Hey guys its me , this an Auslly one shot ... 2,674 words guys wow ! I'm proud of myself .. So , I struggled through these past weeks , But I'm okay now ..
I bought the book , Fault in our stars , oh my god ... Its amazing I cried ... You guys need to read the book .
And finals are coming up to me ... Great .. Not really .
So guys I hope you guys enjoy this on shot and please pleassse review . OK bye guys and there will be warnings in to one shot , so be careful
If anyone is struggling through somthing , PM ... I will be there for you . and get some help , I struggle through to but , it may not be easy to find the right road , but I promise you
It will get better , I promise guys .
Silence all we heard were the breathing of hope in air , but it was silent . How did we get here so fast and how did everything fall apart , how did it get late so soon.
The beach waves crash like a screaming wailing , I'm holding on the edge .
My mind so full of thoughts and the pain in my heart , how can a heart feel so shattered. Take a deep breathe and say a prayer... Sometimes it helps .
But all I thought was
Jump.
" Is this honestly where I have to stand ."
I look at him , wondering if he will ever like me . I see him talking to Cassidy and her best friends , the popular click .
I don't have anybody ... they have all ... Went away . I walk over to Austin
" hey Austin " , I tell him and Cassidy turns her head toward me with her girls
" ew it's Dawson " , Brooke said while getting look of disgust
" nobody likes you " , Cassidy says and walks away with Austin and the girls . I just stood there for a minute lost in my thoughts .
I went to the bathroom to meet Cassidy , she gives a glare that's burning in my eyes .
" Ally , if you want Austin to like you , well change yourself , and were talking about your face , your legs , your stomach, and your arms , that's all you have to do "
She walks out the bathroom , but saying something
" cut down on the pasta " . I guess Cassidy was right , I was fat and the only way for Austin to notice me is to change myself into a beautiful sexy person .
6:59 AM
I started doing things ... I walked into my bathroom and traced the outline of my scars ... One by one
I would count them and flashbacks would run into my head .
7:00 AM
He would be in my head , I would wake up at the middle of the night screaming his name at the top of my lungs even if I would crack my voice .
But he never came ..
" here's to the night "
Walking to school , the same routine .
As I was walking home I noticed him on his guitar sitting on the porch , I missed him . I was praying so hard not to cry while walking and try to not let him notice me .
One by one I felt the music wash away my thoughts , but tears came slipping down my cheeks . this is where he left me crying on my knees ,
Where he told me he didn't love anymore , where I couldn't breathe . the high way I prayed for him to come back , but the night ...
He never looked back .
I was walking silently and slowly , I could feel his eyes on me . I finally turned around and told him something that I wanted to know .
" why..."
And with that I left , never looking back .
120
i walked on a weight scale , I weighed myself and it said 120 pounds
' its too much " , I whispers to myself while falling to the ground sobbing my eyes out .
" Its fine"
The next day at school , she walked into her class and saw him , but also saw he best friends Trish hanging out with the populate with Austin .
It was easy for them to leave , very easy . For me I didn't care that they left me , it was fine for them and me .
Deep down I knew it wasn't okay .
" Popping pills in my mouth"
I was sitting on the ground by a tree after school , with my gray sweater over my body .
" hey Ally , I didn't get the problem number 7 on that math worksheet " , Marcy comes by and asks
me.
She looks at me
" hey its warm outside , why are you wearing a sweater "? I looked at her and answered 3 words
" I'm just cold " , but my mind inside my head answered I don't want you to see my scars .
" She still wakes up in the middle of the night
Crying his name out
Missing him ... Her heart still aches for him "
" Austin...Au...Austin " , I feel tears start to slip down my bruised cheeks , I got up from my bed and start sobbing his name , missing him so much my heart aches .
" why...w..why.." , I whispered to myself
I still missed him , I don't think I can ever let go ...
112
I weighed myself before I went to school that day . I weighed 112 pounds , I only lost 8 pounds . it wasn't enough ...
It never was .
"And all of the sudden
I felt like
The world drained me , for everything I had "
I embarrassed myself again in front of Austin , I was a stupid idiot .
" watch were the fuck your going Dawson ! " , Cassidy said at me while pushing me on the ground . I didn't let this tears fall .
