Gateon Port was normally a sunny, cheerful place, filled with the cries of Wingull and Chatot, the constant hum of activity clustered around the harbor, and happy tourist families taking pictures of the scenic view.
Normally.
The rumbling roar of a motorboat cut through the normal racket with surprising ease, its driver pushing it as fast as it would go. A second, nearly identical one followed at breakneck pace, preceded by various long-distance attacks fired by an Octillery wrapped securely to the boat. The driver of the first was hard-pressed to keep the attacks from collapsing his boat, and it was obvious.
"'It'll be easy', you said!" he shouted into the headset of his Pokégear. "'No one'll see you,' you said! In what universe is 'no one' a trigger-happy lunatic with an Octillery for a machine gun?"
The voice answering him was muffled, presumably over distance or something like that, though the teenager could still hear it fine. "It's not my fault you got caught by a damn Houndoom," a girl's voice answered him crossly. "Shut the fuck up already and get back to hauling ass."
"Bitch and whine," he snarled, jerking his motorboat into a hard left in time to avoid a Flamethrower taking out his starboard side. "Fucking Octillery!"
"I didn't know you were into that kind of thing," the voice deadpanned.
"Shut up. Where are you, anyway? You said you'd be here twenty minutes ago!"
"I am." He could hear the unspoken "you retard" in her tone. "You're not looking in the right place."
As if she'd been waiting for the cue, the surface of the harbor suddenly split in two, as a massive, crimson-scaled Gyarados ascended. It rose from behind his pursuer's boat, blotting out the sun. He recognized the massive beast, and could easily guess the diminutive rider seated on its crown.
The girl's voice had an almost audible smirk. "Hoenn born and bred, remember?"
And with that, the sea serpent descended on the boat, roaring its battle cry.
"So, let me get this straight." Lance Pendragon, the effective leader of the Indigo Plateau and world-renowned dragon-type specialist, braced his elbows on his knees, leaned forward, and squinted at the two teenagers as if he could see their thoughts written on their faces. "You come in from Altomare. Psycho dares you to sneak onto the Pyrite Colosseum leader's vacation suite, and you somehow think it's a good idea. And then you get chased through Gateon Port, stealing one of the motorboats to do so, and Psycho manages to get Godzilla to dive without being beached, then surface to essentially destroy the boat."
"Pretty much," Kris agreed. The much smaller girl seated next to him shrugged.
"Just checking." Lance rolled his eyes. "Did you really have to annoy the colosseums? We're already having enough trouble getting them to so much as think about the idea of gyms."
"Not our problem if they have no sense of humor," the girl, known to most as Psycho, murmured.
"It is," Lance snapped, leaning back in his plastic folding chair. "It's bad enough that out of the teenagers we could have chosen, we got psychoanalyzed rejects like yourselves – "
"Hey!" Kris interjected, putting a wounded look on his face.
" – but if you can't even prove that you can conduct yourselves in an adult manner, we'll have to revoke your rights as a gym leader," Lance informed him.
"What, and she gets off scot-free?" Kris grumbled. Psycho smiled brightly at him, except it was less meant to reassure and more meant to throw off-balance.
"No, she's being sued for property damage by the city and Acacia Sakaki," Lance said dryly. "You're being sued for breaking and entering and disrupting the peace, which is more important when the one being sued is a gym leader."
"So there," Psycho muttered, playfully elbowing him in the ribs.
"This is no laughing matter, Miss Fel," Kanto's dragon master actually snarled. The girl flinched back, then turned to glare at him, dark brown meeting gold.
"Someone's PMSing," Kris stage whispered in an attempt to diffuse the tension. Naturally, it didn't work.
"Fuck off, Pendragon," Psycho spat, fists clenched at her sides. "I have a damned lawyer, you shitface." She shrugged the black mailbag she carried off one shoulder and swung it into her lap, nearly hitting Lance with it as it went by (to his credit, he didn't so much as twitch). She produced a Pokénav from an inside pocket, and hit the speed dial.
"Where'd you get a lawyer so fast, anyway?" Kris asked.
