Expendable
There's one thing that terrifies Steve. Not just one, but the only one that terrifies him.
It slipped out at one of the most inopportune moments in a twisted reverse algorithm, confused and writhing like a mass of leeches.
Sometimes there isn't a way out.
Because there just isn't, sometimes. The truth is that sooner or later, they won't have a choice, someone will make the ultimate sacrifice, and the Avengers will lose a teammate.
They'll have to bury one of their own.
And that, Steve knows from experience, is one of the most painful things of all…
He can't lose anyone again. He can't. He'll break.
Because he sacrificed his life, but instead of Destiny, the Fates, whatever, just accepting it, they handed it back to him.
And took everything else instead. All that he knew once, the people who he was friends with, even the ones he had never liked and who had hated him—gone.
He lost everything.
Inexplicably, he found a new team, new friends. (He didn't know how—he didn't deserve to be given a second chance.)
The one thing he knows, raw, sitting like a stone at the back of his deepest soul, is that he simply can not lose someone again. Anyone. Not the man who hates him, not the people who despise him, not even the utter stranger, and certainly not one of his team. Because it will be too much for him and he will break, and once you've been a hero you fall hard, and maybe you don't get up again. Maybe, you even fall, and stand up a villain instead.
And that's why he plans ahead. That's why he snaps at Tony when Tony disobeys his orders again. Because on the day that he doesn't have a plan, when there isn't a way out, when there is no way to cut the wire—he can only hope it's him. Because that will hurt less than failure. Again.
He was supposed to die that day, crashing into the ice. But apparently there was something he was supposed to finish. He only hopes he's done it. And why shouldn't he sacrifice himself? Among the gods and geniuses and the men with superhuman abilities and the women who can change destiny, he's only one man, he's only human. Expendable.
After all, it's not like they need him.
Author's note: Oh, wow. This is what happens when I start thinking too much about the lines... If you're depressed, drop by and read "Dauntless" for another character's point of view (and hopefully less angst!) Thanks for reading! Please, tell me what you think. :-)