It takes time
Rose holds the hand of the man by her side, she can't stop thinkin how the tact still feels the same even though her mind keeps saying,"it's not him", they look at each other in silence because they have a lot to say but they can't find the words.
He just wants to tell her, he's there with her, he's going to hold her hand always, help her to recover from the loss, like she always did to him.
But he also knows that she doesn't need the words right now, her mind is too far away to listen to his calm voice. She drops his hand and looks into the ocean, he let her alone for a while and Jackie walks silently to his side, "it takes time" she says cracking a sympathy smile, "what?" the Doctor asks, "love". He tries to smile at her but he can't, he feels sad for Rose, he knows the feeling of losing someone you love and he's scared she will never understand he is the same Doctor after all.
As Pete arrives with the jet and little Tony, Jackie whispers in his ear not to say a word for now and she will explain later, the Doctor looks at little Tony that has a confused look on his face,"who are you?" he asks with some problems with pronunciation, "I'm the Doctor, and you must be Tony Tyler" he replies checking his hand, Tony's eyes shine with joy,"the Doctor knows me!" he screams. He has heard so many legends about him that he was to him like Father Christmas. During the travel Rose doesn't say a word, not even to her father or brother, she just looks through the window, saying goodbye again to that hurtful beach.
When they arrive at London, Tony asks her sister, "why didn't you tell me?" she looks at him confused,"tell you what Tony?" "that the Doctor was coming" she looks at the Doctor with a sad look and the she tells his brother, "he's not the Doctor". Pete Tyler just touches the Doctor's back, "she will come through", but he's not that sure, she knows how much she loves him, she won't ever forgive, she won't ever forget.
The Doctor is shy to ask where is he staying when they arrive to the mansion but Jackie notices it, "don't worry, you'll be staying here" he smiles grateful but Rose looks at her mother, and she seems upset, "he has no place to go", Rose just ignores them and enters the house.
"Ok, first things first" says Jackie pointing at the Doctor "you have to get rid off that suit", the Doctor looks at himself upset, "what do you have against blue?" he aks, and Jackie laughs, "blue? That's not the problem, it's the whole thing, too shiny, and what are those? Flowers? And you look ready just to paint a building, and oh that t-shirt, you're too skinny for that" the Doctor looks at Rose forgetting for a moment everything that happened, "but you like it right?", just one small look from her and he remembers everything, "I like the brown better" and he wonders if she's talking about the suits or something more.
He feels awkward inside the mansion, he feels he doesn't belong there and it's a shame because he remembers how at ease healways felt around the Tyler's family, but now it's different, Rose doesn't speak to him, and her parents doesn't know how to treat him, the only one who treats him like the Doctor is Tony, but of course he's only two years old. He showes him his notebook, he wants him to read some of his story. They sit in the sofa while the other Tylers arrange the things in the house for him, he starts reading and recognizes the writing, it's Rose's, it starts with the day they met, she managed to tell their adventures as kid's story, he reads at loud to Tony who is delighted to finally hear those story from the man himself. But Rose is hidden listening as well, paying attention to his voice, same voice, and how he feels the stories, like he was part of them, but he wasn't, she kept reminding herself.
After a while her mother spot her, "why don't you show him his room?" Rose looks at her mother thinking "why me?" but Jackie is not accepting no for an aswer, "We have a lot of things to do around here, just do me that favour"
Rose interrupts the reading, "Tony, I have to steal him from you" Tony fakes a sad face, "another time" the Doctor promises him. Rose just makes a gesture with her head to follow and he does wondering if she's going to stop acting like that someday.
She just opens the door of the room and tries to walk away but the Doctor takes her by the arm and stops her, "I'm sorry, but are you going to talk to me? Ever?" "I don't have anything to say" he smiles sarcastically because that's a lie, she looks at him and realizes something, "you must need some clothes" he nods smiling thinking that she cares, that's a relief. "Take this, they're my dad's but I'm sure you'll do fine", "I'm too skinny for this don't you think?" he aks holding the pajama trousers, she can't help but smile, a tiny smile, "was that a smile?" she says "no" very serious because she remembers that question, and she keeps thinking, "it's not him", "this is going to be your room, it was the guest room, then it was Mickey's" she looks at him directly at his eyes, "and now it's the guest room again" and she leaves. He sits in the bed feeling alone and thinking how much they've changed, there were moments when she wouldn't leave hi, wouldn't care if they were stuck in a space ship in the future because she was with him, and now she didn't even want to be in the same room, this new life was going to be hard.
