Title: Four things that never happened to Saki
Summary: Some spoilers through Kyoto Arc. Inspired by Brigdh's fic, "Five things that never happened to Hisoka."



1. Be dead.

"Thank you for your assistance in our case," Saki bows politely as he's let out the door. "In the meantime, please accept this protective spell from my partner. It should protect you from the evil spirit." He hands the ofuda to the little old woman who tucks it into her purse with quavering fingers.

"Thank you young man," she says, as she closes the door. With a sweep of his dark crimson coat, Saki sets off down the street, streetlights flickering and fading as he walks past.

"So, are you all done for the night?" His partner appears beside him, like a black shadow with piercing violet eyes.

"Yep. Everything's settled. How about you, Tsuzuki-san? Is everything all right? Did you find the spirit?"

"Only for a few minutes. But I'll get him next time, Saki-kun" Tsuzuki says, ruffling Saki's black hair. Saki only smiles, heedless of the indignity. "How about a drink, kid? I'll buy you a soda."

"Coke with a slice of lime?"

"Absolutely. We can get some dessert too. It's my treat."

"That sounds really great, Tsuzuki-san," Saki smiles, basking in his partner's approval.

Dying was definitely the best thing that ever happened to him.



2. Be the survivor.

"Hello, little brother," Saki smiled gently, his eyes soft with some unexpressed emotion, as he ran the length of the sword along his fingertips, marveling at the tiny scratch it left along his fingers, so thin, so neat as to barely draw blood, merely a micron fraction of skin penetrated. Kazutaka moved as if to run, but Saki was too fast for him, knocking Kazutaka's feet out from under him, making him hit the ground with an unwieldy thud.

Blood welled out from Kazutaka's lips where his teeth cut his lower lip. The red stained along his pale skin, the only hint of color. Surprised, he touched a finger to the growing crimson, the coppery taste filling his mouth.

"Saki!" It was an exhalation of breath, almost a whisper, fed along streams of horror and fear.

"That's me," Saki grinned, as he swung the blade in a practiced sweep, his arm moving through the form smoothly. "And now, it's your turn. I'm really sorry that it turned out this way, Kazutaka, but it's nothing personal. Just so that you understand. It's something I have to do. Goodbye, little brother."

Kazutaka scuttled back against the smooth wooden floor, stumbling to get away, to protect himself somehow, as the blade came down in a sweep of steel, the metal flying inexorably toward him and then there was no time and...

Bam. The ricochet of the gun. The bullet slammed into the steel blade, snapping the tip off as neatly as the shatter of a winter icicle breaking off the eaves.

Time froze momentarily. Saki would always remember, because of how slow it felt, the gleam and flick of the katana's tip as it went sailing through the air, the hint of his own reflection passing by him as the momentum of the broken blade sent it forth, slicing into Kazutaka's throat. A second later, the servant dropped his gun, horrified, and went to Kazutaka's aid. Saki dispassionately dispatched the man with the broken remnant of the blade.

Kazutaka clutched at the blade's tip, still lodged in his throat, his eyes desperate as his fingers scrabbled uselessly at the lacerating steel.

Blood. It was everywhere.

"Sorry, brother," Saki whispered again, his words tight in his throat. "This is for you, mother. Now you can rest in peace." He brought the blade up once more, this time for the killing stroke...


3. Be alive.

Rain. But it was salty.

It wasn't really rain; it was just the salt spray of water as waves pounded the stones, and droplets flew up into the air like a blowing whale's breath. It left Saki's black wind-blown hair strewn with bright beads of water.

It took him nearly half an hour to walk out this far, clambering from one rock to the next until he came to the edge of the stone barrier that sheltered the harbor from the worst of the Pacific.

Above, the sky changed from summery blue to an autumnal gray as the chill fog rolled in.

Saki was lonely out here on the wrong side of the ocean. Few here speak Japanese. Even the few Japanese kids that he knows aren't really Japanese at all, other than by blood. They have nothing to say to each other.

Their parents look at him in pity.

Saki was given a new name after his life was saved. Sometimes he doesn't answer when he's called on in class, because he forgets. He's strange enough without that. It had made things particularly difficult.

His lips tasted liquid, warm and salty. But at least he was alive.


4. Be the best man.

"How does it look?" Kazutaka fiddles nervously with his bow tie, uncharacteristically anxious.

"Relax, you look fine," Saki says, lounging in a chair behind his brother, plucking idly at his boutonniere, the crimson and white orchid petals feeling delicately waxy beneath his fingers. "But you know, it should be the other way around. The bride's supposed to wear white, not the groom. And what possessed Ukyou to get married in all red?"

"Her own choice," Kazutaka says absently, as he looks to the right and left, making certain that there are no stray locks out of place. His prosthetic right eye stares back at him in the reflection. Ukyou had never allowed him to grow his hair out like he once thought about doing, to cover the unsightly scar that marred his face, to veil that strange pale eye that didn't match. She had said he should be proud of what he had survived, and damn anyone who was going to think him less handsome for it.

"That's what I get for moving overseas," Saki says with an exaggerated tone of exasperation. "All the people I care about develop terrible taste. When I come back next time, will you have an afro?"

"I don't have terrible taste! Remind me to poison your wine before you give the toast, that way you can skip that affair as well," Kazutaka snaps, as he checks the mirror again.

"I'll make sure to tell your mother you said that," Saki snickers, as he unfolds himself from his chair, and stands to help his brother straighten his bowtie.

"I'm sure she'll get a real kick out of it. Honestly, you are a lot of trouble sometimes."

"My apologies, nii-san," Kazutaka says softly, looking oddly worn and weary. "I did not mean to sound so harsh."

"It's okay," Saki says, pulling Kazutaka into a brief embrace from behind. They're like light and shadow in the mirror, reflections paralleling each other in dual contrast. "It's your wedding. You have a right to be nervous. Besides," he adds, "I'll get my revenge."

His hand moves faster than Kazutaka can react. Before he can flinch, Saki is mussing up his hair into a staticky fuzz.

"Saki! You bastard!"

"That's me!" Saki laughs as he dances away from Kazutaka's half-hearted attempt at elbowing him.

"My hair! I'll kill you!"

"It's what big brothers are for!"

"SAKI!"


Author's notes: Inspired by Brigdh, but definitely not as good. Check out her "Five things that never happened to Hisoka" which can be found here: chosenone.envy.nu/5things.html

Including the titles, parts 2-4 are 400 words each, and parts 1-3 are 200 each (which of course add up to 400). The significance of the number 4 is that in Chinese, it's almost a homonym for the word 'death.' It's an unlucky number. Some of the Saki ideas were inspired by one of my other fics.

Different tenses are intentional. Thanks to RubyD for prereading. :D