Naughty Walrus Wrestling

Episode 1: 5-28-08

This is, as one can obviously tell, a fantasy wrestling federation. This federation is run with assistance from SmackDown vs. RAW 2008 (in order to maintain a level of uncertainty, all matches are run on SmackDown vs. RAW 2008 to determine the winner unless the match ends through interference or on rare occasions that I will clearly mark at the end of the show). The federation is Naughty Walrus Wrestling (owned by a fictional Naughty Walrus Corporation), hence WWE characters such as Vince McMahon or Jerry "The King" Lawler will not appear; WWE Wrestlers will, however, make up the majority of the roster. Past feuds from WWE should be taken into account when reading our shows, but we will try to emphasize this as separate from WWE.

Matches are not written out, rather, only information relevant to plotlines is written out along with the match and its result in bold.

The arena sports a large crowd for its first television taping, which is no doubt due to the many famous names that the new wrestling organization has already signed to its roster. Despite the many famous names, however, the fans are somewhat quieter than one would expect; no one has seen the way the new federation is run and they are reserving their judgment.

Suddenly instrumental music blares through the arena while a man in a three-piece suit walks out to the ring with two similarly dresses assistants. He enters the ring and pulls out a microphone and gives the quiet crowd a smile before beginning his address.

"Ladies and gentlemen, good evening," the well dressed man began, "welcome to the first taping of NW Wrestling! My name is Staples Parkers, and I was made the first General Manager of this roster. Everything you see here tonight was organized, more or less, by me. I can't help feeling, though, that you don't really care about all that. I can't help feeling that you would like me to just keep it short and sweet, so here are the general things you need to know.

There are three divisions in our roster. There is the General Heavyweight Division, the Intensity Division, and the Tag Division. As of right now none of these divisions have champions. By the end of the month we intend for all of these divisions to have champions. And by the end of this very night we intend for one of these divisions to have a champion.

Tonight there will be a Fatal Four Way match in the General Heavyweight Division to decide the first contender for the NWW Heavyweight Championship!" GM Parker paused as the crowd erupted into cheers, pleased that the crowd was growing more interested in the show. "And we will crown our first Intensity Division Champion here in this very ring, tonight! With a triple threat ladder match!" The crowd erupted into cheers once again.

"Let's get started with a match between two powerhouses of our General Heavyweight Division: Dave Bautista vs. Bobby Lashley!"

The fans began cheering as two familiar names were called out; most of the fans remembered both of the former champions and a large portion of the crowd were fans of both competitors. Then the fans were shown the first oddity that many were not used to. Instead of both men coming out individually, both competitors walked out to the ring side by side with each struggling early on to win the crowd over to their side.

Once in the ring both men were instructed to stand at corners of the ring opposite each other and await the bell. An announcer addressed the crowd while the two wrestlers stared each other down.

"In one corner we have, weighing 290 pounds, from Washington D.C.: Dave Bautista!" Dave Bautista smiled at the cheering crowd while the announcer waited a short time before continuing. "In the other corner, weighing 273 pounds, from Colorado Springs, Colorado: Bobby Lashley!" The fans cheered for Lashley, though Lashley remained focused on his opponent. The bell rang and the two men began their fight.

The match remains mostly back and forth until Lashley gains a clear advantage with a spear. Bautista basically becomes a punching bag for a few minutes until Lashley's guard begins to drop. Once Bautista sees his opportunity he begins a vicious comeback that leave Lashley's face crimson. Bautista delivers a sitout powerbomb to the bloody Bobby Lashley and pins him. Lashley is too tired to kick out and only struggles in vain as Bautista picks up the win.

Bobby Lashley vs. Dave Bautista: Dave Bautista

The camera turns on backstage as a woman is standing backstage with CM Punk. A banner appears naming the woman as Alice Williams. CM Punk stands with her wearing an arrogant smile while the woman begins the interview. Alice looks into the camera and begins speaking, "Hi everyone! I'm Alice Williams backstage right now with CM Punk, one of our stars in the Intensity Division! Now, I've was told to interview you because you happen to be one of the competitors in tonight's Intensity Division Title match. Tell us what you think your chances are and tell us a little bit about the competition tonight."

