-1Dawn of the Dead from the Neck Up

Chapter 1: Before the invasion.

A/N: Here's my first M-rated story that's actually a comedy. Basically, as you can tell by the first four words "Dawn of the Dead", it's about zombies. However, the last four words, "from the Neck Up" refer to Ed's stupidity, Eddy's semi-stupidity, and Edd's rarely stupidity. In fact, you can say it's a zomcom. Anyways, the Eds try to stop the zombies, and get some jawbreakers along the way. Can they succeed? Let's hope so.

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October 30th: 6:59pm. 24 hours and one minute before the invasion.

Everyone as preparing for Halloween the next day. They were deciding who to go as what, and what decorations to put up. Little do they know what's happening the next day….

Ed, Edd and Eddy were at the costume shop, choosing their costumes. Or, at least Ed and Eddy were. Edd, who decided to opt out for the year, decided to come along, to make sure they don't get into trouble. And also, to prevent what happened last time, they locked up all of Ed's horror films. They then exited the shop. "So, what did you get?" Edd was curious, as if he was a parent-figure.

"I got a Bill… Cowell?" Ed had difficulty with saying the lead singer of Tokio hotel's surname

"Kaulitz." Edd corrected Ed.

"Thanks." Ed said. "Anyway, I got a costume of him. What about you, Eddy?"

"All I got there was a treat bag." Eddy looked inside his carrier bag. "I'm going as zombie Elvis again."

"As you have been for the past two years?" Edd sighed.

"Hey! I'll go as something else next year." Eddy started to raise his voice as he pointed at Edd.

"You've been saying that for the past two years." Edd retorted.

Eddy couldn't come up with a counter-argument. So, pissed off as he was, he muttered "Shut up." whilst crossing his arms. "If anything, why aren't you doing Halloween this year?"

"I just don't feel like doing it this year. I'm still trying to forget about last year." Edd explained.

"Yeah. And afterwards, we beat Ed up, even though it was his fault." Eddy grumbled. "Stupid goof."

"I think we should be going back now." Edd checked his watch. Everybody agreed with the genius, and went home to prepare for the next day.

October 31st: 7:00am. 12 hours before the invasion.

The sun was shining behind some clouds on a quite tepid October morn, and the Eds were getting ready in their own different ways:

Ed was sleeping in, waiting until the last minute to rush for the bus. This happened so many times in the last month, that they're planning to get him an alarm clock. They might wait until his birthday, which was a couple of months away. But, if Ed's late for the rest of the week, they might as well suspend him for the rest of the year.

Edd was up bright and early. He was brushing his teeth with some new toothpaste his mother bought him. He was changed into his traditional clothes, and decided to walk to school early. After his teeth were clean, he grabbed his bag, and got what he needed to for the day. He opened the door, and stepped out of his house.

Eddy, on the other hand, was still half-asleep. He yawned, and got out of bed. He had a shower, then made some breakfast: two slices of toast (one undercooked, the other overcooked) and a carton of orange juice which was two days past it's best before. He gulped down the drink, before starting on the toast. "Goes down like a nice cup of warm puke" he moaned. And, like Edd, he stepped out of his house. But, being neat and tidy like Edd, his shirt was inside out, and his trousers were on his head.

But, in his somnambulistic state, he crashed into Ed's house, where he fell into Ed's room's window, which suddenly grew in size. He ended up falling into the chair, where, once he got out, his clothes were on normally. And he didn't feel so tired. "Wake up, Ed!" He slapped Ed on the head.

Ed mumbled before getting up. "Hiya Eddy!" He climbed out of bed, got changed, and the two set off for school, which they both hated… in a way…

October 31st:12pm. 7 hours until the invasion

The lunch bell rang. So the Eds went to the cafeteria to enjoy their meals. Edd made his own: A cheese sandwich, no crusts, cut diagonally, and a bottle of water. Whilst Ed and Eddy were tallying up how much they had, so they can buy some grub. For a change, Eddy had enough money, but unfortunately for Ed, he only had a button and a mint to his name.

"At least the mint's edible" Ed proclaimed, not noticing it was full of lint, fluff, and other unmentionables found in Ed's pocket. He then put it in his mouth, whilst rummaging for hairs.

Eddy sat down next his best mate, carrying a tray. It was empty, sadly. But he decided to eat it, anyway. He took a huge bite out of it, before spitting it out. "I should've paid more attention in ecology class." He whined. "How was I supposed to know that wood doesn't taste good."

Ed snickered. "Wood." He sighed.

"What's so funny?" Eddy was starting to grow angry.

"Nothing, Eddy!" He yelped, before bolting it. In fact, he made a hole through the wall, and broke through the principal's office. He was relaxing in his chair after he finished some paperwork. When Ed rushed out, he picked up his phone and dialled a number. "Hello? I might need to you fix a hole in my wall?" It was obvious that he was calling a repairman, and it was more obvious that the principal is Danny, but in human form. "It's human-sized."

