After April

by LoverofArtsandMutton

What'd happen if Roger & April had a five year old daughter (May, who is pictured in the cover image) before April's death? How does her suicide affect their daughter, and Roger, who's now raising the little girl mostly on his own, & still battling his HIV. And how do things get more complicated when Mimi is added into the mix? Rated T for language & some mild suggestive stuff.

1. First several parts More to come

(Yes I am aware that I put most of the story into one chapter. But I made breaks with ****)

"Daddy!" shrieked a familiar voice. "Yay! You're here!"

That little voice, and the big hug that followed, was enough to make Roger Davis forget all about whatever was bothering him earlier that day. A few minutes ago, he was worried about leaving his girlfriend, April, home alone. In general, April was a very calm and stable girl, but she was prone to suffer episodes of mania on occasion. And for the past two days, she had been acting kind of funny. Not over the top strange, but odd enough to cause Roger to worry a little bit. For instance, she had a very blank stare in her eyes, even when someone was talking directly to her. Roger also caught her hands shaking slightly as she poured their daughter May a bowl of cereal that morning. Roger tried all day to ask her what was bothering her, but April assured him that she was fine. That did not convince him, and he would have liked to stay with her until he found the real answer, but someone had to pick up May from school today. Roger almost made April go with him to pick May up, but April said she wanted to get a head start on dinner, and told him to go along without her. Roger had not wanted to start a fight with April so he did as she asked.

April was still on Roger's mind until he heard May call out to him and felt her hug his legs from behind. Then suddenly, he was not so worried about April anymore. He turned around and hugged May back. After they broke the hug, Roger scooped up the 5 year old into his arms and placed her on his shoulders, and they began the 15 minute walk home.

"How was school, my little peanut?" Roger asked.

"It was good, Daddy! We learned about the police today! They like to help people in trouble and catch bad guys!" said May excitedly.

"Oh really? Is that true? What else did you learn?" asked Roger. Roger thought it was really ironic how they were teaching kids in May's school about the police, when most of the kids at the school would probably grow up to break the law anyway.

"Well, a policeman came to our school and he said 'If there's ever an emergency, call 9-1-1'".

"That's right, May! That's what you do when there's an emergency! You're so smart!". Roger was again thinking about the irony of teaching kids to do this, when everyone in Alphabet City knew very well that 9-1-1 was not of much help here. Roger kept his thoughts to himself, though. He did not want to confuse or upset little May, who seemed really proud of herself that she had been paying attention to what the cop had told her.

After a few minutes of walking, Roger's shoulders grew sore, and so he placed May back on the ground again. They walked on silently, but happily, hand in hand, until they reached the door to their building. Roger then remembered how funny April had been acting recently, and so he lost no time in finding his keys, opening the door, and then running with May in his arms all the way up to their flat. He unlocked that door too, and he was greeted by the smell of the vegetable soup that had been cooking on the stove.

So April really was trying to get a head start on dinner, thought Roger to himself. This confirmation should have been enough to ease his worries, but something seemed wrong. It was too quiet. Not that he expected there to be a lot of noise inside their flat at this time, for their roommates Mark, Maureen, Collins, and Benny were all still out at work, or whatever it was they did during the daytime. Still, April was usually there to greet her boyfriend and daughter when they came home, and today, she was not. "May, it looks like Mommy has made dinner all ready. Why don't you go into the bathroom and wash your hands for dinner,".

"Okay, Daddy!" May skipped obediently to the bathroom.

Now I'll go see where April is, thought Roger. "April?", he called out to her. She did not answer him. He called her name again, but she still did not answer, so he began to search the apartment. He checked their bedroom first, thinking she might be cleaning up in there. She was not in there, so he looked in May's room next. He did not find her in there either. Roger would have proceeded to look for April in the other rooms, were it not for that blood curdling scream that came from the bathroom.

May was very excited for dinner tonight. Vegetable soup was one of her most favorite things to eat in the whole wide world! May wanted to run to Mommy, give her a big hug, tell her all about school, and thank her for making her favorite soup. But, where was Mommy? May was going to ask Daddy where Mommy was, but before she could ask, Daddy told her to go wash her hands for dinner. Maybe Mommy was playing hide-and-seek with Daddy and her. May thought it would be a good idea to look for Mommy in the bathroom; after she washed her hands, of course.

May went straight to the bathroom door and turned the doorknob. The door was really old and the doorknob was hard to open sometimes. After a few tries, May could turn the knob. She pushed open the door. Strangely, it would not open all the way. Something was blocking the door. May looked down and saw a sight that would haunt her the rest of her life.

At first, May saw what looked like a giant doll with red hair and black clothes on the floor. Then she looked again and saw that it was not a giant doll. It was Mommy. Why is Mommy sleeping on the floor? thought May. Then, she saw what looked like a lot of blood coming from her mother's wrists.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DADDY! HELP!" May screamed. She was very scared now. Why is Mommy bleeding like that? What is wrong? May immediately heard footsteps quickly coming to her, and soon, Daddy burst into the bathroom.

"May, what's the..." He froze as his eyes began to register what was on the floor. For a moment, his eyes were shifting rapidly from Mommy on the floor, to the blood that had spilt from her wrists, to the small piece of paper in her left hand, to the blood-stained kitchen knife in her right hand.

"A-April?" said Roger softly, his voice shaking.

"Daddy? What's wrong with Mommy?" asked May.

Roger ignored his daughter and fell to the floor, reaching immediately for the note that April's left hand was clutching on to. His girlfriend had just committed suicide, and he had to know why.

"Daddy..." began May again, but Roger put up his hand to signal her to be quiet, and she obediently fell silent when she saw tears begin to fall down his face.

Roger had some difficulty getting the note from April's hand because her fingers had been locked tightly around it. She must've started the soup to give the illusion that everything is okay, and then she must've killed herself shortly after, Roger couldn't help but muse. That means she's been dead for approximately 15 minutes now. Fifteen minutes ago, Roger and May had been walking home together, happy and relatively carefree. Now, their entire lives were about to change. Roger refocused his attention on the note that April had left.

Roger finally freed the note from her clenched hand, unfurled it, and out of it fell another piece of paper. It was very official looking, like it was some medical report. Roger ignored it, though, for the moment and he read April's note to himself. It read:

Dear Roger,

Remember how we went to the doctor's a few weeks ago to get tested for AIDs? Well the results came in. We've got AIDs. Baby, I've seen people die from AIDs and I don't wanna die like that. I can't live through that hell either. I just can't. I'd rather die than get sick like that. I hope you understand. In fact, my last wish is that you and May come join me on the other side today. I know you'll make the right choice.

Love, April.

Roger read the note again. And again. And again. And even after he stopped reading it, he kept seeing the words from it in his mind. None of this seemed real. The note explained her reason, but still Roger could not understand why April would have done this to herself. He glanced over at the letter from the doctor, and read what it said to see if what April said was true. The words ROGER DAVIS, HIV POSITIVE and APRIL ERICSSON, HIV POSITIVE could not have stood out anymore to him than they all ready did. Roger felt a wave of nausea hit his stomach.

Images of a young man, barely out of his 20s, sick in a hospital bed, alone, and dying flashed through Roger's mind. So that's how I'm going to die. Young. Sick. Alone. thought Roger. He looked at the knife in April's hand and then thought No. I can choose to die right now. That was April's last wish after all, right?

"Daddy?"

Roger wiped away his tears and then slowly turned his head to face his daughter. No, she wanted both May and me to join her in death. She wanted me to kill May. How could he do that to poor, sweet, innocent May, who probably just barely understood what was going on right now? He could not. I'm sorry, April, but that's one last wish that I can't grant.

"Daddy, what happened to Mommy? Should we call 9-1-1?" asked May, who was getting even more nervous now.

Roger answered in a hoarse voice "No, we can't call 9-1-1 because your mom is... she's... she's... dead,".

May's eyes got very wide, and her face grew more pale. "Why? What happened? Did someone kill her?". She began to cry.

Instead of responding right away, Roger just sat there, trying to figure out the best way to answer her. He decided to tell her the truth. And as gently as he could, he said "May, honey, you know how Mommy and Daddy went to the doctor's a little while ago, and they took out some of our blood?".

May nodded and said "Yes,".

"Well, the doctor was looking to see if there was any sickness in our blood. Mommy got the letter from the doctor, and the doctor said she was sick...".

Calming down a bit, May interrupted him, saying "Did she need to take cough medicine?".

"Well, you see, May, the kind of sickness Mommy had is a sickness that will kill you. And it hurts. It makes you weak. And there's nothing you can do to get better. Cough medicine doesn't help. And Mommy, well, she got scared. She doesn't like being sick or hurt or weak. She got so scared that she went crazy. Very crazy. And crazy people do really crazy things. Mommy thought it would be a good idea to take that knife over there and cut herself with it,".

"But, Daddy! Didn't Mommy know that knives hurt you?"

Roger sighed. "Yes, she did, but I think she got so scared that she forgot that knives hurt you. And then she cut her arms, and then all that blood spilled out, and you need blood to live, so she died because she didn't have any,". Roger paused and searched his daughter's face for any signs of understanding.

"So..." began May, slowly, "she killed herself,".

Roger winced at May's declaration, but nodded.

Tears afresh, May cried "Why would she do that?! Didn't she love us?!", but she did not wait to hear the answer. She fell over her mother's body, sobbing and begging for her mother to come back.

Roger could tell that it was time for a change in scenery, so he picked May up and sat her down on the living room chair, carefully closing the bathroom door behind him. He went to the kitchen for a moment to turn off the stove, and then he sat down on the chair next to May and pulled her onto his lap. He rocked the upset girl in his arms and comforted her until she calmed down, and then said to her "Of course Mommy loved us. She just went a little crazy because she was sick, that's all. She even left a note that said she loved us both very, very much, and that she would miss us,".

May looked up into her father's eyes and asked "She really loved us?".

He looked back at her and answered. "Yes,".

Roger's stretching of the truth pacified May. The two of them just sat in silence for a moment, reflecting on what had just happened. Then May seemed to remember something, for she furrowed her brow, then asked "Daddy, does your blood have a sickness like Mommy's?".

Looking away from her, Roger slowly nodded.

"And, are you gonna leave me like Mommy did?".

This time, Roger looked straight into her eyes, the way he always did when he made a promise. "May, I can't promise that I will live a long time. I can't promise that I'll be there to see you off to college, or be there on your wedding day, or that I'll be able to meet your children. But I can, and do, promise that I will live as long as I can, and that I won't try to end my life early,". May gave him a smile which he returned, and then he pulled her closer, embracing her tightly. And they continued to sit there in each other's arms, with May crying softly, and Roger fighting back his tears, until the door to the flat was unlocked and opened.

May did not have to look up to know who came through the door. She knew that now was when Uncle Benny, Uncle Collins, Uncle Mark, and Auntie Maureen came home from work. Daddy did not get up from the chair to say hello to them, and that made May really happy because she just wanted her daddy to hold her.

"Hey, we're home!" said Uncle Benny and Uncle Collins together.

"And thank God, because I gotta piss like a racehorse! I hope the bathroom is open!" said Mark.

May cried even louder at the mention of the word "bathroom", and that was when all four of them turned and saw Daddy and May on the couch. May looked up and watched as Auntie Maureen walked over to them and asked Daddy what was wrong.

"April..." was all he could say.

Auntie Maureen looked confused and nervous all at once. "Roger, what do you mean 'April'? Where is she? Is she okay?" she asked.

Daddy said nothing. He only pointed to the bathroom door.

Auntie Maureen, Uncle Collins, Uncle Benny, and Uncle Mark all rushed to the bathroom. As Uncle Collins carefully opened the door, May pressed her face back against her daddy's chest, not wanting to see what lay on the bathroom floor ever again.

September 27, 1988.

Dear Journal,

I'd like to state now for the record that I'm only writing in this ridiculous thing at the request of Mark. He says that writing out my thoughts will help me to deal with the pain. Pfft, whatever. I doubt it'll help much, but I'll humor him for a while. Now the question is, what to write about? I can't really write about my thoughts. They've been scattered ever since April killed herself about 2 weeks ago. Life's been a real blur since then. I can only remember fragments of what happened since we found her body. Maybe I'll remember more as I write. I remember May being extremely upset, wondering why her mommy was dead. I had to tell her why, why her mother took her own life. Telling her the truth was so damn hard but lying to her would've been much worse. I also had to comfort May and remind her that her mommy did love us, and that she just went a little crazy. I even lied to May and told her that the suicide note her mother left was really just a letter telling the both of us that she loved us. Then, Collins, Maureen, Mark, and Benny came home, and they found out about April. After that, the memories become even more blurred. Someone called an ambulance (I don't really know why, though. She was already dead, so there was obviously nothing they could do). Someone came and took her body away, and someone else took the evidence. Someone else cleaned the blood. The police came and asked questions (I was surprised they bothered to show up) but made no arrests because April's death was obviously a suicide, no question about it. Somehow, we got her body back and then we gave her a proper burial. Maureen and May helped me pick out the right words to put on her epitaph. They are "Here lies April Ericsson, the best mother, girlfriend, daughter, and friend in the whole world. We will miss you".

My memories of the funeral itself are pretty foggy. All of April's friends and family showed up, except for her father. No one really expected him to show. He still hates me for having sex with his daughter out-of-wedlock, he hates May for being the product of our out-of-wedlock love making, and he also had written April off years ago because of the fact that she was a junkie, in addition to sleeping with me and getting pregnant with May before marriage. Actually, he made it quite clear that he wanted nothing to do with any of us. One day, after a long night of heavy drinking, he grabbed his shotgun and broke down our apartment door, and then he threatened to shoot us all if we both didn't swear in writing that we would never try to contact him again. I know a lot of people do really stupid stuff when they're that drunk, but I had never seen a man so serious before in my life. April's mom did make an appearance the the funeral, though. She even helped to pay for half the funeral, against her husband's wishes, of course. That was a big risk on her part. I respect her for that.

As far as the eulogies go, only one stands out in my mind. May's. No one had really expected her to say much, not even me, but no one refused to let her speak either (which is a good thing because I'd have punched anyone in the face if they tried to stop her). I actually have a copy of her eulogy, and I think I'll paste it here on this page.

Dear Mommy,

I am very sad that you are gone now. I will miss you very much. I am sorry for all of the times I was a bad girl. I am sorry that I didn't give you hugs every minute. One of my favorite things to do with you was help you make vegetable soup. I liked to help you chop up the pieces of celery and put them into the hot water. But now, I don't want to eat vegetable soup anymore even though it is my favorite. It makes me think of you and that makes me want to cry because you are gone now and I miss you. I wish I could give you one last hug and kiss goodbye, but I can't because you are not here. Daddy says I could write you a letter, though. So I wrote you this letter to say goodbye, Mommy. I love you, and I will think about how much fun we used to have, and I will also think about all your hugs and kisses every night.

Love,

May.

Jesus, even now I'm getting tears just rereading it.

Roger stopped writing and he closed the journal and set it aside. He could feel tears coming to his eyes, and for the first time since the funeral, he let them fall. For a little less than two weeks, he had pent up his tears because he felt like he had to be strong for May. But right now, he needed to release all of that emotion. Since no one else was in the apartment, he could allow himself to cry as much as he wanted. He wept very bitterly for a long while. Thoughts of what he had lost with April caused him to heave even louder and more tearful sobs. Only after he got to the point of shaking did he begin to calm down. Roger's father, Mr. Davis, used to say that crying never helped. But Mr. Davis was wrong in this case; Roger felt much better now, although it would take a long time for him to be completely healed from this.

September 28, 1988.

Dear Journal,

Well, I asked Benny what I should write down today. He said maybe I should write about how we've all been doing so far, so I guess I'll write about that.

I guess you could say May is doing okay, for someone who just lost their mother, that is. I mean, she was afraid for a little while to use the bathroom because she was afraid that she'd find someone else that she loved dead on the floor (and who can really blame her for thinking that? I mean, she was the one who found April first), but thank god that only lasted a couple of days. I let her stay home from school the first week after, but I made her go back this week. It killed me to do it, though. I know she's still hurting from all of this, and I also know that she's being bullied at school, so that and her mom's suicide will make school very tough for her, but I also know that sending her to school is what's best for her and it's what the April I fell in love with would've wanted. And, besides, May does seem to be taking this all okay. I know it will be a long time before she is completely better, but she is already starting to make some progress. She smiles and laughs a little more each day, which I believe is a very good sign.

Benny, Collins, Maureen, and Mark all miss April very much. They've had their fair share of tears, but they have still been helpful these past two weeks. They've all been taking turns bringing May to and from school everyday now. I still can't bring myself to do that. It's just too painful.

Me, I've been a mess. I won't dare shed too many tears in front of everyone else, but when they're all gone, I let it all out. By that, I mean I actually scream out loud, tears fall freely down my face, and I sometimes shake violently. I often repeat the words "She's gone" to myself. Some others might just think that's all plain stupid, but April was my lover, my other half, my soulmate. She was my first for many things: my first kiss, my first girlfriend, the first person (and so far, the only) I ever made love to , and she was the mother of my first child. No one else can be any of those things. And I can't help but feel it's my fault that she's gone, because I know I could've done more to save her.

Roger suddenly stopped writing once he heard Mark and the rest of them enter the apartment. He knew that May was with them, and right now, he really needed one of her mood-lifting hugs.

"Hey, Brandon! Give it back! It's mine! I need that!" yelled May. A really mean and cruel boy at school named Brandon had snuck up behind May after school and snatched her sketchbook away from her hand. She really wanted it back, because it was special to her. She kept all of her favorite drawings in it. Her most favorite drawing was one of her, Mommy, and Daddy all holding hands while standing just outside of what May liked to call her dream house. It was a small little gray house, with a white door and shudders, and a fence of real chain link, and despite its size, it was perfect because it was their own. May had now been trying to retrieve her precious sketchbook for a whole 5 minutes, but Brandon was a faster runner than she was.

"Why do you need it? Is it a secret book?" Brandon teased. "Well, I like secrets. I want to read it!". He stopped running and opened the sketchbook up, and he happened to open it on the page that had May's favorite drawing on it. He looked at it, and then looked back at May. He sneered "Hey, Mayonnaise! Is this supposed to be your mom? That's funny that she's in this picture because she's dead, right? Why would you draw a picture of your mom if she's dead? Didn't you all ready forget what her ugly face looked like?". He laughed maliciously, and May's tears only made him laugh harder.

May was too upset to tell him that she had drawn the picture a while ago, when her mom was still alive. "Just... p-please g-give it b-back," begged May in between sobs.

"Ooooh who's gonna make me?" said the sneering boy.

"I will!" said a man who May knew as Uncle Collins. Boy, was May glad Uncle Collins was there! He could take care of anything! Uncle Collins was not normally a scary man, but he could be when he had to, and right now, he scared Brandon a lot when he walked right up to him and said "I know who you are, Brandon Jeffrey Wallace. I work with your mother at the laundromat. And I just know she would be really mad at you if she ever found out you were being mean to girls. I am taking this book now, and if I ever catch you being mean to my niece ever again, I'll be sure to call your mother and let her know what a bad boy you've been,". And Brandon got so scared that as soon as he gave the sketchbook back, he ran as far away from the two of them as he could.

"Thanks, Uncle Collins!" said May as soon as she was done laughing at how fast Brandon had run.

"You're welcome, sweetheart. What that boy did to you was so wrong. And what he said to you about your mother was even worse. Your mother was not ugly. She was beautiful, and you should never, ever forget her just because she's not here anymore, understand?".

May nodded, and then she gave Uncle Collins a big hug to show her gratitude for what he had done and said.

December 26, 1988

Dear Journal,

Can you believe I've actually been writing in this thing on a regular basis? I can't. I don't know why I still do it, though. Sometimes writing in here hurts more than helps.

Anyways, we just had our first Christmas sans April. It felt really strange not having her there. OUt of all of us, she was the one who got the most excited about Christmas (besides May, of course). Like seriously, she'd go well out of her way to make sure the Christmas cheer was spread. She would always insist that everyone got at least one thing from their Christmas list, no matter how broke we were. She also was the one to decorate the flat from head to toe with all kinds of flashy and festive Christmas decorations. She even baked cookies for Santa herself (well, she had May help too, which was always a mess, but adorable). Maureen did her best to take April's place this year, but it just wasn't the same. Still, we all enjoyed ourselves. May got some nice presents, like her mother's old Raggedy Ann doll and a nice new coat (well, new to her) from my mother, which was greatly appreciated because it has been very cold here lately. It even gets cold inside the apartment because they turn off the heat sometimes. None of the rest of us got any presents. Too damn expensive. May, of course, asked if we had all been on the naughty list this year. We told her Santa can't give presents to adults. She bought that, so that's good.

Hearing a knock come from the other side of his bedroom door, Roger stopped writing and went to open it. There stood a smiling May, holding something behind her back.

"What have you got there, May?" he asked.

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands, Daddy," she giggled. When he had done so, she placed what felt like a paper package in his hand. She told him to open his eyes, and when he did, he saw that there was indeed a paper package in his hand.

"What's this, Mayday?"

"It's a Christmas present, Daddy! Santa can't give you a present, but I can! I used all the money in my piggy bank to buy it! And Auntie Maureen helped me wrap it up. Unwrap it, please!" she said excitedly.

Touched by his daughter's generosity, he quickly opened the package. Inside was a bag full of his favorite candy, Swedish Fish. "Oh, May, thank you so much! Swedish Fish are my favorite candy!" he said, sincerely excited. May looked pleased, and Roger squeezed her tightly to show his appreciation. "Would you like to share this with me? I know that Swedish Fish are your favorite too,".

May's eyes lit up, and she eagerly answered "Yes! I would! Thank you, Daddy!". And together, they shared that entire bag of Swedish Fish until it was empty.

Months passed, and it was now the spring of 1989. It was the month of May, to be exact. New Years had come and gone, and so had Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, and April Fools Day. And the only holiday that Roger really acknowledged during this time was April Fools Day. That had been April's birthday. Roger had decided to make it a real special day. May was already home from school since it was Saturday, so he took her with him to buy some flowers from the local florist, using some of the money he earned from playing guitar on the street. Then, they went to the cemetery where April was buried, and they visited her grave for a while. Finally, they laid the flowers down by her tombstone and left the cemetery.

After that, Roger decided to use some of his left over money to take May to a little old theatre that would play older films from time to time. Tonight, they were playing an old Disney classic, Cinderella, which was a favorite of May's. And the whole evening was perfect. It was just the two of them watching a film that caused one to believe that dreams really can come true and that no matter how bad things seem, things will always get better.

May 2, 1989

Dear Journal,

Mark says I've been getting moody lately. Um, excuse me, but how would you feel if you found out your girlfriend killed herself and oh, by the way, you're also dying of AIDs on the same day? *sighs* He's not letting me out of his sight, though, until I write about some positive things that have been going on lately. Might as well write something, else he might even try to follow me into the shower! He's so persistent.

Well, the weather's been getting warmer here, which is good news because I'm getting really tired of freezing my ass off. And, uh, oh! Collins got a job at MIT. I guess that's good for him, because that means he'll be making more money than at the laundromat. He won't really be making much more than enough to support himself, but still, it'll be good for him to teach there. Bad thing is, he'll be moving away from the apartment soon to live at MIT, so we won't be seeing much of him anymore. And Benny, that sly son of a bitch, he's getting married in a few weeks. That's not totally a good thing, though. He's getting married to some yuppie called Allison, I think (I don't really know her name for sure. We all just call her "MUffy"). I just hope the bastard doesn't turn into some kind of sell out or something, though I'm thinking he might. He's already showing signs of becoming one. At least there'll be free food at the wedding.

Let's see, am I forgetting something? Oh, right! It's May's birthday in four days. How could I forget that? She's turning 6. She's really excited about it. However, I can't even be totally happy or excited about the party, because there won't be much of one. See, we haven't been getting much money lately, and we haven't really been able to buy any food as of late. I've already had to skip a few meals to make sure May has enough to eat. Times have just been hard. I mean, it's partly my fault, I guess. I haven't played my guitar for money since April's death, and I haven't exactly been seeking any other job. Mark says I need to get out of the house and maybe start earning money again, but something keeps stopping me. Maybe it's fear, or perhaps it's grief. I don't really know what it is, so I usually just tell Mark that he is just as capable of earning some money. Can't blame him for not having a job, though. It's hard for anyone nowadays to make any substantial amount of cash. No one's really hiring.

Anyways, back on the subject of May's birthday. Well, there won't be much of a party, but we'll do what we can. We're all chipping in to buy her a second hand acoustic guitar (that we found real cheap for $50), which is something she's wanted for a while now. I think she'll really like the one I picked out for her. It's just her size and it's really nice looking and the sound quality is pretty nice too. And of course, there will be a cake. My mom is coming into town for the day, and she has promised to bring a chocolate cake, which is May's favorite. I feel really bad that she's doing that for us, because she's about as broke as we are, so it's a big sacrifice for her to drive down here from Boston and then bring a chocolate cake on top of that. It's nice of her to do that though, I guess.

Upon finishing that last sentence, Roger handed the journal over to Mark for him to read. "Here, hope this makes you happy," he grumbled.

Mark promptly read it, then said "It could've been more cheerful,".

Roger rolled his eyes. "What did you want me to write about? Rainbows and daisies?".

"I just mean that you didn't have to put a negative remark to everything. Can't you ever just look at the glass half full?".

"I prefer to look at the glass as it is. Let's face it, Mark. Our lives weren't destined to be beds of roses. We chose a life of struggle. Forgive me if I regret that choice. Besides, if you actually paid attention to what I wrote, you'd note that I basically said I was grateful for what my mom is going to do for May,".

"But you didn't exactly say you were grateful. Just weakly implied,".

Roger rolled his eyes again, and got up from the living room chair and made a move to his bedroom, clearly fed up.

"Gonna lock yourself in there again?" Mark asked, frustrated.

Roger stopped but did not answer.

"What is it you do in there, anyway? Why do you spend so much time locked away? Don't you think your healing process from this traumatic event would go much easier if you spent more time with other people?".

Turning to face Mark, Roger laughed cynically and then said angrily "What would you know about any healing process, Mark? From what 'traumatic event' have you had to heal from? Did you have a girlfriend who killed herself too? And did you, on the exact same day she died, find out that you are currently a ticking time bomb because you're HIV positive? Do you have to take AZT everyday to buy yourself some time? Do you constantly worry about where your or your daughter's next meal is going to come from? Or do you fret that one day, Social Services will come knocking on your door to take away from you the only thing you ever did right, all because you can't afford to take care of her?". Roger stared his friend hard in the face.

Mark hung his head. "I didn't know you were actually hurting that much, Roger. I just thought you were exaggerating when you wrote that stuff down in your journal. Maybe if you had talked to us every once in a while, we'd know exactly what was going on. Maybe we could help you. We really want to help. We care about you,".

That last sentence made Roger regret blowing up at Mark. But he was still too angry to apologize just yet. He simply stormed into his room, locked the door, and did not reemerge for the rest of the day, but he made a note to apologize to Mark the next day.

The morning of May 6th came, and May woke up, very excited. It was her birthday today, and because it was a Saturday, it was also the day when her birthday party was going to be! She was excited to find out what her present was, and she was also excited because Grammy was coming to visit. Grammy was always fun to play with, and May didn't always get to see her, since she lived far away in Boston, Massachusetts. May secretly hoped Grammy would bring a chocolate cake with her. Chocolate cake was May's favorite.

