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Title: I Feel So Cold

Words: 1,554

I Feel So Cold

"I bet most cops never come back after they pass their psych eval," I said

"Everyone's different, what's on your mind?" He questioned.

So much, so much that I'm starting to wonder if a person can lose their mind from over thinking. I thought to myself.

His shrink mind must have of his figured it out because he said, "Your friend,"

I nodded, "You've never spoken about her in our sessions."

"That's because I don't know where to begin. There was a time when I thought that she was 'the one' but that's not what's on my mind. I'm passed that, the relationship ended on good terms, a long time ago. What's on my mind is her death."

Castle, that's ridiculous," I scoffed,

"No Beckett, what's ridiculous is," I didn't hear him finish his wild theory because suddenly I saw them.

"Jen, Elena," I said, confused as to why they were in New York.

"Kate," Jenna exclaimed, walking over to hug me.

Elena smiled and waved, "Hey, Kate,"

"Elena, you just keep getting more and more beautiful, I see," I complimented.

She blushed, "thanks,"

"What are you doing here?" I asked turning to Jenna.

"It's a long story, talk about it over dinner tonight?" She replied

"Of course, I'll bring the Thai," I answered instantly.

She laughed, "You better, here's the hotel we're staying in. Come by at seven."

"Come on Bex, you're telling me that there's nothing going on between you and Richard Castle because I've read his Nikki Heat books," she asked

"Yes, I'm sure, Jen," I told her irritable.

"Damn girl, his sex scenes are steamy. Are you sure that he didn't get some help?" She asked wiggling her eyebrows suggestively as she took a sip of her wine and I almost chocked on a piece of my Thai chicken.

I was sure that my voice rose a few octaves. "What Jenna, no, that's just, no. I mean if he got help writing those scenes, which if you want to know, you'll have to ask him yourself, he didn't get any help from me."

"Okay," she drew out the word like she used to when she didn't believe me.

"What about you and Alaric?" I asked, hoping for a reaction similar to mine.

She smiled, "Actually Rick and I have been dating for a month and a half now. Why, where you hoping to tease me?"

"Yes," I replied glumly, pouting with my arms crossed.

"Oh, poor baby," she teased and I rolled my eyes.

"You do realize that I call Alaric "Rick" and you call Castle "Rick" as well, right?" She asked.

"Yeah, but I don't call Castle by his first name," I responded

"Not yet," she muttered under her breath but I still heard her.

"What about this one," I asked holding up a turquoise dress.

"No way," she replied with her nose turned up in disgust.

She was only wearing a blue polo shirt which wasn't done up properly and a pair of extremely short yoga shorts and her hair stuck out at odd angles.

I fixed my towel that I had wrapped around me and held up another dress, this time it was sequined pink. "This one?'

She made another face, "Girl, we've got to go shopping for some real clothes soon."

"Whatever, I don't have time anymore, Jenna," I told her, as I browsed through my closet.

"Yeah, now you're all work and no play," she said only half kidding.

"Comes with the job," I informed her.

She changed the subject. "So, where's writer boy taking you on your date again?"

I huffed out an exasperated breath of air. "It's not a date Jenna. He would like me to go to a party with him for his new book opening."

"Sweetie, it's a date and you're denying it," she told me like I was a four year old not understanding something.

"No, I'm not denying anything, Jenna. I can't deny what's not true," I said folding my arms

"Don't play smart ass with me, missy," she warned with a death squint that would've had all the boys back at the precinct running home scared to their mothers.

"I know that I'm smart but I'm telling you, it has nothing to do with my ass," I joked getting another dress out of my closest.

She just shook she head disapprovingly at me then looked at the dress. "Oh for the love of god, it's a good thing that I knew that this was going to happen. I brought a few things here for you to try on, they're in my suitcase. I'll go get them."

"Thank you so much," I replied sarcastically

"Your welcome," she said, ignoring my sarcasm.

She got up, "After all, someone's got to make you look pretty for your date tonight with writer boy."

"For the hundredth time, Jenna, it's not a date," I yelled as she left the room to get the clothes.

I came home to find her at the dining room table, waiting for me." Welcome back, so how was it?"

"If you're looking for dirty details look somewhere else because there's nothing to say," I told her, bitterly.

"Okay, what happened?" She asked concerned.

I shrugged, "I don't know, we were having a good time and then we weren't."

"I'm sorry, Kate," she said apologetically.

I gave her a small smile. "It's not your fault. Not to be rude but what are you doing here?"

"I let myself in a while ago, Elena and I are going back to Mystic falls," she informed me with a motion of her arms.

"Oh," I responded, my face falling.

Seeing my reaction she quickly added, "Don't worry Bex, I'll be back soon,"

"Promise," I asked

"You can't get rid of me that easily, Kate." She replied.

"Kate," I heard the voice call out and I turned around.

"Jenna, Elena, welcome back," I responded

"We wanted to know if you were free for lunch," Elena said

"But it looks like you're working," Jenna finished, her face disappointed

"Yeah, I'm swamped now but I'm free for dinner tomorrow. How does 6:30 sound to you?" I asked

Jenna looked at Elena who nodded. "It's a date then."

We all cringed and Elena spoke up. "I'm not touching that subject."

We laughed, "Beckett, you coming?"

"I have to go, see you guys tomorrow." I told them before running towards Castle and the body.

I took a deep breath. "We were supposed to go to dinner together but she never showed."

"Two hours later we left and there was a detective waiting for us," I continued.

I paused and took a shaky breath. "They found her body, she had been stabbed and the killer was never caught."

He studied me, "you think that you could've prevented her death."

"Yes," I responded and continued before he could say something. "I knew almost immediately when Elena came in the restaurant wondering if Jenna was there that something wasn't right. It wasn't like her to not show up and not let anybody know where she was."

We pulled up at her hotel and she checked her phone again. "Still nothing from her?"

She shook her head as we got out of the car. "No, nothing."

"I'm sure that she'll call soon," I tried reassuring her and it probably would've worked if there hadn't been two police officers waiting by the front desk.

One of them came up to us. "Elena Gilbert?"

"Yes" Elena said, puzzled

"We're sorry to inform you that," those were the last words I heard before everything became jumbled.

I grabbed my coat and was leaving when he asked, "Where are you going?"

"Home," I responded, still walking.

"The hell you are," he told me and I turned around.

"I just really need to be alone right now," I said my voice giving out on me a little towards the end.

I got in my car and it was raining.

Perfect weather to match my mood, I thought bitterly to myself as a few tears ran down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away and started the ignition.

When I got home there was a letter addressed to me. After I opened it, I looked over to the nightstand, knowing what I had to do.

Dear Kate,

I was asked a question a few days ago. I was asked if there was any family or anybody that I could live with. I know that this is a lot to ask but I'll be eighteen next year and your life could go back to normal. You don't have to take me in, I understand. I had so much fun with you when I was younger. Some of my best childhood memories are because of you. The truth is, you're the closest thing to family I have and I need you. Whatever your answer is, it's okay, I'll understand. I just need to know if what you told me all of those years ago, you know, that I could come to you if I ever needed you. I just need to know if it still stands.

Always,

Elena

I read it again, gathered my things and walked out, leaving my old life at the door. I was ready to start fresh, ready to help her and myself through this.

AN I made this story after watching a video from this amazing youtuber named UltimateScream. The link to her video is underneath the disclaimer. These are two of my favorite actresses and television characters so I just had to make this. Anyways, thanks for reading and please, let me know what you think.