Kisses and questions
Three kisses. Each and every one was different in itself. But one thing's for certain: I don't regret them! I won't ever regret them!
The first kiss was to say goodbye. He was dying in my arms and I couldn't help but wish for this one chance to feel his lips against my own. And that's why I kissed him. Not out of pity or anything. No, it was purely for my own desire.
The second kiss took me somewhat by surprise. He kissed me, and it actually was everything a kiss should be. It was so beautiful. He poured all his love, desire and longing in it. But it still remained somewhat chaste considering he's this passionate person. The kiss almost made my cry because of its beauty and the fact that I felt overwhelmed by it and by my own feelings.
The third kiss was purely passion and desire. I didn't plan on kissing him, especially since I've told him just a few weeks ago that he shouldn't kiss me. But there he was, this beautiful man. He looked haunted and lonely, and I wanted nothing more than to ease his pain. He always sacrificed himself for the ones he loves, though he would never admit to it. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. When he lay down next to me, I was hardly able to breathe, especially when he took my hand in his... I should have known that I were not able to run from him. He followed me. And the moment he whispered my name... The battle inside of me was lost. I feverishly embraced and kissed him. All my attraction towards him, my longing, passion and love for him - I poured it into this kiss. And he answered it equally. The kiss made me forget everything else. There was only him and myself. Everything else had disappeared. For I've never been kissed like that before. I never wanted that kiss to end. But it did...
It's confusing. I don't want to hurt anybody. But at the same time I know, that I have to make a decision, cause what I'm doing right now... It's not fair to any of us.
I know I love Damon. But I still love Stefan, too. But to what extend? I mean it's like I told Matt: "In the beginning there was something about Stefan, that just felt safe. It was like I knew he would never stop loving me. Like he would never... die. Damon... sort of snuck up upon me. He got under my skin, and no matter what I do, I just can't shake him." And then he told me something I'll probably never forget: "Once you fall in love with someone I don't know if you can ever shake him."
Maybe that's the answer to my question. But am I brave enough to take a chance?