My Choice of Men

Description: Lily Evans is irrevocably in love with two of the most morally questionable students of Hogwarts: James Potter and Severus Snape. Slightly AU & OOC.

Chapter One

Lily strode over to the suspiciously whispering cabinet. "Prongs, I don't fit! Move over!" "Ssh, she'll hear us!"

Her anger mounting, face as red as her hair, she tore the cabinet door open, and the two lanky boys fell out, sprawled at her feet. She stood, towering above them, probably looking – in her opinion – rather menacing but the two boys just grinned at her, dark eyes sparkling with mischief, grinning ear to ear. Lily briefly wondered whether it was possibly to be this daft and oblivious to danger, before coming to the conclusion that they were made Gryffindors for recklessness and passion rather than bravery and self-moderation.

"You two blithering idiots," she spat, shaking her head, but she wasn't able to keep that frown on her face for much longer. The way James Potter looked at her had the power to melt her heart and make her feel warm and fuzzy, even if at the same time she knew that, logically, he was hateful and bigoted. "Come on, get up," she then burst into a grin, still shaking her head at the two boys' antics, extending a hand to James, who accepted it, and helped himself to his feet, squeezing Lily's hand a little tightly as she did so, making the redhead wince. Sirius stood up wordlessly, dusting himself off, looking like a lost puppy, wondering whether to leave or whether to stay… It surprised Lily how considerate he seemed to be with James while he was completely indifferent to the plight of others. It was, in a sense, a method of self-defense, but Lily wasn't sure it was morally excusable.

"Don't pretend like you don't love it," James said, puffing his chest out, ruffling his hair with a pretend-casual movement of his hand, grinning like he was the king of the world. Lily observed him quietly for a few moments, determining that despite his appearances, his eyes tingled with the fear of rejection. Lily smiled, thinking that such slight, occasional uncomfortableness was the least he deserved for all the suffering he put others through – whether intentionally or in complete ignorance, just going after what he thought was right (at least for him), Lily wasn't sure sometimes.

"I'm not pretending," Lily said with a cocky grin to rival his, "I'm looking out for the girl whose friend you put a hex on!" she said, pointing to the second-year girl silently sobbing in a corner whom she had almost completely forgotten about. "Fix it!"

"Little Miss Prefect," James said, "Or should I say Little Miss Perfect?" he went on with a grin; his eyes were devoid of all amiability and Lily felt as though her insides, previously warm and fuzzy, were now being destroyed by molten lava. She felt sick to the stomach, truly, by James Potter; his fickleness, his unpredictability, and his amorality. They were all very unattractive traits, but the way he had the ability to make her feel on other occasions kept her waiting for him to change.

But after her quarrel with Snape earlier, and his current behavior… she was not sure she wanted to do anything with either of the two ever again. They loathed each other, despite possessing many of the same qualities, but because of the differences in their upbringing their personality traits surfaced in different ways.

"You should not utter anything," Lily said, "other than the Counter Curse for whatever hex you put on that girl's friend." She was no longer nice anymore; his behavior didn't warrant that. Sirius stood by idly, looking like he was edging to say something but refusing to because this was James's girl, which made whatever problem she posed James's problem. James's girl, she thought ruefully. As if, ever, she felt truly disgusted even though minutes ago he had made her feel warm and fuzzy inside, I would never. She was presently on the verge of tears but refused to show it.

"It's Aversa Pars," he said with a grin.

"Are you lying to me?" Lily said, cuffing his arm in utter frustration. She felt powerless. She didn't even know what hex had been put on the girl's friend, or how she could reverse it, and here he was clearly enjoying the power his knowledge granted over her ignorance.

"It really is," James said, and now both he and Sirius were snickering at her plight.

"Very funny guys," Lily said angrily, "You cursed a thirteen year old boy. Wow, such talent! Such bravery! Such chivalry! Are you guys seriously proud of yourselves? You two are pathetic. And you can't even tell me the Counter Curse? You two are worse than Slyhterins,"

The boys immediately stopped snickering as though being compared to members of the rival house was the height of insults. Lily smirked slightly, her eyes dancing with malice. Finally, she thought, these boys were finally getting just an ounce of all that they deserved.

"You're one to talk, you Slytherin-lover," James said, his lips curling downwards with revulsion and the usual, cheerful spark absent from his dark eyes. "Here you are, acting like the epitome of morality, while you fraternizing with the likes of Snape,"

"Yes, Snivelly is surely a lot better than us," Sirius seemed like he had exhausted his quota of patience and could no longer refrain from commenting. Anything that was not at least partially about him was, to him, unbearable, which was probably the effect of growing up in a house devoid of love. "We saw you come out of that classroom," he said, "You seemed pretty upset. Are you sure Snivelly's someone worth crying over?"

Lily was taken aback, her eyes becoming bloodshot from the urge to cry, her cheeks aflame with shame. How… when… how dare they… but before she could say something, James, whose face expression was now that he had won considerably softer. "Mitescere," he said with a flick of his wand, which emitted a pearly blue glow that travelled all the way to the silently sobbing girl, which seemed to calm her down.

"What was that?" Lily demanded.

