Disclaimer: Once upon a time there was a narrator who took it upon herself to screw up every story she could get her hands on. With complete and utter disregard for the opinions of others, authors and fans alike, she made it her mission to corrupt any good plot line or character development she had the means to. With the help of her tech-savvy computer and her skills of destroying anything she put her mind to, she quickly set to work on annoying the crap out of everybody. These are her stories.
The water sloshed against the shoreline, wearing the sand into tiny little bits, as sand tends to be. The sun set lazily on the horizon where a miniscule ship sailed away.
Elizabeth and Jack were expressing their love for each other via their tongues, and I don't mean they were talking. Jack the monkey, not the man, for Jack Sparrow was – let's say – tied up at the moment.
"You always tie me to the bed in your stories," Jack Sparrow pointed out to the narrator, "And that's Captain Jack Sparrow."
"How did I get here?" Mr. Collins said, dressed in his British-lord's attire. He had his cute little hat on and everything.
"Cute?" he asked, pronouncing the word with distaste, "No one calls me cute."
"Excuse me," Jack Sparrow – I mean, Captain Jack Sparrow – said from the bed a little off to the right, "I just have to ask: why is Elizabeth kissing a monkey?"
"Because evidence leads me to believe that fans enjoy this shipping the most," the narrator answered, laughing at her pun.
"I'm pretty sure it's me they want to see with Miss Swan, not the monkey," Captain Jack Sparrow corrected, opening his hands since his arms were tied to the bed.
"Always getting upstaged by the monkey, aren't ya, Jack?" Barbosa laughed in that rugged voice of his.
"Excuse me!" Mr. Collins cried angrily, "Stop calling me Mr. Collins! My name is Lord Becket. I'm an airline pilot. Wait, that's not what I meant to say. Curse you narrator!" the short creepy dude screamed at the darkening sky.
"Whatever you say. If you wanna keep up this charade, I'll go along with it. But I know your secret, Roger," the narrator replied mystically.
"Why do I have green hair?" Seto Kaiba asked.
"Oops! Wrong story. Delete," the narrator said.
"Wai-" Seto Kaiba was gone.
Just then, Will Turner rushed on stage. "Elizabeth!" he shouted, enraged, and tore the monkey out of her arms, throwing him clear across the island.
"You make it sound like such a big feat," Jack Sparrow said, "The island's only 30 feet either direction. Would someone please untie me from the bed?!"
Barbosa made a move to do so. "Don't you dare!" the narrator scolded, "Lest you want to receive the same treatment."
"You mean you'll-"
The narrator smiled evilly.
Barbosa backed off.
"First you cheat on me with a pirate. Then you cheat on me with your ex fiancé. Now with a monkey? What is wrong with you?!" Will scolded Elizabeth.
"It's not my fault," she cried, "The writers made me do it!"
"I take offense at that," Jack declared.
"Jack the man or Jack the monkey?" Will asked.
"Didn't you hear me speaking?" Jack the man-pirate asked. "Monkeys can't talk anyway."
"This is getting ridiculous!" Mr. Collins – I mean, Lord Becket – said, scowling as the narrator called him Mr. Collins again.
"We passed ridiculous a long time ago," the narrator corrected.
Then, because the narrator ran out of things to say, she ended the story.
"But wait! We didn't quote any songs!" Captain Jack Sparrow protested.
The narrator pondered that. "What should I call you, Jack the monkey?" the narrator asked.
"You can call me Al," he replied.
So Al came to live with the narrator, and she apologized for making him kiss an ugly –
"Hey!" Elizabeth protested.
"I just wanted to tell you both: Good luck. We're all counting on you." Leslie Nelson concluded.
The End