The Pillar
Sincosma

A/N: I feel like time-travel was severely abused in Ocarina of Time. I don't think you can just reset everything. So…this happened. Sheik is his own person. In this story, I sort of accidentally made Zelda out to look like a bit of a bitch. I really didn't try to make it that way; that's just the way it happened. I have nothing against Zelda. Also, this is a bit AU considering Link doesn't go to Termina after the world is reset.

Rating: T for violence, and kissing.

Disclaimer: Dat shit ain't mine, dawgggg.

|Chapter One|

It's the one thing that I swore I'd never do.

It could be considered artistry, but most of the time that eluded him when he sat in that stupid courtyard, watching her speak to nobles and entertain the delicate ladies that perched on chairs like birds. Words were art and he knew that, but unfortunately words also eluded him. He had no voice and it had always been that way. She seemed okay with that; there was never any danger that would require him to speak anyway.

It was a strange thing, though. The day he turned seventeen – a day that would have been far more important in another timeline, he now knew – it was like the goddesses had opened his head and filled it to the brim with the knowledge of a past life. The dreams now made sense and he had interrupted her fancy lunch to pull her aside. Even if he could talk, he wouldn't have spoken. He had handed her a letter, his eyes boring into her, hearing her voice in his head saying, "I will return you to your original time, Link. You won't remember any of these atrocities."

She told him she remembered too. She didn't know why they could remember, but it was nothing to worry about, she was sure. So, with a mind full of dungeons and monsters and murder, he carried on his duties as Zelda's silent bodyguard, watching her and her father carry the Kingdom into a golden age. She could handle the memories, but he could not.

They haunted him. Every time he shut his eyes, he saw witches and dragons, felt the burn of flames and the ache of poison in his flesh. He heard the voice of Navi screaming to him when he was near death. He felt fangs ripping muscle from bone and watched everyone he cared about be taken away. He felt the cause he fought for slipping from his grasp as he sloshed through ankle deep waters, fighting himself. He saw the old eyes of the Deku tree, withering as he died and he heard the haunting melodies that allowed him passage from temple to temple. More than any of that, however, was a figure dressed in blue and white, wild blonde hair escaping white bandages, and piercing red eyes that could almost see through his soul.

He knew who this person was, of course: it was her, disguised as a sheikah. Before he knew that, the sheikah was an enigma, barely any older than Link, powerful and quick. He was a force of nature at times, too wise for his age and too quick to be caught. After losing his only friend to Sagehood, bloodied and broken, he had been Link's anchor, holding him to the earth and to his purpose as the Hero of Time. He was a silent traveler through Hyrule field, offering a kind of companionship that Link was unfamiliar with, but grateful for. He became Link's everything, the only coveted thing in a world that was ruined, in a body that was not truly his, with a mission that was almost completely impossible. He was Sheik and he was everything.

But then he was Zelda and something broke inside his head.

It was a sort of deception that twisted his mind the day he turned seventeen and remembered what had truly happened. With the knowledge of deceit came anger, anger that he had nearly died to save this Kingdom and no one knew. He didn't want fame, but Hyrule stood in a kind of peace that its inhabitants took for granted. Instead he was dragged into a holy war, made the Hero of Time, handed a sacred, evil-killing artifact, only to be thrown back into a half-life, knowing that something was wrong. The dreams, the feelings of déjà vu, the emotions that would creep up on him; he wasn't losing his mind, he was gaining it.

Thoughts crumbled just as they began. He didn't know what to do and every idea of how to move forward was lost the moment it was found. His mind raced and within months after his birthday, he could no longer perform his duties with any sort of concentration. She noticed and pulled him aside, worried about his wellbeing. It reminded him that she hadn't tried to deceive him, but it wasn't enough to put his mind at rest. He wouldn't speak, of course, but he wouldn't write, either. Her unease grew as he found that sleep escaped him and food disgusted him. A guard replaced his position temporarily, and he wandered aimlessly, feeling like a ship without an anchor.

Then he woke up one morning and he knew it was time to go.

Torchlight dazzled him after days of darkness. He packed in the night and left before the sun rose, leaving a note for her. All it said was, "I need to find peace. I hope you understand." The first place he went was the ranch in Hyrule field. That place had held importance to him in the other timeline and it had been the only place that he had felt safe then. Malon was delighted to meet him and after weeks of helping on the farm, he felt somewhat peaceful now having regained a friend. Epona, their prized but wild mare was stuck to him like glue and when he hummed the melody from his past life, she would become a gentle, docile creature.

It surprised Malon that he knew of the melody that her mother had sang, but soon, she convinced her father that Link should have the horse. Epona, while beloved, was useless to them and Malon seemed to just know that he would be moving on soon. The night before he left, she kissed him, telling him that she'd been having dreams about him since she was young and that she always knew she was meant to give Epona to him. For the first time, he had wanted to talk and tell her the truth about everything, but he didn't. He had let her hug him and he left before she woke up the next morning.