He looks at the mirror dressed with Pete's clothes and he knows that isn't right, he can't go out like that, he looks at his hair and decides it's time to change his look, after a while touching a ruffling his hair he gets his final look, cool but natural, no more spikey hair, but he's keeping the sideburns, not the clothes.
He goes to the living room searching for Jackie but there's no sign of any of the family there, just Rose looking pretty busy reading some papers. "You have glasses" he says, she keeps reading, "yes, I got them last year" she notices he wants to ask something, she can hear his feet tapping the floor, "what do you want?" "nothing, I was looking for your mother", "they went out" silence again but he doesn't go, "come on! What's wrong?" she asks finally looking at him, she takes off her glasses and tries not to laugh, "your father's clothes don't fit" he says looking down, "I see that" she smiles again, but when he looks at her she gets serious again, "your hair", he smiles happy that she noticed, "yup, I've changed it, it looks more natural, like how I used to look the old days" but Rose doesn't believe he's the same man. He notices she's thinking about who he is and who he isn't, so he decides to leave her alone,"wait, do you wanna go shopping?" , he smiles relieved,"yes please".
He feels weird going to actual shops to find new clothes, before he just entered the TARDIS and he had everything he could imagine and now, he's surrounded by brands, styles and everything looks the same, "don't they have personalities anymore?" "fashion and personality aren't to associate" says Rose, "I just can't help it, I've worn two suits for four years, this is overwhealming", he complaints, "just don't touch the shiny colours or the velvet and you'll be ok" she says taking the things he had chosen at first, "I thought those were cool" he complaints again, and Rose rolls her eyes, "just go for classic, you looked good in brown", he ruffles his hair, "well maybe I should look for the same suit" but Rose looks at him, "no", and he realizes, she's there but she's not with him.
She feels bad because of her reaction, but all of that is too much for her, "why don't you search for a new style? It's time" and he admits she's right, so he finally chooses what to wear and decides for a more sporty look and decides to try jeans again, and Abercombrie and Fitch, he gets obssesed for that brand. Rose pays for everything and he thanks her for it, "it's not like you have any money" she reminds him. And he remembers, he's human now, he has to earn money and do the things all humans do, "I have to find a job now...well, maybe science teacher,or physics? Remember? I was good" but she doesn't say anything, "well we'll see" he concludes as they are leaving the shop.
"I don't know maybe you can try Torchwood" she recommends, and he feels insulted, "Torchwood?" don't look me like that, "our Torchwood worths it, my dad is the director" but the Doctor has his doubts, "you used too many guns", Rose knows it's true but she also knows they are humans and they don't have any other way to defend themselves, "well humans don't regenerate", "are you really defending that?" he asks angrily, "of course not, but you have to understand that we are not geniuses like yourself, and if you come to work with us, you can change thigs there" he wonders about it, "mmm, maybe, Jack's Torchwood didn't look bad, homey, but I'm not used to follow orders and the weapons, the non cualified travels in time..." but Rose stops him very angry, "non qualified? Haven't you noticed what I did?" he didn't mean to offend her because when he speaks of Torchwood, he doesn't include her because he feels she is way better than them, "I'm even more qualified than you, everything I've done, I've seen, you don't have any of that, you didn't do any of that, you are just a walking memory" when he was ready to apologize she says that, and he doesn't want to see her, not in that moment, so she leaves her behind and starts to walk away.