CM Punk smiles into the camera and then turns back to Alice to give his response. "Tell me, Alice, have you ever just met a group of people who suck? I'm not talking about them being bad at a particular thing like wrestling or thinking; I'm talking about people who just don't deal well with life. I'm talking about the kind of people who can't get through the day without raising their BAC a little, or the kind of people that seem to always have women-who look like they were paid-hanging on their shoulder. I have to tell you, professional wrestling is full of these kind of people: drunk, weak-willed, unfocused people who spend their days wasting their potential. You know what, Alice, I'm sick of seeing these people in professional wrestling, because I love pro wrestling and don't want to see undeserving people like that hold belts! I am drug free! My only addiction is competition! Tonight I am going to walk out of here a champion because everyone else in this place is too busy indulging their vices to hold a candle to me!" CM Punk looks at the camera then turns to walk away, leaving Alice a little surprised at the passionate response she received.

The fight carries with Jeff Hardy seeming to have an advantage in the match. Jeff manages to throw Punk out of the ring and sets up the ladder. He climbs up the ladder when Carlito manages to crawl to his feet. Carlito attacks Hardy and Hardy falls from the ladder, though the ladder remains standing. CM Punk rushes into the ring while they are fighting and manages to overpower them. Punk quickly climbs the ladder and grabs the belt and jumps down the first NWW Intensity Champion.

CM Punk vs. Carlito vs. Jeff Hardy: CM Punk

Edge sits comfortably backstage while a camera comes on and places Edge's face on the TitanTron. Edge gives the crowd an arrogant smile before beginning his speech. "Well ladies and gentlemen, love me, hate me, guess what, I'm here and I'm already in the running for championship gold! As you've already been told, we have a fatal four way match tonight to determine the first contender for the Heavyweight Championship. Guess who's in it? Yours truly.

Let's not stop there, though, I have a list here with me of the other potential contenders. Why don't we just go down the list, shall we? First off we have Kane; I don't really see much need to discuss why I'm better than Kane. What has Kane ever really done that would put him on my level? His only claim to fame is having a big brother who has actually accomplished something. No real threat from the Big Red Machine, I'm afraid.

Next on the list, Shawn Michaels. Ooh, the Heartbreak Kid, himself. I can guarantee it has been a long time since he broke hearts and a long time since he could call himself a "kid." You're over forty years old, Shawn. I'm afraid you're just not a threat, old man.

Finally, my last competitor tonight. John Cena. I have proven that I can beat John Cena, and tonight I will defeat Cena! In fact, here's my promise to all of you here tonight. I will not pin Michaels, I will not pin Kane, tonight I will pin John Cena!" Edge smiles as the camera fades out.

Edge spears John Cena while Shawn Michaels is recovering outside. Edge smiles at Cena and pins him, but soon finds himself pulled up by his hair. Kane drags Edge to his feet and delivers a Chokeslam. Kane turns around to receive Sweet Chin Music. Kane falls to the ground as Cena slowly rises. Michaels delivers another Sweet Chin Music to Cena before pinning him.

John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Edge vs. Kane: Shawn Michaels

Edge stared at the celebrating Shawn Michaels in utter disbelief. His shock soon turned to anger and he slid out of the ring and came back in with a chair. Cena was still down, but Kane had risen by the point and was recovering in the corner. Edge tried to deliver a chair shot to Michaels' face, but the Heart Break Kid ducked and Edge accidentally hit Kane just as he turned around. Kane was out cold and Michaels left the ring while Edge looked at the fallen Kane with fear. The screen fades as the Naughty Walrus logo flashes across the screen.

This was the first episode of my Naughty Walrus Wrestling. Naturally feedback is important to me as I see what people like and what people don't. This first episode was a bit rushed, but hopefully you all enjoyed it. - The Naughty Walrus