He would never tell a soul
Attractions of a Carnal Nature
By: Chaosticsoul
Genre: Angst/Romance
Paring: Eyes/Ayumu
Summary: The musings of Ayumu on his new obsession, Eyes Ruthford. But is this an obsession? A unyielding lust? A desperate love? Perhaps even a doomed man's last wish . . ?
Disclaimer: I do not own Spiral.
Warnings: DARK! Mentions of rape, incest, abuse, self mutilation, suicide, death . . . get the picture? And lets not forget yaoiy goodness, and its also AU.
Part: 1/?
-Secret Obsession: 1-
He would never tell a soul.
It was the attraction of the silver hair and deep blue eyes . . . . they swallowed him whole. The shot from him about his brother, it meant nothing. Not when he was there. He was all that mattered in that moment.
How do I know? How could I know his innermost thoughts as he looked at one of the blade children?
I am he; Ayumu Narumi.
I could never tell anyone about the attraction that hit me or of the arousal that still lingers in my mind. His voice, his cold looks—they make me want to reach out and touch it, make me want to protect that cool indifference. This is one large difference from my brother. I can love.
"What kind of man would tell someone how to kill his brother?"
My brother would. I saw the cold, cruel nature within, while all everyone saw was perfection. Maybe the blade children saw it too. I doubt it though. A cheap imitation of my brother? His music always sounded like mine, and I though I was imitating him, but it was him. He was always taking my talents and making them his own, never being who he truly was. My piano, my song, he stole it from me . . .
But Eyes is different. He perhaps even saw through my façade. My love of music is something my brother never had. Tossing the piano aside as another talent mastered. Just as he did me. I was just another thing to master—he wasn't so damn perfect in the night. When I was nine he molested me. He swore to love me. Bullshit. He was just mastering me, making me dependent on him, and it worked. When he left I was so shocked. He had trained me well, and even now I shudder at anyone's touch.
But Eyes, I long for his. Anyone else and I know I would shy away, but I want to see him again, if even for a moment. I want to touch him, and have him control me. I want to feel his slap, and feel his caress. Taste his blood, tears, cum.
I bought his CDs. I stare at the images while listening to the music, and feel myself drown in the arousal his image and music forces on me. I am too well trained though to ever relieve myself. I taped the commercial, and watched it repeatedly. I recorded a concert of his and watch his fingers run over the keys, and imagine them touching my flesh. When he arrived I ad taped the news for some reason. Now I watch him demand to see me, and moan at the thought of what else he could demand from me.
He is my desire, my master, and my downfall.
I have no self confidence for a reason you know.