Title: The Way in Which These Things Change
Summary: AU. It's a marvel, the way some things change and how other stay exactly the same.
Characters: John, Teyla, Kanaan, Rodney, Ronon
Pairing: John/Teyla, Teyla/Kanaan [hints of]
Warnings: Mention of main character death.
Rating: T
He laughs and there's no hint that this could be the last time you hear the carefree sound that you take advantage of. He laughs and leans closer to you and you rub your shoulder against his chest and you have to force the smile from your lips as you feel his breath tickle on your neck. You can feel his lips skin across your skin and you shiver, your fingers aching to reach out and touch him but this is a game of delayed gratification and you will not give in; his fingers will touch you first.
They don't, of course, because he whispers things into your ear that make you flush and laugh and your hand follows an automatic trail from his knee up his thigh to his stomach and you've lost the wager but gained so much more and you can't help but grin foolishly up to him as his body covers yours on the Athosian rug in front of the large bay windows in his quarters.
There are things you want to say but your body responds to his touch so quickly and you find the room doesn't supply you with enough oxygen to do anything other than breathe but when his touch is upon you, you cannot find it in yourself to bother with words. Neither of you has ever been particularly good at words, anyway, both preferring the action of... well, of this.
Even though neither of you can find words for what this is.
--
In the time between that meeting and what should have been the next, Carson dies and then Elizabeth dies and you find that you can't reach him anymore. He's there but he's not and nothing you can say or do brings him back to you. He blames himself, you know, but there is nothing you can do to help ease him of that guilt.
There are no words and he doesn't allow your actions but you still reach out to touch him whenever you can and he allows that but he doesn't respond like he used to. He doesn't laugh like he used to, the edges of any mirth shrouded in pained darkness and you watch helplessly from across the small dinner table in the mess hall as he retreats further and further away.
You go to his quarters one night after a particularly bad day and you think he is not going to answer but just as you move to walk away the doors slide open. He doesn't invite you in but he tells you in a quiet voice that he can't do it anymore. You nod and push down whatever it is that threatens to take over your chest. You walk away and you don't look back so you don't see the way his eyes follow you down the corridor, silently pleading for you not to give up on him.
--
Kanaan is there one night when you have been thinking of Carson and Elizabeth and you need someone to fill the space that John normally occupies in your bed; he is warm and his laugh is not tinged with darkness and with the mulled wine you have drank since early afternoon, you can almost imagine that his body reminds you of John's. When you wake the next day, your head pounding and the feel of flesh pressed against your back you wonder how you could ever have made yourself believe it to be anything like John's.
But it is not fair to Kanaan so you promise to return soon, laughing with him and the others as you they walk you to the Stargate. You're surprised to find John there with Ronon, heading towards the camp and your stomach churns slightly when Ronon meets your eyes and from the Satedan's knowing smirk, you know what it is they wants. You are about to move towards them when Kanaan reaches out and catches your wrist, spinning you towards him. Instinctively you move to block but when he tugs your body closer to his and presses his lips against yours you stop the offensive manoeuvre but do not lessen your tight stance. He pulls back and nods, smiling over your shoulder and you almost don't want to turn around but you do, anyway.
John's back is still to you and you know instantly that he hasn't seen. But Ronon has and he stares at you for a few long moments before nudging John in the shoulder and John turns, a ready smile on his lips but then he notices Kanaan's hand still in yours and he doesn't look up to your eyes.
He doesn't look you in the eye for a long time after that.
--
The winter suns are low in the sky and there is a chill in the air but you're wrapped up enough not to feel it but your body still shivers when it realises John is near. You're aware that he hesitates at the door to the balcony but he moves out, rests his forearms on the railing next to yours and you look down to his hands, knotted firmly together. Your body instantly reacts, shifting towards his and you still when you hear his hissed intake of breath. You turn back to look out over the slate grey ocean.
He doesn't say anything and you wonder if perhaps you should but you don't really know what. It has been five years since you left the team, three since Rodney returned to Earth and only six short months since Ronon died; the disassembly of the Atlantis expedition is the only reason you are back on Atlantis, to say your goodbyes but you find that now you are here, you cannot think of anything to say. The two of you were never very good at the whole talking thing.
"I know..." he starts and you jump slightly, startled by his voice. You turn to him, taking note of the grey hairs scattered through his hair, the silver tinge to the growth on his chin. Lines around his eyes where there used to be none; marks of distinction. You smile, knowing the same markers of age are present on your own features. He clears his throat and glances at you from the corner of his eyes. "There was something I... meant to give you... years ago," he says and you continue to stare at him, watching as he shifts uncomfortably. John Sheppard has never been entirely comfortable in his own skin; it is an affliction that has not gotten better with age. Suddenly he shifts with startling speed and clarity, reaching into his left shirt pocket. He takes something out, holding it in his hand for a moment and you watch as he closes his eyes, clenching his fist around the object. "I thought you should have it."
He thrusts his hand out to you and you can't help but smile at the fact that you need to pry his fingers from around the object. And when you see what is enclosed there, you almost wish you hadn't. You move to pull back but he's faster, his opposite hand coming up to grab your wrist and he drops the ring into your open palm. You stare at the silver ring, the modest diamond and you can feel the tears welling up in your eyes. He had never said the words but somehow you always knew but still the sight of the ring is more than surprising.
"John..."
"I've kept it for five and a half years. There's nobody else that... You're the one I got it for." He shrugs and you can't look him in the eyes so you reach out blindly and wrap your arms around him. "Hey..." he murmurs stiffly, his arms moving automatically to come around your shoulder and waist and you breathe in the scent of him that hasn't change in all of these years. And you remember how perfectly you fit against his body, the way that no one else has been able to since and you wonder, again, how you could think anyone could ever compare.
There's a decision to be made, one you know he hadn't meant to create but you find it's there anyway. Because you've realised, perhaps too late or perhaps just in time, that you simply cannot live with this man. And while you want nothing more than to go with him you know it's not a decision to be made lightly, nor one you can logically make while surrounded by his being.
So you pull back and walk away, closing your palm around the gauntlet.
--
It has been fifteen years since the Atlantis expedition left the Pegasus Galaxy and you find that you still miss it. As you look out across the field of tava beans, you smile at the sight of the hands at work in the harvest, the growing bales and baskets of yield. The sun breaks free from behind a cloud, the golden heat crashing across your face and you reach up to shield your eyes, basking in the glow.
"Here," a voice says from beside you and you reach out to take the proffered sunglasses, settling them on your nose. "I think we finally got the tava to take to the soil this year," he continues and you nod. Considering that it is an import from another galaxy, you are surprised that it worked at all but you don't tell John that.
The decision to retire to one of his family ranches and start a farm had been a surprise to you but he had insisted that it was what he wanted and you just wanted to be with him. You don't regret your decisions – any of them - because they all led you here, to this moment, with this man.
You loop your arm through his and rest your head on his arm and you know he has turned to look down at you because you can feel his breath on your hair. He nuzzles into your hair for a moment and you close your eyes before tilting your head up to claim the kiss you know he wants to bestow. He sighs at the contact and you sag against his arm slightly when he moves to deepen the kiss and he chuckles slightly.
"Still, every time," he murmurs against your lips and you smack his arm fondly, grinning before pressing your lips to his. When you pull back and grin up at him, your sunglasses slightly askew and he smiles down to you. "I love you, Teyla."
You nod and press your body further into his, wrapping your arms about his torso.
"I love you."
"Still?"
You smile and nod.
"Always."
And when you feel his fingers skimming under your shirt, you can't help but marvel at the way in which some things change and the way some things stay exactly the same.