AN: Hi! This is my first FF ever so please tell me what I did wrong/right so I can fix or continue. It's another Peeta/Katniss just cause I love them so much! I really hope you enjoy!

I've lost everything and everyone. I ruined the lives of those I loved the most by trying to protect them. I started the rebellion. I was the spark that led to flames. Those same flames that burned 12 to the ground, that lost Peeta to the capitol...that killed my sister. My innocent baby sister.

I lie in my bed and try to remember who I am. My name is Katniss Everdeen. I ruin lives. My sister is dead, Peeta is gone, and it is my entire fault. I am no mockingjay; I'm just a broken girl. I returned to the Victor's Village in District 12 two weeks ago. Greasy Sae and her granddaughter come over sometimes to try and coax me into eating and getting out of bed. I don't see why they try; I'm just an empty shell of someone who used to be. I'm lost within myself and no matter how hard I try I can't find my way back to me. Dr. Aurelius calls three times a day, I never answer. I just lay here in my bed, like a useless corpse.

I try not to sleep or think, but when sleep does come the nightmares shake me to the core. Reenactments of Prim's death, Peeta trying to kill me, dead Finnick, dead Rue, Beetee and the others all making appearances and all ending the same, cold dead corpses. I wake up screaming every time. I feel as if I haven't slept since the train ride to the second games, in Peeta's arms. As it is now I probably will never sleep through the night again. With this thought in mind I drift off into what is sure to be another horrid nightmare.

The next day I'm awoken by banging sounds from someone banging what looked like a large wooden brush into my nightstand. I sit up in the bed and realize its Haymitch. I haven't seen or talked to him since I returned home. I supposed he was just drinking his life away; he didn't need to tend to some girl who had no will to live.

"Get up."

He opens the curtains and lets the blinding sun shine through. I don't answer him. I just stare at him hoping he can see how much I loathe him at this moment.

"I said get up!"

Now he's yelling. He pulls off my comforter and pulls me out of the bed.

Standing is such an odd sensation after lying for so long. I don't really know how long I've been lying in this bed for, but now it feels like forever.

I continue to stare blankly at Haymitch. It's been so long since I've really talked to anyone, I may have forgotten how to talk.

"You know, Peeta and I fought so hard to keep you alive, all this time. I wonder what he would see if he saw how pathetic you were acting now. Maybe I should go ask him...he's right outside you know. Been here for about a week now, but of course you would know that if you got out of the damn bed and started living. The boy's been through hell and back and still functions better than you. At least he's trying."

Peeta's back.

This is all that my brain registers. The boy with the bread. My boy. The boy who confuses me more than any other person could ever. The boy who I have risked everything for. The boy I lost to the Capitol. He's returned.

I realize that I'm crying when a tear drips on to my hand. I stand straight and look into Haymitch's worn face.

"What do you want?" My voice sounds rugged and my throat feels sore from the lack of speech.

"I want you to live Katniss. We didn't go through that entire rebellion and two games just for you to die from killing yourself...your sister didn't die for you to kill yourself. She died so you can go on and live."

"I don't know how...it's so hard...I killed them...they're all dead and it's all my fault." The soft falling tears have turned into a full on stream of salt water on my face. I can't shake this guilt.

"Get over it. You did what had to be done. You didn't kill anyone. So like I said get over it. You need to get back to reality. Start living again because life, no matter how you see it, is going on. You can start with a shower and breakfast. I'll be waiting."

I watched him leave the room. I picked up the brush and threw it across the room. I don't want to live. Not when I have no one. I sit for a few minutes, and something pushes me to get up and grab a towel and head into the bathroom. Haymitch was relentless after all.