Gone Forever

A/N: I wrote this to be the first chapter to a multi-chaptered fic (not a terribly long one, maybe 5 chapters at most) but when I was writing the ending I kind of see that it could work as a one-shot also. I'm still debating about continuing, I probably will but let me know what you think! This is also a songfic.

Song: Gone Forever, Three Days Grace

Warnings: Drug/alcohol use, Apollo/Klavier pre-slash if you squint.

Disclaimer: I do not own Apollo Justice or anything related to Ace Attorney.

"I'll be fine, Herr Forehead," Klavier said, brushing off Apollo's concern. Really, Klavier was almost annoyed with the amount of concern Apollo had been shoving at him recently. He was grateful that someone cared about him, of course, but all he wanted at the moment was to be left alone. And that was exactly what Apollo seemed reluctant to do.

"Well, if you're sure," Apollo said, tugging on his bracelet. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow in court then." With a nod from Klavier, he left. Now that he was alone, he almost wished Apollo had stayed. He was scared of his thoughts recently.

He sighed and started gathering his things. So what is Kristoph was dead? So what if his brother had finally received his death penalty that, quite honestly, he deserved a year ago? So what if the only reason he had attended Kristoph's burial was to make sure he was actually dead and in the ground where he belonged? He knew why Apollo was worried, but he just didn't care that his brother was dead. The way he saw it, his brother died years ago, before that cursed Gramarye case. The body he'd watched lower into the ground was an imposter. It wasn't his brother, not really. Just someone else with the name Kristoph Gavin, someone who was a psychopath. But not the brother he'd grown up with and loved.

He decided to leave his paperwork in the office. Klavier had a habit of not doing work at home anyways. He looked around his office and shrugged. He pulled on his jacket and headed out the door. As he got on his bike, he made a split second destination change. Klavier turned away from his apartment and headed to Gavin Estate.

Gavin Estate had been their family home from the time Klavier and Kristoph had first moved to America with their parents when Klavier was six. The next four years were some of the happiest times of Klavier's life. Everything changed when Konrad and Kamilla Gavin were killed by a drunk driver shortly after Klavier's tenth birthday. Kristoph suddenly found himself in charge of both Gavin Estate and his younger brother. The two boys did alright for themselves for a few years, living off the considerable amount of money their parents left them. Kristoph loved and cared for Klavier as best he could while studying law at University. But over time, Kristoph began growing distant, secretly resenting having to be a father so young, and Klavier, entering his teenage years, began to rebel.

Klavier sighed, looking at the photos hanging in the entrance hall, thinking back to his rebellious stage. He was sorry to say he fell into a bad crowd when he was 13. He started drinking every night with his friends, angry at his parents leaving him, angry at Kristoph for distancing himself, angry at the world in general. Drinking turned into smoking pot, which led to prescription pill popping, and finally to his lowest. He shuddered, thinking about the needles and small bottles of liquid he used to be so familiar with. He almost threw his whole high school career, and his whole life, away for those drunken moments he'd shoot up.

Kristoph saved him. Klavier would never forget the moment Kristoph found him nearly passed out in an alley, alone besides the needle he'd just shot up with. Kristoph didn't get mad, didn't yell or scream at him. Instead, he just picked Klavier up and said, "I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner and let it get so bad. You're going to get help and I'm going to be there the whole time."

Klavier stepped into the living room. His eyes immediately caught sight of the first photo over the fireplace. In it, he was a month shy of 14. He was standing next to Kris outside the rehab center he'd just been released from. With their golden hair and big, brilliant smiles, they could've lit up the world that day. Kristoph was genuinely glad to have his brother back and healthy, and Klavier was happy to be living life again, for being able to have a second chance.