In the hallway, Kevin was walking down the hallway with Nazz and Rolf. They were discussing about day-to-day stuff, and what happened last night, all that crap. However, out of presumably nowhere, Ed ran over Kevin, before he tripped over a lace, and crashed through the floor. He passed the Kankers before ending up in China. "Woah, dude." He gazed around the area, before someone jumped on him, and caused him hurtling back into Peach Creek.

"Rolf must take more of his aspirins." The son of a shepherd made a note to self.

October 31st: 3pm. 4 hours until the invasion.

The home time bell rang. Everyone rushed out of the doors, but when Ed and Rolf tried to get out at the same time, they both got wedged in them. "Smart-as-peanuts Ed boy." Rolf began. "Will you kindly move your posterior So Rolf can go?"

"Peanuts are smart?" Ed wondered.

"Ed, try and get the fuck out." Eddy crossed his arms as he was preparing to kick his yellow friend out. He eventually did kick someone in the arse. Unfortunately, it was Rolf. He shrieked as he fell face first into the woods nearby. But at least Ed wasn't trapped.

"I'll go home and prepare the cupcakes of sorriness." Edd dashed home. As he said 'cupcake', Ed and Eddy started to drool, and the genius skidded to a halt. "You're not getting any." The drooling faces changed into frowns.

"You bastard." Eddy whinged.

"Swearing won't get you anywhere, Eddy." Edd scolded Eddy.

Edd ran home to do his job, which was to bake the cupcakes of sorriness on behalf of Eddy. Ed and Eddy went home to prepare for the evening. "I like my Simon Cowell costume" Ed instantly forgotten the name of the Tokio Hotel lead singer. Again.

"Yeah…" Eddy began, but was abruptly ended by Rolf returning and punching Eddy in the groin. Ouch!

"The cucpcakes of sorriness must be made!" Rolf beckoned.

"Double D's making them." Eddy wheezed, whilst grabbing himself. After Rolf left the scene, Eddy checked something. "Let's see. One, two." He was checking to see if his testes were still there "Yup, they're both here. Ed?"

"Yes, Eddy?" Ed wanted to know what his small friend wanted.

"Remind me to whack Rolf in the balls with a golf club." Eddy was no longer wheezing, but he still was in pain. He waddled off home. Ed shrugged and mimicked Eddy, except he went back to his house. It was a bit like a 'Walk This Way' bit.

October 31st: 4:30pm. 3 and a half hours until the invasion.

Edd had finished baking the cupcakes of sorriness. After they had cooled down, he put them on a tray, and disguised them as something disgusting, namely broccoli and Brussels sprout flavoured crisps. This kept his dim friends away. He rang Rolf's doorbell and presented them. "These are for you, Rolf."

"Rolf doesn't acknowledge the meaning of this word." He pointed to a specific word.

"What, crisps?" Edd was confused, but he shook it off. "That was a front to prevent Ed and Eddy eating them."

"Oh-ho!" The blue-haired foreigner got it. "The midget-Ed boy, and the yellow-as-squash Ed boy made some too." Rolf grabbed the tray. "But thanks, though." He slammed the door on Edd's face.

"It isn't nice to call short people 'midgets'!" The hatted genius yelled before storming off in a huff.

Inside, Rolf was preparing for some late night harvesting. "Buckets." He pointed his pen at some buckets. "Check." He then pointed his pen at a lantern. "Light source. Check."

Suddenly, he spotted Wilfred squealing. He went outside, to see more of his animals gone berserk. All because Ed was trying to chicken-nap some hens. "Hiya, Rolf! He waved before legging it.

"You shall fear my wrath, Ed boy!" Rolf screeched.

"Not again!" Edd might've been off screen, but that didn't prevent him from being inaudible. He didn't want to make any more cupcakes of sorriness.

October 31st: 6pm. One hour until the invasion

Ed and Eddy were nearly ready. They had just gotten their costumes on, and were nearly ready to hit the town. "Ed, get ready for the biggest amounts of candy you've ever seen!"

"Spook-E-Ville again, Eddy?" Edd opened the door, having eavesdropped on everything.

"Nah, I'm no longer trusting my brother." Eddy replied.

"You're doing it normally."

"Yeah."

"Wait a minute." Ed actually thought. "I thought you weren't trick or treating, Double D."

"I might come along to make sure you don't get into any trouble." Edd instantly became the overprotective parent everybody hates.

"Fine. But you're not getting any candy."

"Can we just get on with the plot?" Ed was starting to get bored. Very OOC for him, but still…

"Alright." Danny boomed, before he zapped Ed.

Little do they know, zombies were upon them.

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A/N: Not much of a start, I know. And Halloween's only 28 days away (not a reference to 28 Days Later). Also, Ed breaking the fourth wall will be the only time a character wanted to get on with the plot in my stories.

To those who don't know what "crisps" are, they're just what we Limeys call "potato chips". To us, "chips" are "fries". Quite confusing, I know. But you'll get used to it.

I apologise to any short people if they read the word "midget" in this story. I wasn't mocking anyone.

Now that's everything cleared up, I'll start writing the second chapter. After, of course, you read and review. Seriously, I don't want to wait forever before I can continue with this.