Rose goes back to the Tyler mansion alone, she feels guilty and sad for her behaviour, she is ready to apologize because if she thinks he's not the same Doctor she must know as well that he's not the one she should be fighting with. But she worries after realizing he wasn't there, "mom hasn't he come?" she asks Jackie, "no, weren't you two together?" Rose covers her face with her hands and Jackie approaches her, "what happened?" "we had a fight, it was my fault", "don't worry he will come back" but she worries because that world is new to him, because he is new, because he is human and is alone out there, Pete goes searching for him, but after an hour without any news and tired of Tony asking for the Doctor, she starts to feel scared. It starts raining, "mom he's like us now, he will get ill" Jackie gives an umbrella to Rose, "look for him, you know him better than any of us"
She thinks about what her mother told her, "you know him better", she sighs under the dark sky covering herself with the pink umbrella, "where did you go?, "where should I go?" she asks herself and she feels her heatbeat running fast. She goes to the Fish and Chips they went on their first date as they say, and she sees him through the window. The Doctor looks when she enters, she notices how she closes the umbrella and combs her hair with her fingers, she looks at him and he avoids her eyes, instead he stares at the plate of chips in front of him.
She sits in front of him, and without saying a word he takes a chip, "I never get tired of this place" she says while tasting the chip in her mouth, he just stares sadly, "I know I overreacted" but the Doctor shakes his head, "I can't expect you to act like nothing happened" he sincerely says, "but it wasn't your fault" and she's right, he thinks at least in part, this time it wasn't his fault. She tries to hold his hand but he doesn't let her, "I came here because...well you know why" he smiles, "but you're right Rose, I remember clearly that day, but I wasn't really there". Rose bites her lip, she can't think of what to say, in that time it didn't occur to her that he was adapting to a new situation just like her, "I've ordered this chips and I didn't have the courage to try them because I remember the taste, but I haven't ever tasted them, has that any sense?" he asks, Rose sighs and moves her hair away from her face, "I don't have the answers, you used to have them" she replies, he looks at the ceiling a laughs softly, "well now every answer that I have brings another question", Rose laughs and he looks at her surprised to hear her laughter again, "what?" he asks confused, and she smiles widely like she used to, "that's being human" the Doctor puts a funny face, "I see"
Rose takes a chip and gives it to him, "come on, it won't kill you, the only thing that can do is getyou fat", the Doctor smiles and tries one, "delicious, like I remembered", they're not ready yet to be the best friends they were, at least not her, but the Doctor is willing to accept anything she can offer, and if they have to start all over again, he will. So they spend that night like the first date, eating chips, they don't talk that much, they just look in to their eyes, and he knows she's just trying to read his soul, like searching who he really is, he hopes one day she will realize he is the same man.
They go to pay and Rose looks at him, "how were you going to pay for the chips?", he just smiles shyly, " I was hoping you would find me"
The Doctor pretends he doesn't feel insecure when entering Torchwood but the truth is that he feels insecure, scared and nervous, because he was always on his own and he is afraid that he's going to dissapoint Pete and Rose. Rose knows him too well and she knows something is wrong, "are you ok?" she aks gently posing her hand on his arm, and for the tiniest moment he feels fine again, "yes, it's just new". Torchwood seems fine it's similar to Canary Wharf's Torchwood which he isn't happy about, but he notices some changes, the Tylers spirit. The people there are nicer, and they seem relaxed, something that didn't happen in the other Torchwood, they were like robots most of the time and that was before the Cybergmen came in.
"You know Rose, there's still something missing here" he says, Rose smiles reading his mind, "let me guess, a little shop", he grins at her happy that she still remembers, "yes, a little shop" he repeats, "well we try to be discrete, I can't imagine selling I was in Torchwood t-shirts", the Doctor laughs, "yeah, you're probably right", but the joyful moment is soon interrupted by the important people there. There's a woman that gives Rose a cold look, the Pete Tyler who looks very happy, and an old man. "Rose come here" says Pete smiling, she doesn't know what's going on, "you did a fantastic job saving the universe this time" says the old man, who later the Doctor would know was the president of Torchwood, he seems to be one of the nice guys, "I didn't do it alone", Rose says looking at the Doctor and he smiles, "don't be so modest" replies Pete, "Lucy, Arthur and me have considered to offer you to be the director" Rose mouths open widely surprised, "what? But that's your..." Pete smiles, "now it's your job, Arthur is retiring and has named me the new president" Rose covers her mouth and hugs her father, the Doctor looks at them trying to look happy but he doesn't know if Torchwood is the place for Rose, especially in that position, she will have to take hard decitions like the ones he always have to make, and he knows that it will destroy her soul one day. But he also notices Lucy's look, she doesn't seem very pleased with the news.