He chose to go to Kakariko next, knowing that the place was full of sheikah history. With Epona, it only took him a day and a half without stopping and once he was there, he found that it was a lot wealthier than it had been in his past life. He had never been to the village before; something about the place had always repelled him. Now he knew it was because of both the well and the Shadow Temple. Both places had been horrifying experiences and his subconscious had seemed to know that.

The place was nearly as thriving as Castle Town Market and it was full of colors, far more than in any other place he'd been. He remembered it being drab and all browns and reds, full of refugees escaping from Gannondorf's reign. Even before the Imprisoning War started, he remembered it being a modest sort of village, full of construction and loose cuckoos. Now, as he walked through, people bumped against him and there was a constant hum of voices. It was nearing noon when he arrived and the smell of food nearly smothered him. Windows sparkled like gems and people carried themselves like they were part of the royal family. While it was a happy sight, it wasn't his sort of crowd. It didn't take long for him to find his way to the graveyard, a place that wasn't nearly as creepy anymore.

A few families were there, visiting graves, something he had never seen before. Dampe's hut was more like a cottage and he was cutting the grass, still hunched over but smiling. The weeping eye of the sheikah covered everything and memories of Sheik engulfed him like flames. He felt weak and had to sit down next to one of the graves, the pain of learning Sheik was Zelda still resonating through him so profoundly. Through his travels so far, he had expected the sheikah to leap out of the sky and tell him where to go next. This time around, he could've used some direction.

It only took two days in Kakariko to drive him away. The village – it was really more of a town – was far too noisy and while he thought of climbing up Death Mountain and seeing the Gorons, he decided against it. There was a feud going on between the villagers and the Gorons and no one was allowing access to the trail at the moment. He doubted any of the Gorons had dreams about him like Malon did, so he left Kakariko, deciding to go back to the forest.

When he had been sent back to his own time by Zelda, he had woken up in his bed on what he now realized would've been the morning that Navi woke him up. He had felt incredibly sore and bruised from the beating Mido had given him the day before. There was no little fairy to wake him up, telling him that the Deku Tree was expecting him. When he had left his hut, Saria hadn't come to greet him, congratulating him on his new fairy companion. She hadn't existed, in fact. Learning that he was supposed to have a best friend that would help him all through childhood was a more damaging thought than he would've expected.

He didn't know why Zelda had bothered to send him back. He wouldn't have minded missing the years of physical and emotional abuse he received from nearly every Kokiri. He was an outcast. He had no fairy and he looked nothing like the Kokiri. More than that, he woke up without a voice. No matter what he tried, he couldn't speak. So they hurt him in every way they could. He was miserable, plagued by nightmares and the nagging sensation that something was completely, utterly wrong.

Once he had turned thirteen and grew too big for his house, they had sent him away, out of the forest and off to join the rest of the hylian race. Instinctively, he had wandered through Hyrule field until he came to the castle. Something drew him there and he enrolled in the castle guard, even though he didn't speak. While he went through his years of training in combat, Zelda had taken a liking to him and made him her personal guard.

Going back to the forest now had nothing to do with retribution. He was sure he would see Mido and the other bullies that had made his life hell on earth; they didn't concern him. He was bigger, stronger, dressed in bright royal guardian armor, and equipped with at least twenty different weapons. Going to the forest was only so he could find the temple and see if he could communicate with Saria. He would try and talk for her.

The moment he entered the forest again, dread seeped through him at the sight of the familiar trees and sign posts. Glowing motes floated lazily through the air, some sticking together and twirling in a long chain. Everything was hazy in a way that reminded him of cold and lonely nights, sitting in his doorway and attempting to stop the blood pouring from his nose.

Some of the children recognized him as he entered the village proper, but they just backed away and whispered to each other, green eyes wide and scared. He caught sight of Mido, sitting next to a fire and sharpening a stick. Their eyes met and for a moment, he looked scared as well, but he covered it with a glare and looked away pointedly. As soon as he climbed up to the entrance to the Lost Woods, he immediately felt more at ease. His memories from his other life told him that him and Saria used to go into the woods to escape the bullies and play games. She kept him happy and taught him songs that only Kokiri were supposed to learn so they could communicate with the forest spirits. Being there was already like being close to her again. The path to the Sacred Meadow was one he found easily and without monsters.

Entering the temple took some work and creative climbing techniques, but as soon as he was inside, he heard a voice. "Link?"

His eyes adjusted to the dimness and in the middle of the main room, he saw sitting on top of a wooden platform, Saria. Her green eyes were wide with shock and Link suddenly realized how incredibly small she really was. He took a step forwards but stopped, shock filling his body and unsure if he should get close to her for fear that she was an illusion that would shatter.

"Is it really you? Do you remember me?" she asked.

He nodded slowly, unable to tear his eyes away from her. After a long moment, she leaped to the ground and ran to him. He crouched down and caught her, holding on to her as if she were his lifeline. Although she was small, she was strong and she smelled exactly as he remembered.

