AN: So pleaseee bare with me, this is my first Gossip Girl fanfic, and I'm extreamly hesistant about posting it, and without the vote of confidence of my lovely I probably wouldn't be posting this, lol. SO if you wanna see another chapter just hit the review button and let me know, because as of now I have no idea what I'm doing.

She didn't know what had told her to go back to the penthouse, maybe it was the fact she didn't want to fly without him, or maybe it was because the scarf he'd secretly hidden in her bag smelt just like him, cigerette smoke and the ritzy colonge he used. None the less, she couldn't just take off for Tuscany without him, the baked cookies the ladies on the plane made weren't as good as him. Never had she expected to hear the moaning from his bedroom when she'd walked in, never. She'd been in love before that was a given...but never anything like what she had with Chuck. He was like a blanket, a warm cashmire blanket wrapped tightly around her to keep her safe and protected, and in the blink of an eye, that security had been ripped out from around her, the pain she felt in her heart in that one instance was like she never felt before, she was motionless and numb.

Just looking at the pencil thin blond in his bed, made her feel fat. She'd thought she'd gotten past feeling that, but at that single moment she realized she'd never be good enough. The whole situation just made her want to run to the nearest bathroom and shove her fingers down her throat and make the pain go away, She hadn't been good enough for Nate, and obviousley she wasn't good enough for him, if he went back to his old ways so quickly, and here she thought she'd 'changed' him for the better. He was the same old Chuck Bass, that would never change.

"Blair"

Was all he stammered out, his lips swollen and his hair a total mess, the usaul smirk on his face, no longer visible, as he propped himself up clearly unaware that this would have happened, the blond next to him face telling the whole story, for a Waldorf, she had to be stupider then everyone thought. Holding back the hot tears that were threatening to spill down her cheeks, she backed up slowly, taking one last look at a past lover before quickly running out of the penthouse, nearly pushing down her best friend down as she rushed through the lobby.

"B?" Serena questioned, as she looked at Nate, completely obvlious as to what had happened.

Blair didn't stop, she simply ran down the busy sidewalks of Manhatten, not caring if her new Jimmy Choos, heals broke. Her heart was broken and slowly tearing apart with each and every breath she took, she'd never felt pain like this. Never.

--

Storming into the apartment she through her bag and hat down to the ground, there was no way in hell she was leaving the country, even if it was to see her father. Rushing up the wirlwind of stairs, she slammed her door shut as she rushed into her room, leaning back on the closed door as the tears started to slowly slide down her cheeks, the pain only getting worse. Looking around her 'perfect' room, the remnants of her 'perfect' life surrounding every free space she felt a small fuse start to burn, the pain increasing with each passing minute, going to each nook and cranney she found herself throwing things off the shelves and dressers. It wasn't till she saw herself in the mirror, that she really saw herself. She was fat..and discusting. She could now see why Chuck had chosen the pencil thin blond, she wasn't as glamourous as Audrey, she was as plain and dull as Mia Farrow. Clenching her jaw she ran a hand through her now messed up long brown hair, she had to change her imperfections, she had to.

Slipping off her heals she rushed into her bathroom, slamming the door shut she turned on the facuet as high as it would go, hopeing to drown out any of her noises, and took her place infront of the toilet like she'd done plently of times before. Perfection, beauty, Perfection, beauty, Perfection, beauty, the two small words swirled around her hair as she continusly shoved her fingers down her throat, the acid burning at her throat each time.

"B?...Sweetie?" Serena said knocking on the bedroom door, completely and utterly worried about what had happened to her best friend early. Not getting an answer, she carefully pushed open the door, surprised at the content of Blairs room. She'd never seen it like this, never. Blair was always so neat and clean "Bla-" It wasn't till she heard the facuet in the bathroom, and complete silence that she knew everything deffenitly wasn't ok. Carefully approaching the bathroom door she knocked, not surpisnly not getting an answer. Chewing down on her lip she carefully opened the door, her heart stopping at what she saw. Blair, her Blair passed out on the floor in a huddle, a passed out huddle.

"Blair!"

She screeched as she dropped to her knees, taking her best friend in her arms. She was cold and pale, her face sweaty, and balmy. How could she not have seen it? Her best friend in so much pain, that she didn't know a thing about.

"Oh B..." She murmred softly, holding her close "It's gonna be ok...I promise.