He made a few decisions in rehab, and actually made a friend, too. Kristoph was not happy about his staying friends with someone he'd been in rehab with, but came to accept Daryan. Just a few months after being released, Klavier and Daryan made their way back to the Gavin home in Germany, taking nothing with them besides their guitars and a few law books, and Kristoph's blessing. They studied and wrote music and studied more and wrote more music until the Gavinners hit it big and Klavier had a license to prosecute in Germany. Klavier and Daryan made it back to the states after the first Gavinners tour, putting the band on hold while Klavier attended Themis Legal Academy and got his license to prosecute in California.

Klavier studied the next few photos, wondering why Kristoph had left them out. He couldn't picture Kris as being the nostalgic type, especially not with his most recent actions before going to jail. There was a photo of Klavier and Daryan in Germany, a photo of the band performing in London, a photo of Klavier and Kristoph reunited at the airport, a photo of Klavier, Kristoph and Daryan at Klavier's graduation from Themis, a photo of Klavier and Kris right before Klavier's first trial. Klavier picked up the last one and stared at it, rememebering his excitement to prosecute his first case in the states, his eagerness to prove himself to his brother. He remembered being disappointed when Kristoph told him he would not be defending that day. Klavier stared at it, his emotions rising in him, until he threw the photo against the opposite wall.

How could he have been so stupid? His blind, unwavering trust in Kristoph had cost Phoenix Wright his badge, had cost Trucy Enigmar her father. He paced the room, aggitated at himself, angry at Kristoph.

Don't know what's going on

Don't know what went wrong

Feels like a hundred years I

Still can't believe you're gone

Klavier goes to where he knows Kristoph stored his liquor, hidden and locked away from his younger brother with alcohol issues. Klavier discovered it during his time at Themis, although at the time he couldn't open it and didn't want to, knowing that just because he's recovered doesn't mean he's not still an alcoholic. Now, though, now he knows he'll need what's in there if he plans on staying in this house one more second. In the past, during moments like these, he would call his support partner. But, as luck would have it, Daryan's locked up. There's no one to tell him not to have a drink, besides a voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like Herr Forehead. But Apollo isn't actually here, doesn't know about his past, and Klavier is not done here. So he enters the code he's learned recently and grabs a bottle and a glass. He sets them on the table and stares at the glass for a moment, before shrugging and deciding to forego the glass. If he's going to do this, he might as well do it as a proper alcoholic. He grabs the bottle and makes his way down the hall.

Klavier heads to his old bedroom, passing Kristoph's on the way. He's not ready for that yet. He sits on his old bed and drinks a considerable amount straight from the bottle in one go. Klavier looks at the photo on his nightstand, one of him and Kristoph at Kristoph's office when he first opened it. He throws that one too, shattering the glass of the frame, and takes another drink. The liquor is starting to hit him, quicker than he thought, either because he hasn't drank for years or because the bottle's already more than half gone. He stumbles over to the collage he has hanging on the wall, stepping on the glass of the picture frame on the way, with only his socks to protect him. He curses and pulls the pieces of glass out of his right foot, shrugging when it starts to bleed. He finally makes it to the collage and looks at himself and Daryan staring out from every picture, another past for him to regret. Maybe Kristoph was right, maybe it wasn't smart for two former addicts to stay friends after rehab, and that thought leads him to take another gulp from his bottle. He wonders why Kristoph kept his room the same, why he never changed it after Klavier moved out. And he really can't stand the fucking grins on the faces of the two boys in the collage anymore, and tears it right down the middle, both halves falling to the ground. Satisfied, he stumbles back to his bed.

Klavier lies there for a minute, feeling better and worse at the same time, wondering why he stopped drinking and wondering why he started again tonight. He knows he should feel bad about it, or guilty. He has court in the morning, after all, and Herr Forehead is a formidable opponent when he's not hungover, and he's sure his actions will lead to a hangover in the morning. Maybe it's fitting, he thinks, that he stopped drinking for Kristoph, and started drinking again because of him. Klavier sighs and sits back up, finishes the rest of the bottle and takes off his coat. And sitting there in his tank top and leather pants, a thought starts to come to him in his hazy mind. Kristoph apparently never touched his room in all the time he's been gone. And if Kristoph hasn't touched his room, he likely hasn't pulled up Klavier's old stash. Klavier debates for a moment whether his brother would really not be smart enough to go through an ex-addict's room to search for drugs, and then decides it doesn't really matter, either the drugs are there or they're not.

