A/N: Yeah, I have no explanation for this. I hope it makes you laugh.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy XV. If I did, I would've put the game off for another year or so to fix the last half of it.
Comfortably seated outside the newly founded Black Bean Mage Cafe in Altissia, Ignis paused from reading to sip his coffee. This was his ideal way to spend a morning: surrounded by the sounds of a bustling city, a good book in one hand and a good drink in the other. He tried to recall the last time he'd felt so at ease. But he was unable to, because at that exact moment, a familiar, distraught voice pierced the air.
"Iggy! Oh, Iggy, man, you gotta help me!"
Ignis jerked around to see a sopping wet Prompto scrambling towards him with such urgency, he'd have thought the very fires of Ifrit were at his heels.
"Whatever is the matter, Prompto?" he demanded, as the blond vaulted the railing which separated the coffee shop from the main avenue.
"Gotta hide, gotta hide, gotta hide!" Prompto all but shrieked, stumbling around the table at which Ignis was dinning and ducking behind it.
"From whom?" Ignis asked, concerned.
"From Gladio and Noct," Prompto rasped, fighting to catch his breath. Hesitantly, he poked his head above the table and scanned the street for his pursuers. "They're after me."
"So I gathered," Ignis mumbled in muted frustration. He snapped his book shut and moved his feet a safe distance from the puddle that was forming under the young man.
As if deciding the coast was clear, Prompto sighed in relief and pulled himself into a chair across from him. "Oh, man, I've really done it this time..." he said mournfully, putting his head in his hands. "I think I may actually be in danger of execution."
"Perhaps you would be so kind as to share what you did to earn such a heavy sentence?" Ignis proposed, as the blond peered at him from between gloved fingers.
Prompto let out a humorless laugh. "Well, I, uh," he stammered, moving a hand from his face to rub his neck nervously, "I may or may not have suggested a, um... potential wedding gift for Lady Lunafreya..."
"What sort of wedding gift?" Ignis pressed, unsure he wanted to hear the answer.
Prompto bowed his head and muttered an incoherent response.
"Pardon?"
The young man let out a long, desolate groan. Then he pressed his face against the tabletop and blurted out, "Underwear!"
"Oh, dear Leviathan..." whispered Ignis, appalled.
"I just wasn't thinking, okay?"
"Clearly not."
"Well, when I saw how mad Noct was," Prompto went on, reaching for the napkin dispenser between them, "I was all like, 'Hey, chill out, man! It's no big deal!' You know?"
Ignis shook his head in disbelief, but the gesture was lost on Prompto, who had taken several napkins and proceeded to wipe his dripping hair with them.
"Then Gladio told me to shut up, and I was like, 'But they're just like the stuff Iris wears!'"
Ignis removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Aaaaaand then Gladio's face got really red, like his head was gonna explode, and he said he was gonna kill me, and he and Noct started chasing me..."
"Is it safe to assume that this is how you managed to get so wet?" Ignis asked, glaring at Prompto's blurry form.
"Yeah. I had to jump in the water to lose them."
"Well." Ignis took a moment to massage his now throbbing temples, before finally replacing his glasses. "I have nothing to say, except that it was a pleasure knowing you, Prompto."
"What?" the blond exclaimed, loudly enough to turn the heads of the other customers to the cafe. "That's it? You're not even gonna try to help me?"
"The only help I can offer you now is what's left of my coffee," Ignis stated, motioning towards his mug. "You'll need the energy if you plan to continue running."
Sneering at the beverage in disgust, Prompto opened his mouth to protest, but just then, there was a shout from the crowded street.
"I see him!" roared Gladio from the distance.
"Oh NOOOOOOOO!" Prompto bellowed, his face aghast with fear. Quick as a flash, he snatched the mug up and chugged the cold coffee. Dark liquid dripped down his chin as he sent the cup crashing back onto the table, and within seconds, he was racing down the thoroughfare in the opposite direction of the two who were chasing him.
Ignis watched as the prince and his bodyguard charged past, and he heaved a weary sigh. Then he retrieved his book and flipped through the pages.
"Now, where was I?"
Thanks for reading!