An Ode to the Devil's Panties
Kimbley trapezed into the immaculate bedroom of Lieutenant Colonel Frank Archer. His commanding officer was out for the night, probably rubbing his elbows with other higher ups. The Crimson Alchemist was rather careful not to nudge any of the furniture, as the nearly albino man would surely notice that disturbance in the force.
He strode over to the jackpot—the mahogany drawer on the other side of the room. He looked in side the top drawer, where the underwear cache was, most likely.
Kimbley's anticipation and excitement was quickly met with utter disappointment, and socks. Argyle socks. But lo, the man did not abandon hope. He searched the rest of the containers---to no avail! Underwear! Underwear! He wanted to see Frank Archer's underwear!
But where—under the bed! That's where all the monsters hide! And clearly these monsters had stolen Frank's underwear! The Crimson Alchemist poked his head under the bed, his golden eyes scanning the mostly-empty space until he came upon a cardboard box---no---an entire stash of cardboard boxes. He grabbed the one nearest to him and looked at the contents.
What was contained within the box showed Kimbley the heaven he'd been denied for so long. All the colors of paradise mingled together in the container---red, yellow, orange, pink, mint. He took the crimson undergarment out, holding it as if it were a gift from the very gods themselves. The material was lacy, smooth, and enchanting in its curves and patterns. Zolf sniffed the fabric, which had a distinct lavender odor.
Yes, this was his heaven, his paradise, his Shangri-La. And yet, it was tarnished by sin---the Devil's panties. It was then that he realized that there were at least four more boxes underneath Archer's bed. Yes! No great ecstasy could be---
"Kimbley???" An alarmed voice filled the room, painting the Mad Bomber in the color of guilt. "W-What are you doing here??"
Zolf's worst fear—realized.
"Erm, you see…"
Ah yes, the Devil's panties. Kimbley only hoped he wouldn't be banished from Eden.