Cracks

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or the characters. I am borrowing them for my own enjoyment and no profit is made off of this work.

Synopsis and Setting: This story is set right around the end of Season 7. It will include flashbacks to earlier seasons, but the "present tense" stuff is season 7. It deals with JJ & Emily's relationship, and what happened between them right around the bank robbery, wedding, and Emily's departure from the BAU. Oh, and there will definitely be sex, lovely lesbian sex, so be warned.

Early weekends never suited her well, and lately less so than ever. Too much free time, too much time alone with nothing but her thoughts...her thoughts and a good whiskey. She'd much rather be at work on a case, lost in the mind of some unsub instead of her own miserable loneliness. But there was no case, no unsub, and no one but her own shadow to keep her company on the dimly lit D.C. streets. Her eyes watched the cracks in the sidewalk pass underfoot as she walked. Cracks. There seemed to be cracks everywhere she looked these days, sidewalks, foundations, her heart, her soul. The longer she was back, in this place she used to call home, the more broken everything felt.

Emily Prentiss was starting to miss Paris.

JJ Jareau sat at her desk searching through the mountain of paperwork in front of her. It was early still, just closing in on dinner time, and she wondered wistfully what trouble Henry was giving his babysitter this evening. He had very recently become an extremely picky eater, refusing to eat anything that wasn't his new favorite color, green, which was proving quite the challenge when trying to feed a growing boy a well rounded diet. She would give anything to be the one arguing with him over whether hot dogs dipped in that strange green ketchup counted as a green food, or trying to come up with new ways to use food coloring to create some comical looking dish her toddler would dig into with abandon. Being with Henry was the best part of her day, but tonight Will was coming home from his cousin's wedding in Louisiana and JJ just didn't have the energy for him. He loved her, with all his heart and she knew it. She could see it every time he looked at her. It was the kind of love she had dreamed of since she was a little girl, or so she thought, but what would make most women swoon did nothing but add to her confusion and the deep disgust she felt for herself at not being able to love him the way he deserved. So, while the rest of her team had left hours ago to enjoy an extended weekend, JJ sat digging blindly through the endless amounts of paperwork on her desk, glancing over files without really absorbing any of their content. She was barely aware of the buzzing of her phone and chose to ignore it, assuming it was Will calling for the third time that night to see when she'd be home, if he should pick up food on the way back from the airport, telling her he loved her. She didn't need another reminder of what a good man he was, not tonight. Without looking at the caller ID she tossed the phone into her top desk drawer. If anyone needed her urgently they'd call the office phone, and Will would assume she was tied up with a case just like he always did. He never questioned her, never doubted her.

She didn't know when everything had gotten so difficult. No, that was a lie, she knew. Ever since Emily had come back nothing made sense anymore. When she'd had to lie, to help Emily fake her death she thought she might die saying goodbye. She'd gone along with Hotch's plan because she knew it was Emily's only chance. At the time she wasn't even sure Emily was going to pull through surgery, so alive and in hiding didn't seem so bad. It was 2 o'clock in the morning when she's gotten the text from an untraceable cell phone. She remembered it like it was yesterday.

JJ squinted her eyes the brilliance of her cell screen, trying to read the text with sleep blurred eyes.

"Private airport, the one the she-devil uses for those Vegas trips she thinks we don't know about. 20 minutes. Please."

Before she'd even finished the text her heart was racing, her hands shaking. Emily? Hotch hadn't even told her she was awake. How could she be going to the airport? She couldn't be well enough to travel. It was too soon, it had to be. Without even realizing she'd gotten dressed JJ found herself standing outside her apartment door, clutching her keys and staring again at those mysterious words on the screen. Without a thought to Will, still asleep in her bed, or what he would think if he woke up to find her missing, she dashed out to her car. Her heart felt like it was going to explode and the recklessness with which she drove would have terrified her if she'd been able to think about anything other than getting to the airport before that jet took off. Her tires squealed as she pulled into the lot by the security gate. She could see the figures by the lone plane on the tarmac, one seated and one standing. She ran to the gate, the security booth was empty, no guard in sight, but the gate was locked shut. She tugged but it refused to give, only rattling slightly. Her mind raced, Hotch must have had the guard go home, preventing there from being a single witness to this evening's events. The jets engines began to whir, preparing to head down the runway. JJ looked up and saw the standing figure begin pushing the seated one up the ramp towards the jet. She started to panic. This couldn't end this way. She couldn't let her go. With every ounce of strength she had she tugged at the gate, kicking at the metal, begging it to give way.

