Serena was walking into work when she saw her. Bernie Wolfe was sat on a bench, her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands, a half smoked cigarette before her on the ground sending tendrils of smoke up into the cool air. Serena took another step towards the hospital building, intending to leave her be, but even from this far away she could see it wasn't just a morning break she was having. Glancing at the building, Serena took a deep breath and then diverted her course, walking instead towards the blonde.
"It's only 10am, surely things can't be that bad up there yet!" Serena offered as she sat beside Bernie, her heart giving an involuntary flutter when the brown eyes looked her way before returning to look at the cigarette.
"It's pretty quiet upstairs." Was all she got in reply, Bernie's voice almost a whisper of tired emotion.
Sitting so her back could rest against the cold, damp back of the wooden bench, Serena reached out and placed a gentle hand against the icy coldness of the blonde's shoulder blade. "Want to talk about it?"
Bernie shook her head at this, sighing a deep, unhappy breath from her lungs before turning her head to look at her colleague again. "Would you mind just sitting with me for a minute?"
"Course not." Serena gave a kind smile, rubbing the woman's shoulder blade once more before she pulled her hand back, letting it rest in her own lap uselessly with her other one.
Though you'd expect the air to get warmer as the sun rose further into the sky, as they sat in silence, the air seemed to get colder, feeling as though ice shards were getting pulled into lungs instead of oxygen. Serena sat there for as long as she could, longer than she would have with anyone else, before she forced her cold legs to stand. "Come on. It's freezing out here."
Looking up again, Bernie seemed to study Serena's offered hand as though she wasn't quite sure what it was, but then suddenly her hand accepted the offer and she was pulled to her feet, her back arguing against the sudden movement.
"Why don't we go and grab a coffee to warm up?" Serena offered when Bernie kept hold of her hand but still stood rigid beside the bench.
"It's you." Bernie spoke suddenly, her voice clear and sure.
When there was nothing more forthcoming, Serena raised her eyebrows and asked, "What's me?"
"You're what's upset me." Bernie's voice almost whispered this, as though she was sure the woman before her would jump down her throat to deny it.
"…How?" Serena asked, for she was racking her brains for something she might have done to cause this response in Bernie, but last time she'd seen the blonde yesterday, they'd shared a warm smile.
Bernie drew it a deep breath, and then suddenly she was back on the bench, in the same position Serena had found her in, watching the cigarette. "It's…not you."
"I'm sorry, Bernie, but you're going to have to elaborate, because I've no idea what you're talking about." Serena gave a tight laugh, hoping to diffuse some of the tension she could now feel in the air.
"…Robbie came in this morning."
Serena racked her brains once more, but she couldn't remember Bernie ever mentioning a Robbie before. In fact, there was only one Robbie she could think of. "My Robbie?"
Bernie laughed at this, but it was devoid of humour, and then suddenly she was on her feet again, marching towards the hospital. It took Serena's body a second to catch up with her brain, and then she was rushing to her side. "I don't understand?"
"No, you don't." Bernie responded with a nod, ignoring the other people in the small entrance as she barged through them, forcing Serena to offer an apologetic smile before scurrying after the blonde who was now waiting impatiently in the queue for a coffee.
"I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to help if you don't tell me what's happened." Serena kept her voice low, aware of the other colleagues around them.
"You don't need to help." The words came out snapped and Bernie instantly regretted her tone as she lowered her voice to repeat. "You don't need to help. It's something I need to deal with alone."
As Bernie stepped forward to order her coffee, Serena stared at her, bewildered. She had no idea what was going on, and apparently never would. "Okay, well…I suppose I will see you upstairs."
The blonde gave no indication she'd heard this as Serena retreated to the lift, but as she stepped inside, she saw Bernie turning her head, their eyes meeting just before the doors shut softly.
"Robbie! To what do I owe the pleasure?" Serena forced a smile to her lips when she saw the policeman stood before her office door.
"I was interviewing a man downstairs, so I thought I'd come for a catch up." He held up the cardboard holder in his hands which held two now tepid coffees.
"Right. Well. Come in." Serena pushed open her office door and stepped inside, indicating for him to take the chair beside her desk as she hung her coat and bag up, her fingers momentarily brushing against Bernie's coat that had been dumped, as usual, rather unceremoniously beside the coat rack instead of on it. And then she was at her desk, sitting down and offering the man another tight smile. "So, how are things?"
"Good. Fine. Works been busy." He nodded, pulling a cup from its holder so he could place it on the desk for her. "I spoke to Raf earlier. He told me about Arthur. I'm so sorry." He looked at her than as though he expected her to break in front of him as she might have done before.