Rose shows the Doctor his department, she doesn't say anything about what happened because she still cannot believe it, "Rose, congratulations" she looks at him and smiles, "thanks" but she also notices he has doubt about it, "you don't like the idea", "what? No, not at all, I mean who better than Rose Tyler?" but she knows him too well, "you never liked Torchwood", he takes her hand, "I trust you, if you're here, this place is good", Rose looks at his eyes, and still can't believe he's not really her Doctor, he looks the same, acts the same, speaks the same, only he's not as afraid as he used to be to show his emotions, but now it was her the one who was afraid. "This is your new job" they enter into the lab, "Rose I'm a genius really, but I'm not a real scientist", "but you have the knowledge, it doesn't matter if you don't have the diploma" he smiles. "Also you are especialized in aliens so you're going to be very useful analyzing alien DNA, just don't lick please" he laughs, "I thought that was funny", Rose puts a disgusting face, "that was icky" he's still laughing when someone called James enters, "oh hello" Rose introduces them, "James this is...", she's not sure what to call him, if she says he is the Doctor she will have to answer many questions she is not ready to be ask, the Doctor thinks she just can't say the name because she doesn't want him to be the Doctor so he continues, "John Smith, pleased to meet you" they check hands, "he is the director of the department now", "oh so he is the genius your father was talking about", says James, the Doctor feels embarrased for a second, and ruffles his hair nervously, "oh I'm not a genius", "yes you are" Rose reassures him, and he smiles. Maybe she is not that lost after all.
But at the end of the day they both are exhausted from all the work, and the Doctor's fears were right, Rose has already too much pressure on her shoulders, they live in a world where aliens are feared but she has seen so many things, she knows it's not like that, she knows they are alive beings just like humans and that they need to be protected as well, that's why her eyes are red, she's been crying, she hasn't say anything a word in all day, and the Doctor wish she would speak to him because he's the only one that can understand what she's going through.
Tony goes to the Doctor, he wants him to read something more, they go to Tony's room and he tells the story of when they met Dickens, "blimey you're beautiful" the Doctor reads, "was she?" Tony asks, "your sister?" Tony nods, "of course she was, she is beautiful", Rose listen behind the door those words and feels her heartbeat, "he never expressed that so sincerely". When the Doctor leaves Tony's room he sees Rose in the corridor waiting for him.
"You want to talk?" he asks, but she says no, "you need to talk" he ads, Rose hugs him and he is shocked by the gesture but responds as well, "what's wrong?", "Torchwood, they are Nazis", "but things can change remember?" he reminds him what she told him, "I can't", the Doctor looks at her eyes, "Rose Tyler, you can do whatever you want, you saved the world, the universe so many times, all by yourself and you're telling me you can't do this?", she smiles and wipes out her tears, "I don't think I'm strong enoug, not right now" and he realizes that she is going through a lot and that maybe there are too many changes in her life. "I want to help you" but Rose is not prepared to accept him as the Doctor, not yet, so she walks away from him and goes to her room.
But he follows her, "what are you doing?" "I'm following you?", "yeah I've noticed, but what for?", "we need to talk" Rose knows what he wants to talk about but she just can't, "no" she says, "yes" and he grabs her by her arm and goes to his room.
"We are alone now, it's the time we finally be sincere with eachother" says the Doctor, "I am being sincere" he laughs, but is a hurt laugh and she notices it, "trust me I've noticed", "I'm sorry" she apologizes for her behaviour and he thinks he wanted to hear that, but he still loves her too much to think she has to apologize, "no, don't be, I know this must be very hard for you", but Rose is not that sure, "you can't imagine how hard it is", "of course I can, I have the same memories, the same emotions, I remember how it felt when I lost you, I remember the pain, I remember not being able to open myself to someone because I still missed you, because I was scared of suffering again, I remember all that, and I'm the one who is really sorry, because as much pain you feel, I can't just ignore the happiness I feel to see you again. Because you are in front of me, and I've been dreaming this for years and now it's real, but it's so painful at the same time, because i've lost you so many times, but now it's worse, because you're here and I don't have you". Rose looks at him with tears in her eyes and she just can't help to pull his tie and kiss him pasionately on the lips, for a moment they don't think or ask anything, he wasn't sure he was going to kiss her again, and now that it was happening he didn't want to stop.
