Dedicated to my Vake (r.i.p. 15 oct 2010), my Moeke and my BF.
The Hare and the Princess
Today it's exactly one year ago. One year ago, my life just vanished. Gone. And I miss him more than ever.
- It's 10 o'clock and I feel restless. Where is he? He's never late. It worries me. After 5 years there are still people out for revenge. Still people that don't believe in his innocence. They think he tricked me. Especially since we announced our engagement, the most outrageous theories are spread.
"I heard he slipped her a love potion," "They say he casted an Imperius curse on her." "He blackmailed her." All lies. He loves me, and I love him. He's my soul mate, my other half. It doesn't mean that we never fight. Oh no! We fight a lot. Mostly over stupid things. But we always make up.
It's 10:30. Still no sign of him. Suddenly the doorbell rings. I jump of the couch and run to the door. "Please let it be him... Please, I beg you" I whisper. I open the door. Aurors. No, it can't be. Not again "Whatever reason you're here, my fiancé has nothing to do with it. You know he's innocent. Didn't we prove that time and time again?" Just leave... He hates it when the Aurors stop by. He will be home in a minute. I wish they just left us alone. "Madame, I'm sorry, where not here to interrogate your fiancé. I think it's best if you sit down for a moment..." My head starts hurting. No! It cannot be. I don't believe it... The world turns black around me. -
No one really understands. No one really cares anymore.
- "You need to get a grip! It's been almost a year! You hurt yourself by just sitting around, mopping!" my best friend yells. We've been friends since we were 11. I thought he would understand. He of all people should have understood how much it hurts to lose someone. "You don't understand," I cry, "I have nothing left. I am nothing without him!" He shakes his head and looks suddenly really sad "I don't recognize you anymore... The girl I knew was a fighter." I look at him increndously... How dare he say something like that! "Well that girl is gone," I spat, "She's dead!" -
It's been a year, it's time to move on. But how can I move one? I lost my reason. I lost everything. I lost his beautiful half smile. I lost the look in his eyes when he saw me in a crowded room. I lost his sleep tousled hair in the mornings. The tickle fights. The lazy Sundays.
- Lazily my fingers trace meaningless patterns. He looks so young and peaceful while sleeping. I touch his face, his eyes, his nose, his cheecks, his lips. I lean closer to his ear "I love you so much Hare." No one understands that reference, except him. I feel him shifting and I know it won't be long before he wakes. It's cute how he snuggles closer and wraps his arms around me. Pulling me closer to his chest. I sigh softly and lay my head down. I life for moments like this. The warmth and safeness surrounding us in our little world. "Good morning Princess," he whispers softly in my ear, "I love you." And I can't help but smile, 'cause for a moment everything is just perfect. -
"I tried," I whisper in the cold air surrounding me, "I swear I did... But I can't anymore. It hurts so so so much." I think of the fake smiles everyday, the cold bed at night. I think of my lonely meals, if I eat at all. People stopped calling. Friends stopped asking me out.
- I changed work after the accident. I work in a small bookshop just outside London. "Good morning how can I help you?" I ask with a fake smile. I wonder if people see it's fake. I find that I don't really care. I don't care about a lot these days. Smiling feels like something foreign. Normally, this would have been my dream job, but I have no one left to share it with. I feel tears coming to my eyes and try to push them down. "Think of your mask, think of the façade." People don't know my story here. It's a relief and a burden. -
I was left alone in a house to big and empty, with thoughts to dark and scary. And most of all alone with an emptiness that grows everyday. I start crying, tears trickle down my cheecks on to the snow. "Why did you leave? You promised me you would never ever leave me! I'm scared of the emptiness surrounding me. I miss you so much. My heart aches, my body aches but most of all my soul aches... Everyday is worse than the day before." We promised eachother to live our life for both if one of us died... Such a foulish promis.
- It's a beautiful summer night. Stars are shinning bright and it still feels warm. I feel so save wrapped up in his arms. "You know I love you more than live, don't you Princess?" he asks. "As I love you my Hare." I feel his pensive mood and wait for him to start talking again. I know he will tell me what's bothering him. "If I ever die...," he starts after some time, "... Promise me you'll live. Promise me you'll find someone else to make you happy. Promise me you'll do all the things we planned to do..." I can't find words to answer him. How can he ask something so big? "I... I don't know if I can... Could you?" I look at him. His face looks so beautiful under the moonlight. His eyes shine brighter than the stars "I would live for us both, love." I mull this over and over in my head. "I promis you I will try to live for both of us, if the moment ever comes." -
I fall to my knees. " I know I promised... But it's too hard. I'm not strong enough. I can't anymore... Please forgive me..." I swallow the little black potion I brought. "I'll see you soon my Hare..."
This is my first story. It's based on how I would deal with the loss of my partner. Hare is a reference to "Guess how much I love you.". The story is
mine and mine alone. Characters belong to JK Rowling.