" oh my ... You lost a little bit of weight , don't worry honey you'll get there " , she smirked at me and left in class , the tardy bell already rang , so I just got up and left the school doors .
I felt like I was sucked in the world .
"So ... What am I supposed to say ,
When I'm all choked up
And your okay .. "
I can't believe I knocked on the door , and his mom opened the door
" Ally " , she smiled at me and hugged me , I did need a hug , I thought to myself
" Hi Mrs. Moon " , i told her and returned the hug . She said me down and talked to me aaboutwhy me and Austin aren't friends anymore
I didn't answer her questions. She told me I could go to Austin's room , she told m he wrote a song. I walked slowly up to his room , feeling a little dizzy , so I held on the railing .
As , I walked into his room , I felt like crying ... I looked at his pictures , they were of him and his family , trih and dez , but what really hurt my heart
They're weren't pictures of me ... Or us .
" what were you doing in my room ? " , I heard his voice .. His strong void that I loved and still love . I turn around and meet his face .
" I'm sorry ... your mom let me in ,I'll just go " , I told him and I walks out , I thought he would run after me ,
He didn't . I ran with tears in my eyes
" Ally sweetie , are you okay ? " , Mrs. Moon walks over to me as she saw the tears down my cheeks .
I left out the doors .
That night I cried all my tears , in a silent way . I made two more cuts on my wrists and thighs .
I skipped lunch and dinner .
I was all alone in this house , my dad left me and my mom well she committed suicide when I was a little girl .
Every night I would cry , I remember my mom sing me a lullaby
Sing me to sleep
Say you'll be my Nightingale
Now , I couldn't even sing it without crying . I therw up today , holding my stomach while not trying to faint .
Trish , Dez , Austin , and me where in groups for science . they all looked better and happier , I tried to fake a smile at them , so hard not trying to feel that pain in my heart.
I didn't talk to them , but Trish asked me a question today , that I always wanted to hear .
" Ally , are ..you okay ? " , but the only words I said was
" I'm fine " .
I was working on the science experiment , I was getting supplies , when I walks back to my table , j felt my knees get weak and my head started to spin . My hands started shaking , so nobody noticed so I sat down on the floor Holding my stomach .
The bell rang and I thought one of them would try to find me ,but they got up . the teacher wasn't there .. So I got up and went to the bathroom .. I threw up.
"What do I say when tears are freaking down my face and the one that means the most , didn't show "
It was my 17th birthday and I was alone ... I look at the cupcake on the plate , I don't bother to eat it , So I just put it away .
I took a deep breath and suddenly the tears stream down my face ... I thought he would be here ... I fell to the ground and sobbed ...
"I thought he'd be here " , I whispered to myself.
" You left me at the edge of the cliff "
The next day .. I walked back home passing his street , I really wanted to ask him why he didn't show up?
No...
Maybe...
I felt myself walking slowly over there and I looked up and he was on the porch playing his guitar .
" hey ..a..Austin " , I told him in a shaky voice and he looked at me with those hazel eyes , oh how I missed his eyes .
" what do you want " , he snapped at me , I guess I annoyed him while he busing playing his guitar .
" um..yesterday was my birthday and I thought.. Well..you would've been there ? " , I told him
" well I wasn't ok " , he replied
" why? " , I asked him
" cause you annoy me so much , plus there was a party yesterday , so I went " , he told me and the first words pinched my heart .
" ... " , I was silent while staring at the ground . I felt so small , I annoyed him ... Maybe that's why he left .
" I'm sorry Austin... I'll go " , I told him and walked away slowly to my lonely house .
As , I got to my house . I shut the door and slid down on it crying .
" he left me at the edge " , I whispered to myself .
109
I weighed myself in the morning ... 109 pounds , it wasn't good enough .
" And when I hit the floor , will you be there for me "
In the morning my legs felt wobbly And I felt to the ground , but soon I got back up and left for school .
I found out he got a girlfriend ... Cassidy . I felt like my heart broke when I heard the news . the wwere walking Hand in hand , it crashed my heart when I saw him kiss her .
