This Whole Mess
"It didn't work out; we're different people. We want different things .. Can you believe it?" Rinoa laughed, her black tresses shaking with every move. She was secretly enjoying the attention, despite the incessant interviews, she was getting now that it was all over and she, (of all the people! she often wondered) had come out victorious.
Not only did she have a great boyfriend whom she cared for deeply but her ex, the boy she had dated and perhaps even loved in her earlier years, had been a central figure in "this whole mess", as she often liked to say to people. Although a leader in the service of evil (or had it been them who were wrong?) the realization that she had dabbled in both sides elated her. So did the realization that no matter the way the pendulum of war swung, she would have ended up triumphant. She thought so, anyways. Holding that thought she bid well to the interviewer, a little pony-tailed girl interning at the Esthar Post, and smiled her best smile.
"This is so fucking boring," she muttered under her breath. "Its ridiculous and there's garbage on the floor." She kicked an empty soda can with the tip of her designer shoe and stepped into the elevator. Behind closed doors, out of sight, she rubbed her aching temples. It was all such bullshit, she thought. SeeDs. Kids getting sent into battle because no adult in their right mind would take the job. Living in dorms, regulated by maglocks and motion detectors, like caged animals. Their galas reminded her of junior high dances and their outings had been dull and prolonged past boredom. And their funerals, their funerals had been nonexistent; covered up and hidden in the back of the confidential files.
Yes, her gains more than made up for her current surroundings, but she had still often wondered to what end it was all for. She had been born into the world of privilege but nothing had been free, she understood that as well as she did the fact she would always have to latch onto a man, sleep with him and make it worthwhile, to keep her life comfortable. And she liked her life comfortable.
Ten minutes until the next interview, Rinoa looked at her watch. She had to go home and feed her dog, did these people understand that? No, they did not, she reasoned. All they cared about was her love life. She had dated and subsequently slept with both the winner and the loser of "this whole mess". Who was a better lay? A better lover? the gossip columnists wanted to know. She'd never tell. She was no fool. History is written by the victors and while her current boyfriend, although the sweetest guy she could ever hope for, had left much to be desired in the bedroom. He'd prod around endlessly, clumsily climbing between her legs, aiming to please and learning nothing with practice. He'd grunt her name as he'd explode within her and she, she would struggle to remember his.
In the rare occasions she got to straddle him instead she'd think of her ex. He liked her on top, he liked to watch. And she liked to be watched. His undivided attention had made her feel beautiful and she would perform for him, touching her body, throwing back her head in genuine ecstasy. He would hold her in those strong muscular arms afterward and tell her she was a goddess, she could achieve anything. Together they would break free from the cretins who dictated their lives, muting their true potential. "We're not two different people," she told the elevator walls, pressing the ground floor button with a carefully manicured finger. "We're too similar. We're perfect .. But it wasn't me he truly loved."
No, it wasn't me, she thought as she bit her lip. Then she reminded herself she loved her boyfriend. "Here goes nothing," she breathed out as the bell rang and the elevator doors opened. She straightened her dress, swayed her hips as she moved, and proceeded to meet with the Galbadia Star.