"Hotch!" she screamed. "Hotch! Open the gate"

Nothing. She couldn't see whether Hotch reacted, couldn't tell whether he'd even heard her.

"HOTCH! Open this fucking gate! I have to see her!" tears streamed down her face, her panic rising. "EMILY!" the cry tore from her throat with more force than she thought she had in her. The figures ascending the ramp stopped moving. JJ's breath caught, they could hear her. "EMILY! I'm here! I'm here, let me in!" She could just make out what looked to be a heated discussion between the shadowed figures before the one she assumed was Hotch headed back down the ramp and across the jet way.

"Agent Jareau what exactly are you doing here?" Hotch's voice was controlled and measured, in that terrifying way that managed to make you wish he would just yell at you. JJ drew herself up, attempting at least a semblance of dignity despite her disheveled appearance and tear-stained face. She knew she'd regret this later but there was no going back now, no way she could explain showing up like this.

"Hotch you have to let me see her. Please don't take her away from me like this." Her voice was a strangled whisper as she tried to keep from sobbing. He studied her, saw the way she was trying to compose herself, the way her body nearly vibrated with anticipation as she awaited his answer. He sighed, this was not the time for reprimands, much as JJ deserved one. He pulled his phone out of his pockets and dialed silently.

"This is Agent Hotchner. There's been a change in plans. Yes. Agent Jennifer Jareau will be escorting our witness to Paris. You're to wait to transport her back once the witness is settled." With that he plugged in his security code and pulled open the gate. "Go JJ."

"Hotch, thank you, I can't...thank..." JJ stumbled over her words, stunned, before Hotch interrupted her.

"We'll talk when you get back. Which I expect to be before Monday."

"Yes Sir." JJ contemplated hugging him before thinking better of it and heading towards the plane, thanking whatever power had influenced Hotch into allowing this. Hotch's voice drew her attention, turning her on her heal.

"JJ, don't take this lightly. This is her only chance, she has to go. You have to let her." The slightest sadly compassionate look crossed his face, barely there long enough for her to catch it.

"I know. I would never do anything to hurt her, Sir. Never." With that she turned back to the plane, almost at a run as she headed for the ramp, for Emily.

JJ rocked back in her seat, the case file spread across her lap long forgotten, lost in her memory. She had lied that night. She swore she'd never hurt Emily but she feared that was all she'd done since that weekend in Paris. She'd abandoned her, not for those months when Emily was in hiding, but ever since she'd been back. Emily tried to hide it but JJ could see that she was hurting. She knew that coming back to find JJ with Will, in their new house with their adorable little blonde boy playing in the picket fence yard, the very picture of a happy family had been a shock to her. Hell, it was a shock to JJ, who had never thought herself good at compartmentalizing, how easily she slipped into her life with Will. Emily was gone and JJ let herself believe that she was happy. It had even been her idea that she and Will buy a house, mere days after Emily's funeral. Will was stunned, he had always been the one pursue JJ, but so thrilled that she wanted to take things further that he didn't question it. Not long afterwards he had proposed. JJ said no. She made some excuse about liking the way things were, not wanting to rush, etc. etc...all the usual reasons. Will didn't push, he would never push. It was not long after the proposal that JJ found herself online, playing scrabble with a "stranger". She wouldn't admit to herself that she knew exactly who she was playing with, exactly who the fingers on the other side of the internet, on the other side of the world belonged to. Wouldn't admit that she wasn't just playing with a variety of anonymous scrabble lovers but with the same person, day after day, at any hour that this "stranger" appeared online. Wouldn't admit that the thought of a smile playing on the face of the owner of those scrabble-playing fingers was sometimes the only thing that got her through the day. She was happy, she had Will and Henry, the picture perfect life. Things were never better with Will then during those months, and she began to believe that this was what she wanted.

And then Ian Doyle was back. And suddenly the fingers weren't online anymore. But it didn't matter, right? It was just some stranger, no one important, there were tons of other people to play scrabble with.

When Emily Prentiss walked back into the BAU JJ felt her heart nearly stop and the blood rushed to her head. It was only then that she realized she hadn't felt a thing, not since she got on that jet and flew back, flew away from the one thing she never knew she needed but apparently couldn't live without.

JJ wiped a single tear from her cheek just as the blaring ring of her office phone dragged her back into the moment.

"Hello, Agent Jareau speaking." She glanced at the clock and realized it was nearly 10pm. "Emily? What? Where are you? I'll be right there, don't move." Hanging up the phone and grabbing her keys JJ ran for the elevator.