But she did, she moved away from him, "I'm sorry" the Doctor look at his feet, "you'r never going to accept me" he says, and Rose wants to tell him that's not true because she feels sorry for him, but she doesn't want to lie to him, she just stares at his eyes, and he smiles politely, "I understand" Rose turns back and leaves him there.
He feels he can't live there anymore, he can't see her everyday, trying to reach her, because everytime she is more far away, so the next morning he takes the paper and starts looking for a rent flat, it's strange for him to do something like that, having a house, a job, earning money, buying stuff, but he's enjoying that side of his new life, because after all that's what he always wanted, a normal life, well he wanted more than that, he wanted a family, and when he met Rose, he wanted her, he wanted her to be more than a friend, but that was impossible, now it isn't but things don't look as bright as he thought they would be.
Jackie catches him circling a ad, "you're leaving?" the Doctor looks at her and smiles, "yes, I can have my own place now, well, at least I can rent a flat", "but you can stay here as long as you want", "I know", Jackie then realizes, "you don't want to stay here", he gently takes her hand, "this is going to sound strange coming from me, but these two weeks have been amazing, you have treated me like I'm part of your family and I will be eternarly thankful for that", she smiles, "then why do you leave?" he avoids her eyes, "I just need it", "is it Rose?" she asks, and he smiles, mother always know better, "it's very difficult" she sits by his side, "you have to understand her, this is probably the hardest thing that can happen to someone, he's still out there alone", but the Doctor doesn't get it, because he's that man, and he knows he wants her to be happy, that this was her perfect ending, "but what he really want is this, he just want her to have the life she wanted, the love she wanted", Jackie smiles and touches his cheek, "oh Doctor, don't you see? That's what she wanted for him too. In these two years that she was looking for you, she never said I need him, she never said she felt alone, she kept asking for you, saying that you were alone, that you needed her, she was sad because she didn't know if you were doing ok", he knows that feeling, he felt that too. "Well I really need to go, I can't meet her everyday here, every second, because, well, because I want her" Jackie kisses him in the forehead and leaves him.
The Doctor has already set his eyes in the appartment he wants, he arranges all the payment, now he has to talk to Rose, but he's not sure she cares, so he just packs his things in his room, Rose surprises him, "You're packing" she says, "yup", he replies folding some shirts and ignoring her, "you're leaving", she is surprides no one told her, "yup" he repeats, "oh, I see that's all I'm getting now, yups" he closes one bag and looks at her, "what do you want me to say?" he is just tired of that game and he's ready to move on, "nothing, just, you should have told me", "why Rose? I'm not your Doctor remember?" he says angrily and hurt, "I kissed you" he smiles, "yes, twice, I remember", "then?", "then what Rose? It was a kiss and you weren't thinking about me, so who cares? I'm not the Doctor you fall in love with" but Rose tears run throug her cheeks, "you think I stopped because I was thinking about him?" he nods, "are you going to tell me you weren't?" Rose looks down trying hard not to cry, "I wasn't" he feel his heart stopping for a second, "Rose", she looks at him with tears in her eyes, "I stopped because for a moment I forgot him, because you said those things to me and I couldn't resist", "but why do you resist? This is what you always wanted", "I wanted the Doctor to be happy, to find love, I wanted to be with him, I didn't want to be only one who could find love, that isn't fair". He puts his hands in his pocket, "what are we going to do?" he asks, "I don't know", the bell rings, is the taxi, "I have to go", "now?" she aks, and he nods, "when we start to talk at last" he smiles sadly, "I'll help you with the bags".
He is about to go into the taxi, but she stops him, "aren't you going to say goodbye?", "I'm tired of that word" she smiles, "Rose, I'm not leaving, I'm moving but I'm still here for you, when you're ready" they hug and Rose cries hiding her face in his shoulder, he smells the same, she thinks.
The Doctor looks Rose through the window until she disappears from his sight, the taxi driver asks if he had troubles with her girlfriend, "I'd wished" he replies.