While she was still thinking about chocolate cake, Daddy entered May's room, carrying a tray with her favorite breakfast- toast with peanut butter and banana slices and a cup of orange juice. He set the tray of food on her lap, and then took a seat beside her on the bed. "Good morning, beautiful, and happy birthday!" he said with a smile.

"Good morning, Daddy! Thank you for the toast and orange juice! It's my favorite!"

Daddy put his arm on her shoulder, then said "Haha, I know. And you're welcome. I figured that you should get a special breakfast on this special day,".

May began to eat her toast. It was really yummy, and toasted just right. When she was done, she asked when Grammy was coming. "She'll be here in time for lunch. She's really excited to see you, May. And guess what! She's bringing a chocolate cake, just for you!".

Positively pleased with the fact that she was getting a chocolate cake (and from Grammy, no less), May grinned widely, from ear to ear. The next moment, though, she frowned.

Daddy furrowed his brow and asked "Peanut, what's wrong?".

May sighed and said "I just wish Mommy was here today,".

Daddy kissed her forehead, then said "Me too, baby. Me too,". Then he moved the tray off her lap, and then wrapped his arms around her to give her a big bear hug, knowing that would cheer her up. Then he pulled away, saying "Can I get a smile from you, birthday girl?". She did not smile right away, so he said "Guess you need a visit from the tickle monster!". He knew just where to start tickling her to get her laughing; her stomach. And it worked! May was soon giggling, and then she started to retaliate by tickling her daddy in his weak spot; his neck. Soon, the both of them were in an uproar of laughter.

"Hey! It's someone's birthday today!" said Uncle Collins as he opened up May's bedroom door. He saw the birthday girl and her father laughing their heads off, so he smirked and asked "Hey, sounds like you two are having a lot of fun in here! Did I miss the party?"

Chuckling, May answered "No, Uncle Collins. Daddy and I were having a tickle fight! The party didn't start yet. It's still morning time!".

"Oh yeah, that's right! Silly me!" said Uncle Collins with a wink. He walked over to May. "Happy birthday, sweetheart!" he said while giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks, Uncle Collins! Hey, are Uncle Benny, Auntie Maureen, and Uncle Mark awake yet? I want to see them!".

"Afraid not, sweetheart. They're sleeping in. I got up early today so I could be the first to say 'Happy Birthday' to you. After your daddy, of course,".

A few hours later, the rest of the household got up. When Benny got up, he complained that he was suffering a hangover. Roger had to stop himself from slamming Benny's head against the wall; he had specifically asked everyone to not get drunk last night. Instead, Roger settled for kicking Benny out of the house for a few hours so the hangover could pass without spoiling May's birthday.

"Where the hell do you want me to go?" Benny asked groggily when Roger told him to get out.

"I don't care! Just get the hell out of here! I won't let May's birthday possibly get ruined because you decided to have more drinks than you could handle last night!" said a furious Roger.

"You're just jealous because you can't go out and get drunk anymore because you're a dad," Benny mumbled.

Unfortunately for him, Roger heard that. He flew at Benny, grabbed his collar, then slammed him against the wall. Speaking through his teeth, he spat out "Look, pal, I'm about ready to beat the shit out of you! Get the hell out of here, before I bash your head into this wall!". After a tense moment of silence, Roger released Benny, and this time, Benny said nothing. Instead, he obediently headed out the door. Roger immediately thought that he should not have done that to Benny, considering Benny was the landlord of the apartment now (because of his engagement to Muffy and the fact that he was on good terms with his rich future father-in-law), and he had just told everyone yesterday that he would forego the rent for a year, because he knew how tough times were. Then, Roger decided he did not care. It's his fault for getting drunk, he thought. A few minutes later, May entered the room, and asked "Daddy, where's Uncle Benny?".

"He, uh, is sick. So I told him to go to the doctor's to get some medicine," Roger lied. Well, it was half true, anyway.

Thankfully, the rest of the day went on pretty much without a hitch. Roger's mother arrived sometime after noon with the chocolate cake for May in a cooler that kept it from spoiling during the 5 hour long drive from Boston to New York City. Mrs. Davis' timing was actually quite perfect, for May was just starting to get hungry again. Since there was no other food available in the apartment, Roger let the cake be served for lunch. After being sung "Happy Birthday" to in perfect pitch and harmony, May made a wish and blew out all the candles. No one had to ask May what she wished for. She had all ready requested that someone set the table with a place for April. "Her ghost might decide to come visit," she had said when questioned.

After eating the cake (which was delicious), it was time for May to receive her birthday gift. Mark was the one to present it to her, and she practically leapt for joy when she saw her gift was a guitar just for her! "I get to be just like Daddy now! Thank you, everyone!". Roger laughed, then thought to himself Thank God May is okay with just getting one present. Then again, that's all she's ever really gotten for her birthday. They all spent the rest of the day listening to May play her own made up guitar songs, and singing along to them, using impromptu lyrics. A once again drunk Benny eventually stumbled back into the apartment, and after half-heartedly wishing May a "Happy Birthday", he went straight to bed. Fortunately for Roger, Benny's blackout caused him to forget the fact that Roger shoved him into the wall earlier.

Later that night, after May had been put to bed, Mrs. Davis took the opportunity to talk with her son. Her son never called her much, and so she had been dying to ask him how he was handling April's death and his HIV status. He had just walked out from using the bathroom, when she pointed to the bathroom floor and said "So, is that where you found her?".

Roger, knowing exactly what she was talking about, said "Well, May found her, but yes, that's where her body was,".

Mrs. Davis, putting her hand to her mouth, gasped and said "Roger, you never told me it was May who found her! How horrible! Is she doing okay?".

"For the most part, yes. The way she was today is pretty much how she's been the whole time. I mean, yes, she does still miss her, and she cries for her, but she's most definitely not depressed or anything,".

Mrs. Davis nodded, then asked "And how are you taking it, son?".

Roger sighed. "Oh, I have my good days, and I have my bad days. Some weeks, I have more bad days than good. But on the whole, I'd say I'm doing okay,".

"And how are you doing with the fact that you're dying from... I mean, that fact that you've got... that you have... that you're... HIV positive?"

Roger froze for a moment. His mother had almost asked how he was dealing with the fact that he was dying from AIDS. And even though she managed to avoid finishing the question like that, the damage was all ready done. For the first time in a long while, it actually hit Roger that he really would more than likely die from AIDS, and he could die from it sooner rather than later. Neither one of the two knew it at the time, but this sudden re-realization would cause Roger to go into deep depression and withdrawal. Roger suddenly felt extremely faint, and he only just managed to hold it together long enough to say "I'm doing okay. Just taking it one day at a time,", walk his mother to her car, then head back inside before finally fainting on his bed and starting a long period of severe depression and withdrawal.

Months flew by, and Roger's depression and social withdrawal continued. He would often lock himself in his room, doing who knows what in there, and only leaving on occasion to go to the bathroom or to perhaps eat something (although he hardly even did that). And it was clear to anyone who saw Roger when he did make an appearance that he was not getting very much sleep at all. The bags underneath his eyes were dark and heavy, and his eyes were always bloodshot. It was also apparent that he had quit writing in his journal, because Maureen found it in the trash one day.

Many attempts were made to get Roger out of his depression and social withdrawal. His friends wanted him to talk to them, tell them what was going on. They wanted to help him. But he just kept refusing their help, and he continued to unintentionally torture them by not complying with their wishes. In fact, he never even bothered to show up to Benny's wedding, or to say goodbye to Collins when he moved out. Maureen and Mark were, at least, able to make sure he kept eating, drinking, and taking his AZT.

Somehow, Roger must have had no idea what this was doing to May, else he probably would have snapped out of it right away. And he could not have picked a worse time to go into social withdrawal. Once school had ended for the summer and May was no longer distracted by it, she began to be haunted by the memory of that day her mother died. She was having horribly vivid nightmares of her mother's pale, cold body, surrounded by a pool of blood. Sometimes, her nightmares included watching her father, overcome with grief, taking his own life too. Other times, she dreamt that she was hugging her mother, and then a random flying knife would fly in and stab her mother repeatedly. And when the knife was done with her, it would come for May. It would stab her again and again and again until she finally woke up. Each nightmare felt like it had really happened, which was what terrified May the most. She often woke up in a cold sweat and trembling. The one person she really needed most at those times was her father, but whenever she tried to cuddle up with him in bed, he would angrily order her back to her room. And during the daytime, whenever Roger did come out of the bedroom, May would try to give him a hug, but most times, he would just ignore her, or perhaps turn and give her a small, sad smile. May did not understand that her father was just frustrated and aloof because he was filled with grief and fear. She started to think he hated her. And this continued even until September, when school started again.

Fortunately, Mark caught on that something was upsetting May. One day, while picking her up from school, he found her sitting on the ground just behind the school building, crying. Figuring out that obviously something was up, he walked over to her and sat down beside her. But instead of talking to her, he gave her what she needed most; a hug. " ...Shh.. It's okay..." Mark repeated this while simultaneously rubbing her back up and down.

After a few minutes, May looked up at Mark and asked "Uncle Mark, what is wrong with Daddy? Why does he hate me?".

Mark replied "Your dad doesn't hate you. You know that. He loves you very much,".

"But if he loves me, why doesn't he try to make my nightmares go away? He just yells at me when I try to tell him about them. And he doesn't want to play with me anymore, or take me to the park. Why?".

After thinking for a moment, Mark said "May, he's wrong for not doing those things. I mean, he misses your mom still, and that's okay. But he needs to move on. In fact, I'm going to talk to him tonight. I'm going to tell him that you miss him, and need him. Hopefully then he will realize that he needs to stop this,". By the time he had finished his last sentence, he had mostly been talking to himself, but his promise still delighted May. Maybe now, she could get her daddy back.

After hailing a taxi, Roger packed all of his gear into it as quickly as he could. He did not want to be late for his first gig at The Pyramid Club, because no matter how sleazy that club might be, he needed the money, and as an incentive to show up on time, they paid him a portion of the promised commission in advance. He did not want to disappoint them. As soon as he told the driver his destination, they were off.

It was not too long before they passed by an alleyway that was all too familiar to Roger. In the alleyway, there was a drug dealer simply known as The Man, and he would sell all sorts of heavy drugs to his customers, but his specialty was heroin. Roger and his girlfriend April were some of The Man's most faithful customers. They used to shoot heroin together all the time. They also smoked marijuana sometimes. But recently, all of that changed when it was discovered that April was pregnant. Even though they were both 20 years old, unmarried, and hovering just above the poverty line, they decided to keep their baby, and because of that, they needed to quit their vices. It was not an easy thing to do, and they were both still tempted to use drugs every now and again, but they could now proudly say that they had been clean for about a month now.

As Roger glanced out the window, he could easily spot The Man, simply because his many customers began to swarm him, looking for a fix. Looking closer into the crowd, he noticed that one of the customers looked very familiar. Shit! It can't be..., but it was. There was no mistaking that fiery red hair, or that rounding belly. Alarmed, Roger shouted "Hey! Stop the cab! Stop the cab!". The cab driver was confused, but he pulled over still. Roger told the driver to wait, then he rushed out of the cab and ran straight towards the crowd of customers.

Roger immediately located the woman he was looking for, and he grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the crowd, catching her totally by surprise. "April, what the hell are you doing here?" he said, half-confused, half-angry. Noticing that she was holding a small baggy, he grabbed it and said a bit harshly "What's this?". She did not answer him; instead, she started to break down in tears. Roger softened his tone, then said while wiping away her tears with his thumb "April, I thought you were done using this stuff,". He shook the baggy, and noticed there were pills, not powder, inside. "No, you never popped pills before. April, what are these?". April shook her head, too upset to answer. Roger patiently said "April, I need to know what these are, okay?".

"Hey, lover boy! Can you stop harassing my client? If the lady doesn't wanna tell you what she bought off me, she doesn't have to," sneered The Man, who had sauntered over because he was curious to see what was going on.

Since April clearly was not going to answer, Roger strode right up to The Man, pulling out his wallet while at it. "Here, I'll pay you $50 in cash right now if you tell me what you gave her,". He pulled out the total amount in cash to prove that he had it.

The Man considered Roger's offer for a minute, then said in his oily voice "Alright, I'll talk,". Roger handed him the money. "Well, you may have noticed, lover boy, that the poor lady is pregnant. She decided she doesn't want the baby. Those pills I gave her are a surefire way to induce an abortion, at little to no harm to the little lady, of course,". Satisfied, The Man went back to attend to his customers.

Roger could not believe his ears. Completely shocked, he questioned April. "Is he telling the truth? You were going to induce an abortion, using these pills? You don't want the baby anymore?". His eyes started to mist.

Still unable to speak, April nodded.

"Goddammit, April! We agreed to keep the baby! Don't you remember? And we made a promise to never see The Man ever again. And here you are, buying abortion pills from him? And you didn't even talk to me first? What were you going to say to me? That you miscarried? April, what were you thinking?" said a simultaneously angry and heartbroken Roger.

Finding her voice, April responded "Yes, Roger, I know what we agreed to do. But, Roger, we can't take care of a baby! Face it, we're broke. We have almost nothing! And you know that our parents either can't or won't help us. We're on our own. And I was just thinking that the baby would be better off dead than living with us,".

"Are you insane? You think our baby would be better off dead than with us? Do you even realize what you just said?" April did seem to begin to realize how crazy her thinking had been, because she looked down at the ground, deliberately avoiding eye contact with Roger. However, he took her face in his hands and turned it gently, so she was facing him. "April, we may not be the best choice for parents, but since we made this baby, it's our responsibility to have it and care for it. Don't you know that?".

After a moment, April slowly nodded, then said "Yes, I do. But, Roger, I'm scared. I don't think we're ready for this,".

Giving her an encouraging smile, Roger replied "That's okay. I'm scared too. And," he put a hand on her growing belly " we may not be ready for this. But, who really ever is ready to have a baby? I believe anyone who says they are is full of it,". April chuckled a bit at that. Roger laughed a little bit back, then continued "April, there may be a whole lot of things I don't know, but one thing I do know is that together, we can do this,".

April gave a small nod in agreement, then said "Roger, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come here, especially not without talking to you first,".

"That's all right. I'm not mad, or even upset. I love you, April,".

April put her arms around his neck, gave him a grateful smile, then said "I love you too, Roger,".

He leaned in to give her a small, but passionate kiss on the lips. When the kiss ended, he knelt down to kiss the belly that held his unborn baby. Then, he straightened up and said "Now, do you think you could dispose of those pills for me?". He handed her the baggy, and she promptly threw it in the nearest sewer grate. Then, remembering that he had a gig soon, he went to the taxi, which was still at the spot where he had left it. Before entering the cab, he ran back to April and asked her to come with him, which she thankfully agreed to do. He smiled as he thought about how he was glad today's events did not turn out as badly as they could have.

Lately, Roger had been having many flashbacks of his life, just like the one about him stopping April from having an abortion. Normally, having flashbacks would have been a cause for concern, because it generally meant one's life was at an end, but Roger actually welcomed the flashbacks. They usually numbed him from the pain, and at any rate, they were better than the horrible nightmares he suffered. Oh, the nightmares were horrifying. They often were about April's death, and some were about losing May in some way. However, a few of the most terrifying ones involved Roger dying a long, slow, painful AIDS-related death. These nightmares were mainly what kept him up at night. In fact, last night, he had only managed to get about three hours of on and off sleep, which might be the reason for his headache today (or maybe that was because he had hardly eaten anything the past three days). At any rate, it hurt to move his head, so he only lifted it a bit to check the time, before immediately setting it back against his pillow. 6:30 P.M. Roger groaned. At any moment, either Maureen or Mark would enter his room, with a tray full of dinner. Lately, Roger had not been in the mood to eat much of anything. He groaned again when he remembered that whoever entered came into the room would make him take his AZT. To be honest, he really wanted to never take AZT again. What was the point, anyway? Sooner or later, AIDS was bound to claim his life anyway, so what was the point in delaying the inevitable?

Moments later came the expected knock on the door. "Come in," mumbled Roger. In entered Mark, with a tray that held two ham sandwiches, a bottle of water, and of course, the bottle of AZT pills.

"Time for dinner, Roger,".

Roger laughed, then sarcastically said "Oh really, Mark? I had no idea. You only enter this room every day at the exact same time with a tray of food that you refer to as 'dinner'. I believe I've come to figure out what time dinner is by now,". Apparently, Mark was in a humorless mood, because he made a face. Then, he placed the tray of food on Roger's lap.

"Hmm, two ham sandwiches. Looks delicious! Mmm... okay. I've got my food now, and I'm about to take my AZT. You can go now," said Roger, putting on some false cheer.

"No, Roger, I don't think I can. You see, I know you haven't been eating much for the past three days, and I've got a feeling you haven't been taking your AZT either. I have to stay and make sure you eat and take the pill,".

Roger rolled his eyes, then mumbled "I don't see why you continue to take care of me. It's a lost battle, anyway,".

Mark stared at his friend, dumbfounded. "Have you really given up that easily?".

Getting angry, Roger yelled "Mark, you have no idea what it's like to go through what I'm going through! In addition to losing April and dealing with AIDS, I still have a kid to look after!".

"Well, you haven't been doing a very good job at that, lately," Mark huffed.

"What the hell are you talking about?".

"Well, gee, you haven't been paying very much attention to her lately. Actually, you haven't been paying any attention to her, aside from yelling at her whenever she tried to come into your bed after having a nightmare,".

"That's a lie!" snapped Roger.

"No, Roger, it's not. May told me that you've been neglecting her. Also, I know firsthand that you have been neglecting her, because I've had to take care of her in your place! All you've done is lie around in bed!"

"You... you have?" Roger could not believe it. Had his depression really been that bad? He never really noticed it before, because he was always too busy trying to numb himself from the pain and fear. But, now that he thought about it, he really had been that aloof.

"Yes. And you know what else, Roger? This hasn't just been going on for a few weeks or so. It's now been going on for 6 months! And I don't know why I allowed you to remain like this for this long, but trust me, it ends now. You need to move on. Yes, you've been through a lot, but others have been through much worse and they came out on top. And you're also not the only human being with AIDS. Remember Collins? He has AIDS too, but we never saw him bed ridden for almost half a year. No, he didn't stop living when he tested positive for HIV; he continues to live his life. And that's what you should do,".

"Yeah, but..."

"But nothing! Look, May really needs her father right now, okay? She needs you. Lately, she's been suffering horrible nightmares about her mother's death, and because you ignored her or yelled at her, she thinks you hate her, and want nothing to do with her anymore,".

"That's not true. I love her and want her very much,".

Mark sat down on the bed across from his friend, then said "I know you do. And I'm sure that if you stop doing what you're doing right now, and get out there and talk to her, she'll know you do too. She's 6 years old, and she forgives easily,".

Roger said nothing for a moment. He stared at his lap. Then, still staring at his lap "I've really screwed up this time, haven't I, Mark?".

Mark said "Yes, but you can still fix this. Knowing May, she will forgive you. All you need to do is stop feeling so sorry for yourself and stop being so numb, and become the dad she needs you to be,".

"Mark," said Roger slowly, "I hope you realize that I can't instantly make things okay, right?".

"Yes, I realize that. I don't expect things to become okay all at once. I know that you'll still struggle with this. But, you can take the first step, you know,".

"And that is...?"

"Eating your sandwiches and taking your AZT,".

Chuckling, Roger said "All right, then,". He proceeded to eat both of the sandwiches and take his AZT, as his friend had told him to do. "Next step, then?".

"The next step is to go and apologize to May. You've hurt her badly, and although she will probably forgive you no matter what, you still need to apologize to her. If I were you, I'd admit what I did wrong to her, and I would be sure to tell her just how sorry I am for hurting her and scaring her. Then, I'd make sure she knows how much I love her, not only by telling her so, but also by hugging her and kissing her (she misses your hugs and kisses). Then finally, when she has forgiven you, offer to play a game with her. She really misses playing with you. That should help patch things up with her,".

Roger nodded and said "Thank you, Mark. I didn't realize what I was doing until today, and I didn't know how much May was getting hurt,". Then, looking Mark straight in the eyes "I really am grateful. Thank you, really, for being a great friend, and for helping me,".

Mark looked surprised, but he was also smiling. Roger rarely thanked him for anything. "You're welcome, Roger,". And with that, he got up and exited the room. Roger soon followed suit. After leaving the room, Roger made a beeline for May's room, because he had a gut feeling that she was in there.

The door to May's room was open, and since May was playing on the floor in the opposite corner of the room with her back to the door, Roger decided to slip in silently, and watch her for a minute. She was playing with the Barbie doll family she had gotten for her 5th birthday. "Okay! Kids! Want to go to the park?" said May through the Daddy doll, using her best man voice (which was quite adorable). She put the Daddy doll down, then picked up the little boy doll and the little girl doll. She made them jump up and down and say "Yes, Daddy! Let's go to the park!". Then, she put them down, picked up the Daddy doll again, and said through him "Okay! Honey, let's go to the park! Don't forget the baby!". She put the Daddy doll down, then picked up the Mommy doll and the Baby doll, and put the Baby doll in the Mommy doll's arms. "Okay!" she said through the Mommy doll. Then, she tried picking up all of the dolls at once, but her hands were small, which made that difficult to do. She wound up dropping them all. She tried again to pick them all up, but she dropped them, just as before.

"Want some help, Peanut?" said Roger, revealing his presence at last.

May jumped, clearly startled. She turned around, and when she saw Roger standing in her doorway, she could not believe her eyes. "Daddy?", she asked, slightly dumbstruck because she had not seen him in a week.

"Hi, May,". He took one step towards her, but she retreated. She looked apprehensive. Despite already knowing the answer, he asked "Baby, what's wrong?".

"You're not my daddy," said May.

Roger was confused. "What are you talking about, May? Of course I'm your daddy,".

"No, you're not! My daddy loves me. He gives me hugs and kisses. He plays with me. He makes my nightmares go away. He takes care of me. He doesn't stay in his bedroom all day. He doesn't yell at me when I have nightmares. He doesn't hate me," shouted May. She crossed her arms.

Without saying anything, Roger walked towards her. She continued to look apprehensive, but she did not move. Roger knelt down to her eye level, so that they were face-to-face with each other. He placed one hand on her face, and with his thumb, he brushed away the tears that were beginning to fall from her eyes. After a few seconds, he said tenderly "Oh, May, I've really hurt you that badly, haven't I? I made you think that I hate you, is that right?".

"Yes, you did. Daddy, do you hate me?" asked May, who was still crying a little.

"Oh, Peanut, no!". He put his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "No! May, I love you! You're my special little girl, remember?".

"But, Daddy, why did you stay in your bedroom all the time? Why didn't you play with me and give me hugs and kisses? Why did you yell at me?" asked May.

Roger thought for a moment, then took a deep breath and said while looking her in the eye "May, sometimes when adults are really sad or scared, they do stupid things, like stay in their bed all day long or yell for no reason. But, May, what I did was wrong. You are my little girl, and I love you. I am so, so sorry for scaring you and making you upset. Sweetie, I promise I won't ever do that to you ever again. I'm gonna take care of you now, just like I should've been doing all along. Okay?".

"Okay," said May. She then gave him a quick kiss on the mouth, and said "I love you, Daddy!".

Roger smiled and said "I love you too, sweetie,". Then he said "Hey, I see you're playing with your Barbie dolls. Can I play too?".

May laughed and said "Daddy! Barbies are for girls! You're a boy!".

"Well, maybe I could be the dad and the little boy. Please? I really wanna play, too," said Roger, giving her some big puppy eyes and a small pout.

"Well... okay! But you can't be the daddy, because he's gonna take a nap at the park. But you can be Tommy! Kelly and him are going to go on an adventure at the park!".

"Ooh, what kind of adventure?".

May shook her head and put a finger to her lips. "Shh! I can't tell you! It's a secret right now!".

Roger laughed and said "Okay, May, whatever you say!". And for the next few hours, they played together, laughing and having lots of fun. Soon, however, it was time for May to go to bed. Roger had no trouble getting her ready for bed, and it was just as easy tucking her in. But, when Roger was just about to get up from her bedside and leave, she sat up and said "Daddy, don't go!".

He stopped and asked "Why not, Peanut?".

"What if the nightmares come tonight?".

Thinking for a bit, he replied "I'll be there to fight them away. In fact, I feel like tonight is a special night. You can come to my bed and sleep with me tonight,".

May smiled. "Really, Daddy?".

"Really". He picked her up and brought her to his room and put her under the covers, gently resting her head on a pillow. He got under the covers next to her, and he started to rub her back because he knew that would soothe her. "Now, May, if the nightmares come tonight, just remember that I'm right here. There's nothing to be afraid of, okay? I'm right here,".

"Okay, Daddy. Good night," said May, who was starting to get sleepy.

"Sweet dreams, May," he said as he kissed her head. And soon, the both of them fell into a peaceful and nightmare-free sleep.

November 17, 1989

Dear Journal,

Apparently, getting rid of this journal is not that easy. Guess I should've burned it, instead of throwing it away, because Maureen found it in the trash, then gave it to Mark, and he kept it for the sole purpose of having me write in it again. He still thinks it will help me. I hate to admit it, but maybe he's right. I did seem to feel better when I was writing regularly in here.

Anyways, it's been 2 weeks now since I came out of my social withdrawal. May's been really happy that I'm back. She's been doing better now, as far as the nightmares go (and so have I, for the record). A couple of times, though, she has come into my room crying, and I have to calm her down by reminding her that I'm here and everything is okay. And really, for the first time in a while, I really do feel like things are okay. We have been doing okay with having food to eat because Mark got a part time job teaching some film classes at the community center, and Maureen has been making decent money (well, enough to get by) from her recent performances. Me, I'm still not working. It's not that I don't want to. It's just that the only job for me right now, besides being a dad, is being a musician. The problem is I haven't been able to bring myself to play the guitar lately. I guess you could say I'm still a little depressed, but I also have tried to book gigs, but no one has any spots open for the next few months. And playing on the street is a no go- it's been so damn cold outside lately, and even if I was brave enough to face the weather, there's certainly no pedestrians who would stop long enough to listen.

At any rate, my main job right now has been to make up for the 6 months I missed with May. I missed a lot in that time. For instance, May lost her first tooth! It was one of her bottom right teeth. She said the tooth fairy was really generous and gave her a whole dollar (speaking of which, I now owe Maureen a dollar). Also, I missed May winning her first trophy. Apparently, she got it for winning the elementary school spelling bee at her school. I was kind of shocked to hear that. I mean, I always knew she was smart, but the fact that she got a 1st place trophy out of the 100 kids that were in the competition was quite impressive, especially since some of her opponents were 5th graders! This was obviously a big deal that I missed, and I made May sad because I only ignored her when she tried to show me the trophy, so I made up for that by taking her out for some chocolate cake at the local bakery. She was more than excited about the cake.

Roger closed the journal up, got off his bed, and went over to the dresser to put it away. As he put the journal back in its drawer, his fingers brushed against an old photo that he had not looked at in some time. He paused for a moment, then reluctantly turned over the photo and looked at it. It was a picture that Mark had taken of Roger and April performing together on the day they first met. Roger closed his eyes as the memories from years ago came back to him.