"It's all in the illegal sleight-of-hand," Psycho said sarcastically as the Pokénav dialed. She put it to her ear as it finished. "… Oh, come on, it's not like I call you every time I need some help… Okay, okay, fine, yeah, I do… No, not that much collateral damage. I mean, Godzilla's fat but he's not that clumsy… just some theft and motorbat crushing… no, no one died. No, not even a little. Swear, do I have to do the whole 'cross my heart and hope to die' thing? Okay… Right, so we're in Orre… me and Kris, that's who. Anyway, Gateon Port, broke into psycho Colosseum leader's vacation home and got caught – no, that was Kris, not me – and Godzilla might have squashed a motorboat or two. And maybe threw up a giant wave and pissed off people… Yeah, that's it… Yeah, the league. Pendragon… Uh-huh. Got it." She held out her Pokénav and pressed what was presumably the speakerphone button. "You're on now."
A woman's voice filled the room, as Psycho had apparently set her Pokénav to max volume. "Hello, my name is May Rah – "
"What kind of alias is that?" Psycho muttered.
"I'm Miss Yukicia's lawyer and I'm speaking to Lance, aren't I?" Without waiting for a response, the woman dropped her rational tone and began screaming, prompting Kris and Lance to clap their hands to their ears. "YOU FUCKING DUMBASS, YOU'RE ONLY DOING THIS 'CAUSE YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA GET SUED 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE FUCKING SUPERVISOR OF THESE FUCKING DUMBASSES – "
"Why do people always lump me in with you?" Kris groused. Psycho ignored him.
"AND YOU, YOU LITTLE RETARD, I KNOW YOU'RE DOING THIS 'CAUSE CIPHER'S THREATENING YOU WITH THAT WHOLE SHIT WITH THE LUGIA A FEW YEARS BACK, YOU LITTLE WUSS, I OUGHTA FUCKING CASTRATE YOU RIGHT NOW IF THAT'S EVEN POSSIBLE, I BET YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE BALLS TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT, 'CAUSE YA KNOW, YOU'RE BARELY A MAN – "
"Championshipping!" Psycho sniggered, high-fiving Kris. It had been one of their favorite rumors to spread, mostly because it involved Lance Pendragon hooking up with the impulsive boy from Pallet Town and massively screwed up any dignity their supervisor might have had.
"Both of you shut the fuck up!" Lance snapped at the teenagers, his whole face and ears fire-engine red to match his hair. "And you, Leagionarre, get your damn ass out of my business!"
"FUCK OFF OR I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A BOOT TO THE HEAD," the woman roared back at him. "WHO THE FUCK IS BOTHERING TO SUE THESE DUMBASSES ANYWAY? THEY'RE FUCKING BROKE!"
"Not everyone does everything for the money, harpy," Lance growled. "One of them happens to be Acacia Sakaki."
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, WHAT KIND OF IDIOT ASSIGNS ONE OF SAKAKI'S RELATIVES TO A COLOSSEUM? I'M GONNA KILL ALL THOSE FUCKING TEAMS FOR PERSONAL REASONS, THOSE FUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS – "
Psycho coughed. "Hey, can we get back to the whole 'being sued' shtick and get back to the 'I must avenge my honor' thing later?"
"WHATEVER! JUST TELL PRETTY BOY TO DROP THE FUCKING CHARGES BEFORE I KILL HIM AND ALL THOSE CIPHS HE'S PAYING. GOT IT?"
A loud click filled the air as "May Rah" hung up without bothering to wait for a reply. Psycho raised her eyebrows at Lance. "You heard her. So, whatcha gonna do?"
Lance buried his face in his hands. "Just get the fuck out and don't let me hear about you for the next year or so," he responded, reply muffled.
Psycho smirked, victorious, got up, and managed to flounce out of the office. Kris stared after Psycho, then at Lance, and realized that Psycho had completely shown him up in terms of completely humiliating the dragon master and weaseling their way out of any legal penalties.
So he did the manly thing and punched Lance in the face before following her out.
A/N: Yes, I know using caps to denote someone screaming is bad technique. Yes, I know it's bad taste to drop the F-bomb so many times in one chapter (this is rated T or whatever for a reason, you know). Stuff like that. No, I don't care~
And yes, this fic involves a Cipher conspiracy. MORE DETAILS NEXT CHAPTER PROMISE. It just doesn't seem to make sense to discuss it some more with Lance still hanging around.
Also, this fic is also up on deviantart under the username SincerityDawn. Thought I should mention it.