Dean slowly allowed himself to fall back into consciousness at the sound of a door closing somewhere off in the distance. He couldn't quite will himself to open his eyes, almost able to sense the undesired brightness of the light that would come with it. He only assumed that it would be one of the hospital nurses once again back to tell him that he was beat up but going to live, it was something he had heard a thousand times in the past. The amount of times in his life that he had woken up to the familiar scene of a hospital room, it ceased to surprise him anymore. And lately, he simply didn't care.
It wasn't that he hadn't been taking care of himself, it wasn't even that he hadn't been watching his back - he had - it was more that he had seen an opening, admittedly a very small opening, to gank the creature he had been hunting down and he had taken it. He had thrown himself in at the deep end to finish up the job and found himself waking up in a hospital bed three days later with a very stern nurse telling him that he was lucky to still be breathing air.
He could feel whoever it was in the room with him staring straight at his face, in a way that made him feel severely uncomfortable. He reluctantly blinked open his eyes to see a figure become gradually clearer, standing stiff at the foot of his bed like a statue, not moving an inch. He could make out the long blonde hair and black coat, knowing exactly who it was. He didn't need to see the bright green eyes or the pale skin to know that it was his daughter.
"What are you doing here?" he grumbled, forcing himself to wake up and focus through the pain medication. His voice was thick with sleep and scratchy from the lack of use since in the past few days. "You're supposed to be at college."
Dean's vision cleared up enough that he could see the clear amount of worry lacing the features of his daughter's face. There were tears shimmering in her green eyes, reflecting the lights from above her. She looked distraught, but all mixed up with a sign of relief in seeing him awake and breathing again. He instantly felt the pang of guilt in the bottom of his stomach like a punch, he knew the conversation that was coming, he knew the speech he was about to get from her. She was going to tell him that he was being reckless on hunts and that he needed to be more careful, he had heard it at least a hundred times in the past. It was the same thing every time hunting was discussed between them.
"Yeah," Ronnie nodded slowly, as if he should have known straight off why she was there without having to comment. "Well, your nurse called me." she replied bluntly, her tone was hard, he could tell that she was anything but happy with him.
She felt like crying just at the sight of him. His face was pale and his eyes bloodshot. There were deep circles beneath them, giving the impression that he hadn't slept properly in days. He just looked ill, this time beyond repair. The sight of her father in the hospital was something she had never been able to get used to, it hurt more and more each time she witnessed it. He looked do despondent and hopeless, the same way that he had looked everytime she had seen him in the past six months. There was so little life left in his eyes, they no longer sparkled, he was like a shadow.
"Hm." Dean pushed himself to sit up, holding back a small groan of discomfort that threatened to escape him as he moved. The last thing he would ever do was let on to her that he was in pain. "I'm fine, Ronnie." he muttered, sounding as though his own safety was still the last thing on his mind.
"No," she shook her head, determined not to let her emotions show. "You are not fine, Dad. You're anything but fine."
There was a hurt in her voice, more than what he had heard from her before. Usually it would be a quick speech about how he needed to take better care of himself, how he was stupid and impetuous. But they would always make it up again. He would give her a look that she would always buy right into, they would hug it out and everything would go back to normal. However there was something about the look on her face, the clear redness of her eyes, the frustrated frown she had inherited so well from her uncle; something told Dean that he hadn't heard the end of it this time.
"It was just a rough hunt, Ronnie." he said, giving a small shrug, despite the pain in his joints as he moved. "It happens. They shouldn't have called you."
"No, they shouldn't have." she snapped. "You should have been the one to call me." Dean gave a short sigh, she was now clearly beyond pissed off. "You're lying in a hospital bed and you didn't think to call and tell your own daughter?"
"Because I knew you'd only react like this." Dean countered, matching her sharp tone with his own. "You freak yourself out and you get yourself more worked up than you need to be. You worry too much."
Her eyes went wide at the statement. "I worry too much?!" she repeated incredulously, her tone rising as her patience quickly shortened. "That's because you don't worry about yourself at all, Dad. You act like you don't even care half the time, what the hell am I supposed to think when you land yourself in hospital like this and think nothing of it?"
Dean shook his head. "Ronnie -"
"Three times, Dad." she stated bluntly. "Three times in the past six months I've had that call. Three times I've had to drive all night to get to you, not knowing if you'd even make it long enough for me to see you again."
"It's part of the job, kid. You know that." he replied softly. "What can I say? Sometimes you get hurt on these things, it's unavoidable."