Roger was only 18 years old the year he left Boston to make a name for himself in New York City. He moved in to an apartment with Mark, who was at that time the only friend he had in New York. However, he soon became fast friends with his other roommates, Benny and Collins. At first, Roger had difficulty getting any sort of job, let alone one that would allow him to use his talents as an aspiring rock musician. After a few months of living in New York, though, he happened to stumble across a band called the Well Hungarians who were in need of a back up guitarist. He was hired almost immediately mostly because of his talent, but also because of his youth, charm, and good looks (which they thought would appeal to the female crowd). Roger had been playing with the Well Hungarians for about a year when the lead singer/guitarist, who was looking to spend more quality time with his family, asked Roger to take his place as the lead singer/guitarist. Roger, of course, was completely surprised by this notion but honored as well, and he accepted the position. He never knew why he was chosen to take the man's place because he accepted the position with no questions asked. Luckily for Roger, the other band members accepted him as their new leader, so there was no tension in the band.

Roger's band did pretty well. They eventually had regular gigs at clubs in the area, and street performing had turned out a bit of profit too. They were not living as kings or anything like that, but they all had enough cash to support themselves and then some. It was during one of the regular gigs at the club CBGB that Roger met April. Often, the Well Hungarians had a special time during their performance where they would call upon one of the bar patrons to sing with them on stage, if the patron was not too drunk, that is. And on that particular night, it was the 4th of July, so the song that the band was going to have a sing along to was "The Star Spangled Banner". At first, Roger did not know who to call on, for many of the patrons were very intoxicated because of the holiday. He almost thought to have Mark, who was in the audience that night, come up and sing, just to mess with him. But then, he saw her. Her smile was the first thing he noticed. He had never seen a smile so genuine before, like she was the happiest person in the world. Then he noticed that her eyes, which were a remarkable shade of blue, were made even more beautiful by her fiery red hair. Roger must have stared at the beautiful young woman for a while, because someone tapped his shoulder from behind and whispered "Roger, are you all right?".

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he whispered back. Then he said into the microphone in his most charming way "Would the beautiful woman with the fiery red hair and sexy black leather boots like to volunteer?". The woman clearly knew who he was talking to, because she blushed multiple shades of red. Oh, shit! Did I say something wrong? Roger asked himself, but he then saw he had no reason to worry, because the woman was already making her way to the stage. Roger breathed a small sigh of relief.

The woman confidently walked up on the stage. She got to the microphone which had just been set up for her, grabbed it and said into it somewhat flirtatiously "Sure! I'm game!". She winked in Roger's direction.

Roger once again found himself dumbstruck. Did she just wink at me? Or am I seeing things? If she did wink at me, was she just being flirty or is that her way of saying "I kind of like you"? he thought, his head swimming. Then, he remembered the reason why she was up there next to him in the first place. Oh, right, I have to start playing now.He leaned over to the attractive woman and told her "I'm going to play a bit of an intro, and then I'll cue you when it's time to sing, okay?".

"Okay," she said back. He began the song, and when it came time for the woman to sing, he flinched internally because he realized that this woman's singing voice could sound like fingernails on a chalkboard. But again, he was worried about nothing. Her singing was not 100 percent perfect; in fact, it was quite raspy and raw, but she managed to pull that off well enough that her voice was quite pleasing to the ears. For Roger, it was actually seductive and on the verge of intoxicating. That's a voice I could get used to listening to every night. Roger immediately berated himself for thinking that. He did not even know this woman's name, and he was already thinking about moving in with her. Despite this, when the song was half way over, he realized he had to see her again. He quickly thought up a plan that would allow him to do this.

"And the home of the brave!". The woman in leather finished the song, and received an enthusiastic applause from the patrons in the bar.

"Wowie, ladies and gentlemen! This girl's a knock out! She's got the looks and the talent!" said Roger charismatically. He turned to the woman and said "Whoever gets to call you theirs is one lucky individual!". He added that statement because it occurred to him that she might not be single, and he wanted to find out if she was.

Blushing slightly, she replied "Actually, I don't have anyone right now. I'm currently available,". Some whistling came from the patrons, and Roger had to use all of his will not to literally leap for joy after hearing that news. She added, with a hint of sorrow in her voice "Yeah, boys don't exactly go for the girls who have no money,". She then made her way off the stage.

Modifying his plan a bit, Roger went to her and said "Well, if you're looking for a job, our band is looking for a female back up singer. After tonight's performance, we'd be willing to hire you, if you're interested, of course,". Some of the other band members started to protest, but Roger shot them a look of death, and they immediately shut up. Wanting the woman not to notice their disapproving looks, he pulled her into a vacant corner of the room.

Smiling that gorgeous smile, the woman said "That's really sweet of you, but if you're just pulling my leg, I think I'll just go,".

Roger said sincerely "I'm not pulling your leg. I, er, we would really like you to join the band. We don't make buckets of gold, but we make a decent amount of cash. I think this would be a good thing for you,".

The woman shrugged and said "I guess I'll have to think about it...,".

"Look, how about you think about it over dinner with me, say, tonight, after my band and I pack all the gear up?".

The woman laughed and said "Did you just... did you really just... ask me out?".

Being a bit cheeky, he replied "Yes, yes I did,". Then realizing how much of a jerk he must sound, he stammered "Well, that's, uh, only if you want to, you know?". He braced himself for her refusal.

Chuckling, she said "All right, I'll go to dinner with you, but only if you promise to stay so charming,".

Almost giddy, he pointed to the table in the corner, and said "I'll meet you there when we're finished, okay?".

She gave him a side smile and said "Okay," as she made her way to the table he indicated.

Before she walked too far, Roger realized something. "Wait! I never got your name,".

"It's April. April Ericsson. What's yours?".

"Roger. Roger Davis,".

"Right, Roger. See you soon then?,".

"See you soon, April,". April smiled at Roger as he walked over to the stage to help his bandmates, thinking naught about how he was determined to make sure that smile never faded.

Roger's thoughts about April were interrupted by the sound of a loud beeping noise. His beeper had sounded, reminding him to take his AZT. Shaking his head, he scoffed and said to the beeper "Just when I am starting to feel happy again, you sound and remind me to take my little time-buyers. Thank you so much, beeper,". Then, he scoffed at himself, thinking Wow, Roger. Now you're talking to inanimate objects? You must be really right in the head. Moments after he took his pill, there was a knock on the door. "Come in," he called. In came Mark, who looked completely disheveled. His clothes were haphazardly put on and mismatched, his glasses were askew, his already messy hair looked like he had not even bothered to comb it his whole life, and he was also missing his favorite striped scarf.

"My god, Mark. What the hell happened to you?" Roger asked, slightly concerned.

"Too much," his friend murmured, looking dazed.

"Mark, it's 8 A.M. The day's just started, so there aren't any bars open, we have no drinks in the house, and you were home all night last night. How could you have had too much?".

Mark was staring at the ground and shaking his head "No, that's not it. Maureen's gone,".

Confused, Roger asked "What do you mean 'gone'? Like, did she move out, or is she...?".

Mark shook his head. "No, she's not dead. She left. She dumped me, and then she left,".

"Mark, are you sure? What if she just went out for a little while? You and Maureen have been together for like, what? Two years now? And you two were happy together, right? Why would she suddenly just leave?".

Mark held up a note, which had to have been from Maureen. "Oh, she dumped me all right! Says so here in this note!". He handed the note to Roger so he could read it.

After reading it, Roger was even more confused. "It says here that she dumped you for someone named 'Joanne',".

"Uh-huh," Mark squeaked.

Raising an eyebrow, Roger said "Isn't 'Joanne' a girl's name?".

"Uh-huh," repeated Mark.

After putting two and two together, Roger raised both eyebrows in surprise. "Wow, that's messed up,".

"You think?" said Mark sarcastically.

Shaking his head and giving a cheeky smile, Roger said "Well, what are you gonna do now? Go after her? Beg her to come back? Track down this 'Joanne' and cut her brakes or something? Or find someone new?".

Mark shrugged and mumbled pitifully "I don't know yet,".

Laughing, Roger replied "Well, whatever you do, don't do what I did, because there's no way in hell I'm taking care of your moping ass for 6 months!".

Unamused, Mark said sarcastically "Glad to know someone is there to help me through this, and that no one is trying to make me feel more lonely than I do right now,".

Roger felt a small pang of guilt after hearing that sentence. He put a hand on Mark's shoulder and said "Look, Mark. It was only a joke. You know that I've got your back, no matter what. That's what best friends are for, right?".

Mark sighed and said "Yeah...,". Then it was his turn to tease. "It's just too bad that my best friend is so moody that he could easily take the place of Grumpy from Snow White,".

Instead of getting mad, Roger pulled away his hand, shrugged, and then teased back "Hey, at least I'd have a beautiful woman cooking three square meals a day for me. That little dwarf doesn't seem to have it all that bad, you know,".

Mark was about to say something back that was probably really clever, but Roger stopped him, saying "Look, I'm sure we could go back and forth about this for hours, but I think I should start breakfast for May and I. She'll be in here soon asking me to feed her anyway. And, I can make something for you, if you want me to,".

Mark asked "Do we even have anything to eat?".

"Yeah, I just checked last night. We have some bagels and cream cheese. I was gonna make that. Want one?".

Mark shrugged and said "Okay, sure,".

Before Roger left the room, he caught a glimpse of the look of extreme hurt and hopelessness in Mark's eyes. He walked back over to his friend, knelt down next to him, and said "Look, Mark. You know that no one understands what you're going through right now better than me. At least you still have a chance of getting back together with Maureen. She hasn't died. Don't lose hope, okay man?". Mark gave him an appreciative smile. Roger got up to leave again, but he paused and said, being cheeky again "And if you can't get back with Maureen, there's always your camera or scarf!". Mark pouted, and Roger quickly said "I'm just teasing you, Mark. I know you'll find your girl someday, even if that girl's not Maureen,". And with that, Roger left and started on breakfast.

May was sad when she heard Auntie Maureen moved away. Auntie Maureen reminded May a lot of Mommy. She was nice like Mommy was, and pretty. She liked to sing just like Mommy did, and her singing was beautiful. She was also fun to play with! May still did not understand why Auntie Maureen had moved away, so she went to her daddy and asked again "Daddy, will you tell me again why did Auntie Maureen move away?".

Patiently, he replied "May, I told you. She wanted to go live with one of her other friends named Joanne,".

"Why, Daddy?".

"Because, Peanut, Joanne was lonely, and Auntie Maureen doesn't like it when people are lonely,".

"But, Daddy, why didn't Joanne come live here?" asked May.

"Because Joanne already has a house, and she would miss it if she had to leave. Think about it. Wouldn't you miss living here if we moved away?".

May nodded fervently. She then said "I'm going to miss Auntie Maureen. Will she come visit?".

Daddy picked up the 6 year old and supported her on his hip. "Of course she will, Peanut. She loves to hang out with us. I doubt she'll stay away for too long,". His daughter was frowning, so he asked "Do you need a visit from the tickle monster?". She shook her head, so he said "No? Well how about a visit from the raspberry monster?". May started to protest but it was too late, for Daddy was quick to lift up her shirt, press his lips against her belly, and blow her a big raspberry that made her shriek with delight. After a few moments, Daddy stopped, and then gave May an Eskimo kiss right on her cute little nose.

Then, May said "Daddy, I think that Uncle Mark needs a visit from the tickle monster,".

"Why do you say that, Peanut?" he asked.

"Because he was sad all day long and he cried,".

Daddy paused, then said "Well, he really misses Auntie Maureen, just like you and I do,".

May said thoughtfully "Should we go and cheer him up? He's been crying all day long,".

Daddy shook his head. "No, May. I think he's tired right now, and he needs some sleep,". Then, checking the clock, he added "And you need some sleep, too. It's 10 P.M. right now, and that is way past your bedtime,".

May pouted and said "But, Daddy! I'm not tired!".

"Maybe not yet, but you will be," he said. She was still in his arms, so he carried her to her room and set her on the bed. He then grabbed her favorite set of Cinderella pajamas, and helped her dress in them.

"Daddy, I wanna stay up with you!" she said once she was dressed.

"May, sweetie, I'm tired too. I'm going to bed very soon," he said as he began to tuck her in.

"Please can I stay up? I'm not sleepy!" she continued to say.

"Hmm... I think I know what will make you sleepy," Daddy told her. "How about I rub your back and sing you a little song? Would you like that?".

"Yes, Daddy,". May loved his back rubs and lullabies. They were very relaxing and they made her feel safe when she was afraid.

"All right, then," he said as he began to rub his daughter's back up and down. "What do you want me to sing to you?".

"Can you sing me a Cinderella song?" said May almost immediately.

Daddy nodded and said "All right. I know just the one,". He cleared his throat softly, then began singing in his angelic singing voice:

A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep

In dreams you lose your heartaches

Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday

Your rainbow will come smiling through

No matter how your heart is grieving

If you keep on believing

the dream that you wish will come true

By the end of the song, May was fast asleep. Her daddy got up so he could go to his own bed, but not before stopping, looking at her and noticing how beautiful she looked sleeping there so peacefully, and also noticing how much joy she gave him as a parent. He was grateful to have her in his life.

December 15, 1989

Dear Journal,

Well, Maureen's been gone for weeks now. Guess this Joanne character must really be something. Although, for all I know, Joanne could just be an imaginary person because Maureen hasn't introduced us yet. Oh, yes, Maureen has visited a few times since she moved out, much to Mark's detriment. I mean, she had to come get the rest of her stuff. She moved out so fast that she didn't have time to pack everything right away. In addition to that, she's asked Mark to be her production manager. Our friend-turned-enemy, Benny, has decided to buy the lot next door to our building. The problem with that is the lot is already occupied by a tent city filled with homeless people. Benny intends to clear out the lot. Does he intend to build a shelter for the homeless? No. He intends to build some studio called CyberArts, which wreaks of sell out to me. As if that wasn't enough, he also intends to take over the area where Maureen's performance space is, planning to turn it into a parking lot. So Maureen is planning a protest, and has Mark as her production manager, and she's clearly unaware of how awkward and maybe even painful that is for him. I'd say something to her, but her meetings with Mark at the flat make May very happy, simply because she gets to see her. Next to Mark, May probably misses Maureen the most. It's not like I don't miss her. It's just that, well, after April's death, Maureen became like a mother to May, especially so during that time when I was, well, a zombie. Maureen's moving out has kind of been like losing April all over again for May, although not as bad.

December 23, 1989

Dear Journal,

Times have been getting bad again. The community center pulled the film classes, which means Mark is out of work now. And Maureen took her income with her. We've run out of food more times than I care to admit. I've had to skip some meals so May can eat, that's how bad it's been. Our Thanksgiving kind of sucked. The only turkey we had was those little pieces of turkey you find in those Lunchables things. And since we can't pay our heating or electric bill, we don't always have electricity or heat (luckily, Mark found an illegal wood burning stove over by the landfill a few weeks ago. It doesn't give off a lot of heat or light, but it's better than nothing). Looks like I'll have to get off my ass and start looking for a job. I hear that the Pyramid Club might have a few openings by now. Since they're closed from now until New Year's, I'll have to wait for a little while before I can even go and ask. It may not be a guaranteed job or a good paying job, but it's the best I can do, really. No one else is hiring or has any openings. If things get real desperate, I'll resort to street performing, but me and performing in the snow don't mix too well, so I'm going to try not doing that if I can. At any rate, I'm going to do something that I haven't done since April's death. Christmas Eve I plan to get out my old Fender and play it. Well, I'm actually going to tune it, because I'm sure it desperately needs to be tuned, but after that, I'll play it. What am I going to play on my guitar? Well, recently it occurred to me that most people who know they're going to die young aspire to do something great. They try to leave their mark on the world. They desire to leave a legacy. That's what I want to play. A legacy. In my pre-AIDS days, I always dreamed about becoming this legendary rockstar. I dreamed about playing at all the big and prestigious venues, with hundreds of thousands of people cheering my name. Hey, it may sound silly to dream that big, when I am so small and insignificant, but still, that is my dream. Or it was, before I got the news that I have AIDS. Now I see that my dream can never come true, but in a way it can. I can leave a song so great that it will be performed in all the big and prestigious venues. And hundreds of thousands of people will be cheering my name, each with a tear in their eye, and they will say amongst themselves "Why has this talented young man been taken away from us so soon?". Yes, I'd like for that to be the legacy that I leave. But, in order to leave that legacy, I have to write a song worthy of it. And I don't know where to begin.

The next day found Roger's heart sinking as he stared at the pitiful pile of wrapped Christmas gifts that were for May. His financial problems caused him to only be able to afford the things that May needed, like clothes (which were hand-me-down) or school supplies (which were also hand-me-down). There was nothing left in his budget for toys, not even the white teddy bear with the Santa hat May had had her eye on for a while. He was angry with himself because there was no one to blame for this problem but himself. If he had not gone into that 6 month period of social withdrawal, he could have had a job, and then he would have had money. Feeling like the worst father in the world, the young man could not help but think to himself Mark is a better father to her than I am. He may not be able to buy her toys either, but he never neglected her like I did. He even wrapped these pathetic presents up nice for her.

Realizing there was nothing he could do to fix this issue, Roger closed the door to the closet that hid the presents. Then, he walked over to his bed, and when he arrived at the foot of it, he crouched down. He slipped his hand underneath the bed and he began to feel around for the one thing he was looking for- his Fender guitar. When he found the case, he grasped on to its handle and pulled it out. The case had gathered quite a bit of dust on it over the past year, so Roger made sure to thoroughly wipe all of it off before unbuckling the clasps that kept the case shut. As he lifted the lid to the case, he saw his favorite red and white electric Fender inside, and found his hands itching with the desire to play it. He picked up the guitar and slung its strap around his shoulder. Underneath the guitar was a blue guitar pick, which he picked up as well. Then, he went straight to the living room chair, pulled out his amp from underneath it, plugged the amp into the extension cord that snuck its way out the window, and then plugged his guitar into the amp. He was just sitting down so he could start to tune the guitar, when Mark entered the room, with May trailing behind him. Mark noticed the guitar in Roger's hands, so he stopped and smiled at his friend, saying "I knew you wouldn't be able to give that thing up forever,". Roger simply rolled his eyes at that comment.

May was just as happy as Mark that Roger was picking up his guitar again. She ran to his side and said cheerfully "Daddy, you're playing guitar! Yay! Will you play me a song?".

"Not right now, Peanut. First, I have to tune the guitar, otherwise the song will sound really bad," he replied. He leaned over to give her a small peck on the side of her mouth, then whispered in her ear "But I promise to play you whatever song you like later. Why don't you go play in your room while you wait for me to finish tuning this, okay?".

"Okay, Daddy," she said, making her way towards her room. As soon as she was gone, Roger let out a long sigh that betrayed his frustration.

Mark, who was still in the room, heard him and became concerned. He asked "Hey, what's bothering you?".

Roger answered "Besides the usual, I'm upset by the fact that May won't be getting a single toy tomorrow. I had to use all of the money in my Christmas budget for her to buy things that she desperately needs, like clothes and school supplies, and even though I bought them for as cheap as I could get them, I still couldn't buy her a single toy. She's gonna be so crushed. I... I don't know what to do,". He looked to his friend, kind of hoping he would have a good solution.

Instead of blaming Roger for anything, Mark replied with compassion and sincerity "Hey, we both know you did the right thing. All of May's clothes are either worn out, too small, or both. And her teachers have been harassing you for weeks, trying to get you to replace her broken folders and missing pencils. This is something you can feel good about. You're giving May not what she wants, but what she needs. She might not appreciate it right away, but I'm sure she will in time,".

Roger huffed at Mark's words, but secretly, he was grateful for them. However, he quickly looked for a way to change the subject. He noticed Mark was holding his camera, so he asked what he was going to do with it.

"Oh, I'm going to film a documentary,".

Roger raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? What is it about?".

"I was going to make it all about us. And by 'us', I don't mean just you, May, and me. I'm talking about all of our friends, too. For example, I was planning on filming some of Maureen's protest tonight,".

Roger smirked and shook his head. "Mark, don't you think going to her protest will feel a little awkward for the both of you, considering two days ago, she fired you as her production manager and replaced you with Joanne, the woman she dumped you for?".

Mark's face reddened. "I told you. I'm over her," he said, slightly agitated.

Roger shrugged, making it clear that this conversation was over. He refocused his attention on his guitar, but before he could start tuning, Mark asked him "Hey, do you mind if I film a little bit of you tuning your guitar?". Roger shook his head "no", and then he began to tune his guitar as Mark began to start up his camera.

"We begin on Christmas Eve with me, Mark, and my roommate, Roger...,". Mark paused as a thought came to his head. He closed up his camera, then turned to Roger and asked him "Hey, uh, can I include May in my little documentary?".

Roger shrugged. "Sure. Why wouldn't you? You're filming about our lives, right? She's kind of a big part of mine," he said, being slightly rude.

"Okay, okay, you could be a little more polite, you know. Some parents are touchy about their kids being filmed,".

"Mark, it's not like you're some pervert or anything. I've known you since freshmen year in high school, and I know you're not some sick pedophile who abuses children. I really don't care if you film her or not,".

"All right, if you don't care, then...,". Mark was about to start filming again, when May entered the room, asking her daddy if he was done tuning the guitar.

"Not yet, Peanut," he answered. "But, if you're still really bored, you can sit right here on the floor and color in that sketchbook of yours,".

She turned to go find her sketchbook and crayons, and after finding them, she saw Mark with his camera. "Uncle Mark, are you making a movie?". He grinned and nodded. "Oh, can I be in it?".

"Sure, May!" he said enthusiastically.

"Yay! What do I have to do?" she asked.

"Just go sit and color in your sketchbook. Maybe you could draw a picture of Santa Claus for me, since it's Christmas Eve?".

"Okay!" went May as she went right to work on doing that, taking a seat on the floor right by Roger's chair.

Mark reset his camera, and then said to himself "Take 2". He started rolling the camera again, and then said in a manner that made it sound like he was reciting a script "We begin on Christmas Eve with me, Mark, my roommate Roger, and his daughter, May. We live in an industrial loft on the corner of 11th street and Avenue B, the top floor of what was once a music publishing factory. Old rock 'n' roll posters hang on the walls. They have Roger's picture advertising gigs at CBGB's and the Pyramid Club. We have an illegal wood burning stove; it's exhaust pipe crawls up to a skylight. All of our electrical appliances are plugged into one thick extension cord which makes its way out a window. Outside, a small tent city has sprung up in the lot next to our building. Inside, we are freezing... because we have no heat,". He panned the camera to Roger and said in a falsely cheerful voice "Smile!". Roger only grimaced.

"Or don't...,". Mark resumed talking to his camera. "Anyways, it's 9 P.M. on December 24th here in Alphabet City. And from now on, I'll be shooting without a script. Hopefully whatever happens will be better than the old shit I usually come up with. First shot is Roger, who is tuning his Fender guitar,". He put the camera back on Roger, who was having trouble tuning the guitar. "Don't judge him too harshly; he hasn't played in a year," Mark said as he snickered into his camera.

The young musician got slightly defensive and retorted "Hey! This thing refuses to tune! It's not my fault!".

Mark shrugged, then continued "And he is just coming back from half a year of withdrawal,".

"What the hell are you talking about, Mark? I gave up smack a while ago, before May was born!" said Roger, getting a bit steamed now.

"Dude, I meant social withdrawal. Not the other kind! Relax!" said Mark.

"Whatever, man," said Roger as he rolled his eyes.

Pretending not to notice his friend's somewhat rude gesture, Mark put the camera closer to his friend and asked him "Hey, will you tell the folks at home what you're doing, Roger?".

"I'm writing one great song...," he began in response, but he was interrupted by the sound of their telephone ringing.

"Uncle Mark and Daddy, the phone's ringing!" said May.

"Yes, May, we know, but we're not answering it right now," Mark said.

"Why not?". May was confused.

"Because, Peanut, there might be a wicked witch on the other line," teased Roger, who was speaking more towards Mark than May because he knew the chances of the caller being Mark's over-adoring mother were very great.

Mark caught the song-writer's tease and grimaced, then said "We'll screen it,". He zoomed his camera in on the answering machine.

"SPEAK!" sounded Roger and Mark's outgoing message. After the beep came a voice that could only have been Mrs. Cohen. Roger's guess was correct. It was Mark's mother on the line. Mark's face grew paler as he listened to the irritating voice wish him a Merry Christmas and tell him that he should let Maureen be a lesbian, for there are other fishes in the sea. Mark really hated it when Mrs. Cohen, being a typical Jewish mother, left him messages that made him feel more like a loser.

"Hey, Uncle Mark, who was that?" May asked innocently.

Cracking a small smile, he said "I can't say her name. But I will tell you she has green skin, flies around on a broom, and melts when water is poured on her,". Then, he turned to Roger again, and said "Tell the folks at home what you're doing, Roger,".

"I'm writing one great song...," repeated Roger, but he was again interrupted by the phone. They screened the call again.

"SPEAK!" went Roger and Mark's outgoing message once more. From the little box came the sound of a familiar voice singing cheerfully "Chestnuts roasting...,"

"It's Collins!" said Mark and Roger simultaneously, both very happy to hear their friend whom they had not heard from in months.

"Yay! Uncle Collins is calling!" squealed May. She had missed Collins very much since he moved away to go work at MIT.

"I'm downstairs," Collins continued to sing to the answering machine because no one had picked up the phone yet. Mark sped over to the machine to pick it up. "Hey!" he called.

"Roger, is that you who picked up?" asked Collins through the phone.

"No, it's me, Mark!"

"Oh, well, throw down the key! I'm coming up!"

The filmmaker quickly did as his friend asked, then said "I believe a wild night is now in store!".

Roger looked over at his daughter, who was still coloring on the floor, and then murmured darkly "If you guys get wasted tonight, I'm kicking your sorry asses out until you're sober again. The last thing May needs to see is her uncles getting piss drunk,".

"Relax, Roger! It's me and Collins! You know we never really get that dr-,". Mark was interrupted by Collins, who said quietly "Uh, guys. I may be detained,". And then he hung up.

Mark paled. "What does he mean 'detained'?" he asked. Roger shrugged. The phone rang again, and Mark picked it up and asked, worried "Hey, Collins, what do you mean 'detained'?".

But the man who answered was most certainly not Collins. "Ho ho ho!" the man greeted.

"Benny!" exclaimed Mark. Shit, thought Roger, what does he want?

"Dudes, I'm on my way!".

"Great," said Mark weakly as a much coarser word popped into Roger's head.

"Guys, I'm coming for the rent," said Benny.

"Benny, what are you talking about? What rent?" Mark questioned.

"I need this past year's rent. I let it slide for a while, guys, but now I need you to pay up,".

"Wait, wait, Benny, when you bought the building and became our landlord, you said you'd forgo the rent this year. We were still roommates when you told us this. You lived here, remember?" said Roger, heatedly.

Benny laughed and said "Dudes, how could I ever forget? There was you two, your kid, Roger, Collins, me, and Maureen. Oh, speaking of her, how is the drama queen?"

Mark answered "Well, she has a performance tonight,".

"I know. Still her production manager, Mark?".

"She bumped me two days ago,".

"Wow, that sucks. Are you still dating her?".

Mark frowned and said with a hint of sadness "Last month, she dumped me,".

Roger decided to chime in. "She's in love,".

"Really?" said Benny. "She's got a new man? What's his name?".

Roger and Mark both looked at each other, then said together "Joanne,".

Benny broke out into hysterics. The idea of Mark being dumped for a woman was quite hilarious to him. When he was done, he said more seriously "Look guys, rent is due. Now you can pay up, or I'll have to evict you all. I'll be right over,".

