just some flu thing, right? It'll be okay. None of us are going to get sick or anything." He shrugged and Logan forced a smile in response. It had been easier for him to tell Carlos it would be okay than it was to tell James. It would be naïve for him to write off the possibility that any of them would get sick in this. And it wasn't just some flu thing, from the sounds of the news, but it didn't hurt anyone to let James think of it that way. So he just kept his mouth shut and smiled tightly.
It didn't seem like James really bought it, though, and he sighed, dropping his hand from Logan's face. He just sort of stared at Logan for a moment. Finally, though, just when Logan was starting to feel vulnerable under James' gaze, he moved, wiggling closer to the wall next to his bed and pulling aside the covers. "Wanna sleep with me?" he asked Logan, eyebrows raised innocently. When Logan opened his mouth and glanced at the door, James did his best to look pathetic and added, "I won't be able to sleep if you don't."
Now, that wasn't fair. Logan pursed his lips at James, wanting to scold him for trying to guilt him like that. James, however, turned on his smile and Logan couldn't argue. He sighed, turning and shifting to crawl under the blankets with James. It was warm next to him like that, but nowhere near uncomfortable. Logan remembered so many times as children, tucked together just like this, and, just as it did back then, James' closeness felt nice. Safe. And for a second, as he settled into the small twin bed, he really did believe that everything would be okay.
"'Night, Logan," James mumbled before moving to kiss him, soft and tender. A perfect good night kiss.
Logan smiled as James laid back and shut his eyes, his nose close to Logan's in the cozy space. "G'night…"
It turned out that laying down next to James was the magic fix for both of them, because within minutes, Logan was sleepily watching James breathe rhythmically, fixated on the way his lips were just barely parted. It wasn't long before Logan passed out as well, falling into a heavy, dreamless sleep. Later, he would wish he'd dreamt. Dreams always seemed to make it feel like he'd been sleeping longer, and knowing that he'd spent a good, long time with James that night would have been a comfort.
…
Logan woke up the next morning expecting to have James in his arms, but all he found were the covers, bunched up and clutched to his chest. He sat up, squeezing his eyes shut and rubbing at them with the heel of his hand to focus his vision. The room was vacant besides Logan. The bed wasn't even warm next to him, so he figured James had snuck out at least thirty minutes ago.
Logan frowned as he looked at the bedside clock. He'd been allowed to sleep in. On a school day. He would be late, but logical reasoning told him that Mrs. Knight only would have allowed him to sleep in if school had been cancelled for some reason. Dread filled Logan as he wrapped a blanket around his shoulders, not due to the actual temperature, which was by all means comfortable, but more for the fact that he felt his blood run cold all of a sudden.
When he shuffled out of the room and towards the living room, Logan saw a similar scene to the previous afternoon. Mrs. Knight was on the couch, but this time she was holding Kendall and Katie to either side of her. James was behind the couch again, Carlos seated in front of him and clutching James' hand over his shoulder to his chest in a way that didn't look very comfortable.
Logan couldn't make his feet move past the end of the hallway, though, after his eyes landed on the television. The screen showed a helicopter view of a hospital Logan was familiar with, one of the nearest ones to the Palmwoods that they'd had to rush Carlos to a few times after acquiring a concussion or two, but it looked nothing like Logan remembered it. Half the building was in flames, windows were busted, and parts of floors appeared to be collapsed and more were on their way down thanks to the fire. There had been thousands of people in that hospital. Logan doubted many were still alive.
He heard Carlos choke on a sob from the couch as he pulled James' hand closer to him. "Who—who's going to talk to all their families?" he asked. He knew no one could answer him, but that was Carlos. Constantly thinking about others. Of course he would be hurting for other people. "What if… what if someone had a dog? Who will take care of it?" James put his free hand on Carlos' shoulder, trying to be a comfort, but from the way he was staring, open-mouthed and wide-eyed at the television, he was at just as much a loss as everyone else.
It wasn't until he recognized the fear in James' eyes that Logan was able to shake himself back to sense and go to James, putting a hand to his back. James jumped, but when he saw who it was, he immediately took his hand from Carlos' shoulder to yank Logan into a tight one-armed hug. Logan put his arms around James, but his eyes were still stuck to the TV. The receptionist who had brought James apple juice when he almost fainted after getting his blood drawn. The nice doctor that had stitched Kendall's arm after a nasty fall against the edge of the pool. The nurse that had brought solvent when Logan and Carlos superglued their hands together. Logan hoped they'd all decided to stay home today.
