Thanks to me co-author Lina (аkа DoveWhite)
Wilson opened a file and sighed in annoyance – he'd forgotten to get Cuddy's signature and that meant that he had to go downstairs again.
Passing House's office James dropped in but both the office and the meeting room were empty. Wilson grinned: it was late and he could say for sure that House, languished with idleness, demonstratively went home, and his spoilt employees followed his example immediately after he'd passed through the doors of the main entrance of the hospital.
However there was a surprise waiting for Wilson just in front of the office of the dean. Taub shifted his feet before the door of Cuddy's office. He anxiously pressed his ear alternatively to the keyhole and the chink between the door post and the door itself. In his turn Katner, evidently excited, was moving in short runs along a wide glass wall and posed in a most ridiculous manner trying to see what was going on behind the closed blinds.
- What a hell is goi..? –Wilson started his question in perplexity.
- Shhhh, - simultaneously angrily hissed House's employees.
Kutner made a horrible face and dragged the oncologist aside. Looking back over his shoulder Taub tiptoed to them wearing an alerted expression on his face. The both at once started whispering, words tumbling eagerly form their lips. They interrupted each other but didn't bother being large to deliver the news:
- House picked up the phone and said "Thanks god, at last there you are! I'm coming"…
- He told us to be quite, prohibited touching his toys and went out…
- We followed him.. unnoticed of course…
- He entered Cuddy's office and they closed the blinds.
- House said "Come on, show it to me!".
- We can't see a damn thing from here but we heard some rustle.
- House said "I'm just gonna pull it to pieces" and Cuddy screamed "House, no! You cannot spoil it, take it off with care".
- Then there was some pother and weird noises…
Wilson stiffened with astonishment. Can it be that House and Cuddy…? Right there in her office?! "He should warn them that his extra zealous employees showed overwhelming interest in there personal affairs!", thought Wilson, "or maybe it is better first make sure that it is what it seems to be…?"
Curiosity won the battle and Wilson pressed his ear against the keyhole just like Taub did few minutes before. James assiduously tried to hear what was going on inside the office, but seemingly fragile door prevented him from it. He could hear the loudest phrases only. In a low voice Wilson damned the door that protected its mistress' secrets with such diligence.
James listened carefully. Taub and Kutner were right! Wilson managed to distinguish a hard wheezing. Then he heard House's agitated voice: "Come on, Cuddy! Don't be such a chicken! You just have to touch it and that's all! Just touch it and you'll see for yourself… That's so great!" he moaned in satisfaction. "Come on, take it now! That's right… Good girl… Say you like it! You've definitely made the right choice". Then came Cuddy's uncertain answer: "What am I supposed to do with it? It won't work, my fingers slide off it. Show me how to deal with it… I…I…" Wilson couldn't make out the rest of the phrase. House muttered something with irritation, Wilson heard only: "Don't squeeze too hard, be tender… You see, it works! You did it, it totally obeys your fingers now …" The following words weren't clear, only kind of pluff could be heard. Then Cuddy suddenly exclaimed: " No, House! This thing…it's HUGE! Listen, it's a bad idea! She's too small for it!"
Wilson's eyes widened with shock. Well… it is not that he'd never seen House close while in men's room, but still …to hear such a frank confession from the dean of medicine came as kind of a surprise, really.
James recovered from the shock and leaned to the door again. Now he could hear velvety persuading House's baritone: "Don't say no. You should try it. It may not be easy at first but once you get used to it, it is so nice. Just believe me, OK? I'll show you… I'm sure you'll just love it…"
- What? What is it there? – whispered flustered Taub, pressing his ear against the cold glass wall and crinkling his nose in discontent.
Kutner abandoned his unsuccessful efforts and froze with his ear pressed to the glass wall following the example of his colleague.
Luckily, only few doctors on call could see the comic trio and by the time the stuff were used to freaks of the new team members of the famous diagnostician.
Meanwhile whatever was going on inside Cuddy's office developed by leaps and bounds. Quiet bustle was now replaced with gentle squeaking sounds and incoherent exclamations pronounced by the male and female voices. Then something like … weak moans joined in.
"No, it's all wrong! This time you shall be on the top" declared House in vexed voice.
"All right then! But for god's sake do hurry!" answered Cuddy, her voice trembling with emotion.
Wilson blushed and felt himself a betrayer and a pervert. But he couldn't help eavesdropping though this vulgar, unbecoming activity was beneath dignity of a respected oncologist, indeed.
Taub and Katner silently giggled and from time to time exchanged bawdy looks just like teenagers hiding in shrubs near a girl's dormitory.
"House… Right now I… What shall I do?" muttered Cuddy, her voice marked with uncertainty and fear, "Oh, no! It's too narrow down there! It won't get trough!"
"Bend down! Now! That's good… now I shall slowly move forward.. Together we can do it…"
Looking at Wilson's red face, Taub and Kutner decided that he could hear more than they did. They quickly leaned to the door again.
"House, I need some help down here!" demanded exhilarated Cuddy. "I can't do it on my own! It's just the time to show your skills!"
"Ok, Ok.. I'm here… Daddy's coming… Come on, Cuddy, focus!!", gabbled House, "We are almost there… Just another move and…"
"Yeah!" came their joint yell of triumph.
On hearing it the snuffling trio in the corridor pressed their bodies against the door especially hard, someone pushed the door handle and next moment all three doctors tumbled into Cuddy's office, though with evident efforts they still managed to gain balance.
Holding joystics, House and Cuddy sat in the opposite ends of the sofa. They stared at the uninvited guests in surprise. Defeated monsters groaned on the monitor of a new big TV of the dean of medicine, just below the twinkling "Next level" title.
On catching House's heavy unfriendly gaze, Taub and Kutned immediately disappeared. Wilson stood there speechless, helplessly trying to close his dropped jaw.
- Hello, James, - nodded Cuddy with perfect calm.
She looked at the blushing and sweating oncologist with interest. Wilson confusedly waved greeting her. Freaked out, he shifted his gaze from House to the chief and back.
- My sister and nephews are going to stay at my place, - continued Cuddy in her regular voice. – I bought an X-box for them, - she pointed at the empty box and wrapping carefully folded on the table.
- X-box, - Wilson gave a weak squeak, trying come to himself.
- Well…yes, - confirmed Lisa. – Though it seems that I mistakably considered House an expert and had chosen a wrong game.
Cuddy ignored the diagnostician's brows raised in indignation and his crossed arms, and again looked at Wilson.
- James, what do you think? Can those huge and dreadful monsters have impact on mind of a seven year-old girl?
- Well… er…I…., - vaguely bleated Wilson, who didn't recover from the shock yet.
But House interrupted him, entering the conversation:
- Oh, come on! You enjoyed playing! I saw it in your eyes! – announced House with a hurt expression on his face. – And it was you who yelled so loud on killing the last one! Well, of course, you'd never finish him off if I didn't help you out, - specified Greg with a complacent smirk.
Cuddy got embarrassed:
- On the other hand, my nephew is twelve… And it can be all right for him…, - Lisa's voice died away.
- By the way, - House put the joystick aside and stood up. – Wilson, why were you behind the door with those idiots?!