Mark and Roger just looked at one another, not knowing what to do. Benny would not really ask them to pay last year's rent, would he? Did he really have the heart to do that? Roger became frustrated again, so he resumed tuning up his guitar, when all of sudden, the power inside the flat was gone. Benny had turned the power off. Speaking to his invisible audience via his camera, Mark said "The power blows!".

"Daddy! Why is it dark?" asked May, who sounded nervous.

Roger turned to his daughter and said "Benny turned off the lights, baby,".

"Why, Daddy?"

"He's a mean man, Peanut. He likes to do mean things," answered the young father.

"Daddy, I'm scared! I don't like the dark!" May whimpered.

Roger walked over to his little girl and picked her up and put her on his hip. He began to rub her back. "Shh, it's okay, May,". He kissed her on the cheek, then said to Mark "Do you think we could get some candles in here? And maybe we could fire up the stove, too?".

"All right," said Mark as he went right to work on that.

When the candles and stove were lit, the loft became considerably brighter and even a bit warmer. May calmed down, and Roger set her on the floor so she could warm up by the stove. Once she was by the stove, Roger took Mark outside to the fire escape balcony and asked him quietly "What are we gonna do? There's no way in hell we're gonna be able to pay last year's rent! We're broke!".

Mark nodded and said "I know, Rog, I know. I don't know what we're gonna do,".

The songwriter, out of frustration, began to rant "How the hell can he do this to us? We were his friends, and I know that we've kind of had a falling out recently, but still, you'd think the fact that we were friends and roommates would mean something to him. Oh, and the fact that he PROMISED to let the rent go this year! The bastard!"

"Yeah, guess promises don't mean anything to him," agreed Mark. "What he's done isn't right at all. He knows we're broke, and still he wants us to pay, and he's threatening to evict us if we don't!"

"Shit!" exclaimed Roger. He buried his face in his hands. He imagined what being evicted would be like. What would happen to him and May? They did not really have anywhere to go. His mother was all the way in Boston, and who knew where his father was. The Ericssons were obviously not an option. None of Roger's friends could help them out. And Roger was certain they would not be welcome in any of the homes that belonged to his friends' families. Would he and May have to live on the streets? Roger looked out towards the lot next door and saw the tent city that was set up there. He realized that he and May could very well have to live in a place like that if they were evicted, and this realization scared him. "We have to do something, Mark. We cannot let him evict us!"

"Daddy, the fire's going out, and I'm still cold!" called May from the living room. The songwriter turned to see that the fire in the stove was indeed going out. He walked over to the cupboard where they kept the firewood, but there was nothing inside.

"Mark, we're all out of firewood," he said. "Really, we've got nothing to burn,".

Mark looked around the room, then said "Well, there's always your posters, and also my old screenplays...,". Roger frowned. "Well, would you rather have your daughter freeze to death?" asked Mark.

Sighing, Roger said "You're right... Let's do it,". They started by ripping the posters off the wall and putting them in the fire. Then, they went for Mark's old screenplays. With each poster and screenplay burned, the two friends felt as if they were burning away a part of their past.

"Daddy! Stop!". Roger froze, and he looked at what was in his hand. He was holding May's sketchbook, and he had almost thrown it into the fire. He felt terrible. This was one of May's most prized possessions, and he had almost burned it to a crisp.

"Oh, Peanut, I'm sorry,". He handed her the sketchbook. "I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention,".

After the stove's fire was rekindled, Roger went to his room to get his acoustic guitar. He felt as if the only thing that could make him feel better right now would be working on his song, no matter how much of a creative block he was having. Once he was seated in his chair with his guitar, he began to pick a tune. Mark was putting on his coat and scarf, looking as if he was going somewhere. "What are you doing?" asked Roger.

"Collins hasn't come up here yet. I'm going out to look for him. He could be in some trouble,".

"All right. Just be careful. There tend to be a lot of drunks wandering the streets on holidays, even on Christmas Eve,".

Mark nodded, then headed out of the loft.

Roger and May were left alone in the apartment for a while. May seemed to forget that Roger had promised to play her a song, for she quit asking him to do so, much to his relief. Ordinarily, he loved playing for May, but at this moment he felt the desire to just sit and work on his song. Only right now, he had no inspiration for the song. He had no idea what to make it about. After a few frustrating moments of continued lack of inspiration, he put his guitar down and decided to go see what May was doing. He found her in the kitchen, opening up the pantry. No doubt looking for cookies for Santa, he thought to himself. He could see her face fall when she opened up the pantry and found there was nothing in there- not even a crumb.

"Daddy, we don't have cookies for Santa!" May said, clearly bothered.

"I know, Peanut," he responded, a hint of sadness in his voice.

May frowned. "Can we go and buy some?".

Roger flinched. He hated disappointing his daughter, but they truly were broke, so buying cookies was not something they could do. But, he did not want to let his daughter know about their lack of money, so he thought fast. "Well, we could go out and buy some cookies," he said, "But, you know what? Santa already gets to eat a lot of cookies because of the other houses he visits. Maybe we should leave him something different?". He walked over to another cupboard and pulled out a pack of instant noodles. "We could leave him this,".

"But, I thought Santa only likes cookies?" said May, who looked a little confused.

"He likes all kinds of food, May. Especially noodles. His wife, Mrs. Claus, makes noodles just like these for him all the time. I think he'll be really happy to have this," Roger lied.

May did not look totally convinced. In fact, she looked disappointed, but she did not say she was. Instead, she only told him "Okay. Let's leave the noodles for him,".

It broke Roger's heart to disappoint the innocent six year old, but what else could he do right now? They had no money, and that was that. There was nothing he could do to fix that at the moment. May was going to have the worst Christmas ever, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Once they had set the package of instant noodles on a plate and left May's letter to Santa carefully tucked under it, Roger sat down with his guitar again. Suddenly, someone came through the door. It was Mark. He was filming with his camera. To it, he said charismatically and enthusiastically "Enter Tom Collins, computer genius, teacher, vagabond anarchist, who ran naked through the Parthenon!". Roger was so focused on his guitar that at first he did not notice that Mark had entered the flat with Collins, nor that Collins was carrying a pickle tub full of things like bananas, Bustelo, Marlboro, and a box of Captain Crunch. Roger only looked up when Collins mentioned that he also brought firewood.

"Oh, hi," said Roger.

Collins looked at him incredulously. "'Oh, hi' after seven months? This boy needs some Stoli!".

Roger took the bottle that Collins offered him and took a small swig. Then, he noticed all the stuff that Collins brought in with him. "Wow, man, they paid you well up at MIT,".

Collins frowned, then said "Actually, I was expelled for my theory of Actual Reality,". He took a good look at Roger, then teased "I can see you still haven't left the house yet,".

Roger teased back "I was just waiting for you, you know,".

"Well, tonight can be the night you go out. We're all having dinner at the Life Cafe after Maureen's performance. It'd be good for you to come," said Collins.

"Yeah, sure," said Roger sarcastically.

"Well, fine then, if you don't wanna come," Collins responded. "Anyways, I thought I should let you know who our benefactor is on this Christmas Eve. This new member of the Alphabet city avant-garde's charity is only matched by his talent! I present to you Angel Dumott Schunard!". And with that, Roger turned his attention to the front door, where he saw a man dressed in Santa drag making a fabulous entrance.

May was so happy Uncle Collins was here for Christmas! He brought with him a box of Captain Crunch, which made her happy because she could give some of it to Santa, too. After Uncle Collins arrived at the flat, the adults talked back and forth for a while, and then someone else came through the door. May was really confused when she saw this person. She could not tell if they were a girl or a boy. They were tall like a boy and they were bigger like a boy, but they were dressed like a girl and had longer hair like a girl's. This person even talked like a girl, which just made May even more confused. She was starting to get nervous, partly because she did not know the gender of this person, nor did she even know this person at all. Was the stranger nice or mean? May decided to hang back and watch the stranger to decide for herself.

The strangely dressed person was dancing around, and handing Uncle Mark and Daddy money. May thought that was a nice thing to do, but then the person said they got the money for killing somebody's dog, a kind of Akita named Evita. Killing a dog is horrible and sad! thought May. She was so confused, so she decided to go ask her daddy some questions while Uncle Mark, Uncle Collins, and the stranger talked on the balcony. She quietly walked up to her father and whispered "Daddy, is that person in the Santa outfit a girl or a boy?".

Daddy chuckled at her naivete, then said "He's a boy. His name is Angel. But he likes pretending he's a girl, so we pretend that he is one too. It's like a game, just like dress-up,".

May furrowed her brow and asked "So, I have to call Angel a girl?".

"If you want to play the game, then yes, Peanut,".

May thought this could be a fun game. She loved playing dress-up, too! Maybe she and Angel could play together. That would be great because Daddy hated playing dress-up, and so did Uncle Mark. Then, she remembered her other questions. "Daddy, Angel said she killed a dog and got all that money. But, killing a dog is bad, right? Does Angel have to go to jail?".

"I don't think so, May. Killing someone's dog is bad, but it's okay if that dog was mean. I think the dog Angel killed liked to bite people. It's a good thing it's dead. What if that dog bit you?".

"That would hurt!" exclaimed May. "So, Angel was helping us?".

"Mhmm," murmured Daddy.

May contemplated that for a moment. Then she decided that she could come to like this Angel person. She asked her daddy one last question. "Hey, Daddy, is Angel gonna be my aunt?".

Her father looked and saw Uncle Collins and Angel standing together, and it was obvious that Angel was not going to leave this family anytime soon. "Yes, Peanut, I think she will,".

Roger and May went to join the others on the balcony. They were watching all the people walking around on the streets below- some of them were so drunk that they could only make it a few steps before falling to the ground. All of them watched this scene for a good while, but then suddenly, a shiny black car pulled up to the front of their building. Out of it came Benny, but he did not enter the building right away. He sat in his car for a moment. He looked as if he was sorting through some papers. A minute later, a homeless person decided to try and nap right on Benny's hood, which wound up being a bad idea for him, for Benny immediately stormed out of his car and yelled "Hey, bum! Get your ass off this Range Rover!".

"Hey, Benny! Your behavior towards the homeless is what Maureen is protesting against, you know," called down Mark from the balcony. He was filming, and he muttered to the camera "Close up on Benjamin Coffin III. He used to be our roommate, until he got hitched to Alison Grey of the Westport Greys. With his new found money, he bought our building. He plans to start a cyber-studio,".

"She's protesting losing her performance space. She doesn't care at all about how I treat the homeless," countered Benny.

Roger spoke this time. "Benny, you used to have principles. What happened to them?".

"Roger, I'm the owner of that lot next door, and I can do with it as I please," said Benny. "Now, I'm here for the rent,".

"You're wasting your time, man. We're broke. You know we can't pay," said Roger bitterly.

"Well, I think I can arrange something," said Benny with a smirk.

Roger groaned. He knew Benny would try to strike a deal.

"If you guys can convince Maureen to cancel her protest, I'll let you stay here for free. I'll even draw up a contract for us all to sign,". Seeing his former friends were not convinced, he added "Guys, having a place to practice our art has always been our dream, hasn't it? CyberArts will let us do that! We can do as we please there, and live there for free!".

"Dude, people live on that lot, and they have no other place to go. You can just clear them out, especially not on Christmas!" exclaimed Roger.

Benny ignored Roger's comment, and said "Boys, just stop the protest. You'll have it made, you'll see!"

Mark asked "Why not just call the cops?".

"They're on stand by, Mark. Besides, my investors want me to handle the situation quietly,".

"No one on that lot is going to go quietly," Roger said darkly.

Benny said "If you don't stop the protest, you'll be evicted,". He turned to go, but then decided to throw salt in the wound by saying "Merry Christmas,". Then, he left.

Wide eyed with surprise, Angel said "He needs some prozac,".

"Or heavy drugs!" yelled Roger.

"Or group hugs?" suggested Mark.

"Oh speaking of, Angel and I have somewhere to be in a few. You guys can come along, if you want," said Collins.

"Life Support is a group for those coping with life, not just for people with AIDS. Anyone can come," explained Angel.

"Well, okay, but there's something I have to do first, so I may be a little late," said Mark.

"What about you, Roger?" asked Angel.

"I'm the worst sort of company," he muttered heatedly.

"Be nice!" said Mark.

"It's okay. I'm sure he'll catch up later. He's just got some things on his mind," Angel reassured Mark. With that, Angel turned and took Collins' awaiting arm, and together, the two of them exited the loft. As Roger returned to his chair and guitar and May returned to her coloring, Mark was busy putting his jacket back on.

"Where are you going this time?" asked Roger.

"Maureen called. Her equipment won't work, and she's asked me to come take a look at it," Mark answered sheepishly.

Roger shook his head in incredulity. "You're such a sucker, you know that?".

"Guess that means you're not coming to her performance tonight, or out to dinner tonight?" Mark observed.

Roger murmured "I can't exactly afford to go, so no,".

"Fine," said Mark as he headed out. Just before he left, however, he turned around and said "Take your AZT,".

Roger rolled his eyes, but did as his friend said anyway. Mark turned the camera on him and said "A close up on Roger, whose girlfriend, April, left a note that said 'We've got AIDS'. Then she slit her wrists in the bathroom,".

The songwriter gave the filmmaker a look that said "Hey, I am sitting right here!". And then he pointed at May, as if he were saying "And she's here too. Way to bring up something really sad on Christmas Eve!".

But the looks that Roger shot to his friend did not seem to make an impact, for Mark went on talking as if he had not just said something upsetting. "I'll come back to check up on you later. Please change your mind. Getting out of the house will be a good thing for you,".

Roger huffed and said "Oh yeah? Suppose I did want to come. What am I gonna do with May? I can't leave her here by herself. And I don't think that party will stay appropriate for her for too long,".

Thinking up an idea, Mark said "Well, you can still bring her, and if things get too out of hand, either you or me could bring her home,". Roger shook his head again. "Look, will you at least think about it?". This time, Roger did not answer, so his friend decided to just slip out the door rather than stay and make him answer.

Roger let out a loud moan after Mark had left the loft. His daughter heard him and asked him "What's wrong, Daddy?".

He looked at her, forced a smile, then said "Nothing, Peanut. I'm just a little sleepy. Why don't you go on and put on your pajamas? I'll be in there soon to tuck you into bed. It'll be your bedtime soon, and you'll want to go to sleep because tomorrow is Christmas,".

"Yay, Christmas!" she squealed as she ran into her room to get ready. As he watched her go, he could not help but think to himself What have I done to deserve her? He reflected on his life, and he realized that he really had done nothing to deserve her. He was an ex-junkie. Even though it had been April who got him into the drugs, he could have said no to them. But, at that time in his life, the drugs had been everything, especially smack. They gave him an escape from the problems of being a poor and starving artist. They gave him a broader sense of creativity. And, at the time, they helped strengthen his relationship with April. And the drugs continued to be everything until April became pregnant. Suddenly, Roger had been filled with the love for his unborn child and the desire to become clean because of it. April had not been on board for this at all at first, but she changed her mind and decided to keep the baby and become clean too. The withdrawal period had been a mess, but they got through it and did kick the drugs. But, even though he had stopped using, he still did not feel as if he truly deserved his daughter.

Roger was again trying to pick a tune with his guitar, but he had no luck. Eventually, he gave up for the night and set his guitar aside. He turned his head and glanced at the bottle of AZT. Well, Roger, apparently it doesn't matter if you quit smack a long time ago. You still get infected. He started thinking about all the things the virus may prevent him from doing. He might not get to see May grow up, or get married, or maybe have a family of her own. He might not even be there to see her off to college, or even for her high school graduation. Hell, he may not even be there to see her tomorrow. He could die in his sleep for all he knew! Roger also began thinking about other things he might not get to do, like find love again (because no one would want to date someone with his kind of baggage), or even finish this song that he was working on. He knew that his life could end at any moment, and this thought scared him. He was not ready to go. He had always planned on living a full and happy life, but now he guessed that chance was taken away from him the first time he shot smack. There was nothing that he regretted more than caving into April's insistence to use so that she would like him, but he never blamed her for that. It was his fault completely. He could have said no, but he did not. And now he had to pay a price that he was not ready to pay.

Roger's thoughts were abruptly interrupted by an incessant knock on the door.

As Roger got up to answer the door, May entered the room with her favorite pink floral nightgown on. "Daddy, you have to tuck me in," she said .

"I know, I know, Peanut. I'll do that in a minute. But, someone knocked on the door, and I'm gonna see who it is," said Roger.

"Can I wait in here? I don't want to wait in my room all alone!" said she.

"Fine," he answered. He pointed to the living room chair and said "Sit there until I'm done,". She did as she was told, and so he continued on his way to the door. Thinking it was Mark coming back because he forgot something, Roger opened the door and asked "What'd you forget?". But, it was not Mark at the door at all. It was a young woman, who looked no older than sixteen. She was holding a candle in her hands, and Roger realized she probably only came up here to ask him for a light, but... this young woman looked very familiar to him, but he could not think of why.

Instead of giving her a light right away, he said to her "Hey, I know you... you're..." He stopped when he noticed she was trembling like a leaf. "Hey, you're shivering! Are you okay?" he asked, a bit concerned.

She waved him off, saying "Oh, it's nothing. It's just that they turned off my heat, that's all,". Then, slowly, she walked right up to him, and asked "Would you light my candle?". And suddenly, against his better judgment, Roger found himself attracted to this woman. The way she moved was purely seductive, and her eyes were simply beautiful. Not to mention the way the moonlight shone through her brown, tightly-curled hair- that alone was enough to get Roger's attention.

She seemed to notice his gawking, for she asked him plainly "What are you staring at?".

Slightly embarrassed, Roger hurriedly answered "Nothing! It's just, you look familiar,". She was still holding her candle, so Roger decided to light it before things got too awkward. Once it was lit, she made her way towards the door, but she stumbled. "Do you need help?" he asked.

"No," said the young woman. "It's just I haven't eaten much today, so I'm a little dizzy. That's all,". Perhaps she could see that Roger was unconvinced by this statement, for she followed it up with a smile. This smile took him by surprise. It looked almost exactly like... April's. This brought him back to reality. You can't be falling for this girl. As a matter of fact, you can't be falling for anyone, Roger. Not unless you wanna give them this horrible virus, thought he to himself.

"What are you staring at?" asked the young woman again, raising and eyebrow.

Dammit, thought Roger, Don't stare at her, you creep! "Nothing, it's just your smile... it reminds me of someone," he answered.

"I get that a lot. Who is she?".

Roger frowned and said "Well, she's dead now. Her name was April...,".

The young woman had a look of sympathy on her face. "Oh, I'm so sorry,". She looked down at her hands, and she saw her candle was out again. "My candle's out again! Would you light it, please?". Roger had noticed that she blew it out when her back was turned, and he was now slightly annoyed with this girl. He was getting the idea that maybe this girl had other things on her mind besides lighting her candle. Still, as she walked closer to him so he could relight it, he found he could not ask her to leave just yet.

This time when he lit the candle, a bit of wax dripped from it and burned the young woman's hand. "Ow!" she exclaimed.

"Oh, I'm sorry! It's the wax. It's..." Roger began.

She interrupted. "It's dripping! I like it between my...,".

Roger saw where that sentence was going, so he quickly interjected "Fingers!". He looked over towards the chair and saw that May was still in it, waiting patiently for him. I can't believe this chick is seriously trying this right now, thought Roger.

The young woman followed his gaze, and she too saw the little girl. "Is she yours?" she asked, sounding a bit disappointed.

"Yep!" said Roger. He saw this as an opportunity to get the flirtatious woman to leave, so he said "It's her bedtime right now, and I need to tuck her in, so, well, good night,". Luckily, she exited the loft without another word, but then a moment later, she was knocking on the door again. Roger had half a mind not to answer her, but nothing stopped him from doing so anyway. "Did it blow out again?" he asked, irritated.

"No!" the young woman defended. "I think that I dropped my stash!".

Figures, she's a junkie. That explains the shivering and stumbling. Nice going, Roger. Having a thing for junkies again, are we? Look at where that got you last time, he thought bitterly. He looked and saw her candle was out again. "Your candle is out, though," he told her.

She seemed not to hear him. She was muttering to herself "Shit... that stuff was pure! I had it when I walked in here... Is it on the floor?". She bent down to search it, and since Roger was standing just behind her, he got a decent view of her backside. Before he knew it, he was staring again. He only just barely heard her say to him "You know, they say that I have the best ass below 14th street. Is it true?".

"What?" he asked her, dazed.

She rolled her eyes and said "You're staring again,".

"Oh no!" he cried. "I mean, well, you do have a nice... I mean, it's just, you look familiar,".

She smiled and nodded "Yes, I look like April, your dead girlfriend...,".

"No, that's not it," said Roger. "That's only when you smile. I know for sure that I've seen you somewhere else,".

"Well, have you ever been to the Cat Scratch Club?".

"Yes..., I had a gig there a few years ago, once...,".

"Well, that's where I work. I'm a dancer,".

Roger knew that at the Cat Scratch Club, "dancer" was just a nice word for "stripper". Wow, Roger, a junkie and a stripper! She's sure to be a keeper! Roger thought sarcastically. Still, Roger did remember seeing this girl at that club. "That's right! They used to tie you up!".

The young woman sighed and said "It's a living,".

Shrugging, Roger said cheekily "I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs,". The young woman ignored him, and continued searching for her stash. "You know, you should just forget that stuff. You're only, what? Sixteen?".

She said, matter-of-factly "I'm nineteen. But, I'm much more mature than that. Life has toughened me up. But sometimes, I need a little help with being tough,".

Catching her meaning, Roger responded "I know what that feels like. I once was a junkie, too...,". His voice trailed off when he spotted a little baggy filled with white powder on the floor, just beneath the chair that May was sitting on. "Oh, here it is," he said aloud.

"What is it?" asked the young woman.

"Oh, it's just a candy bar wrapper,". He quickly stuffed the stash in his back pocket, thinking to himself that he would throw it away later. This woman did not need it.

Apparently giving up on finding the stash, the woman turned her attention back on her candle, which had gone out again. "Damn! It's out again!".

Roger looked at his matchbook and saw that all the matches had been used. "Well, I have no more matches,". He took a seat on the floor; he was getting a bit tired. The persistent young woman sat down beside him and stretched out her arms. When she put them back down again, her hand brushed against his. She interlocked her fingers with his. The first thing he noticed was that her hands were cold.

"You have cold hands," he said, somewhat stupidly.

"So do you. They're big, too. Like my father's...,". Her voice trailed off. It seemed as if she was watching some memories go by in her head. However, after a moment, she got up, and pulled Roger up with her. "Do you wanna dance?" she asked.

Thinking this question was random, he asked "With you?".

"No, with my father," she responded sarcastically.

Roger shook his head. He was not interested in dancing right now. But, despite his apparent disinterest, he still found himself giving her his name.

"Well, Roger," she said as she began to draw nearer and nearer to him. "They call me Mimi,". And soon, they stood only inches apart from each other. Mimi slowly wrapped her arms around Roger's waist. Roger wanted to recoil immediately, because he feared that them standing together so close might lead to a kiss. A part of him was not okay with this. He did not want to be kissing this complete stranger, least of all in front of May. But another part of him craved to do so. However, he did not have to think about it for too long, because Mimi soon reached into his back pocket, grabbed her stash from it, waved it tauntingly in front of his face. She then left the loft, just like that.

Roger blinked, still trying to process what had just happened. May broke the silence when she said "That lady was weird. I don't like her,".

"Yeah, she was pretty weird, wasn't she?" Roger agreed. But also beautiful he said to himself.

May was not sure she liked this new stranger called Mimi. Mimi had come into the flat and asked Daddy to light her candle. That was fine, but May saw Mimi when she blew the candle back out on purpose. Why would someone want a candle lit if they were just going to blow it out again? That seemed pretty stupid. And it is not like that just happened once. It happened a few times. And the whole time that was happening, May grew to dislike this lady even more. For a while, she would not leave the flat, even when it was really easy to see that Daddy wanted her to go. Daddy even told her goodbye, and she did leave, but she came back! That made May so mad! May also thought Mimi was ugly. She looked like a clown because she had a lot of make-up and really crazy hair.

But what really bothered May was that Mimi came in when Daddy was supposed to tuck May into bed. He could not do that because he was talking to Mimi. That made May upset because she always looked forward to spending time with her daddy, especially at bedtime. Bedtime was when Daddy would either sing to her or tell her a story, if he was not too tired. May was afraid that Mimi had talked to Daddy for too long that he would not want to tell her a story or sing a song. Basically, Mimi was cutting in on Daddy-time.

"Daddy?" she said.

"Yes, Peanut, I know, I know. You want to be tucked in. Let's go,", said her daddy as he picked her up and put her on his hip. He walked with her in his arms to her bedroom, but he put her down on the ground when he saw that her toy box had been spilled out. He looked at her and said sternly "May, you left a mess here! You're not going to bed until you clean it up,".

"But, Daddy, I'm tired, and I want you to tuck me in," complained May.

Daddy crossed his arms and said "I know, May. But you made this mess, and you have to pick it up. I'm gonna leave you alone for a few minutes so you can clean it up, but I'll check up on you to make sure you've cleaned it. And I'll be very upset with you if you don't clean it,". May pouted and whined. "I mean it, May! Clean this up!" he said, raising his voice slightly. Then, he stepped out of her room and made his way to the balcony.

Mimi's visit served only to increase Roger's problems. Even though he had just met her, he could not help but be attracted to this sexy Latina. He knew it was fast, but he was already starting to feel for Mimi many of the same feelings he felt for April. This alarmed him greatly. He was still hurting from what had happened to April. There was no way he would be able to go through the same thing with Mimi, and he would never be able to forgive himself if he was the one to give her the virus. He realized that she could very well already have HIV, due to the fact she was a junkie, but he also had the feeling that she did not have it.

Roger, what the hell is the matter with you? You just met the girl, and you're already falling for her. Why? She's not the first beautiful girl you've ever seen, and she's not even the first beautiful girl you've seen since April. There've been others, and you didn't even so much as look their way twice. What makes Mimi so different? Are you just all of a sudden sexually frustrated? Roger wondered to himself. Maybe he was just sexually frustrated. It had been more than a year since he was last with April, and she was all he ever had. But, as he thought about it more, he realized that was not it. There was something much more important that was missing in his life. Maybe he believed Mimi could be that something, whatever it was. But, it was kind of hard to know for sure if she could be that something, because Roger did not even know what it was he was missing for sure. Maybe he was missing companionship. No, he had friends and a daughter who loved him. Perhaps he missed being in a relationship. Roger wondered why on earth would he want to be in another relationship after what had happened with his last one. And, as he thought about it more, he was not sure at all that Mimi would give him the kind of relationship he was looking for. He needed a relationship that was about more than just making love. Perhaps a few years ago, he could have had a relationship like that, but now that he was a father, he had to be careful and make sure that whoever he dated would be good with May, for whoever he dated had a chance of becoming her step-mother. Roger could not be so certain that Mimi would make a good step-mother. After all, she was a stripper at an S and M club, was she not? And she's a junkie, Roger reminded himself.

After a few minutes of thinking such thoughts, Roger went back into the loft to check on May, but the first person he saw once he was inside was not his daughter. It was Mimi. She had changed from what she had been wearing before. Now, she was more scantily clad, which was no doubt an effort on her part to attract his attention. She drew closer to him; so close, in fact, that he could feel the heat emitting from her body. She stood on her tiptoes and whispered in his ear "Hey, baby, why don't you and I go out tonight? We can find a bar and stay for a while. I even brought some smack that we can use before we go...,".

