Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds.
The Breaking, the Building
He closes his eyes, though he knows he will not sleep. He listens intently to the steady breathing of the man beside him, using it as an almost lullaby, willing himself to sleep. And, though all conditions are the same as usual, he cannot drift much further past that pre-dream state where all the worries of today, tomorrow, and yesterday are at the forefront of his mind.
He does his best not to toss and turn, though it's the natural reaction to the sleepless night, for fear that he will wake his companion. He isn't used to this, to having someone their. He knows the other man would understand, but he isn't used to that either.
He's used to arguments, to long nights spent on the couch. He's used to the breaking, not to the building. He's used to trying too hard or not hard enough. And he's afraid he'll do it again.
He's come close already, once. Implying Aaron didn't try hard enough, implying that a child could have somehow solved the problems he'd had with his wives, even while Aaron was dealing with the loss of his wife and his son.
He doesn't want to come that close again, especially not now that they actually have something.
So he stays as still as he can and he keeps his eyes closed because he doesn't want this to break. He wants to keep building, keep from falling back into old habits and wreaking everything.
And eventually, he drifts off to sleep, holding fast to the hope that this can work, that it will work, even with everything stacked against them.