Hakkai,
I've been sitting here for the last couple hours, wondering what to do with myself…and I finally decided to write you a letter, even though we spend most of the day less than four feet away from one another. Mostly because there are usually two other jerks with us, but partly because I know that if I come out and say this to your face I'll probably get laughed at. Even if it's only in that soft 'you're such a kidder' kind of way.
I wanted to wish you a happy birthday. If I had the money I'd have bought you something nice but useless, and if I had the smarts I'd have bought you something useful, and if I had the guts I'd have kissed you and told you how I feel, but since I don't, and we've been stuck moving around too fast for anything close to secret shopping, I'm left with this. Sitting here in the dark at an ungodly hour of the night because I can't sleep, thinking about you in the next room over, and about the day you told me was your birthday after the first time I flaked out on you for mine.
All I can say, I guess, is that I'm glad you came along. I'm glad you stuck around for long enough to tell me when your birthday was, and I'm glad you let me know you well enough to know that I don't have to get you a present to make you happy about it. And maybe one day I'll have the balls to tell you this in person. Because right now I'm too chicken to give you the only birthday present I can think of that might be good enough, and tell you that I love you.
Many happy returns,
Gojyo
************
He hummed a little to himself, staring off into the darkness and nursing a cigarette as he thought about what he'd almost done. How he'd almost changed everything forever. Sure, he hadn't gotten his thoughts across, but writing them down had been…cathartic. And maybe it was a step in the right direction that he could do that much.
But when Hakkai came by out of nowhere, getting him back for that time he'd snuck up on the man while he'd been lost in thought about things not done, a singed letter in his hands and a puzzled but happy expression on his face…Gojyo decided that he could pony up and deal with it. After all, a present was no good to anyone if it was only half given.