"No!" interrupted Roger. He took a few steps back, then said "No, I'm not interested,".

Mimi laughed, then said "You don't want to, or you can't?".

Roger knew that he wanted to go out with her. The longer she stood there in his sight, the more his resolve to not go out with her broke. But then, he remembered his HIV status, and he also remembered May. "I have a kid, remember? I can't go out and do that stuff anymore,".

"You can't call someone to watch her?" asked Mimi. Roger shook his head.

There really was no one he could leave her with, especially not on this short notice. And besides, you need to be off the dating market, Roger, he told himself.

He shook his head again. "There's no one I can call, and even if there was someone, I wouldn't call them. I barely even know...,". He was interrupted by Mimi when she suddenly went to him and gave him a big and passionate kiss on the lips. Shocked, he pushed her away and yelled "What the hell was that?!". Mimi was clearly stunned by Roger's aggression. Her kisses probably usually worked to get people to do what she wanted, but Roger made the decision that it would not work on him. There was simply no way he could be in a relationship with anyone, especially this woman, no matter how attractive she was.

After a moment, Roger calmed down slightly and said "Look, I won't deny that you are extremely beautiful. I would be interested in you, but besides the fact that I have a kid, I'm not ready to date again. In fact, I don't think I'll ever be ready to date,".

Mimi cocked her head slightly and curiously asked "Why?".

Roger remained silent. He was afraid to tell her he had HIV. "Roger, I don't know what happened between you and your last girlfriend, but I can promise you, it won't happen between us,".

He looked at her and said plainly "No, you can't. Besides, that's not the only thing,".

"What else is there?" she asked.

He shook his head and said "Nothing. It's nothing,".

Mimi obviously did not believe him. She met his gaze, then told him "Perhaps you'll feel better if you say what's bothering you. If it's regret, then don't let that bother you. Life is too short to live with regrets. I like to live life as if there is no day but today,".

Roger huffed. "Tell me, Mimi. If your so wise, then why do you use smack? Answer me that,". Mimi lowered her head, most likely out of shame. "Look, Mimi, my kid's waiting for me. Just go, okay?".

"Roger, you know, maybe if you just talked to me, then I could help," said Mimi as she put a hand on his shoulder, which made him angry. He immediately recoiled from her touch.

"No, no! Don't you see? I'm not interested. Long ago, I might have been, but now that fire is dead, and it's never going to start again. And your persistence is just making me even less interested! Now, get out!". Roger was on the verge of yelling. Mimi now seemed to realize that this was a lost cause, for she went to the door. But before she left, she turned and said "Remember, Roger, there's no day but today,". As soon as she left, Roger buried his face in his hands, saying to himself She just doesn't see,.

Roger's head was swimming because of what had just happened. He was so confused about his feelings for Mimi. He felt like he should talk to someone about them, and he felt like he should do it right now. He thought about all the people he could talk to, and he realized that Mark was probably the best one to give him advice. The problem was that seeing Mark right now would require Roger leaving the house. As silly as it may seem, he was afraid to do that. He had not been out of the house in months. He debated with himself about going to see Mark, but then he decided it would be a good idea to tell his friend about Mimi. At the very least, it would please Mark that he got out of the house. Roger was about to leave the loft when he remembered that May was still in her room. He turned around and walked to her room. When he found her, she was crossing her arms, scrunching her little eyebrows, and pouting. She was obviously mad.

"Well, May, I'm glad you cleaned your room," he said, wanting to diffuse her anger. It did not work. She was still mad. Roger sighed, then said "You're mad at me, aren't you?".

May nodded her head fervently.

"I'm sorry, Peanut. I know I said I'd tuck you in. But, I just had an idea. What if instead of going to sleep right now, we go out and see Auntie Maureen?".

"But, Daddy, Santa's coming! I need to sleep!" said May, who was still mad.

Thinking quickly, Roger said "I know, but we won't be gone for too long. We're only going to go out for a few minutes. Besides, I just heard that Santa is still all the way in Europe right now. He won't be in New York for a few hours, so we can go out and come home before he's even here,". May still looked uncertain, but Roger wanted to push her along, so he grabbed some clothes for her to put on, including her shoes and coat, then said "Come here, and I'll help you get dressed,".

May hesitated. She asked "Daddy, can I play with Auntie Maureen?". Roger nodded, and his response made May so happy that she gladly allowed Roger to help her get dressed. As soon as she was ready, the two of them made their way out the loft, down the stairs, and then out of their building and to the lot next door where Maureen's performance was going on. As they passed by all of the street vendors who lined the sidewalks on the way to the lot, Roger could not help but laugh to himself You win, Mark.

************************************************************************************************************************May was delighted by all the things that people were selling on the streets. She saw one woman selling that Santa polar bear she wanted, and she pulled her daddy by the arm over to the woman, begging him "Please, Daddy, can I get this?".

Daddy firmly shook his head, saying with a small catch in his voice "May, it's Christmas Eve, and Santa already has presents for you. Besides, I left my wallet back at the loft,".

May looked at him and asked "Daddy, are you sad?".

He smiled and said "No, baby. I'm happy. C'mon, let's go. We're gonna be late for Auntie Maureen's show, and I wanna see if we can find Uncle Mark first,".

They looked around the area for a few minutes, but found no sign of Uncle Mark at first. They did, however, see Uncle Collins and Angel. It looked like Angel was buying a coat for Uncle Collins. Aww, that's nice of her! thought May. However, they did soon find Uncle Mark. He was using his camera to film a couple of people who looked like they were buying some Christmas candles.

Daddy ran up to him and called out "Hey, Mark!".

Uncle Mark turned around and saw Daddy, completely stunned that he was out of the house. "My god, Roger! Is that you? I must be seeing things!".

Daddy shook his head. "No, Mark, it's really me,".

Uncle Mark looked at him. He was curious. "Was there a house fire? I know for a fact that nothing except for that could get you out of the house,".

Daddy shook his head again. "No, no,".

Uncle Mark threw up his hands. "Well, then, what happened?".

Daddy looked at him, then asked "You know that girl who lives just downstairs from us?". Uncle Mark nodded, so Daddy continued "Well, as soon as all of you left, she knocked on the door. She needed a light for her candle. I lit it, but then she blew it out again! It was then that I realized she was trying to...,". Daddy turned to look at May. He then whispered something May could not hear in Uncle Mark's ear. Uncle Mark's eyes grew wide with surprise.

"Wow! She was really trying that?" exclaimed Uncle Mark. Daddy nodded. "Well, what did you do, Roger?".

"I sent her away. I was not having any of that happening, especially since she's a stranger. Also, May was in the room,". Daddy sighed, then said "And she did leave for a little while, but then she came back! She asked me to take her out!".

"Geez, she's persistent, isn't she?" said Uncle Mark.

"Yeah, she is. Anyways, I told her no again. I said I wasn't interested, especially after finding out she uses smack. She wouldn't leave, though. She even tried kissing me to get me to change my mind!".

"Whoa!" exclaimed Uncle Mark.

"Uh-huh", said Daddy "That got me really mad, so I ordered her out. It was really bad,".

Uncle Mark nodded for a moment, then said "And you came all the way out here just to tell me this?".

Daddy shrugged and said "Well... not exactly,".

Uncle Mark looked at him for a moment, then smiled smugly "Oh my god, stop the presses! Roger likes this girl! He's falling for her!".

Daddy and Uncle Mark continued talking, but May turned her attention to the sky. It was beginning to snow and May was thinking We're gonna have a white Christmas this year!

************************************************************************************************************************Roger rolled his eyes at Mark's comment. "Let's just go eat, okay? I'll just stuff myself. I mean, I'm dead meat anyway, so might as well...,". His voice trailed off as he spotted some familiar faces in an alleyway across the street. He saw The Man, with his usual swarm of customers, but one customer in particular really looked like she did not want to be recognized there. However, her leopard print overcoat and her big sunglasses did nothing to fool him; he knew right away that she was Mimi. Roger pointed her out to Mark, saying "Look, it's her! It's Mimi!".

Mark only had to look at Roger to get him to admit that he should act upon his feelings for her and talk to her, no matter how strong she had been coming on to him earlier. Mark reassured him that despite his doubts and fears, a relationship could help him completely out of his depression. "At the very least, it would be nice for you to talk to someone new," reasoned Mark. Figuring he did not have anything to lose, Roger decided to take his friend's advice and go see her. At least I'll be delaying her from buying from The Man right now. That's a good thing, right? Roger asked himself.

Roger left May with Mark for the moment, then he crossed the street and walked up behind Mimi. Tapping her shoulder, he said to her "Hey,".

"Hey," she replied.

Roger suddenly got a little shy as she turned around; such was her effect on him. He looked down at the ground as he said "I just wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier,". He looked at her as she nodded, and he took her nod as a signal to go on. "Can I make it up to you?".

"It depends on what you're planning to do," she answered.

"Well, my friend is putting on a sort of show tonight at that lot over there. It's actually more of a protest,". Roger began to shift awkwardly. "Anyways, some other friends and I were going to go see the show, then after we were planning to go to dinner. Wanna come with?".

She considered his offer for a moment, then said "That will do,". Roger smiled as he began to fill with relief. That was pretty easy, thought he. He then motioned with his hand, signaling her to follow him. Together, they attempted to walk back across the street to where Mark and May were, but they were stopped by The Man.

"Hey! Lover boy! You steal this cutie pie from me, you die!" The Man yelled after them.

Roger turned to face The Man. "Look, you didn't miss me, and you won't miss her!". He gestured to the hoard of people that were trailing The Man, looking for a hit. "And you know that you'll never lack for customers!". Roger then proceeded to cross the street with Mimi, just as he had attempted to do before. They met up with Mark and May on the other side. Roger brought Mimi to the both of them. Then, gesturing towards Mark, Roger said "Mark, this is Mimi. Remember? Our neighbor from downstairs?". The two of them greeted each other politely. Then, Roger pointed to his daughter and said to Mimi "And you've met my daughter already, but you don't know her name. It's May. May, this is Mimi,". Mimi grinned warmly at May and greeted her, but May only stared back. Dammit! May doesn't like her! thought Roger, who felt a little disappointed. He considered calling the date off right then and there, simply because he did not want to be interested in anyone his daughter did not approve of. Then he realized that maybe May was just tired and a little cranky, and perhaps that was why she was not being so polite. Also, since when have you let a 6 year old tell you who to have dinner with? Roger asked himself.

Luckily, there was not much of an awkward silence, for Mark suggested "Let's go to the lot. We don't wanna be late for Maureen's performance,".

Mimi asked Roger "Who exactly is Maureen?".

"Mark's ex," he answered.

Mark quickly responded "But, I'm over her!".

Mimi shrugged and said "Okay, then,". Roger watched as she gently grabbed his hand.

He jerked his hand out of her grasp and said "Let's not hold hands yet,". Mimi raised an eyebrow at him, so he explained "It has nothing to do with you. It's me. I need to take things slow right now. Some of the scars from my last relationship are still fresh,". Mimi nodded in a way that showed she understood. Then, the four of them made their way to Maureen's performance space as more snowflakes began to fall from the sky.

Once Roger, Mark, Mimi, and May entered the lot where Maureen was performing, Roger broke off from the rest temporarily to find seats for them all. When he found some, he came back and showed the rest of the group to their seats. However, he had only found three seats, so May sat on his lap while Mark and Mimi sat on either side of him. Roger noticed when May positioned herself on his lap so that she was sitting as far away as she could from Mimi. He hoped Mimi did not think anything of that.

After a few minutes of waiting, Maureen's performance began. The drama queen entered the lot flying in on her black motorcycle; she was being so reckless that she almost crashed into half a dozen people before she reached the stage. However, no one got hurt and she was soon on the stage, ready to begin her protest. The leather clad woman dramatically made her way to the front of the stage. When she got there, she opened her mouth and said "Last night, I had a dream...,". Maureen then proceeded to tell the audience about her dream. In the dream, she was in a desert called Cyberland. She was thirsty, and she asked a nearby cow called Elsie if she had anything to drink. Elsie said that Cyberland was such a messed up place that all they had to drink was Diet Coke, and the only way out of Cyberland was to jump over the moon. Then Maureen went on to say that a bulldog version of Benny had shown up in her dream and told her that Cyberland was some sort of Utopia or something, and that everyone can be happy there. All of this was obviously said to show that CyberArts Studio would be a really bad idea. It would be a place where no one was allowed to practice their art as they pleased. Basically, CyberArts Studio would really just be factory that manufactured sell-outs. Roger turned around in his seat and found Benny, who decided to watch the protest, too. He could almost feel the daggers in Benny's eyes and he half-expected him to throw himself at Maureen and strangle her, but Benny's father-in-law was right next to him, so there was no way that was happening.

Maureen's show incorporated some things that were obviously her ideas, like the use of a cowbell, or the fact that by the end of the show, Maureen had everyone in the audience mooing like cows as a way to show their disapproval of Benny's CyberArts. Roger laughed when May mooed along with the rest of them, and he laughed even harder when she stuck her tongue out in Benny's direction. That's my girl, thought a proud Roger.

After the show, everyone started to head towards the Life Cafe. Roger was very wary of bringing May there. He knew there would be drinking, and lots of it, at the Life Cafe, and he did not want May to witness that or get hurt in any way because of it. He thought about just taking her home, but then he remembered the reason why he was there in the first place- Mimi. He promised to take Mimi to dinner there that night. He was not the kind of person who broke promises, and there was no one to babysit May right now, so he was stuck bringing her along too. He reasoned with himself that he could stay at the dinner for at least a little while and leave May with Mark and his other friends while he was with Mimi. And when people got too intoxicated, he could bring her straight home, because it would not be fair to ask any of his friends to do that. He was her father so he felt it was his responsibility to make sacrifices for her, even if it meant cutting short a date. Anyways, surely Mimi would understand if he had to leave, right?

************************************************************************************************************************When May heard that they were going to the Life Cafe after Auntie Maureen's show, she was pretty excited. She was hungry, and she knew that the Life Cafe had yummy mac and cheese. Hopefully Daddy would let her get some. May was pretty happy about going to the Life Cafe until she heard that Mimi was going with them. She was mad at that news! She felt a little better, though, when Auntie Maureen said that they could play together at dinner.

Soon, all of them left to actually go to the Life Cafe. When they arrived, they saw that Benny was at the the Life Cafe, too. May did not like Benny at all. He used to be her uncle, but he was not anymore because he was mean. He turned off all the lights at home, and he turned off the heat too. She decided to moo at him and stick her tongue at him again, just like Auntie Maureen had taught her to do. This made Benny frown at her in annoyance, but she did not care. Benny went to the opposite side of the Cafe as Uncle Mark and everyone else that May came to knew as the Bohemians put a bunch of tables together. Then all of the Bohemians say together at the tables. Once they were seated, Benny came back over. He began to make fun of the Bohemians. He said lots of mean things about them, and he finished off by saying "Bohemia is dead!".

As Benny turned to go back to his table, May smiled and looked around hers. She knew that Benny would not be able to get away with the comments he made so easily. And she was right. Next thing she knew, Uncle Mark was standing on top of the table and saying "Dearly beloved, we gather to here to say our goodbyes...,". The rest of the Bohemians took his cue and pretended that they were at the funeral of Bohemia. Even though May had no idea who Bohemia was, she joined the fun and pretended to cry very loudly. Then began the singing and dancing. Uncle Mark was singing something about "playing hooky", "passing fads", and "la vie Boheme", whatever those things were. He also mentioned "hating dear old mom and dad", which May thought was very sad. She had loved her mommy and she loved her daddy. She could not imagine ever hating them. Somehow amidst the singing and dancing, the waiter came and took everyone's order. May ordered mac and cheese, of course. Uncle Collins ordered a pasta with meatless balls, which sounded gross!

After the waiter took the orders, everyone began singing and dancing again. Mimi and Angel were dancing on the table and singing about all kinds of things that May did not know about. And then everyone else started doing the same thing. May caught a few words that they were singing, like "marijuana", "hallucinogens", and "bisexuals". She did not know what any of them meant, so she made note to ask her daddy about them later. Then, the Bohemians started to do even weirder things. There was lots of kissing and funny dancing. Auntie Maureen even started to dance backwards! And Daddy tried playing the guitar, though no one wanted to hear him play.

May was enjoying herself so much at the Life Cafe, especially once her mac and cheese was brought to her, that she almost forgot that her daddy had brought Mimi there too. That is, until she saw Daddy pull Mimi away from the rest of the Bohemians so that they could sit at their own table, alone. That hurt May a lot. The only girls her daddy ever had dinner alone with were her mommy and her. She could not help but feel that Mimi was starting to take over her and her mommy's place in her daddy's heart.

Eventually, Daddy and Mimi got up. That made May happy because she thought it was time to go. But her daddy did not come to collect her. Instead, he took Mimi by the hand outside, leaving May alone with her aunts and uncles. "Daddy! Wait! You forgot me!" she called after him. She began to cry when he did not come back.

"Your daddy will be back soon, honey. He didn't leave you. He's just going outside for a few minutes," said Auntie Maureen, who had come over when she heard May crying. Wanting to cheer her up, Auntie Maureen said "Hey, honey, why don't you and I have a little dance party until he comes back, okay?". May wiped her tears away and nodded. She loved dancing with Auntie Maureen.

************************************************************************************************************************Nice going, Davis! You invite the girl out and you haven't even spent more than two minutes with her! She's sure to lose interest in you- fast! She's already called you out. Don't just stand there! Say something! Roger scolded himself. Mimi had confronted him, accusing him of not talking to her all night. They had both stepped away from the other Bohemians so that they could speak with a bit more privacy.

Roger knew he should tell Mimi why he had been kind of ignoring her all night long. He should tell her why he was afraid to get close to her. He should tell her about his HIV. "Mimi, I've been trying! Honest! But, I don't think you wanna get mixed up with me. I've got baggage,".

Mimi put a hand on Roger's shoulder and said "Roger, I know. You've got a kid, but that's-,".

"No!" he interrupted. "That's not it,".

"Then what is it?" she asked.

Roger could only look at his feet.

Mimi put her other hand on Roger's other shoulder, then said "Look, babe, life's too short to worry about anything! Besides, you're not the only one with baggage. I've got my own,". She tilted his head slightly so that he was looking at her. "Maybe you should tell me what yours is. Maybe we have the same kind,".

Roger let out a sigh, then began "Mimi, I-," but he was interrupted by a loud beeping sound. Of course. Time for the pill, he thought to himself. Well, there's no hiding from her now. He reached into his coat pocket to locate the bottle of AZT pills he had taken with him. He opened it up and was about to put one in his mouth when he looked and saw that Mimi was doing the same thing.

"AZT break," she said bitterly.

Roger could not believe it. This whole time, he was afraid of letting Mimi know about him having HIV. He was afraid that this news would push her away for good. He felt relief come with the knowledge that she was in the same boat as he was. He felt as if he should say something to her, but all he could manage was "You?".

Luckily, she caught his meaning, and she nodded. "You too?" she asked, pointing to Roger's bottle of AZT. He nodded as well. Then he gestured to an empty table, and he proceeded to sit at it. Mimi joined him at the table.

Once she was seated, he said "Mimi, I should let you know something. It's been over a year since I was last in a relationship, and that one didn't end well at all,". Mimi looked puzzled, so Roger explained "My girlfriend killed herself the day after she found out she and I had HIV. Our daughter found her dead in the bathroom, with her wrists slit wide open. We never even got to say goodbye,".

Mimi put her hand to her mouth and said "Oh my god! Roger, I'm so sorry! I didn't know it was like that! I just thought maybe she was in an accident, or maybe she had died of cancer or something, but suicide?".

Roger nodded his head "Yes, it was suicide. But I didn't tell you that for your pity. I just wanted to let you know that it's been a while since I've been in a relationship, and so I may be a little rusty at this. In fact, I forget how to even begin it,".

"Well, we could start by simply talking," Mimi suggested. "And since we're talking about things we should tell each other, then I should tell you that I blew that candle out on purpose, just so I could get back in the flat,".

Laughing lightly, Roger responded "I figured that,". Mimi blushed slightly. Roger chuckled some more, then said "But I'm glad you did that. And I'm glad you came back to the loft later, when you asked me to take you out. I know I wasn't so nice to you then, but I was just afraid to get too close,". He then became solemn, and began to frown.

Mimi reached out her hand to touch his. She smiled and said "I understand that. I'll admit that I was a little afraid to come see you again, just because of this virus. But then, I realized that I shouldn't be living my life in fear. I should just live my life,".

At this, Roger raised an eyebrow. "So, you would have been willing to give me HIV if we went any further with this all because you want to do what you want?".

Mimi's cheeks began to burn as she defended herself. "Well, I guess I didn't really think about that at the time. But, I know I would've told you about it before,". She hung her head in shame.

Feeling pangs of guilt, Roger gently tilted her chin up with his finger as he said softly "Look, it's all good. I have HIV already, so it's okay. And besides, we only just met, so we really shouldn't be thinking about that stuff right now anyway. Here, let's talk about something else, like was it my gorgeous locks of golden hair that made you knock on my door, or was it my rock-solid arms?". He put his hands behind his head, and he leaned back in his chair as he gave her a playful grin.

It was Mimi's turn to chuckle now. "Actually, I didn't even know what you looked like before you answered the door. I just had heard from someone that you were lighting candles in your loft, so I figured you'd be able to light mine too. Believe it or not, I really did come up there just so you could light my candle. It was pretty dark in my apartment,".

"But then you quickly changed your agenda when you saw how irresistible I am, right?" Roger teased. Mimi playfully slapped him on the cheek after he said this. He opened in his mouth wide in mock surprise, then faked a gasp and said "Ow!".

Mimi shrugged, saying "Well, you deserved that one,".

Roger smirked. "But I am right, aren't I?" he said.

Blushing slightly, Mimi smiled and nodded. Roger could not help but love it when she smiled. It made her even more beautiful, and it made him fall for her even harder and faster. He wondered what that smile would feel like against his lips. Yes, he technically had already felt that before, when Mimi had kissed him suddenly in his apartment, but that did not really count, because he had pushed her away too quickly to really register what the kiss felt like. Roger looked over at Mimi and noticed that she must have been wondering the same thing, for she was leaning closer and closer to him. But, before their lips touched, he backed away slightly and whispered "Not here...,". Mimi frowned, so he informed her "All my friends are in here, and they'd never let me live this one down. Let's go someplace a bit more private,". And with that, he stood up, took her hand, and led her outside.

Once they had stepped outside, Roger found himself suddenly getting very shy and nervous. His stomach had filled with butterflies; not the bad kind, but the good kind that one gets when something new and exciting is about to happen. However, for a few moments, nothing at all happened between Mimi and Roger. They just looked into each other's eyes, both of them a little scared. Then Mimi cracked a small smile that quickly grew, and Roger followed suit. Soon, they both slowly leaned into each other, decreasing the space between them until they were just inches apart. This time, Roger made the first move. At first, the kiss was small, sweet, and gentle, but it soon grew in passion. Roger slipped his hand behind Mimi's neck which deepened the kiss, and she smiled against his lips in response. The sensation of her smile against his lips was a feeling of pure bliss, and he decided that he would do whatever it took to make sure he felt this way as often as he could.

Roger felt like he could fly. He practically skipped his way back into the Life Cafe, with a big grin on his face. Collins was the first person Roger and Mimi saw when they reentered the Cafe. He was leaning against the wall with his arms folded. He was smiling as wide as he could when he said "So, uh... you two have fun out there?".

"Shut up, Collins," said Roger as he gave him a shove.

Collins threw his hands in the air and said "Hey, man, I'm not judging. You've been miserably single for so long that I was about to set you up on a blind date with my great aunt Ruth. See, she's been a widow for about 30 years now, and her loneliness is getting to her so bad that she told me the other day she'd be happy to hook up with anybody, even a washed up old rockstar wannabe such as yourself,".

Roger shook his head, saying "Man, you're drunk or something,".

"No," countered Collins, "I'm just one of your best friends! Hooking lonely friends up is what best friends are supposed to do!".

Roger rolled his eyes and said "Okay, okay, you had your fun. Now, can you tell me where my daughter is? I'd like to take her home now. It is Christmas Eve, after all,".

Collins pointed May out to him. She was sitting at a table coloring with Maureen and another woman who Roger guessed was Joanne. He thanked Collins and took a step towards May, but he was stopped by Collins. "Whoa, man. Guess I should let you know that you don't have a home to go to,".

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" said Roger, who was getting worried.

"Apparently Benny went and padlocked your building. No one can get in there,".

Roger's eyes grew wide. "Are you serious?!" he exclaimed. Collins nodded. "Well, shit!". The young man looked at Mimi. She was just as shocked as he was. The both of them asked Collins "What are we gonna do?".

Collins shrugged and said "Well, while you guys were out there doing your thing, the rest of us made a plan to break back into the building. Problem is, we can't execute our plan until New Year's Eve,".

Mimi furrowed her brow and asked "Why?".

"Because Benny called the cops. He's having them try to move the homeless out of the lot, but of course they're rioting now because they don't wanna leave, and we figure we should wait a week because by then everything will have calmed down. Besides, the cops have set up a perimeter around the building anyway, so no one can even get to the front door," explained Collins.

Roger put his face in his hands and began to mutter to himself "Benny, that bastard! How could he... and on Christmas Eve? May's presents... she won't have them tomorrow... how will I explain this to her?".

Collins rested a hand on his friend's shoulder. He waited for the young father to look at him before saying "Hey, Mark told Angel and I about your money problems. And Angel, with the big heart that she has, as soon as she heard that, she went shopping. God, she must've bought at least 2 dozen presents, toys included, for that little girl of yours, Rog. And, on top of that, Angel and I are letting all of you stay in our home until this mess is sorted out,".

Roger was stunned. He had a hard time finding words. After a few minutes of stammering, he managed to say "Thank you. Really, thank you! Wow... how can I ever repay you guys?".

Collins said "Well, I may be back in New York now, but as I told you before, I'm living with Angel now. Which means I won't get to see my favorite niece's bright and smiley face everyday. So, make sure you bring her over to visit us, and we'll call it even. Deal?". He held out his hand for his friend to shake it.

"Deal," said Roger as he sealed the deal by shaking Collins' hand.

************************************************************************************************************************Angel's apartment had seven people in it that week. In addition to Angel and Collins who already lived there, there was Roger, May, Mimi, and Mark. Maureen was there too, for her girlfriend Joanne had just kicked her out. The apartment was a tight fit with seven people in it, but it was better than sleeping in the snow. Besides, Angel was a wonderful hostess- she made sure everyone was kept comfortable, warm, and well fed. Roger always wondered what led Angel to open her heart and home like this. Hardly anyone else would do the same things for a bunch of near strangers. Angel went well above and beyond when it came to making sure they all had the best Christmas ever. She got up early Christmas morning so she could make breakfast for everyone; and not just any breakfast either. She made eggs, pancakes, and bagels for everyone and everything was absolutely delicious. And then it came time for presents. When they walked into the living room where the Christmas tree was, Roger saw that Collins had not been joking. There had to have been at least half a dozen presents for each of the adults, and about two dozen or so for May. Roger wondered where Angel got all the money to buy this stuff, then he figured Angel had her ways, and it was none of his business to be asking.

The adults mostly got things like clothes, cigarettes, and drinks. May was quick to remember that last year she had been told that Santa did not give presents to adults. She asked Mark about this, and he told her she was right and that it was Angel who brought the presents. She thought about this for a minute, then asked Angel "Angel, are you one of Santa's helpers?".