Serena's eyes were drawn to the coffee that she held between her hands, silence stretching before them painfully as she considered her response. Arthur felt like something sacred now, too important to talk about with just anyone. Thankfully, perhaps, she was saved from replying by Bernie's entrance, two cups of steaming coffee held painfully in her bare hands, though once she saw one already held by Serena, they came to rest with a bang on her desk.
"Don't mind me." Bernie offered them a tight smile, and in that instant Serena suddenly understood what was wrong. Bernie was jealous.
The laugh that escaped her lips made both Robbie and Bernie look towards her in surprise, both frowning when Serena attempted to cover it with a clear of her throat. "This coffee is awfully good. Where's it from?" Was all her brain could muster.
"Just the café next door." Came Robbie's reply, eyes narrowed.
"Oh. Well. They must have changed their supplier, because it usually tastes like dishwater." Serena gave a smile, forcing herself to take another gulp of the dishwater coffee in her cup.
Robbie replied with a smile before moving to sit on the edge of his seat. "Listen, I've got two tickets for-"
"Is that the time!" Bernie jumped from her desk, eyes still on the wall clock as though to emphasize she was, in fact, shocked that it was indeed half past 10. "We've got a meeting with Hanssen in a minute, Serena."
Biting back a smile, Serena gave a solemn nod, offering Robbie an apologetic smile. "Sorry. I'd better go, you know what he's like about punctuality. It's been lovely to see you. And thank you for the coffee!"
Smiling, Robbie stood. "My pleasure. It was lovely to see you too."
As he leant forward to drop a kiss to her cheek, Serena found herself being propelled onto the ward by a certain Bernie Wolfe, who then grabbed her upper arm to urge her to walk at a faster pace away from their office.
"You do know that Henrik isn't working today?" Serena asked, risking a glance towards her colleague though she feared a laugh might trip its way over her lips again.
"Yes, I know. Keep walking." Bernie responded in a low voice.
"…Where exactly are we walking to? Ah, the store cupboard. Yes, I always have my meetings with absent hospital administrators in store cupboards." Serena nodded wisely as she was once more propelled, this time into a room full of scrubs, the door shut forcefully.
Realising her thoughts and intentions were probably now very well understood by the woman in front of her, Bernie brushed the hair from her forehead and let out a long sigh. "Sorry." She finally offered. "I just…sorry."
"Oh, it's fine. I haven't made anyone jealous in a long time. It's quite refreshing, actually." Serena's voice sparkled with amusement which matched the twinkle in her eye as she watched the blush creeping up Bernie's neck.
"It's not funny." Bernie responded, resting against the front of a cabinet, unable to look at her colleague.
"It is a bit, Bernie." Serena finally gave a proper laugh, and despite herself a smile pulled at Bernie's lips, but it faded when Serena added. "I liked Robbie. In fact, I still like Robbie. He made me laugh until I had tears in my eyes, he liked to buy shiraz and I liked to drink shiraz, he liked the terrible foreign movies that no one else would ever see with me. He was a lovely…companion."
Bernie let out a long, unsteady breath, her heart breaking slowly, painfully into a million tiny shards. "Serena-"
"Let me finish." Serena interrupted gently. "He was a lovely companion, but there were some important things missing from our relationship. For a start, he had no interest in having anything to do with Jason, but we also didn't have something that I never realized I needed until I met you. That…warm, fuzzy, happy feeling in the pit of my stomach when we're alone in a room just being silent together."
Bernie risked a look up through her eyelashes and found Serena watching her intently. After their kiss, several weeks ago now, and a few days of dancing around the subject, they'd agreed to take things slowly and see how it went. Unfortunately for Bernie, that meant falling even more in love with the woman before her, and soon even the tiniest touch or look or kiss felt to Bernie like something intensely significant in her life. So when she saw Robbie that morning and heard that he wanted to see Serena, the thought of losing those moments had felt too much. Her life had been in turmoil for such a long time, and Serena felt like her only anchor. "I like Jason." Was what Bernie finally offered.
This brought a snorting laugh from Serena. "I know, and I know why. When either of you get something in your head, it gets stuck there even if it's completely wrong." Walking past Bernie, Serena rested her hand on the door handle. "Can we go back to work now, please, so our colleagues don't think we've come in here to do something entirely unrelated to store rooms?"
"Such as?" Bernie asked, the old twinkle back in her eyes as she finally looked up fully towards the woman in front of her.
"Out, Major." Serena opened the door, gesturing for the blonde to walk through it ahead of her.
"Funny, I thought I was the one 'out' already?" Bernie muttered mischievously as she walked from the store room, her earlier worry apparently forgotten.
Rolling her eyes, Serena exited behind her and shut the door. The indomitable Ms Wolfe could be insufferable at times.