Ronnie took a short breath, clearly biting back the anger, and sighed. "You need to stop. You need to be more careful." Her eyes met his, holding his stare. "What happens when you go to far, huh? The next time I get a phone call like that it could be from a morgue."
Dean looked away from her, he couldn't even bring himself to face the look in her eyes. Even if she was trying to be strong, even if she was trying her hardest to just be angry, he didn't miss the utter fear that showed itself in her words at the thought. "Don't talk like that. I'll be alright, Ronnie." he said as he forced up a tight smile. "Nothing's gonna happen to me, okay? I promise."
Ronnie shook her head at him. It wasn't sinking in, the message wasn't going into his head. She couldn't seem to make him understand. No one could. Dean just didn't care about himself anymore, and everybody knew it. There was no talking him down, there was no getting him to focus on his own needs anymore, any ounce of common sense seemed to have left him.
"You don't have someone there to watch your back anymore, Dad." she whispered, knowing it was a dangerous rope to be walking. "You don't have Sam there anymore to keep you safe."
"Ronnie, stop it." he said sternly, his face contouring into a frown. It was obvious how little he wanted to talk about it, but she was tired of avoiding it, she needed him to see her side.
"You have no one looking out for you on these hunts anymore, and that scares the hell out of me." she took a deep breath and pushed back her tears the best she could. "Sam's gone, Dad."
"Veronica." he stopped her harshly before she could say more. "Stop it."
"Why?! Why won't you listen to me?!" she threw up her arms, seemingly done with holding back. "What? I'm not allowed to talk about my uncle? I'm not allowed to talk about what happened to him?!" she pulled a hand down her face, shaking her head slowly. "Sam got himself killed on a hunt, Dad. And you're going exactly the same way."
Dean refused to look up, he couldn't. Ever since Sam had gone, since he had realised there was no way to bring back his only brother, the one he had failed to protect, the one he had watched die, he had all but given up the will he had left to fight. Without someone there with him to fight for, without the reason he had to get up in a morning beside him in the Impala, he had little hope to continue. And truth was, he didn't have someone there anymore to pull him back when he got too involved in a hunt, when he took out his anger and frustration on the job, he had no one to stop him or tell him to slow down when he went too fast. He was living like he wanted to die, like there was nothing left to keep him there.
"Do I even mean anything to you?" His head snapped up to her at that question. "I mean, do you even give me a second though while you're throwing yourself into danger like you do? Do you think for a minute about how losing you would affect me? You're all I have." Her voice cracked, she couldn't get anything more out. The tears spilled over and fell down her cheeks as the silent sobs finally escaped her.
"C'mere, sweetheart." Dean said simply, but she didn't move. "Ronnie, come here." he said again, a little more forcefully.
She sighed, giving in, and moved to sit down on the edge of his bed. He took a hold of her and pulled her down to lie beside him, wrapping his arms around her protectively.
"I don't wanna lose you, Dad." she whispered into his chest, gripping to the front of his t-shirt as if it was the only thing keeping him there with her, like she was afraid to let go.
"You won't. You never will." he whispered, squeezing her to him, the way he used to do when she had been a little girl who'd had a nightmare. "Hey, come on." he soothed her, pulling a hand through her hair. "I'm always gonna be here, okay? Nothing's ever going to happen to me, I promise." He had promised the day he had found out about her that she would never be the girl to grow up without a father in her life, and that hadn't changed, even if she was nineteen, she was still his little girl.
Dean took a hold of one of her hands in his and kissed her forehead gently, closing his eyes. She was the only thing he had left in the world, she was the last thing that was good in his life, the last thing there to offer him any kind of hope. And he wanted to be there for the rest of her life. He wanted to see everything she did. He wanted to be the one to see her graduate, to threaten her boyfriends and walk her down the aisle on her wedding day, to see her have children and a family of her own. To see at least one Winchester not fall victim to the family curse. And she was right, the way he was living now, it didn't look likely that he would live long enough to see any of it. He had to change, and she was going to be the thing that changed him. She always had been. She had always been the voice of reason in the back of his head, the light somewhere at the end of the dark road of hunting. She was the angel he had there to keep him on the right path, to love him unconditionally, no matter how stupid he got. Something he had to call home again.
"I love you, Dad." she murmured against his shoulder, barely moving as she spoke. She just gripped hold of him tighter, refusing to let go.
Dean nodded. "Me, too, angel." he said softly. "You'll always be my baby girl, okay? And I'll never leave you."
And in that moment, he had his entire world with him.