"What… happened?" he finally asked, pulling away from James, who was definitely reluctant to take his arm from around Logan.
No one really had an answer for a few moments. Finally, Mrs. Knight reached for the remote and turned the volume up so Logan could hear. The voice of a newscaster played over the footage of the hospital, which kept looping. "…what officials are referring to as the X-Virus, for being unknown. Patients unexpectedly developed signs of madness and impossible strength driven by adrenaline. Witness accounts describe those infected as having bloodshot eyes, bleeding mouths, and a maddened appearance. As previously stated, people are encouraged to stay inside their homes and to avoid any contact with sick persons." There was a hitch in the sound and video as both looped over again. The fact that the broadcast clearly wasn't live worried Logan.
There was a sudden slam on the door of the apartment and everyone jumped, Carlos lunging forward to cling to the nearest person. That happened to be Kendall, who disentangled himself and, as the self-proclaimed alpha male of the apartment, stood to make his way for the door, which was now being shaken. He hesitated before touching the handle and grabbed a hockey stick that was leaning against the wall near the door.
Kendall opened the door, lifting the hockey stick even though he was clearly unsure of what he was going to do with it. It was natural instinct, though, when he sounded like someone was trying to break in to the apartment.
However, he lowered the impromptu weapon slowly, when he saw Camille standing on the other side, swaying dangerously. She was pale, blood covering the front of her dress and still draining slowly from a large bite-like gash at the base of her neck. She was barely able to mumble a "Help…" before stumbling forward into Kendall, who dropped the hockey stick in favor of catching the limp girl. He kicked the door shut behind him as he carried Camille to the couch, where Logan rushed immediately to meet them.
"Oh, my god…" Logan whispered, sitting with Camille as Kendall laid her down on the couch. "I need peroxide, towels, bandages, and aspirin," Logan immediately ordered. Carlos and Kendall dashed for the bathroom as Mrs. Knight tried to steer Katie away from the couch towards the hallway.
Logan was hardly paying attention as he felt James behind him, felt him staring at Camille in fear and horror. For a moment, he thought 'James shouldn't see this…'but that was ridiculous. Logan himself shouldn't have been seeing this. This wasn't how life was supposed to go. Camille, one of this best friends, a girl he really liked for a good amount of time, who he maybe still had some feelings for buried under everything he'd been recently feeling for James—Camille was laying on his couch with a very fatal wound that peroxide wasn't going to fix.
Logan was trying to focus on slipping a pillow under Camille's head rather than choking on a frightened sob when Camille's hands shot up and grabbed his shirt, her eyes snapping open suddenly. He jumped and snatched Camille's wrists as James stepped closer, but didn't move any further, clearly unsure of how to react. "Camille! What happ…ened…" Logan's voice trailed off when he saw the red in Camille's eyes where they should have been white, the blood on her lips.
He shot off the couch, yanking Camille's hands off his shirt and James clutched for his elbow worriedly. "What's wrong?" he asked, looking from Logan to Camille. Logan pulled James back and around the couch just as Camille launched herself at them. "What the hell!" James shrieked, stumbling back into the dome hockey table. Logan kept a hold on his arm, though, keeping him from falling and well away from the newly-feral Camille.
The other residents of 2J tried rushing back into the living room at the sound of James' shout, but Logan turned and held up his hand, yelling for them to stop. Life went into hyperspeed and Logan could hardly keep track of what was happening as Camille flew at James, scratching at him and trying to bite as he pushed at her with his arms. Without a second thought, Logan grabbed Camille around the middle, yanking her away and tossing her with more strength than he felt should have been necessary for her small frame. But she was unusually strong all of a sudden, and that scared Logan more than anything. He'd heard on the news. "…impossible strength driven by adrenaline…"
God… Camille…
She stumbled, her foot catching and twisting on the leg of a table. Logan instinctively grabbed for Camille, not thinking about the fact she had just tried to bite James. He clutched her arm, keeping her from hitting the ground. However, as he realized too late, she clawed at him, snarling savagely as she moved to bite into Logan as if he were just meat. "Camille, please—" Logan cried helplessly right before she was torn away from him by James.
Where things had been so fast moments earlier, everything slowed down as Logan saw what was about to happen and he couldn't move fast enough to stop anything. James had Camille by the arms and flung her furiously away from Logan. Towards the windowed wall. Logan lurched forward to stop it, shouting Camille's name, but Camille crashed backwards through the window before he could grab her. James had to snatch Logan around the waist to stop him from following her, but he still was close enough to the newly-formed exit to see Camille hit the cement with a heart-hardening crack.