James, looking weary, the sparkle ever absent from his eyes, "It was just to calm her down. I couldn't stand her wailing anymore," he said disgustedly and Sirius grinned in appreciation, "Anyway, it's Aversa Pars. The curse was Verrucas. The counter hex will make his warts disappear," he said, then smiled again. "Nice meeting you, by the way, Lily," he said, his demeanor changing like the wind, and, much to Lily's dismay, he leaned in closer, puckering his lips ever so slightly. Lily might have even laughed – he looked so ludicrous! – had the situation been different. Presently, emotionally exhausted from the day's events, she did the first thing that came to her mind, something she had often had the impulse to do before but had never dared to, held back by good manners and the consequences the action would entail. However, she followed her impulses unthinkingly, unable to think it through, too exhausted and offended and angry and sad… She slapped him, square on the face, the smack so loud that it made Sirius wince. Her hand left a huge, throbbing red mark on his face afterwards. He looked threatening, angry, menacing, and Lily's heart skipped a beat.

"This is about Snape, isn't it?" he demanded, eyes dark.

"No," Lily said, regaining her strength. Staring right back at him, determined, she said, "This is about me."

James stared at her, his face indescribable, as though waiting for her to change her mind or to tell her that what she said wasn't true; when he realized no such thing was about to happen, and Lily was not playing him, he strutted away, with a surprised Sirius at his heels like a loyal dog, Lily thought disgustedly. She was burning with hatred for both of them, and all of them, everyone who was even a tiny bit like them.

"And I meant it, James," she called after him, "We're not friends anymore. We never were." When she said those words, she realized she meant them and that they truly had never been friends, because it had been much more than that for both of them.

James stopped in his tracks, looked back, looking torn inside, then turned away, shaking his head, looking like he was on the verge of tears, if Lily's eyes were not mistaken. Lily took a deep breath and steeled herself, telling herself that she knew he deserved it, even if seeing someone hurt always made her heart ache. But this time, the ache quickly disappeared to be replaced by smug satisfaction. She had won. She had finally won. She sat down on the floor, sighing happily, feeling the tension gradually leave her body, smiling to herself, closing her eyes and immersing herself in the feeling.

"Er… Lily? Are we going to get my friend then, or…?" the girl suddenly said, snapping her out of her reverie.

Lily's smile quickly turned into a frown. "Sure," she said, the previous feeling of triumph vanishing to be replaced by the heavy feeling of obligation, "Let's go get your friend."

The following morning at breakfast as Lily was talking to her friend Beatrice, James casually slipped on the bench beside her, pushing a grouchy fourth-year aside uncaringly. "Hey!" the fourth-year yelped, but did not press on, fully aware – as was almost everyone at Hogwarts – of James's wand-yielding skills. "Could you please move over?" Remus Lupin, who had been tagging after James, asked, blushing, from the ruffled fourth-year.

"Sure, why not!" the fourth-year snapped, taking all her anger out on the one who she knew would not retaliate, but scooted over anyway.

"I'm really sorry for James," Remus whispered to her.

"What are you doing here?" Lily asked, blushing, wide-eyed.

"Well, what d'you reckon?" James asked, grinning. "I came here to greet you, Lilyflower,"

"Stop it!" Lily shrieked, feeling disrespected. She had specifically warned him away from her and he thought it to be a flight of fancy rather than a logical decision. And before that he had insinuated that she was only criticizing him and his friends out of loyalty to Severus, which was not completely untrue, but it didn't mean she wouldn't have found fault with their behavior even if she hadn't been friends with Severus. She was not blinded by her emotions, and did not center her decisions around the welfare of two selfish boys. James liked viewing others as inferior, but she was not, and she would not let him view her as such – or anyone else, for that matter. "I told you to stay away from me! I told you I've had enough of you-"

"Sure you said that, but what you really meant was-" James began, oblivious or willfully ignorant as ever, grinning, eyes sparkling, even though he didn't seem completely certain of his own truth.

"What I really meant was what I said," Lily snapped, raising her voice. "I told you to never talk to me again, and that is exactly what I meant and what I want. Get away from me."

James stared on impassively before his face contorted with the pain of rejection, and then, not without shoving the Gryffindor table in frustration, feeling powerless, sprang to his feet and said, "Fine. But you'll regret it."

Lily snorted loudly, "I highly doubt it," she said, smirking as she watched James strut away, knowing how defeated he must have felt in that moment. The boy had so often won against her in verbal spars was now defeated, and it filled Lily with glee. It was only a minute later when the intoxicating feeling of victory dissipated that she realized how the rest of the Great Hall was staring at her. She paid them no mind and resumed eating her breakfast. Eventually, the spectators got bored and went back to their own daily routines, some of them discussing the spectacle they had been witnesses of to add a little flavor to the daily grind. Lily felt disgusted, but knew she would have done the same. Gossip is something humans inevitably do – the extent to which they do however differs depending on personality and upbringing.

A/N: This is, er, experimental. This is my interpretation of the Marauders and Lily & Snape (I only wrote "OOC" to avoid people fling their opinions at me as to why I am wrong). I wanted to write about them in a more dramatic sort of way, because I always got the impression that deep traumas lay beneath their seemingly glossy lives. Or at least, that's the only way it would be realistic in my opinion. (Again, just an opinion, don't stone me for it.) Here's the result of the aforementioned convictions and desires... and I can only hope you like it!

I am not sure whether to continue it or not... hopefully your reviews will help me get to a decision.

Thank you for taking the time to read & review. Have a lovely day.