Angel smiled warmly and answered "Yep! And I just called him up last night and told him that you guys were locked out of your building, so he let me bring these presents to everyone! But, Santa himself left some presents just especially for you, May. Why don't you open them up?". She gestured to the pile of perfectly wrapped gifts with big, curly bows on them. May happily opened each and every one of her presents. She was grateful for all of them, even for the ones that were clothes, because they were brand new and very much in fashion. But her very favorite present was the Santa polar bear that she had really wanted. Roger shot Angel a look of surprise. How in the hell did she know that was May's most wanted Christmas gift? No one told her that, he thought. He could not help but start to believe that maybe Angel was from above, or else had some magical quality to her.

The rest of the week went well too. Roger watched as his daughter became closer and closer to the one who had saved their Christmas. In fact, by the end of the week, they had become so close that they were inseparable. And they were not the only ones who were getting close; Mimi and Roger spent the week getting closer to each other, too. There was some kissing involved, but most of the time they just talked to each other. They wanted to get to know one another before moving forward with their relationship. And they shared a lot with each other. For instance, Mimi shared with Roger many memories from growing up in Puerto Rico. Her father had owned a souvenir shop that the whole family worked at. He was training Mimi to take over the shop, as she was the eldest out of his four children, but Mimi was not at all interested in taking over the business. She had known from her earliest years that dance was her calling, and she saved up for many years so that she could leave the house as soon as possible. She had to work all sorts of low paying jobs and she still never saved enough, but she got her chance to leave when her aunt and uncle offered to take her with them to New York. Mimi also revealed that she had stayed with her aunt and uncle for some time, but she soon got a job dancing at the Cat Scratch Club and she eventually made enough money to move into her own apartment. Mimi admitted that working at the Cat Scratch was definitely not her dream job, but at least it paid the bills and it allowed her to dance in some way.

Roger shared with Mimi memories of Boston, then moving to New York, meeting April, and his life with April before May was born. When he got to the part of how he had gotten hooked on drugs but then kicked them, he stopped, then said to Mimi softly "Mimi, I need to tell you something. I feel like there really could be something between us, and I'd like to give us a shot, but I need you to do something for me,". Mimi gave a sign that she was listening, so he continued "I need you to become clean,". Mimi looked as if she was about to protest, but Roger interrupted her. "No, really, Mimi. I'm serious. I have May to think about, and she shouldn't be around people who use,".

Mimi smirked and said "You're so protective of her. But you know you can't protect her from everything. Eventually, you won't be able to hide from her the things in life that are screwed up,".

Roger admitted "I know that. But I can at least try. Besides, Mimi, drugs are bad! They screw up your life! Just look at what happened to us! We are gonna die because we were both stupid. And you'll just be killing yourself faster if you keep using,".

"But, they make you feel so good!" Mimi said with a smile.

"True, they do. But that's only for a little while. It doesn't last. Drugs never really do any lasting good. I learned that long ago,". Roger stopped talking for a moment as he remembered something. He smiled a bit and said out loud "The only lasting good thing that drugs gave me was May,". Mimi questioned him with the raise of a single eyebrow, so he simply said "You tend to forget certain things when you're high,". He shook his head and added "But, we were lucky. Smack could've caused a million and one things to go wrong with April's pregnancy. We could've lost the baby, or worse, had a really screwed up one. Then we'd have to live with that guilt. That's why we tried getting off smack as soon as we found out. It wasn't easy by any means. Withdrawal is like going through hell. But, if I, the biggest baby with the lowest threshold for pain in the world, can get through it, then so can you,".

Mimi did not say anything for a while. She actually stood up from the couch they were sitting on and began to pace the room. After a few minutes, Roger broke the silence when he said "C'mon, Mimi, you know this will be good for you,".

She turned to him and nodded with tears in her eyes. "I know, I know. And I want to kick the drugs. Have wanted to for a while. But, I can't do it on my own. I know I can't. I'm so weak. That's why I started using in the first place,". She began to break down crying.

Roger rushed over to her side and wrapped his arms around her in a secure hug. In her ear, he whispered "It's okay. I'll be with you every step of the way, just like I was with April, and like Mark was with me. I'll be there to encourage you, to distract you, to hold you, to remind you that you don't need it. Hell, I'll even be there to hold your hair back when you're sick from the withdrawal. I promise,".

As he continued to hold her, Mimi turned her head to kiss him on the lips in appreciation. When the kiss ended, she said to him "Okay, baby, if you really mean that, then I'll do it,". He said nothing in response; he only squeezed her tighter. A moment or two passed before either of them spoke again. This time, Mimi was the first to talk. She said "You know, babe, I never got to finish high school. I was thinking that maybe I should go get my GED, and then maybe I should save up some money and take some college classes and perhaps get a degree or something. I could get a better job that way,".

Smiling, Roger released her from his grip and then said "Mimi, that's a great idea! You could then go work at a place where people respect you,".

Mimi chuckled lightly, and then said "But, I was never really good at school. I would definitely need a good tutor. Know any?".

"Well, not really, but I was a pretty good student in high school, so I could help you. And Collins is a teacher, so I'm sure he knows a few things, and I know he'd love to help even if he doesn't know anything," said Roger.

"It's settled then," said Mimi. "Looks like I have my New Year's resolutions!".

Roger nodded encouragingly, secretly hoping these resolutions did not end up unfulfilled like so many others.

************************************************************************************************************************Roger looked at the clock. 11:45 P.M. it read. He smiled. It was nearly time for the breaking-back-into-the-building-party. It would be good to go home. Angel's place was nice all right, but it was small and smelled faintly of cat excrement. Besides, Roger's Fender was still back at the loft.

Mark came into the room that Roger was occupying. As always, he was filming with his camera. He asked Roger "Hey, Roger, you about ready to head down to our building with us? It's fifteen minutes 'til midnight,".

"Yeah, yeah, I'm nearly all set. Just let me go get the champagne we're gonna drink later,". Roger got up from his seat. He went into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and grabbed the bottle of champagne that he was looking for. The drink was nasty, they all knew that, but it was what they had and so it had to do. Roger walked back over to his friend, showed him the bottle, and said "All set now,".

"Okay," said Mark. "Now, you go get Mimi and May, and I'll go check up on the rest of them. We're leaving in five minutes,". Roger quickly did as he was told, and then the three of them waited for Mark and the rest of their friends. After five minutes, Mark returned alone. He explained that their other friends would be along shortly, so none of the four felt guilty about leaving right then. And leave they did.

It took them about ten minutes before they arrived at their building. Roger and Mimi had gotten thirsty along the way, so they opened up the bottle of cheap champagne and began drinking from it. This set Mark off. "Hey! You're supposed to be working! That's for midnight!" he scolded. He looked at his watch, then asked "Where is everyone else? It's almost time!".

A buzzed Mimi chuckled at Mark's fluster, and said "Maybe they're still dressing? I mean, what does one wear that's apropos for a party that's also a crime?". Seconds later, Maureen appeared on the scene, dressed in a kitty costume.

"Chips, anyone?" said she as she held up a bag of Lays.

Mark rolled his eyes, then said "You can take the girl out of Hicksville but you can't take the Hicksville out the girl,".

"Hey!" she yelled back "My riot got you on TV, remember? You owe me!".

Mimi interceded their argument when she said "Be nice, guys, or you won't be getting any of this awful champagne,".

"All right then," said Maureen. "Hey, Roger, any luck?".

Roger shook his head. No matter what he tried, that padlock was not coming off. "It's bolted plywood, padlocked with a chain,". He threw his hands up in frustration. "A total dead end,".

Maureen scoffed "Just like my ex-girlfriend. Wait- that gives me an idea!". She pulled out her cell phone and made a call, presumably to Joanne. But Roger did not hear their conversation. He was too busy watching his daughter and Mimi interact with each other; or rather, he was watching Mimi try to interact with May, who just stood there ignoring her. He wished he knew why May did not like Mimi. It was not like May to dislike people; in fact, the only people Roger could think of that May disliked were Benny and that kid who bullied her, Brandon, and she only disliked them because they were mean to her. Mimi had been nothing but nice to May, and yet she still did not like Mimi at all. Roger wished he knew how to fix that. He had fallen for Mimi. She had stirred feelings within him that he had not felt in a long time. For a while, he had been so numb, so lonely, and so depressed. Yes, he had May, and she was what kept him alive during that time. But April's passing had left a large gaping hole in his heart that nothing and no one had been able to fill that hole. That is, nothing and no one except for Mimi. Roger prayed that within time, May would grow to like Mimi as well. He did not want to have to choose between them.

"Hey, Roger, what's the scoop?" asked Collins, who had just arrived with Angel. The two of them were dressed as James Bond and Pussy Galore, respectively.

"No luck, guys. This padlock's not going anywhere," Roger sighed.

Angel bent down to inspect the padlock more closely. "I've got an idea! Move aside, Roger!". He did as she asked, and then he watched as she overturned the nearest trashcan and used it to break open the padlock, using only her muscle power.

"Wow, you're strong, Angel!" May said with a grin.

"Thanks, sweetheart!" Angel answered. She picked May up, opened the door, then said "C'mon, gang! Let's get inside!".

They reached the loft. Mark, Maureen, and Joanne were already waiting for them inside. Apparently, they had climbed in through the fire escape. Also, it was obvious that Benny had turned their power back on, for the lights were on. Roger glanced at the clock on the wall. Five seconds until midnight. The friends counted down together, and the moment the clock struck twelve, all the cheering, "Happy New Year!"s, kissing, and alcohol passing began. But, all that was quickly interrupted by Benny, who had appeared suddenly in the flat.

"I see you guys already beat me here," he said.

Roger asked him heatedly "What on earth are you doing here?".

Benny put his hands up as a sign of surrender. "Look, I just came here to end this war. But, you guys didn't have to go and break down the door. I was going to let you back in. I actually have this key that I wanted to give to you. Mark, you might wanna get this on film,".

"Oh, so this is just another photo opportunity for you, isn't it?" snapped Roger.

"No," said Benny.

"Then why the sudden change of heart, Benny?" asked Mimi, who looked skeptical.

"It's thanks to you, sweetheart. That case you made was good," he said.

His words were laced with double entendre, and Roger caught this, so he asked "What case is he talking about, Mimi?".

Benny answered for her "She came to see me yesterday. She had a lot to say, and she was very... persuasive. She used all that was in her power to sway me to her side, like her black leather and lace outfit,".

"What?!" Mimi asked, enraged. "Roger, don't think anything of it! I was just on my way to work. That's all,".

Before Roger could say anything, Benny smirked and put his hand on the songwriter's shoulder. "Roger, my old friend, she made a mess of my desk! And-ow!- I think I'm still sore,".

"That's because I kicked and reminded him that we were over and have been for a while. He came on to me!" Mimi defended.

"You mean, you two used to be together?" Roger asked.

Mimi shifted uncomfortably, but nodded.

"Well, Mimi, when the hell were you gonna tell me?!" said he, getting furious.

"Roger, it was two months ago, and we're over now," she explained. However, the damage was done now. Roger now mistrusted her. He mentally berated himself for being so stupid. Mimi was a strip teasing junkie. What did she know about commitment?

Benny said as he turned to go "Maybe you should've told your boyfriend who your last one was,".

Roger, out of anger, yelled after him "I'm not her boyfriend! She can do as she pleases!".

Angel, being the keeper of the peace that she was, abruptly stopped the arguing when she said "People! This is not the way to start a new year! Let's make a resolution to always stay friends, okay?".

Mark chimed in and said "Angel's right,". He shot a look at Roger. "Friendship is thicker than blood,".

Roger rolled his eyes and said as he looked at Mimi "That depends,".

Mimi said to him "God, I wish you would just trust me. All I did was talk to Benny! Nothing more!". Roger only huffed at her, and that got her so frustrated that Angel took her aside to talk with her. Meanwhile, Mark took Angel's lead and talked to Roger.

"Look, Roger, you know you're being plain ridiculous. It's clear to everyone, except for you apparently, that Mimi really likes you. I don't know Mimi too well, but she really doesn't seem to be the type who would cheat. Yeah, she may work for an S&M club, but I consider myself a good judge of character and I can plainly see that she's not like the other girls who work for places like that. She's not a whore. What's more is it's plain to me that you've got feelings for her, too," said Mark. Roger was about to say something, but Mark interrupted him with "Don't deny it!". The guitarist closed his mouth again, so Mark continued "Look, man, just give her another chance, okay? It's completely dumb for you to give up on her now,".

Roger wanted to punch his friend, because he knew that everything he said was true, but instead he said "You're right,".

"Great, now go apologize,".

The young musician waited until Mimi was done talking with Angel, then he went right up to her and said "I'm sorry,".

She said with sincerity "I'm sorry, too,".

Roger kissed her lightly on the cheek, then he said "Hey, looks like everyone else is making their way to the roof. Let's go,". He started towards the door, but Mimi stayed put. When he noticed this, he asked her "Coming?".

Mimi shook her head. "Uh, no. I'm kind of feeling tired right now, so I think I'm gonna head downstairs and go to bed,".

"Okay, then," said Roger. "See you tomorrow?".

"Yeah. See you tomorrow,". And with that, Roger headed up to the roof, wondering if Mimi had lied to him so she would have an opportunity to get a fix.

************************************************************************************************************************After Collins, Angel, and Maureen left the flat, Roger got the idea that he should go check on Mimi. He did not buy her story that she was tired. April had told him similar stories, but when he had checked up on her later, he would learn that she had gone to go get a hit. He had a funny feeling Mimi had done the same thing. He asked Mark to put May to bed for him, and thankfully his filmmaking friend agreed to do so. Once he sure they were settled, Roger slipped out of the flat and walked down the stairs until he reached Mimi's door.

He ran his hand underneath one of the loose floorboards on the floor in search of her spare key. He found the key and used it to open the door. Her flat was small, so it took him no time at all to discover she was not in it. When he realized she was gone, he closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair, and he began to think of what he should do now. He decided to sit on her couch and wait for her to come home, rather than go out and get her. If he went to go get her, he would risk the both of them facing the wrath of The Man. But, he reasoned that if she did not return within fifteen minutes, then he would go look for her. He knew that people who were high could get themselves into all sorts of trouble.

It was roughly ten minutes before Mimi appeared. Roger could tell that she had just shot up, for the tell tale signs of a heroin high were beginning to appear on the Latina's face. Roger shook his head in disappointment and asked "Mimi, what did you do?".

She smiled, clearly unfazed at the moment, and she said "Oh, baby, you're here! Nice to see you!" She tried walking to him, but she stumbled all over herself, and Roger had to rush to catch her. He looked at her with concern, but she apparently thought this was really funny, for she burst out in laughter. Her breath had traces of alcohol on it.

"So, you've been shooting up and drinking, Meems?" Roger asked her.

She chuckled some more and told him "Only a little, babe. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. You can go now,".

"No, you're not fine," he said. "And I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay right here until you're better. And then tomorrow, in the morning, I'm packing everything up and moving down here with you. I can see I'm gonna have to keep a close watch on you,". As he said this, her eyes began to droop, so when he was done, he walked her over to her bed and laid her down on it. Then, he laid down by her side and he wrapped his arms around her so that if she stirred at all, he would be the first to know. He intended to stay awake so he could watch her the whole night, but soon he became very sleepy. He allowed himself to close his eyes, figuring that because he was such a light sleeper, he would wake if she stirred. Moments before falling asleep for the night, he laughed as he thought to himself Well, I didn't expect our first time sleeping together to just be literally sleeping together, but this is nice too. Then, he took one last look at Mimi, kissed her on the head, then murmured "Good night, Mimi. I really wish you hadn't done this to yourself tonight, but I can't be mad at you. Not when you look like this as you sleep, and not when I know the kind of hangover you'll suffer tomorrow,". He laughed one final time before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

************************************************************************************************************************May woke up the next day, hungry for breakfast as usual. She went straight to her father's room so she could wake him and ask him for something to eat. But when she poked her head into his room, she saw he was not there. So she called for him. He did not answer. She looked for him everywhere, but he was gone. Getting nervous, she woke Uncle Mark and told him what happened.

"Oh, sweetie, your daddy is still at Mimi's," he explained groggily.

"Oh. Why?" asked the curious girl.

"Well, Mimi's sick right now. He's taking care of her," said Uncle Mark, who was starting to become more awake.

May became cross. To her, Mimi was becoming a Daddy-stealer, and May did not like that one bit. "Is he gonna come back?" she wondered, slightly worried.

"Of course he is. He's not moving there,". Uncle Mark sat up in bed. "Now, I bet you're hungry, aren't you? C'mon, let's go make you something to eat. Your daddy will be here before you know it, you'll see,". And Uncle Mark was right. Just as May finished the bowl of Captain Crunch that Uncle Mark poured for her, Daddy walked through the door. He looked like he was in a hurry to go somewhere, though. He rushed around, grabbing a lot of his things and putting them into bags.

Uncle Mark asked him "And where are you going?".

Daddy answered "Mimi's gonna need my help for a while, so I'm gonna move in with her, at least until she's done going through withdrawal,".

"You do know you live upstairs from her, right? You don't have to move all your stuff," said Uncle Mark.

"Yeah, I know," said Daddy. "But it'd just be easier if I did. I can keep a better watch over her that way,".

May frowned and released a small whimper. "You're gonna leave me, Daddy?".

He shook his head. "No, Peanut, you're coming too. I gotta take care of you, too, so you have to come,". He stretched out his arms as if to take her, but instead, she hopped off the chair, screamed "NO!", then ran to her bedroom. He walked into his daughter's room and found her screaming into her pillow. He rested a hand on her shoulder, and softly called her name, but she continued to scream.

"No! I don't wanna go! I wanna stay here!" she yelled.

"You can't. You have to go," said Daddy firmly.

"Why?" May demanded.

"Because I said so, May. Now, c'mon, pack your stuff up,".

"No, Daddy!".

Daddy raised his voice "May, pack your stuff up, now!".

"I don't want to!" she cried.

"Do it!" Daddy was yelling now.

"No!" she said stubbornly.

Daddy got so angry with her that he gave her a hard spank on the bum. May began to cry partly because of the pain, but mostly out of shock. She had never been spanked before. She reluctantly began to obey her father as he suddenly rushed out of her room. Uncle Mark came in to help her. In a matter of minutes, everything was ready, and May and her father headed downstairs to Mimi's place. As they entered her loft, May could not help but feel a total sense of loathing for Mimi and all the bad things Mimi was responsible for.

************************************************************************************************************************Roger felt incredibly guilty for spanking his little girl. He never had to do it before. April had always been the disciplinarian, but even she never had to spank May. May had never been a problem for them before. Most of the time, all she would need was a time out, and then she would be fine after that. But, her refusal to obey really aggravated Roger,and he lost his temper. However, he immediately felt guilty, and that was why he suddenly fled her room. He knew that she considered what he was asking of her to be unfair. But, Mimi needed him, and it would be more unfair to Mimi and Mark to have her move upstairs with them, and he did not feel right letting May continue to live up there without him. Ever since coming out of that six month period of neglecting her, he felt the incredible need to make certain he never again left her in anyone else's care for more than a few hours on end. Besides, he reasoned that the change of scenery would be good for the both of them; after all, they were still living in the apartment that April had taken her life in. This could be a fresh new start for everyone.

When they entered their new flat, Roger first checked on Mimi, who was for now still as he left her- peacefully sleeping on her bed. He knew her slumber would not last, however, so he quickly got May situated in the small spare bedroom that was to be hers, and he helped her unpack all of her things. By the time he was done, he could hear Mimi groaning as she started to wake, so he instructed May to play quietly in her new bedroom, and then he quickly stole away to Mimi's bedside. Mimi opened her eyes blearily, and she started to sit up, but she immediately lay back down. This action was most likely caused by the splitting headache she undoubtedly was suffering. Roger gently grabbed her hand and pressed her fingers to his lips, and followed this motion with the words "Good morning, beautiful. How are you feeling?".

She groaned and said "Like shit. What the hell happened last night?".

"You left my apartment during the New Year's Eve party, and you went out and, um, shot up and got pretty drunk," Roger explained, without a single trace of anger.

Mimi looked away as she said "Oh my god, baby, I'm so sorry. Benny... he came over last night didn't he?". Roger nodded. "And he said that I... that I tried to... that- Ow!" she cried as all the thinking began to hurt her head.

Roger quietly shushed her, then said "Yes, he said that. But it doesn't matter anymore. I'm just glad you're home safe. You were so high last night that it's a wonder you even made it home at all. You almost passed out in your threshold. I had to practically carry you to the bed,".

A wave of pain must have just overcome Mimi, for she moaned. When it subsided, she spoke again, saying "You waited up for me? Why would you do such a nice thing?".

It just then occurred to Roger that Mimi probably had not met too many nice people in her life, particularly men. "Because, Mimi," he said as he began stroking her arm, "I care about you,".

"Mmm," was all Mimi could get out as a new wave of pain set in. This time, though, she looked quite nauseous, so Roger quickly grabbed the bucket he had set out for her to vomit in. She only just managed to turn and get all the nasty stuff into the bucket. Then, feeling very weak, she turned onto her back again and closed her eyes. "We're gonna have a long day ahead of us, aren't we, babe?" she said to him softly.

"Yeah," he sighed. "But it's okay. We'll get through it. In a few hours, the hangover will pass and you'll be all set again,".

Mimi mumbled "Until I give in and use again,".

Roger said to her comfortingly "Well, see, that's why I decided to move in with you. I'm here to help you through this,".

Mimi blinked at him questioningly. "You moved down here?". He nodded. She laughed a little and said "Well, normally, in a relationship that might be considered moving a bit too fast, but I'm thankful,". She moaned softly, then added "Looks like I'll need all the help I can get,".

Roger gave her a smile that said "You're welcome", then he got up to leave the room, explaining that he would be back soon. He told her he was just going to get her some water to drink because that would help. He checked on May, who was having what was supposed to be a private conversation with her Santa polar bear, who she had named Gabe, about how much she did not like Mimi. Satisfied that she was overall fine, however, Roger moved on into the kitchen. While he was in there, he spotted Mimi's bottle of AZT on the counter, which reminded him to take his own. He did, and once he had, he filled up a glass of water for Mimi and brought it and the bottle of AZT to her. Thankfully, she took both things without a fuss. And for the rest of the day, Roger divided his time between taking care of Mimi and taking care of May. The both of them were quite demanding of his attention for them, so he was kept on his toes all day long, but he never complained. As the day went on, Mimi got progressively better, so that she was almost back to normal by the time the sun set. In fact, she was so much better that she was able to get up and clean herself up as, leaving Roger able to focus on helping May get ready for school the next day. Also, when he made a dinner of grilled cheese sandwiches for the three of them, Mimi was able to eat them without feeling so nauseous.

When it came time for May's bedtime, Mimi offered to help Roger because she felt bad that he had to take care of them both all day long and also because she wanted to spend some bonding time with May. Roger let her help, hoping this would be a good idea. It did not work out like they had hoped, for May refused to shut her eyes until Mimi agreed to leave the room entirely. Once she was asleep, Roger left and joined Mimi on the couch that she was sitting on. He massaged his temples with his fingers as he said "God, I don't know why she hates you so much. I'm sorry, Meems,".

Mimi shrugged it off and said "I understand her. She probably thinks I'm trying to steal you away from her, or maybe she thinks I'm trying to replace her mom, or both,".

"But you're not, are you?" he asked, truly wondering. He was pretty desperate to figure this out, so that he could solve it. It was in his nature to solve problems, after all.

She chuckled softly and answered "Not at all, baby. But she's young and probably is confused. Maybe we should talk to her tomorrow? We could explain to her that I mean no harm,".

"Yeah, yeah, that would be good," agreed Roger.

"Good," she said with a smile. She looked into his eyes as she said "Thanks for taking care of me today," she said as she leaned over to kiss him. He said nothing in return- he only kissed her back. Suddenly, he found himself desiring more of her as the kiss grew more passionate. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He rested one hand on her cheek, and the other hand he let slip up the back of her shirt.

His hand had just gotten to the hook of her bra when he realized something. He immediately pulled away, and then he said "Shit, Mimi, I'm sorry. You just got over a hangover. You sure you wanna do this?".

Mimi laughed as she answered "Of course I am! You think I'm gonna let someone take care of me without rewarding them?". She leaned in to kiss him again, but he gently pushed her away,

Roger shook his head. "Mimi, if we're gonna do this, I want you to want this, and not just do it because you think you owe me something," he said.

Mimi looked stunned. "Wow," she said "I've never had a guy say that to me. All the others were glad when I offered to do things like this for them. They never even once cared if I truly wanted it, not even Benny, and he was the nicest out of them all,".

"Mimi, I'm not like those other guys. I would never force you or pressure you to sleep with me, or expect you to do anything like that for me. Not unless you wanted to," said Roger with all sincerity. Mimi looked so happy that she could cry, but instead, she kissed him again. He pulled away once more, then said "Mimi, what did I just tell you? You don't have to do this,".

"I know, I know," said she with a small smile. "But I want to,".

Roger smirked and said "Alright, then, if you're sure...," and he proceeded to put his hands on her like before as she kissed him again. After a few minutes of making out on the couch, he picked her up and carried her to the bed, never once breaking the kiss. After setting her on the bed, he went under the covers with her, and the night became more passionate. Soon, there was nothing separating the two lovers. Before going any further, Roger looked at Mimi, asking her for permission with his eyes. She nodded in approval, and he gave her a small smile of pure happiness before creating what would hopefully be the first of many perfect nights with her.

************************************************************************************************************************January 20, 1990

Dear Journal,

I know I promised myself that I'd only write in here when I'm feeling depressed, and right now I couldn't feel anything more opposite, but I've always been one to finish things that I start, so I'm gonna fill this whole freaking book with entries. Anyways, as I said before, I couldn't be happier right now. It's been a few weeks since May and I moved in with Mimi, and life here has been great. Mimi's been doing great, as far as kicking her drug habit. Well, by that, I mean withdrawal has been hell, but I haven't caught her using since New year's, so that's good. She is getting to that point, though, in the withdrawal where she's throwing stuff at me as she begs me to let her go shoot up. I actually have several bruises on my arms and I've gotten some weird looks from May's teachers at her school. I also have had to send May to one of her aunts or uncles on days where Mimi's been really bad. But, other than that, Mimi's been pretty good, and we've only had a couple of days where she is violent. The rest of the time, she's just been sick- like really sick. She's done a lot of throwing up, and I've had to hold her hair while she's doing that and clean up after her when she's done. Now I know how Mark felt when he was helping me. This job is disgusting! But, I don't complain in front of Mimi. I love her and care about her, and I want to help her.

Now, I know we've been doing good so far, but I can't help but admit that I think this won't last. I mean, Mimi has to get back to her job at the Cat Scratch Club, and I've got a couple of gigs coming up, which means I won't be able to watch her as much as I have been. I'm worried that she'll use again when I'm not with her. I want to trust her, but I know from my experience with my own withdrawal and with April's that at this point, I still can't. The temptation for a hit will still be strong for her. I can only hope that she'll be strong and wise enough to resist it.