I mean , she was very beautiful and I wasn't . she was skinny and I wasn't . she wasn't annoying to him , I was
she was special ... I was nothing . I understood why he would pick her .
" I'm broken "
I was walking .. I didn't hear music ... I stopped in my tracks and watched , I saw the guitar .. I wanted to play some music on it ... But I couldn't.
The door opened and I saw Mrs. Moon smile a sad smile at me
" Ally dear , you can come in " , she told me
" no its fine , I better get going " , I told her and she said something to me
" Ally are you okay dear " , she whispered and I looked at her she had tears running down her face
" I'm fine , why wouldn't I be ? " , I told her
" Ally what are you doing to yourself , your hurting yourself " , she told me
" I promise I'm okay , you don't need to worry about me " , I told her and I left home .
I found out I wasn't ok .
90
I weighed myself today again ... I'm at 90 pounds , its still no enough . I put on a baggy sweater over my myself today covering my cuts , brusies , and scars .
Its time
I didn't know why happens today at school .. I broke down in front of the class and felltl the ground . everybody looked at me ... Austin looked at me and Cassidy gave me a smirk , and she walked by me and whispered in my ear
" your there " and she left with Austin . I ran out of the class and ran out the doors of the school passing Austin's house .
I broke down on the side walk screaming and crying
" Why mom , why did you leave me , why .. You said this was going to be easy , you always by my side , why aren't you by side now , why ..." ,
I saw com out the door crying and running over to me ,
" Ally honey , its okay " , she whispered while choking on her tears
" it's not okay
, I don't have anybody that cares about me , why did she leave me , why did she , why did she leave me when I needs her at the most ! " ,
I heard footsteps closer to us and I saw Austin looking at me , I couldn't handle it anymore , I got up and started running .
I heard screams callingm name , but I kept running ...
I came by the dock and saw the water down .
Silence all we heard were the breathing of hope in air , but it was silent . How did I get here so fast and how did everything fall apart , how did it get late so soon.
The beach waves crash like a screaming wailing , I'm holding on the edge .
My mind so full of thoughts and the pain in my heart , how can a heart feel so shattered. Take a deep breathe and say a prayer... Sometimes it helps .
But all I thought was
Jump. I got on top of the railing while holding on the edge and I has tears coming down my cheeks , my vision blurred ...
I was getting ready to jump when. I heard voices
" Ally ! "
I turned my head towards the noise , it was Austin and his mom ,
" oh my god " , she said while grabbing her phone and calling someone ... I turned around to the water the wind slowly blew in my face and whispered to me
" its time to let go " I took one last deep breath
" Ally please don't think about it " , Austin said while coming closer
" So , now you talk to me Austin , why now , when I'm ready to let all of this go , I needed you Austin ! You weren't there .. I needed you the most ... I was lost .. I was brusied Austin ! I was heart broken .. I was fucking broken and you left me at the edge , and now your going to seem me jump to the Edge!"
" Ally please I needed you too , its just ...commplicated and its not easy " , he said
" was it easy to not com to my birthday ... Was it easy to leave me that night , it pretty sure it was easy for you " , I told him
" Ally please , don't do it ... please ...Ally..I..lo..love...you " , he had tears come down his cheeks
" No Austin ... It's.. too..late " , I told him and he came to me , I heard noises comes it was the police ...
I looked in the water and I looked back at Austin while tears came down my cheeks
" I'm sorry..Austin, goodbye " , I told him .
I jumped ...
In slow motion
I closed my eyes and waited for the impact of the wafer to drown me , but
I didn't feel it ...
I felt someone body holding me in there arms .
I opened my eyes and I saw a crying Austin , I looked at crying ,
" she's okay guys " , I saw one off the police guards say to his guys.
Austin caught me from falling ..
I lifted up Austin's head
And he looked at me with tears in his eyes
In that moment
I missed him ... In my arms ..
I noticed something on Austin's wrist
A scar ...
" I missed you Ally , ..so much " , he told me
He had scars
...
We both had scars ...
...
We both were hurting ...
...
He kissed me passiontly and gentle ...
I knew everything was ok .
He held my hand
" okay " , he said to me while looking in my eyes
Maybe okay will be our always
" okay " , I said .
fin.