He heads to his dresser, where he kept a small amount of pot as a decoy. Sure enough, he pulls open his top drawer and digs around and finds the baggie is gone. So Kristoph did think to search his room, and maybe he thought this was all Klavier had left. He turns back to his bed and moves it, sliding it to the other side of the room. And there, under what would've been the middle of the bed, is the loose floorboard where he kept his stuff, not visible unless you know it's there. And he's pretty sure Kristoph never knew it was there. He reaches for the floorboard, trying to make up his mind whether he really wants to do this. Drinking was one thing, but this? He knew if he did this, there might be no turning back this time. But the voice in his head doesn't sound like Apollo anymore, it sounds like Kristoph. And Kristoph is screaming at him, yelling and saying things he doesn't want to hear. And he's saying he wishes he never had a brother, especially not one so troublesome as Klavier, not one that caused him to spend a great amount of money shipping him off to rehab, not one that caused him to turn to forging evidence. And Klavier can't take it anymore, he doesn't want to listen to Kristoph anymore, and without thinking anymore about it he rips out the floorboard.

Klavier is relieved when he sees that Kris never found this, his hiding spot, his stash. There's enough under this floor to kill a person if they were to take it all at once. And as enticing as that sounds to Klavier, he really, really just wants to shut up Kristoph screaming in his head for the moment. So he grabs his dilaudid and a fresh needle and his tourniquet, and he sets them on the floor next to him. He replaces the floorboard and is about to tie on the tourniquet when his cell phone rings, and he pauses. He pulls it out of his coat and reads the display that announces Apollo Justice is calling, and hovers his finger over the answer button. He wonders and he wonders whether he can tell Apollo, whether he can tell him what he's done and what he's about to do. He wants to, he wants to answer his phone and ask for help before he really gets started, the way he used to do with Daryan when one of them got bad. His phone stops ringing and Apollo doesn't leave a voicemail for him before he can make up his mind. He opens his contact list up and immediately scrolls to Apollo's name, wondering and wanting and wondering if he can call back right now and beg Apollo to help him. His finger is right over the call button when it starts to ring again. The display this time reads Wright Anything Agency. And now he remembers, Apollo is Wright's now. Apollo works for the man whose career he helped destroy, a man who has never done anything but the right thing, no pun intended, and was punished by Klavier's own brother for no explicable reason. And Klavier knows now that Apollo can't help him, won't help him, of course he wouldn't chose Klavier over his mentor. And so Klavier's thumb moves from the call button to the ignore button, and he hits it with no hesitation this time. He throws his phone back on his bed and continues what he was doing.

Kristoph is screaming louder than ever in his head as Klavier fills the syringe with liquid he's not bothering to measure, and Daryan is there now, demanding to know why Klavier couldn't see he needed help, and he pushes the plunger into his skin to shut them up, to get some peace. And he thinks maybe, just maybe, he hears Apollo in there, begging him not to do this, but then the drugs kick in and he's slipping out of conciousness, and he doesn't hear anything else.

So I'll stay up all night

With these bloodshot eyes

While the walls surround me

With the story of our lives

I feel so much better

Now that you're gone forever

Tell myself that I don't miss you at all

I'm not lying, denying

That I feel so much better now that you're gone forever

I realize Klavier might seem sort of OOC or that his feelings and behaviors escalated sort of quickly, but when you're in situations like this and you're a past addict, sometimes your thoughts really can shift around like this and move so quickly.

Anyways, please review and tell me what you think! I will take all criticism and suggestions! I haven't written for quite a while, so anything is helpful!

Shayla Zajac