Moving on to a somewhat happier subject, I think May is finally starting to warm up to Mimi. I mean, she accepted Mimi's invitation to go shopping with her for Valentine's Day presents. Of course, she only accepted on the condition that Angel went along with them, but still, this could be a good time for Mimi and May to bond and for May to learn to like Mimi. At least, I hope it will be. I feel really bad for loving Mimi sometimes just because May doesn't like her. However, I just know that once Mimi quits using for good, she'll make a good step-mother for May. I've seen that maternal, loving side of her before. I just wish May could see it too. But, on the other hand, I can't blame her for not liking Mimi. The day after New Year's, Mimi and I talked with her and asked her why she didn't like Mimi. She called Mimi a "Daddy-stealer" and she told us that Mimi would never be her mother. So May thinks Mimi is trying to steal me away from her and also that she's trying to replace April. I understand her, but that's just not true at all. Mimi doesn't mean to do either of those things. We tried telling her that, but she's a stubborn little girl, so I guess we'll have to prove it to her somehow and be patient. But, like I said, I think the fact that May agreed to go shopping with Mimi at all is a step in the right direction.

************************************************************************************************************************There was a knock on the door. May ran to the door to go answer it, but before she did, she climbed on the step-stool and looked out the peephole to see who was at the door, just like her mommy and daddy always told her to do. It was Angel, all dressed in the prettiest, sparkliest, pinkest turtleneck sweater with a matching skirt and accessories. May grinned widely from ear to ear.

"Who's at the door, Peanut?" asked Daddy from across the room.

"It's Angel!" May squealed.

"Oh, well, let her in!" said Daddy.

May hurriedly hopped off the step-stool, pushed it aside, and pulled the door open. As soon as she had done that, she screamed excitedly "Angel!".

Angel gave her a big smile and said "Hi, May!". Then she picked up the six year old into her arms and told her "I've missed you, sweetie! Did you miss me?".

May nodded very enthusiastically. "Yes, Angel! I missed you! I missed you! And Uncle Collins, too!"

"Well, your daddy should come take you to visit me and Uncle Collins more often, like he promised," said Angel as she threw a pout at Daddy.

Daddy threw his hands up in the air. "Sorry. I've just been really busy taking care of the two most important women in my life. Both of them can be very demanding, you know," he said in a joking manner.

Angel shook her head. "Excuses, excuses," said she with some sass. She turned her attention back on May and said to her "Anyways, honey, you ready to go shopping?".

May happily clapped her hands. "Yay! Shopping" she animatedly replied.

"Good! Is Mimi ready to go?" asked Angel.

Mimi, who apparently had heard that, answered from the other room "Almost! I just need to find my shoes!".

May's face fell because she remembered that Mimi was going shopping with them. Daddy must have seen this, for he came right up to her, gently grabbed her chin so that she would look at him, and asked "Now, May, you're going to be a good girl today, right? Even if Mimi's there?". May reluctantly nodded. Daddy looked like he did not believe her. He asked again "May, will you be good?".

Angel pushed away his hand from May's chin. "Of course she'll be good, Roger! You don't have to worry! I'll be there to keep them all in line,".

Daddy sighed, but nodded. "That's right. You'll be there," he said as he went to go check on Mimi. A minute later, Daddy and Mimi came out of their bedroom. Mimi was ready to go.

Angel said "All right, chicas, if we're already to go then let's-,".

"Wait!" interrupted May. "I forgot Gabe!". She squirmed out of Angel's arms and rushed to her room. Moments later, she was back out, with her favorite stuffed polar bear in her hands. "Okay, now I'm ready," she said as she went back into Angel's arms.

"Oh no you're not!" said Daddy as he walked back over to them. "A goodbye kiss for you," said he as he gave May a quick kiss on the cheek, "And a goodbye kiss for you,". He gave Mimi a kiss on the lips. Then he smiled and said "Now you're ready!".

"Daddy, you forgot to kiss Gabe," May pouted as she held out her bear.

"Oh, my apologies to Mr. Gabe! Here. A goodbye kiss for him," said Daddy as he gave the bear a peck on the forehead. "Okay, now you can go,".

"Goodbye, Roger!" said Angel.

"Goodbye, Daddy!" said May.

"Goodbye, babe!" said Mimi. And with that, they headed out the door.

Angel was definitely the one in the lead that day. She knew where all the best places to buy things were, so for the most part, Mimi and May had to trail behind her. May did not really like that at all because then that meant she was closer to Mimi than Angel. She kept asking Angel to hold her, but Angel soon had her hands too full of heavy shopping bags to do that, so May had to settle for doing her best to keep up with Angel's quick and longer strides.

All day long, Mimi tried to show things to May to get her opinion on them. She was friendly enough, but May disliked her so much that she would just ignore her. It was not until Angel took her aside and spoke to her about this that she even listened to Mimi at all. And even once she began to listen to Mimi, she would not say much to her aside from the occasional "Yes", "No", "I like it", "I don't like it", or "It's too weird". Even during lunch, May continued to give Mimi the cold shoulder, despite Mimi's and Angel's attempts to get her talking.

The rest of the day continued on, and soon it was dinnertime, which meant it was time to go back to Mimi's house because Daddy was making macaroni and cheese and he wanted everyone there to eat it. They were all just about to head home when May realized something. "Guys, wait!" she called frantically. "I can't find Gabe!".

Angel checked her purse. "I don't have him. Do you, Mimi?".

Mimi looked in her purse. "No, he's not in there,".

May whimpered a little. "H-he's lost?". She began to cry for her favorite stuffed bear.

"No, no, linda, he's not lost. Wanna know why? We're gonna find him. He's only lost if we don't go find him," said Mimi in a soothing tone.

"Yeah, let's go look for him, chicas!" said Angel. "Where did you last see him, May?".

May thought hard as she tried to remember. "I was playing with him...," she said as she looked around, trying to find the place "over there!". She pointed to a small bench that was sitting just outside of a restroom.

"Well, let's go over there and look! This bear must be found!" declared Angel. They hurried over to that bench and began frantically searching for the stuffed polar bear. Several minutes of intense searching brought no luck at all. But then, May watched as another little girl and her mother exited the restrooms. The little girl was wearing a backpack, and out of the backpack poked the bear's red hat and white head. "Hey! That little girl has Gabe! There! He's in her backpack!" May informed the other two. Angel and Mimi looked at the backpack that May was referring to.

"May, are you sure that's Gabe?" asked Mimi.

May nodded. "Yes, it's him! See his hat? It has a small hole in it. It got there when I accidentally cut it with scissors when I made a paper snowflake. That's Gabe and she's stealing him!".

"Okay, if you're sure that's him," said Mimi as she walked up to the other little girl and her mommy. She tapped the other little girl on the shoulder, then said politely "Excuse me, little girl, but I think you have something that belongs to my friend over there," She jerked her thumb towards May, then continued "She lost a stuffed polar bear with a Santa hat, and she just saw one exactly like it sticking out of your backpack. May I please check to see if it's hers?".

The little girl rudely said "No, it's mine. I found it over there by that bench,". She pointed to the same bench that Angel and May were still standing by, anxiously watching the scene.

Mimi smiled patiently as she said "Can I just take a look at it to be sure, please?".

"No!" snapped the mean little girl. "I found it, so even if it's hers, finders, keepers. Losers, weepers,".

This time, Mimi looked to the little girl's mother as she pleaded "Please, I don't think you understand how much that bear means to that little girl over there. It's her favorite toy in the whole world. She sleeps with it every night, and she plays with it all the time. It means the world to her because she doesn't have very many nice toys,". In a lower tone, she added "Please, her father doesn't have a lot of money. He couldn't even afford to buy her the bear even though she really wanted it for Christmas. Our friend standing next to her over there had to buy it for him. Please, Miss, let me look at it?".

The mother was just as rude as her daughter. She huffed at Mimi and said "Your friend's father isn't the only one who's broke. Ever since Audrey's father up and left, we've been dirt broke!".

Mimi looked at the bags of merchandise the mother was holding. "Then how is it that you can buy all that?" she wondered.

The mother smiled smugly. "Well, I'm not paying for all of it,".

Mimi's eyes opened in surprise. "You're shop-lifting?". The mother gave her a look of death. Mimi got an idea. "Well, that's illegal, you know," she said with a smile just as smug as the mother's.

"Yeah, and?" said the mother who began to shift nervously.

"And I was just thinking maybe we could come to some sort of agreement? You let me look at that bear, and I won't yell for those two dashing security cops standing over there,". She gestured to the guards who were standing close enough to them that they would be able to quickly apprehend the mother if she tried running away. The mother recognized their close proximity, and as a result, she reluctantly made her child surrender the backpack to Mimi. Mimi opened the bag and pulled out the bear. She remembered that May had written her name on the tag, just in case she ever lost it. She checked the tag, and sure enough, the words "Property of May Davis" were on it. Satisfied, Mimi said in a cheeky tone "Thank you, both, for being so helpful. This bear does belong to my friend, and because of that I'll be taking it back to her now. Have a nice day!". Then after returning the backpack, she turned around and gave the stuffed bear back to its awaiting owner.

"Gabe! You got him, Mimi!" said a happy May as she squeezed and kissed her favorite toy.

"Yup! But it wasn't easy at all! Those people were rude and mean!" said Mimi, shaking her head.

"What did they say?" May wondered.

"They said that they didn't care if Gabe was yours or not. They were gonna keep him because they found him. 'Finders, keepers. Losers, weepers' they said,".

May gasped. "That's really mean! They can't have him ever! He's mine!".

"That he is, linda. That he is," Mimi said while also crouching down and putting her hands on May's shoulders. May did not recoil immediately, which was good.

After a moment of silence, Angel spoke. She put her hands on her hips as she said "Now, May, Mimi just did a very nice thing for you. She didn't have to do it, but she did it because she loves you and wants to be your friend. Isn't there something you should say to her?".

"Oh, yeah," said May. She turned to Mimi and said with a small smile "Thanks, Mimi, for getting Gabe for me,".

Mimi smiled brightly as she said "You're welcome, linda,". She opened her arms up. "Can I get a hug?" she asked. May looked reluctant at first, but she eventually nodded and gave Mimi a hug. The hug did not last long, but Mimi still smiled because it was a start.

************************************************************************************************************************When Angel, May, and Mimi arrived back at the apartment, they found that Roger was just finishing up the macaroni and cheese. He was talking to Mark, who had come downstairs to visit for dinner, when he noticed the three walk through the door. "Hey, guys! How'd it go?" he asked.

"Oh, it went just fine, Roger! Look at all the stuff we got!" said Angel as she held up the multiple bags on her arms.

"Wowie! I can practically see the dollars flying out of my wallet," teased Roger.

"Oh, Roger, stop being such a tease," said Angel. "You know you love presents!".

Roger playfully rolled his eyes. "Looks like we'll be surviving on chocolate and heart-shaped candy for the next month,".

"Mmm! I like candy!" said May happily.

Roger walked over to his daughter, kneeled down to her level, and gave her a big squeeze. "And did you have fun today, my little princess?" he asked her.

"Yes, Daddy, I did! I got to look at funny cards and cute outfits and try some candy. It was really fun!" she said with a big smile. But then, her smile faded when she said "But it wasn't fun when I lost Gabe,".

"Oh, Peanut, I'm sorry. We'll get you a new teddy bear, okay?" Roger suggested comfortingly.

"Oh no, Daddy! We don't have to! Mimi got Gabe back! A mean girl was trying to steal him but she got him back for me!" May said, happy again. She pulled out the bear from her coat to prove she had him.

"Wow! That was really nice of Mimi. Did you say 'thank you'?".

May nodded and Mimi supported her response by saying "Yup! She gave me a hug, too,".

Truly shocked, Roger asked "A hug? Wow, really?". He looked at May when he said "That's good, May! That makes me really proud, sweetie! Daddy is really proud of you!". He squeezed her again while also giving her a few quick kisses on the cheek. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Mark reluctantly handing Angel some dollar bills. Standing up, he asked "Hey, did you guys make a bet?".

Mark sighed as he said "Yeah. Angel bet me that she could get May to hug Mimi by the end of the day,".

"Uh-huh, that's right! And I just won! She hugged her! Woo!" Angel exclaimed as she kissed the bills she had just been given.

Roger shook his head disapprovingly. "You two are really something, you know,".

Suddenly, he felt Mimi's arms wrap around his waist. With a wink, she said "Oh, baby, you can't go judging them. We've made our own bet, remember? May was pretty nice to me today, so it looks like I'm getting that massage we talked about,". Roger pouted.

Angel and Mark heard what Mimi said and they began to laugh as they said "Ooooh!".

"Oh, grow up, you two!" Roger groaned. When they began to quiet down, he felt a tug on his shirt from behind. He turned and saw it was May.

Politely, she asked "Daddy, is dinner ready now?".

He said to her "Hold on, Peanut, let me go check,". He looked at the macaroni and cheese in the pot on the stove and saw it was indeed ready to be eaten. "Yep, it's ready,". He was quick to serve everyone their portion and to seat them all at the table. The rest of them began eating right away once they were seated, but Roger took a moment to examine the scene. What he was looking at was a drag queen, a Jewish filmmaker, a little girl whose only friends were adults, and a junkie/stripper all sitting around a table with mismatched chairs, eating some Kraft macaroni and cheese. He smiled to himself and thought This is your typical Bohemian dinner. To anyone else, this would seem strange, but this was a part of his family and he loved the way his family was, no matter how much he teased the people in it. He hoped they would always be there for each other, for as long as they could, at least.

************************************************************************************************************************February 13, 1990

Dear Journal,

I'm bored right now. Might as well write in this. Once again, I'm left alone at the loft. Mimi is at work right now, and Maureen is taking May to some mother-daughter dance at her school. Yeah, I know she's not her mom. She's not even her step-mom, but May really wanted to go, and Mimi couldn't take her because she had to work. Mark, Collins, Angel, and I couldn't take her for obvious reasons. Joanne couldn't take her because she and Maureen are no longer a thing and she doesn't know May that well anyway. So, Maureen it was. Trust me, I was a little nervous about leaving my daughter with the drama queen. I love her to death, but she can be very irresponsible. Luckily, though, the school is only fifteen minutes away, which means I can get there quickly if I have to. Hopefully I won't need to. If anything happened to May, I would personally tear Maureen apart. She's my friend and I love her, but that's my baby she's in charge of right now. She better take good care of her.

Anyways, um... well, Mimi's been back at work for some time, and I've had a few solo gigs. It seems like Mimi is kicking her habit for good, which is great. Withdrawal's been getting better. It still has its bad days, but at least she can get back to work. I've still been keeping a close eye on her, though. Since she works at an S&M club, it'd be all too easy for her to start using again. Oh yes, we'd love for her to able to quit that job and get a better one, but since she doesn't even have a high school diploma or GED, she pretty much doesn't have a choice, and I'm not making enough at my gigs to support us all. I mean, I guess we could just live off my earnings for a little while, but eventually, we'd go hungry again. We'd like to work on getting Mimi her GED so she can take some college classes and get a real nice job. However, we can't do that until she's completely kicked her drug habit. But, I'm remaining optimistic. Hopefully she'll be able to stop working at the Cat Scratch soon. She hates it there.

Speaking of optimism, I'm feeling pretty good about tomorrow. It'll be Mimi and I's first Valentine's Day together. We were able to get Mark to watch May tomorrow so that we could have some time to ourselves, which, when you live with a six year old, you don't get very much of. I don't feel bad at all about leaving her with Mark. I mean, it's not like he has a date. Besides, if he's watching her, then it means I'm free to take Mimi to a nice romantic dinner at this little place I found over by the park not too long ago. It also means that we're free to do some... other things together that we can't do if May's around. And also, it means that May will get to spend the night in her old room, which despite the fact that she's starting to like living here, is something I know she'll love doing.

Roger soon got bored of writing in his journal, so he put it away. While he was doing that, he saw the case to his Fender propped up against the wall, and he got the idea that he should work on his song. He still had no real inspiration for it. He had tossed around a few ideas, but none of them really clicked. He figured that perhaps today would be his lucky day. Maybe an idea for the song would come to him.

After taking his Fender into the living room, he pulled out his amp and plugged everything in. He strummed a few string on the guitar and realized it needed to be tuned, so he went right to work on that. Once it was tuned, he warmed up his fingers a bit and maybe get his creative juices flowing by playing a part of Musetta's Waltz, a beautiful piece of music which came from one of his mother's favorite operas, La Boheme. Roger never really cared for the opera. In fact, he barely knew what it was about, but this particular song always stuck in his mind, and he would play it in times like these to either warm up his fingers or to get his creative juices flowing, or in this case, both. No sooner had he finished the song, though, when there was a knock on the door. "Hey, Roger! It's us! Open up!" yelled a voice that could only belong to Maureen. Roger got up to answer the door. Sure enough on the other side was his performer friend, and just to the side of her was May, who, judging by the smile on her face, had a wonderful evening. Roger could not help but breathe a small sigh of relief when he saw that his daughter had been brought home to him in one piece.

"Hey, guys! How was it?" he said as he let them in.

"It really fun, Daddy! We danced to a bunch of songs and got to sing along too! And there was yummy food! And Auntie Maureen and I both got medals for winning the singing contest!" said a very delighted May. She held out her medal to show her father.

"Oh wow, May! That's very neat! What song did you guys sing?" he wondered.

Maureen answered. "We sang a real good song. We sang 'Tomorrow' from that one about the little red-head orphan,".

"Yeah," said May "we sang Annie!".

"Oh, you did, did you?" Roger said. "And you won the contest? I am so proud of you two,". He looked at the clock. "Well, I'm glad you two had fun. But, May, it's almost your bedtime, and you need a bath before bed. Why don't you go pick out your pajamas while I draw your bath for you?".

"Yes, Daddy," said May as she went to go do as she was told.

Roger turned to Maureen and said "Thank you for that, Mo. You didn't have to do that, you know,".

"Of course I did, Rog. My niece wants to go to a dance, then she should very well go to that dance," Maureen answered.

Roger sighed "Yeah, maybe, but you didn't really have to do that. You're not even her mother,".

"No, I'm not, but her mother isn't here anymore. And since she's not here, that makes me want to do what I can to fill in for her if I can or if I need to,".

Frowning and looking at the ground, Roger said "I know, I know. It's just, even though we have Mimi now and she's been so great, I really wish that April had never left us. None of the mess would have happened, and she would've been here for May today. She wouldn't have missed this,".

Maureen gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze, then said "She could have been here for this. But she chose not to be. Remember, Rog, she killed herself. She chose to not be here,".

Roger nodded. "I know," he said, "and I think that's what made it worse for us all-that she took her own life,". He looked up, shook his head, and shrugged. "But, there's nothing we can do about it,".

Giving him a small, encouraging smile, Maureen said "Unfortunately, you're right. I guess that means we shouldn't really worry about it, right?".

"Right," Roger agreed. Then, he said "Well, I've got to give May her bath. See you later, Mo?".

"Yeah, I'll be in touch," said Maureen as she turned to exit the loft. As soon as she was gone, Roger went into the bathroom to draw May's bath. When the water was ready, he called her in. He helped her undress and get into the tub. Once she was in there, he started scrubbing her down with soap and water. He also gave her hair a good wash and even used some conditioner on it. After that was all done, he retrieved her bath toys for her and put them in with her. Then he attempted to leave the room for a few minutes so that she could have some time to herself to play, but she asked him to stay and play with her.

************************************************************************************************************************"Please play with me, Daddy," she pleaded. She gave him puppy dog eyes and the cutest little pout ever. Roger could not say no to that face, so he agreed to play with her for a few minutes. May was very happy. "Yay!" she said. "Okay, we're gonna play 'Rescue the Princess From the Tower'. I be the princess and you be the prince," and she went on to describe to him in perfect detail of how the game was going to go, finishing with "And when the prince rescues the princess, he asks her to marry him and then he gives her true love's kiss!".

Chuckling, Roger said "Okay, May, but we gotta make this quick, okay? It's almost time for you to go to bed,".

"Okay, Daddy," said May. They then played her game and Roger was careful to play it exactly as she had told him to, because in this instance, she was his boss and it was her way or the high way.

When the game finished, Roger told May "Okay, now it's time to come out, Peanut. C'mon,". He helped her back out of the tub, and then he rubbed her down with a towel. Once dry, he let her put on her pajamas, and then when she was done, he said "C'mon, to bed now,".

She lifted up her arms towards him and said "Carry me, Daddy?".

"Alright, baby," said he as he lifted her into his arms. He carried her to her bed, put her under the covers, and then tucked her in and kissed her good night. As soon as she shut her eyes, he left the room. He was beginning to feel exhausted, so he went to go lie on the couch while he waited for Mimi to come home. He fell asleep, waiting. Then, a sudden sound jerked him awake. It was the clock. It had just struck 6 A.M. He was slightly disoriented. Had he really been asleep that long? Why did Mimi not wake him up? He examined his surroundings, and noticed there was no sign that Mimi had come home yet. Fear began to prickle his spine. Mimi should have come home hours ago. He began to theorize why she had not come home yet. At first, his theories were rational, like perhaps she had just lost her keys, or maybe she had to work late. Then, his theories became more pessimistic, like perhaps she was shooting up. And finally, by the end of several minutes of this kind of theorizing, he began thinking the worst. What if Mimi was hurt, or in trouble, or dead? Wide-eyed, he ran for his jacket and shoes, with the intent of looking for Mimi. He phoned Mark and asked him to come downstairs so that he could watch May. Mark was sleeping when his anxious friend called, but nonetheless, he agreed to help. In no time at all, he was at Roger and Mimi's flat. Once Mark showed up, Roger rushed out the door, practically flew down the stairs, then dashed to the front door. He pushed that door open, and to his surprise, there was Mimi standing on the other side, looking completely stunned to find her boyfriend basically tearing his way out of the building. Roger just stood there, completely shocked and panting due to his sudden adrenaline rush. "Roger? What are you doing?".

"Mimi?" was all Roger could say.

"Yes, it's me. Is everything okay?".

Anger began to quickly replaced the shock Roger initially felt, so that it was clear to Mimi that he was upset when he said "Mimi, where were you? You were supposed to be home hours ago! I've been worried sick about you!".

Carefully, Mimi replied "Babe, I just got off work. My boss had me cover another girl who was sick tonight,".

Roger did not believe her. "Meems, it's almost 7 in the morning. The Cat Scratch closed hours ago,".

"I-I had to clean up,".

"Don't lie to me, Mimi! You were shooting up again, weren't you?".

"God, Roger, no!". Mimi was starting to get angry now, too.

Roger rolled his eyes. "Uh-huh, let me see,". He grabbed her arm and rolled up her sleeve, searching for track marks. To his surprise, he did not find any. However, he was still unconvinced, so he took a good look at his girlfriend, searching for signs of a high, in case she had taken smack some other way. She showed no signs. Shaking his head in disbelief, he thought Maybe she's telling the truth, Davis. Then he thought But what if she's cheating? He shook his head again. Mark was right. Mimi would not cheat on him; of that he was fairly certain. Still, he found her story to be fishy. She never had to work an extra shift before. Her boss was the kind of guy who hated paying overtime, and he would have to pay Mimi if she worked late. But since he could not find any proof that she was lying to him, he decided to give her the benefit of a doubt. "Okay, Meems, looks like I made a mistake. I'm sorry,".

Mimi gave him a small smile "That's okay. I know my baby is just a worrier,".

He looked at her seriously as he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. "I'm just trying to protect you, Meems. I was so worried that something happened to you. I'd never be able to forgive myself if you got hurt,".

"Well, I'm glad you care so much. But, it would benefit you if you cared just a little less,".

Roger laughed a little. "You know I can't do that," he said before giving her a tender kiss that lasted a moment or two. Then, he put his arm around her shoulder and walked her upstairs to their flat.

"Hey, you found her! That was quick!" said Mark once the other two walked through the door.

"Yeah," Mimi answered. "I was just coming home from work. I had to cover some other girl's shift,".

"Ah, I see. But, you know, you really should call this boy the next time. He looked like he was ready to slam through a brick wall if it stood in his way during his search for you," said Mark, pointing to Roger.

Mimi laughed. "Okay, I'll keep that in mind,".

Roger said to Mark "Thank you, Mark, for coming down here. We'll see you later, okay? Remember, you're on May-duty this evening,".

"Alright, guys. I'll go. Just do me a favor and don't do that again, okay? You almost gave me a heart attack,".

"Alright, Mark," said Mimi. "Deal,". Once Mark was gone, Mimi said to Roger "Okay, Rog, I'm going to bed now for some shut eye. I didn't sleep all night, and I don't want to be too tired for this evening,".

Roger gave her a nod that said he understood her. "I'll just stay out here, then. May will be up soon, and if I'm in here, then she won't go in there and disturb you,".

Giving him a quick kiss on his cheek, Mimi said "Thanks, babe. See you soon,". Then, she retired to their room.

************************************************************************************************************************March 10, 1990

Dear Journal,

I wish you were some all-seeing oracle or something, because then maybe you could tell me about Mimi. I don't know what the hell is wrong with her. She's hardly home anymore, no doubt shooting up or hopping right back into bed with Benny or some other asshole. I've caught her using, and each time that's happened, we have a huge fight. Sometimes our fights are so intense that we wake up May, and we scare her. Jesus, I just can't stand it when May is scared, and May being scared just makes me even angrier at Mimi. It's her fault, anyway. She insists she's trying to stop, and that she's not cheating, but I don't believe her at all. She refuses to get any help. She doesn't care about May, me, or even her own life. I honestly think she wants to die. She fades before my eyes a little more each day, and yet she doesn't even care enough to do something about that. She'll only take her AZT if I pin her down and make her take it. I don't know why I even care anymore. Clearly, she doesn't, so why should I?

I'm thinking of leaving her. She doesn't want any help, so why should I try? Besides, she's got Benny, right? He's the one with the money. Maybe he can help. I'm sure as hell done helping. I'm done with it all! I'm done with the lies, the fights, the heartache, the disappointment, with everything! May doesn't need it. I don't need it! I-

Roger stopped writing suddenly when the tip of his pencil broke because of the amount of pressure he was applying to it out of anger. Aggravated, he threw both the pencil and the journal at the wall. This action caused his frustration to ebb a bit. He sighed, then got up and put the pencil and journal in their proper places. Once finished, he brought out his Fender and began to work on his song, with the hope that doing this would cause his frustration with Mimi to fully disappear. It helped, but it did not work completely. And all of his initial frustration came flooding back into him the moment he heard Mimi walking into their apartment at the late hour. He kept his back turned to her as he asked "Where were you?".

Mimi began "I was just-,".

"Let me guess," he said with his back still turned, "you lost your keys. No, you went for a walk. No! You had to help your mother,". He turned and shot her an icy stare. "How's Benny?". Mimi hung her head in shame. Disgusted with her, Roger said darkly "I'm going to work upstairs tonight,". He picked up his guitar and began to go.

"Wait! Roger, there's something I gotta tell you," Mimi said. Roger gave her a look that told her he was clearly uninterested in what she had to say, so she told him "Fine. Nevermind, then,".

Roger turned to leave, but not before saying begrudgingly "Happy spring,". Then he remembered Mimi was not to be trusted, so he could not leave May with her. He went to her room to retrieve her. He put the guitar, which was in its case, in one hand so that he could use his free arm to carry his sleeping daughter. And then, in this manner, he headed upstairs to his old loft.

Apparently Roger was very loud when he entered the flat upstairs, for Mark soon rushed out of his bedroom, asking "Who are you?". He looked very alarmed.

"Relax, Mark. It's just me,".

Mark breathed a big sigh of relief. "My god, Roger, for a minute I thought you were breaking in or something,".

Roger raised an eyebrow. "Oh yes, if I were breaking in, I would totally have a key to get in here,".

"Point taken," said Mark. "But, what are you doing here?".

