A/N: I do not own One Piece or any of its affiliated characters.

Please enjoy~

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU LEAVE THE SHIP."

"Luffy didn't come back in time-"

"WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE WE WERE A LITTLE BUSY."

Roronoa Zoro was hauling ass. Through a blizzard. With an incapacitated Shichibukai on his back. And the yelling of marine's getting louder with each step he took.

"Lucky for you," he said more quietly, ducking behind a large rock and struggling to catch his breath, "I was on my way back when I got separated from the others."

"Let me down."

"Shut up. You can't even walk. You putz around on the ship in those stupid heels and expect mountainous terrain to-"

She punched him over the head and his cry of agony attracted the attention of a marine who happened to be running past. Zoro seemed to be the only one worried about their situation though, since she seemed content to go on talking.

"You get lost on your own ship, how do you expect me to trust you to safely return me to Luffy," she questioned, her obnoxious voice calling forth a vein on his forehead. "And furthermore, your carrying technique is far from satisfactory. I suggest that next time you-"

"SHUT UP AND BE GRATEFUL WHEN SOMEONE CARRIES YOU," he roared, more for his own sanity than anything else. "AND THERE WILL BE NO 'NEXT TIME'."

Even worse than her conversation (depending on how you looked at it), was that the way he chose to carry her was, in fact, probably the last thing he needed to think about right now. Especially since, her being significantly taller than him, his head had found a rather uncomfortable spot to rest between her humongous breasts. Er, comfortable. The problem was that they were too comfortable, not the other way around-

"GOD DAMMIT," he cried again, a slight blush tinging his cheeks as he pressed onwards through the white out towards the ship. "TALK SOME MORE, WOMAN."

"IF YOU DON'T STOP ORDERING ME AROUND THIS INSTANT I'LL-"

Breast ear muffs. I have breast ear muffs-

"LOUDER," he bellowed."I NEED YOU TO BE AS OBNOXIOUS AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN."

"I thought we were ESCAPING, you INCOMPETENT-"

When I run faster they bounce more-

"LOUDER~"

"We're sorry, sir. We failed to catch the Straw Hat's."

Smoker sighed. "I ordered you to set up the ambush on the mountain overpass. They should have been closed in. And you had back up. I'd like to hear your reason for fucking up something so simple while I was away for a few measly hours doing my job and reporting to headquarters."

"…Well, you see, there were some complications, sir."

"Complications, eh. Explain."

"…We encountered a yeti."

"…You encountered a yeti."

"That is correct, sir."

"How do you figure."

"Some of the men reported hearing strange sounds while tracking the Straw Hat's through the blizzard. First hand accounts reported the sounds to be absolutely terrifying. Some of the men were too scared to venture any further into the storm."

"Did anyone actually get a glimpse of this…yeti?"

"Yes, sir. All accounts match up. A fairly large, grotesque looking creature that seemed to be staggering through the snow," the soldier paused, gulping, "most likely in search of fresh blood."

"…Get out of my office."

The young marine complied hurriedly, his swift exit making the wanted poster's plastered to the wall move with the draft. Smoker rubbed at his head, then reached for a fourth cigar to stick in his mouth.

Well played, Mugiwara. Well played.