Sunsets, Tears and Turning Circles: The Cutting Edge
This is my little fic for one of my all time favorite movies. I own nothing. Damn!
I'm driving home from work
Knowing you're not there
I used to hurry home
Now I don't even care
I'm in my car driving home from an interview with Sports Illustrated. I'm driving slow cause I have nothing left to rush home too. Doug is gone. He went back to Mayhorn. He said he was done figure skating, that he got a job coaching hockey. He also said that although he loves me, I'm not what he needs. He left this morning. He walked out to the taxi with the autumn leaves crunching beneath his feet. It's nearly dusk now. I can see the sun beginning its journey behind the mountains.
The sun is in my eyes
So I can't see
But when it sinks down behind the mountains
It's gonna be
My first night without you
My first night without you
As the sun is nearing completion of it's descent behind the mountains, I pull into the driveway. It's hard knowing that when I walk into the house he won't be there waiting. I'm quite near crying as I the door to the house. I drop my purse on a table near the door and leave the house again. I walk in the near darkness to the rink. I turn on the lights, take off my shoes and pull on my skates. I start skating around in large slow circles. I miss my footing and feel myself falling to the cold hard ice. Even though the ice feels so cold through my jeans I can't even be bothered to get up and just sit there thinking about Doug. It's so many random memories. Like us just sitting on the railing around the rink talking or the time we went jogging together after we had started dating and we sang the stupidest songs, like Henry the Eighth.
I sit her like a fool
Remembering everything
The way we used to talk
The songs that we used to sing
I finally stand up and skate over to the side. I pull off my skates and put my shoes back on. I begin the walk back over to the house. It's completely dark now and it must be near midnight. I enter the house and the lights are all out, meaning my father is asleep. I don't want to turn on any of the lights but luckily I know the house like the back of my hand. I walk up the stairs and into our . . . my room. I turn on the lights and sit on the bed. The only thing I can think about is Doug. I should try not to because he is in my past, but I just can't.
I gotta try and leave
The past behind
But my memory is so good
I think that I'm losing my mind
My first night without you
And I wonder how I'll get through
I switch off the lights and lay back in the sheets. I haven't bothered changing out of my jeans. What's the point anymore? The bed still smells like him. Oh God, I can't start crying now. I didn't cry when he told me he was leaving. I didn't cry when he left. Why do I feel like crying now? I'm not the type to cry. I just need to stop thinking about everything. Just clear my head and get some sleep. I pull the sheets over me and close my eyes, but sleep doesn't come.
Will I be able to sleep
Will I lie in bed and weep
What if I forget and reach for you
Will I dream about you
My first night
My first night
My first night without you
I feel tears coming and I just lie there and cry myself to sleep. My dreams are filled with him. He has his back turned to me and I keep calling his name but he won't turn around. I hear him say my name softly. "Kate." He says it again, "Kate." I smile and then I feel a hand on my arm, shaking me lightly. "Kate, wake up." I wake up and turn to look at who's shaking me. "I couldn't stay away," he says. I should be so angry with him but I reach out to him. We embrace while I murmur, "I didn't know how I'd get through my first night without you." We hold each other close and drift into sleep. I wake up and feel his arms wrapped around me. And I know I'll never go through another night like that. Another night without him.