"I thought I would never see you again, Link," Saria cried, burying her face in his shoulder. "You were supposed to forget everything. I thought you would forget me."

He shook his head, unable to speak even though he wanted to. Now that he remembered her, how could he have forgotten her? She had been a part of his dreams, one of the voices in his head. She was his best friend. The fact that he had ever forgotten her was an atrocity.

When she pulled away, she gripped his hands and looked into his eyes, tears running down her cheeks. "You grew up again," she laughed, her smile lighting up the dim atrium. "I got to see you grow up twice. I'm so old!"

He couldn't help but grin back. Saria laughed again, the sound better than any song, more healing than any remedy. She squeezed his hands, her smile never leaving, but turning wistful. "But you don't talk anymore, do you?"

Link felt the smile leave his face. He didn't want her to be sad, but he doubted he could talk even if he tried. His throat tightened and teeth grit together painfully. He shook his head.

"This world has done horrible things to you, Link," she said tearfully. "You deserve so much more. It's not fair."

No, it's not, he thought, shaking his head and pulling her close again.

He spent the rest of the day with her, laying on the rugs in the middle of the atrium, listening to her talk, her head lying on his chest, her small body curled against his, and her fingers playing with the strap of his sheath. When he finally fell asleep, it was the most restful sleep he had ever got in this life. Once he woke, he spent almost the rest of the day letting her take him on a tour back through the temple, which was now monster-free and truly breath-taking. He learned that she was now immortal as a Sage and while she could leave the temple, she would only live for a few days. Her life force was now directly tied to the temple.

He thought it had to get boring all alone in the temple, but she seemed to read his mind and said, "People can still come visit me, though, silly! A few times I thought about telling Mido to bring you here so I could see you…but I knew he wouldn't. All the others refused as well. I hoped that one day you would just stumble upon this place."

She sounded so sad that he scooped her up and held her close, making her giggle. Eventually, he had to leave. He was running low on food and while he loved being with Saria, restlessness found its way back into him and she seemed to sense this.

"You should go to the lake, Link," Saria said, leading him back through the temple. "I can feel the unease in you. It has to be so hard having all those memories of those horrible things."

He nodded. The lake sounded like the perfect place for him to go next. He wouldn't go back to the temple, though. That place was one of the worst temples and like the Shadow Temple, he would never enter it again. Thinking about the lake, however, made him remember Sheik. After purifying the temple, he had resurfaced unconscious and horribly injured both physically and emotionally. Specifically the battle with his other self had left him exhausted. He had woken up on dry land, on the island in the middle of the lake, a warm fire in front of him and Sheik keeping vigil. For the next few days, Sheik had nursed him back to health, keeping him company and not only healing his body, but healing his mind. Remembering that pained him and Saria could sense it.

"There's something more that's troubling you, isn't there?" Saria asked, taking his hand and peering up into his eyes with a worried expression.

He couldn't lie to her; he pushed back a strand of her hair, sighed, and nodded. A far-away look passed her face, she closed her eyes, and she squeezed his hand tightly. Warmth spread through him and after a moment, she opened her eyes and looked back up at him.

"I think you should go to the desert instead," she amended. "I think it will hold more answers for you than the lake."

Link looked at her in confusion, but she smiled and shook her head. "Being a Sage has its perks. Just trust me."

He nodded slowly and after a moment, she pulled him down into a crouch, held his face with both hands, and kissed his forehead. Water gathered in her eyes and she said, "You will promise you'll come see me again soon?"

Emotion tugged at his throat and he nodded vigorously. Of course he would. How could she think he wouldn't? She cracked a smile, a tear rolling down her cheek. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a tan ocarina. "When the timeline was reset, this came back to me. I still want you to have it." Saria pushed it into his hands and continued. "I gave it enough magic that if you play the Minuet it will warp you back here. Do you still remember it?"

Link took the ocarina, feeling the crackle of magic lick his fingers. He nodded again; he remembered all of the songs. He put the ocarina in his pocket and pulled her into another hug, feeling her tiny arms wrap around his neck like they've always belonged there. While it was sad that he couldn't have her in his life always, he could have her in his life quite a bit. She wasn't truly gone, only stuck in one place and immortal. Just like him, she was pulled into divine responsibility and they both had to live with it.

When they finally pulled away, he wiped her tears and kissed her cheek. "Be careful, Link."

He nodded like he always did. Leaving the temple felt like pulling his arm off, but once he was far enough away, his thoughts shifted to what she had told him. Why the desert? When he reached the outskirts of Kokiri village, he thought about just warping to the desert, but he decided against it. The idea of traveling with Epona warmed him and besides, she wasn't a desert horse. It was night by the time he passed through Kokiri village and didn't run into a soul, thankfully. As soon as he left the woods and found Epona, grazing in Hyrule field, he felt determined. Whatever Saria had seen or felt, he trusted it unconditionally. He would go to the desert and find his peace.

Next chapter will be up soon!