Blood trailed from under Camille's hair as Logan and James stood frozen, staring down. Logan finally stepped away, putting a shaking hand against his forehead. He thought he was going to throw up.
Camille was dead.
James stayed next to the broken window, staring down, until Kendall screamed, "What happened?" He turned then, eyes blank as if he didn't know where he was.
Logan shook as he tried to explain, gesturing to the television as he spoke. "Camille, she… she just… the virus, the news, and she…" He felt his head go light and his stomach spin and hurriedly maneuvered barefoot around broken glass, through the kitchen and straight into the bathroom, where he fell to his knees in front of the toilet. As much as his stomach heaved, though, all Logan could do was gag as he remembered he hadn't even gotten a chance to have breakfast before everything got out of hand. Before…
As he tried to breathe again, he felt a hand rubbing gently along his spine. "I don't know what's going on, Logan, but…" James' voice disappeared. More than the previous night, he couldn't say everything would be okay. There was no way this was okay.
Still shaking, Logan turned to look at James, still feeling entirely nauseous. "That was Camille, James! Camille's…" He choked, wiping the back of his hand along his mouth, worried he would end up dry heaving again. James pulled Logan against his chest, burying his face into his hair. For only a moment, Logan felt completely safe in James' arms, the feeling enough of a comfort to make him consider the idea things may go away. But a quick jab of pain in his stomach reminded him that Camille was dead on the pavement under their living room window and who knew who else was sick?
Kendall ran to the bathroom door, but Logan kept his forehead against James' chest, refusing to turn away just yet. "Gustavo just called. He said this is bigger than the news makes it look like. We have to go somewhere safe…" Logan barely listened. He wanted to shut everything out and lose himself in James' warmth. It was a familiar, comfortable feeling, and for a second, he thought maybe he was still tucked in James' bed with him, wrapped in his arms. This was just a nightmare.
But Logan didn't wake up when James pulled away, helping him to his feet. It just got cold and the nightmare continued.
He tried to refocus as he listened to Kendall explain where they needed to go. Carlos was futilely trying to dry his eyes as he strapped on his helmet. Logan felt dazed as he stared, watching Kendall's mouth move without really understanding what he was saying. He felt James' hand steady and firm on his back and watched as Kendall guided Katie and his mom out the door, glancing around the apartment as he did so. Logan knew what Kendall was thinking. That they may not come back here, to this apartment, their home that they loved so much.
Logan didn't move. Instead, he looked over his shoulder at the shattered window and wondered with a sinking feeling why no one had come up to see what had happened.
James' hand touched his cheek, warm, but more than a little clammy with nerves. He touched his forehead to Logan's without a word and finally kissed him, deep and filled entirely with the taste of true fear. Logan never wanted to feel a kiss like this again, one that clearly felt like the end of the world. James broke off hesitantly, but kissed Logan once more briefly, softer this time. "We have to go somewhere safe…" he whispered, and Logan could hear the lump in his throat. How he wished it were possible to rewind everything and pause time so that he was safe in James' bed for all of eternity.
But since he couldn't, he just nodded stiffly and went out the door after the others, hand wrapped in James'.
…
Time felt like it was moving too fast and too slow at the same time. Which Logan figured made it move at a regular speed. But on one hand, there wasn't nearly enough daylight for James, Carlos, and Mrs. Knight to find them. On the other, Logan felt like he was waiting forever for them to show up.
They never did.
He sat next to the barricaded doors of the sporting goods store for hours, watching what little light came through the boarded windows fade until it was dark.
They'd found Kelly and Gustavo when they'd arrived at the store, and Kelly tried coming to console Logan at one point, but he hardly acknowledged her presence. There was a momentary pang of guilt under his ribs when she sighed and got up, walking back to Kendall with a hopeless look. But despite the shame he felt at giving Kelly the cold shoulder, Logan didn't budge. He continued to wait well into the night, vigil by the door. He couldn't give up on James. He needed James. There was no way he could go on without him.
This wasn't fair. That's all he could keep thinking. Logan, of course, knew there was nothing fair about life, but he now felt personally shafted by the world. Of course he would have James ripped from him just when he was beginning to feel so close to him. When things were coming together.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall next to the doors. The previous night spent in James' bed, warm in his arms, safe beneath shields of blankets, seemed so long ago, but Logan imagined that's where he still was. And any minute now he'd be kissed awake by James and brought back to the real world. James would be right there. He would always be there. Logan just continued to remind himself: You'll always wake up from a nightmare. All you have to do is wake up.