Roger said nothing. Instead, he placed his guitar down on the floor and then laid May down on the bed in her old bedroom.

"It's Mimi, isn't it?" asked Mark.

Roger felt nauseous at the sound of her name. He hated that Mimi had that kind of power over him, that just the sound of her name was enough to make his stomach flip. In response to his friend, he closed his eyes and nodded.

"Oh god, Roger, what happened this time?".

Roger's throat began to constrict, so he was forced to choke out the words "S-She came home late. Again. She tried to make an excuse, but I had had enough of her lies. I know she's either using, or cheating on me, or both. I got mad. I've had enough of all her shit! So I told her I was working up here tonight,".

"Are you going to go back down there tomorrow?".

"I-I... I don't know,". Roger braced himself for Mark's inevitable lecture on how he should give Mimi another chance, for they both knew how much Mimi meant to Roger.

But, to his surprise, Mark placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and said "Well, you and May are welcome to stay here until you figure it out,".

Appreciatively, the songwriter replied "Thank you, Mark,". After bidding him goodnight, the filmmaker turned and left his tortured friend alone in that dark, silent room.

After several minutes of sitting there by himself, Roger got up, left May's old bedroom, and headed to his favorite chair in the living room. He got out his old Fender and started to play, but he did not really know what it was that he was playing. His thoughts were too concentrated on Mimi. What was it about her that gave her so much sway over him? Why did he care about her so much? Up to this point, all his caring had done was rip his heart apart. And yet, no matter how many times his heart had been broken, he was always ready to piece it back together, just for her. He knew he loved her, but he could not wrap his head around why. Sure, she was beautiful and she was really good in bed, but he knew his reason had to be deeper than that. He thought of some other reasons. She was good with May, but that could not be it either; he had already been falling for her before he even knew how she would act with May. He cursed Mimi for doing this to him.

************************************************************************************************************************Thinking of Mimi was not making him feel any better, and since his guitar was not helping to distract him, he got up and walked to his old room. He began to look around the room, not really knowing what he was searching for, when his eyes landed on a black, medium-sized book sitting in the far corner of the room. Roger laughed to himself because he immediately knew what that book was. It was a scrapbook that April had made for him just a few weeks shy of her death. When she first gave it to him, he had thought it was adorable, but a little tacky. However, looking at it now was like looking at a treasure chest full of precious jewels and purified gold doubloons. It had pictures and all sorts of clippings from all of the good times they had together. Everything good from the time they first met to May's first day of kindergarten was in there. There was no mention of smack or any of the other vices in the scrapbook. Those things had long been behind April by the time she composed the book. He retrieved the book, and then sat on his bed as he began looking at it. Maybe happy memories from long ago would cheer him up.

The first page in the scrapbook showed a picture April had shot of Roger performing the night that they met. Beneath the picture lay, in April's own handwriting, the words:

I remember the night I first saw you. You were so alive on that stage. Your music ignited the night with passionate fire. You had the audience in the palm of your hand. It didn't take me too long to realize that I was in the palm of your hand too. The moment you called me to sing with you on the stage was the moment I knew we were meant to be together. Something just clicked with us. Not a day goes by where I don't mentally thank my friend Lisa for dragging me against my wishes to CBGB's. I love you, babe.

Roger smiled while reading this. It was so sincere. It was kind of like when Mimi first promised him that she would quit using. She had seemed so sincere then. But now... no, he did not want to think about that right now. He flipped to another page.

This page included a picture that Mark had secretly shot of Roger and April kissing each other for the first time. Below it, April had written Damn, baby, you're such a good kisser! It's a wonder why you don't have girls lining up at your door! I remember I asked you why you didn't have girls all over you, and you told me that you were waiting for someone special like me to come along. That made me feel like a million bucks.

Roger remembered that conversation. He meant it when he told her he was waiting for someone special like her. It was really true. He could have had any girl he wanted. In fact, many girls had tried to throw themselves at him at his gigs, but he knew that all those girls wanted was a few nights of meaningless sex and have that be it, but that is not what he wanted at all. He knew that most guys his age would have killed to be in his place, and they would have been more than okay with having sex like that, no strings attached. But he was different. He wanted someone to love who loved him back, and that was what he had with April. Sure, he and April had had their problems, but through it all, they always had love. He had thought he had that with Mimi, too. Maybe he still did have it, but he could not be so sure anymore. Shaking his head, he turned to a new page.

On this page was a picture of a pregnancy test with a little pink plus sign showing on it. Underneath it, April had written I remember the day I showed you this, I was scared to death. We had only been dating for 6 months, and only been living together for less than one, and I was pregnant. I thought you'd get pissed at me and walk out. I even considered not telling you at all and secretly getting an abortion, but something inside me said that as the father, you had the right to know. So I told you and I braced myself for your wrath. But, you surprised me. You were pretty excited about it, actually. You certainly looked happier and more excited than I felt, but your enthusiasm was contagious, and pretty soon, I wanted to keep the baby too. Your desire and love for the baby never wavered, not when we went through the pain in the ass withdrawal, not when you later caught me trying to have an abortion (I really don't know what I was thinking then), and certainly not when she was born, and not after either. Thank you, Roger, for doing that. You saved her life.

This passage brought painful memories back to Roger. He remembered the withdrawal, fighting with April as he tried to convince her to not go through with an abortion, wondering how the hell could he be a good father since he had no idea how to be one at all because his own father had walked out on him and his mother when he was just three years old, and also worrying about being able to have enough money to feed and care for the baby. And those had just been a few of his problems at the time. Yet, he and April had made it through the rough times, right? He wondered if he and Mimi could do the same. But, he knew that they could only do that if they apologized to each other, and Mimi probably was not interested in making up. She might even have been celebrating Roger's leaving right now with his former friend, or with a bag of powder, or both- in fact, he was convinced that this was what she was doing. This belief made him sick to his stomach, so he hastily looked for a page in the scrapbook that would make him feel better.

The page that he found happened to be one of his most favorite pages in the entire book. The photo that was pasted on it depicted April on a hospital bed, wearing that most beautiful and genuine smile that made Roger fall for her in the first place. He was sitting by her side, and he was smiling too. The both of them were looking at the most precious and beautiful thing they had ever seen- their newborn daughter. Roger was the one holding her. This was because once the doctors knew that he and April were ex-junkies, they had delivered May via C-section as a precaution in case her parents had HIV and just did not test positive for it yet, and at that point, April had not recovered enough to hold her. One of the nurses offered to take the photo of the brand new family. The entry from April for this photo read

Roger, I know this is a day we'll never forget. The day our child was born. I remember you freaking out more than I did. It was kind of adorable, really. You tried telling the doctors how to do their jobs, and the only way they could get you to shut up was by threatening to send you out of the operating room. That's how worried you were about making sure nothing went wrong. Luckily, nothing did go wrong, else I think you would've murdered every staff member in the room. Besides this, I remember hearing our baby's first cry and thinking it was the most relieving sound ever, just because it meant our baby was alive. The doctor announced that we had a girl, and you couldn't have looked any more proud than you had in that moment, and I knew right then that our daughter would definitely be a Daddy's girl. I remember after you cut her umbilical cord, the doctors weighed her and measured her. She was of healthy weight and height. 7.7 lbs and 19". Then, as soon as they were done, they gave her to you to hold, since my arms were weak due to the drugs they gave me. I was slightly jealous, but I also was happy that at least it was you that got to hold her first. You are her father, after all. She wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. Seriously, you were pretty essential to her creation process, if you get what I mean. *wink wink*. Anyways, we got to have her all to ourselves for quite a while before your mother, Mark, and the others came in. We had a playful argument over who she looked like most. You swore she was a spitting image of me. I still say that she is you all the way. Perhaps she has my eye shape, but that's it. C'mon, she has blonde curls, brown eyes (which may not come from you directly since yours are blue, but your mother has them), and she definitely has your amazing butt. Anyways, it came time to name her. We already agreed to carry on my mother's family tradition of naming your first daughter after the month she was born in, so we had no problem picking a first name. But, when it came to her middle name, my god, were we both stubborn! I insisted on having it be Stevie, after Stevie Nicks, who is still my favorite singer, but you wanted it to be Jett, after Joan Jett (yeah, May definitely has rockstar fanatics for parents). We must've debated on this for like the entire pregnancy, and yet by the time she was born we still couldn't come to a decision, so we made a compromise. May Stevie Jett it would be. Then, there was her last name. That was a topic we had avoided the entire pregnancy, because we weren't married, so we both had different last names (this is still the case. Maybe we should change that? It's been almost six years. *hint hint*), and we didn't want to hurt each other's feelings by picking one name over the other. Our last names together would've been too long. I remember you offered to let her have my name, saying you were okay with that. I, however, saw right through that. You really wanted her to have yours. You were the happiest man on earth when I told the doctor her last name would be "Davis". I really don't know why you were so surprised, though. I would've only given her my last name if I had thought that you might walk out on us, which I didn't. I knew you would stay, which is more than what can be said for most fathers in this day and age. I felt you earned the right to have our daughter share your last name.

Roger looked back at the picture on the page. May 6, 1983 had really been a happy day for both April and him. In the picture, he could see April's eyes glowing with love for the newborn infant that he was holding. He almost forgot how pretty April's eyes had been. Mimi's eyes were pretty, too. Gorgeous, in fact. Like April's smile, they captured his attention and caused him to fall hard and fast.

Roger sighed to himself. He just could not stop thinking about Mimi, no matter how hard he tried, so he rolled over on his bed in an attempt to cease his thoughts with some sleep. That did not work, for he spent the much of the night tossing and turning, wanting to apologize to her and deciding on whether or not he should do it. Finally, he told himself Look, Roger. Just go to her and apologize. That way, at least, you'll have a clear conscience, even if she doesn't forgive you. And with that, he got up and left the apartment. He rapidly made his way down to Mimi's door and opened it, not caring what he might be walking in on. He did not want his resolve to break. When he entered the flat, all he could see was Mimi sitting by herself on the couch. It looked like she had been crying. She looked up at him and then stood up. "Roger?" she asked, her voice shaking slightly.

Roger said "Mimi, I just came down here to say that I'm sorry. I should've heard you out before talking to you like that,".

"No, Roger, I'm sorry," said Mimi. "I hurt you again. I've been giving you so much shit lately, and it's not fair because you've been nothing but good to me,". She paused as she took a deep breath. "Listen, about last night, I wasn't cheating on you. I never have. But I was buying smack,". She held up a small baggy that was half-full of the powder. "When you left last night, I was so upset that I used half the bag,".

"Mimi-,".

"I know, I know. I promised I'd stop. But I told you, Roger. I'm weak. I can't help but give in,".

"Actually, Meems, that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say I'm sorry I upset you that much,".

"It's okay. Look, can we just pretend that last night never happened?", she said as she wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace.

Roger was hesitant. It was not that he did not want to forget last night, because he did. It was just that he had a gut feeling that this would not fix anything. But, as he looked into her eyes, her sorrowful eyes, he could not help but agree to acquiesce her request. She smiled at him before kissing him. After a few minutes of kissing each other passionately, Roger broke away and headed towards the door.

"Where are you going?" asked Mimi.

"I left my guitar and May upstairs. I'm gonna go get them," he answered.

"Oh, okay,".

After a few minutes, Roger was back downstairs holding both his guitar and daughter, who was awake, but only just so. Roger set his guitar on the floor so that he could use the arm that was holding it to better support May. Mimi walked over to the two of them. She gently caressed May's cheek and said softly "Good morning, sweetie. How'd you sleep?".

May sleepily answered "Good. But why did I wake up in my old bedroom? Daddy, did we have a sleepover there?".

"Er, kind of," said Roger. She did not need to know about last night. May let out a long yawn before nuzzling her face back into the crook of her father's neck. "Still sleepy, Peanut?". May nodded. "Well, let's put you back to bed, alright?".

Yawning again, May said "Okay, Daddy,". He started to walk to her room when she lifted up her head and said "You too, Mimi,".

Completely surprised because May had never allowed her to help tuck her in before, Mimi said "May, are you sure?".

Firmly nodding, May said "Yes,".

"But, I thought you didn't like me,".

"I thought you were evil. I thought you just wanted to take Daddy away. But you rescued Gabe, and you're nice to me and Daddy. You can't be evil," said May sincerely. And then, all three of them went to May's bedroom. Roger put her on the bed, and she closed her eyes and instantly went to sleep. Roger kissed her on the cheek, and with his permission, Mimi did the same.

Then, Roger took Mimi by the hand and lead her to their own room. Once the door was shut, he locked it. "Now, where were we?" he said with a devilish grin on his face.

************************************************************************************************************************A few weeks passed by and it was now March 31st, which means it was the day before April 1st. That had been April's birthday, and Roger planned to take May and visit her grave again. But first, he had to ask Mimi for permission to do this. He did not want her to feel as though he was not truly hers and that his heart was divided. His heart was not divided; he loved her completely, but April would always hold a special place in his heart.

Mimi did not have to work today, so Roger was free to ask her at any time. He chose to ask her when May was well out of earshot, because he did not want her to possibly be hurt if Mimi said no. His opportunity came when May decided to play with her toys in her room. When that happened, Roger found Mimi in the kitchen. She was cutting up some fruit for the fruit salad she wanted to make for dinner. She spotted him approaching out of the corner of her eye, so she chuckled and asked "Here to steal some fruit, babe?".

Shaking his head, he answered "No. Actually, I came to ask you something,".

"Okay, baby, what?".

He shifted nervously. "Well, tomorrow is April 1st,".

Mimi, who was still cutting up the fruit, nodded and said "Yes. It's gonna be April Fool's tomorrow,". She turned her head to look at him. Laughing, she said "You're not gonna ask me to help you prank somebody, are you?".

Cracking a small smile, Roger said "No. It's just that, well, tomorrow is also her birthday,".

"Oh," said Mimi softly, knowing exactly who he was referring to. "I'm sorry,".

"No, no, that's alright. I just wanted to tell you that I want to take May and visit her grave. It's kind of a tradition that I'd like to start. I was thinking of having a sort of picnic there. Picnics were something that she liked to do. But, I have to ask. Is this okay with you?".

Mimi nodded and said "Roger, why wouldn't I be okay with that?".

Roger shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. I thought you might get jealous,".

"Roger, I wouldn't get jealous over something like this. I think it's beautiful that April is still very special to you. I also think it's good for May that you show her how much her mother meant and still means to you. You don't want her growing up to think you never loved her mother, because then she might start to think you never loved her. I mean, she might think that way because she comes from her mother, you know?".

"Yeah, I know what you mean, Meems. Thank you. That means a lot to me,".

Mimi smiled as she said "I know it does,".

After a few moments of silence, Roger spoke again, saying "Well, Meems, my next question would be do you want to join us tomorrow?".

Mimi shook her head, saying "Oh no, I couldn't. Tomorrow should be a special time for you and May. I'd just be intruding,".

"No, you wouldn't," said Roger tenderly. "Neither of us would mind you being there. In fact, having you there would probably be a good thing. With you there, it'll be easier for the two of us to focus on the happy times with April, instead of focusing on the day she...,". His throat constricted a little with sudden grief by the end of that sentence so that he could not finish it. A moment passed before he could speak again. "Well, you get the idea. We won't be as sad if you're there,".

Mimi considered his offer and reasoning for a minute before finally answering "Okay, then. I'll go. But, if we're going to make this a picnic, then we're doing it right,". Roger raised an eyebrow at this, so she explained "That means, Mr. Davis, we're gonna dress up,".

"Do you mean like if we were going to a wedding, Miss Marquez?" Roger asked, confused.

"No, not that fancy. I just mean you're wearing some nice pants and a button up shirt, I'll wear a nice shirt and skirt, and May will put on a cute little dress,".

"Why?" asked Roger.

"Because doing that will make the day more special and fun. And it's kind of respectful to April, who just might be watching us tomorrow from heaven,".

************************************************************************************************************************The next morning was pretty somber as May got ready to visit her mommy's grave. Her mood only got worse when she could not find anything to wear. Daddy told her to go find a nice dress to put on, but the thing is she did not really have one. Mommy was the one who bought her dresses, and all the ones she had bought were now too small, and nobody had bought her any new ones. Frustrated, she went to her daddy, told him about her problem, and asked him what she should do about it.

He was buttoning up his shirt when he said "I don't know, Peanut. I'm a boy. I don't know how to fix this girly problem. Maybe you should go talk to Mimi? I'm sure she'll know what to do,".

"Where is she?"

"She's in the living room, tying her shoes,".

May made her way to the living, and sure enough, she found Mimi there, tying her shoes just as Daddy said. "Mimi?" asked the child, softly.

Mimi looked up from tying her shoes and said "Hi, May,". She noticed the frustration in the young girl's eyes, so she asked "What's wrong, sweetie?".

May sighed. "I don't have any pretty dresses to wear,".

Putting her hands on her hips, Mimi said warmly "Now, chica, I have a very hard time believing that. You are a very pretty girl, and very pretty girls should always have very pretty dresses to wear,".

"Not me! I don't!" said May, frowning.

"Oh, I'm sure you do. C'mon, let's go see," said Mimi as she lead May by the hand back to the young girl's bedroom. Once there, Mimi immediately opened up the closet and looked inside. She searched the closet for several moments before finally saying "Ah, see, I told you you had a pretty dress to wear,". She pulled out a dress for May to see.

May gasped. This dress was a new dress. It still had the tags on it. Not only that, but the dress was beautiful. It was sparkly and blue. "Wow! It looks just like Cinderella's! But how did that get in there?".

"Well, see, your daddy said you didn't have a pretty dress to wear, so Angel and I went shopping yesterday and bought you this while you were sleeping. Uncle Collins said you loved Cinderella, so when we saw this, we just knew we had to buy it for you,".

May was so happy that she ran over to Mimi to give her a big hug, which Mimi received with open arms. When she was done, she asked "But, Mimi, how did the dress get in my closet? It wasn't there before,".

Winking, Mimi said "Your daddy is magic. You should go thank him,". May then ran to her daddy and hugged and kissed him as soon as he picked her up.

"Thank you, Daddy," she said.

"You're welcome, Peanut" said he as he kissed her cheek. Setting her down, he said to Mimi "I'm almost done getting ready, Meems. I just have to pack the food now,".

"Good. That should give us plenty of time,". To May, Mimi said, "C'mon, girlfriend. Let's go,".

"Where are we going, Mimi?" asked May.

"I thought I could make you look like a princess by doing your hair and painting your nails. Would you like that?".

May nodded. "Oh yes, I would!".

Smiling, Mimi said, "Okay, then let's go to the bathroom and get you dolled up, chica. ¡Vamos!". It took only a few minutes for Mimi to work her magic, but when she was through, May was completely stunned by her reflection in the mirror. She really did look like a princess. Her loose curly hair had now been styled into tight ringlets, and her tiny little fingernails were now the exact same shade of blue as her dress.

"Oh, Mimi, thank you!" she said. Her mood had now lifted considerably.

"You're welcome, May. Come, let's go check on your daddy,". When they entered the kitchen, Mimi called out softly to Daddy "Babe, May wants to show you something,".

He turned around and let out a gasp when he saw his daughter. "Wow, May, you're so beautiful, like a princess!".

May smiled and curtsied. "Thank you, Daddy,".

Daddy said "Mimi, I'm done with the food, so are we ready to go?".

"Almost," said Mimi. "May just needs her shoes,".

"And Gabe!" May added.

"And Gabe," echoed Mimi with a small smile. She went to retrieve the bear as her boyfriend helped his daughter with her shoes. Once they were ready, they all grabbed everything they needed and headed out the door.

************************************************************************************************************************The cemetery was quite a ways away from the loft, and the three of them had to take the subway to get there. The subway station and terminal were filled with several homeless people who were somewhat aggressively panhandling, and Roger could tell that May was beginning to feel uncomfortable when she buried her face in his neck. "What's wrong, Peanut?" he asked.

"Those people scare me, Daddy. They're dirty and mean looking. They look like they wanna hurt me," she whimpered.

Soothingly, he said "Shh, May, it's okay. Daddy's here. Daddy's got you. Daddy won't let anybody hurt you, princess,". He ran his hand up and down her back to make her feel safe. He hated seeing his little girl scared like this, so he made a good effort to move more quickly to the place where they had to wait for their own train. Luckily, they got there when they did, for their train had just pulled in to the terminal. Hurriedly, they hopped on the train and sat down on the nearest open seats. There, they sat in complete silence until they reached their stop. Once off the train, it took them no time at all to reach the surface and arrive at the gates of the cemetery.

Before entering the gates, Roger froze. Mimi must have been concerned when she saw this, for she asked "Roger, are you alright?".

Roger let out a sigh. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just miss her so much, and I wish she were still here,". Realizing that Mimi might feel jealous now that he said that, he quickly added "Not that I'm totally ungrateful. I mean, if she were here, then I wouldn't've met you,". He shifted May in his arms to one side of his body so he could free up one of his hands and use it to take Mimi's. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

Mimi smiled. "Roger, it's okay. I'm not jealous. I mean, it's not like the two of you had a huge fight and broke up mutually," she said reassuringly. "But, if this is really bothering you, we could always just go home,".

Shaking his head, Roger told her "No, I'm okay. I can do this. I need to do this,". He then led Mimi to the place where April was buried.

Mimi looked at April's epitaph and read it out loud. "'Here lies April Ericsson, the best mother, girlfriend, daughter, and friend in the whole world. We will miss you,'". She turned to Roger and said "That was very sweet,".

Smiling, Roger said "Thank you. Maureen and May helped me pick out the words,". He set his daughter down and then asked "Well, do either of you see a good spot to sit?". The three of them looked around for a little while.

Then, May pointed and asked "What about that tree right there?". She was pointing to a large oak tree that sat just a few feet away from April's grave.

Roger nodded, saying "Looks perfect. Good job, May,". They all proceeded to sit directly on the ground by the tree. The grass in that area was clean, warm, and dry, so that eliminated a need for a blanket. Mimi then distributed the food that was in the basket that she was carrying. After they all had their own ham sandwich, bag of chips, and water bottle, they began eating.

Mimi made the first attempt at conversation. "So, May, you know, I never got to meet your mom. Tell me, what good things do you remember about her?" she asked, truly interested.

May thought for a moment, and then she answered with a laugh "Well, she always liked to make silly faces,". May then demonstrated such a silly face by pulling down both sides of her lower lip while also sticking her tongue out. Roger and Mimi both laughed along with her because she was so cute.

Still laughing, Roger said "That was exactly how she looked when she did that. You look just like her, Peanut,". To Mimi, he said "You know, April and I used to fight all the time over who May looks like most. I still say to this day that she looks exactly like her mother, but she always thought May looks like me. What do you say?".

"Well," said Mimi, "just based on what I see right here, I'd say she definitely looks like you. She's got your blonde curls, nose, and cheekbones. But, to be fair, I've never so much as seen one single picture of April before, so I don't really know,".

Roger furrowed his brow. "Really? I never shown you even one picture?".

"Nope,".

Reaching into the pocket of his jacket, he pulled out a picture that he always kept with him. It was a picture of April, him, and May on the last time they celebrated May's birthday together. "Here," he said, handing the picture to Mimi. "That's her, the one with the red hair,".

Mimi must have known that what he handing her was very precious to him, for she handled it carefully as she examined it. "Wow, Roger," she said, "she was beautiful, especially her smile. Like, really beautiful,".

"About as beautiful as you," said Roger while smiling.

"Okay, now you're just being cheesy,".

"No, I'm not. I mean it,".

"Well, thank you," said Mimi as she looked at the picture again. "Hmm, well, now that I know what your girlfriend looked like, I'd say that May actually is a good mix of the both of you. She has your hair, nose, and cheekbones, but she has April's eye shape, eyebrows, lips, and her chin is a mix of the both of yours,". To May, she said "Sweetie, you have two very good-looking parents, which is good because you look just like them!".

May scrunched her eyebrows, folded her arms, and frowned. "No I don't! I look like me!". She did not understand the concept of genetics.

Laughing, Mimi said "Well, you'll know what I mean when you're older, sweetie,". To make the little girl stop frowning, Mimi reached for her and began tickling her.

"Hey! Stop that!" cried out May in between giggles.

"Hmm, nope!" said Mimi.

May tried tickling Mimi back to get her to stop, but that did not work, so she called to her father "Daddy! Help me!".

Playfully, Roger said "Mimi, you can't have my little girl!". He then tickled Mimi all over to draw her attention away from May. "Run, May, run!" he yelled. He watched his daughter suddenly bolt as fast as she could away from Mimi, and thus he was not paying attention any longer and Mimi was able to gain the upper hand by catching him off guard. She pushed him over and pinned him on the ground by sitting on him and holding his arms down. "Hey! That's not fair," Roger frowned.

"All's fair in love and war, dearie. Besides, next time you should pay better attention,". She let her hair fall in his face. Her locks brushed his cheeks, and he chuckled in response. Then he sat up as best as he could while being pinned down, so that his lips could meet hers. But as she was sitting on his chest, he could not reach. He pouted. Shaking her head, Mimi smirked and said "Oh, baby, you're so cute,". She then gave him what he wanted by locking lips with him.

The kiss grew in passion until they were interrupted by May, who said "Aww,".

Mimi got off of Roger quickly. She was blushing when she said "Well, I never would've expected that reaction from her,".

"Yeah, most kids are completely grossed out by kissing," Roger laughed as he started to sit up.

"Not me! I think it's cute!" May said matter-of-factly.

"Well, in that case...," said Roger as he grabbed Mimi's face and kissed her some more.

Mimi began laughing as she broke away and checked her watch. "Well, we've been here for hours now, and the sun's about to set. Do you think we should go now, babe?".

"In a minute," said Roger. "I'd like to talk to her, if that's okay?".

"Of course, love,". Mimi then took May and said to her as she led her a little ways away to give Roger some space "C'mon, May, let's go over here. You can show me more of those silly faces your mommy used to make,".

Roger watched as the two of them walked away. Then, when they were out of earshot, he stepped towards his former love's final resting place, and knelt down beside it. He began talking to it. As crazy as it may have sounded, there were some things he had long been desiring to say to her, and the only way he knew how to talk to her now without consulting a necromancer was speaking to her tombstone. He began by saying with a smile "Hello, beautiful. I hope you can hear me up there. Today was your birthday. You would've been twenty-seven today,". Now frowning, he went on "God, that's so young. Too young, actually. You know, April, to this day I still don't know why you did it. I mean, I guess people do crazy things when they find out they could die of AIDS. I actually almost did the same thing you did. But, May kept me here,". A realization came into his head, and he grew angry because of it. "And she should've kept you here, too. Dammit, April, you had so much to live for! You had friends and a family, all of whom loved you and still do, and we would've been there to help you!". He stood up, began to pace, and was practically shouting by this point. "But, no! I bet you didn't think of that when you slit your wrists! No, I bet you were so blinded by your stupid fear that you didn't even consider what this did to us! What it did, and is still doing, to May! And to me!".

Roger suddenly became overwhelmed by all this rushing emotion that he fell to his knees and began to sob. In between his sobs, he said to his deceased girlfriend "But even now, you probably don't care. No, you're probably too busy lounging about on your fluffy white cloud, eating grapes off a silver platter to even notice, let alone care, about the fact that May still needs you, or that I still need you!". Shaking his head, he continued in the same way "We have Mimi now, and she's great, but she's not the same as you. May needs her real mother, but thanks to your stupidity, she doesn't have her anymore!".

For several moments, he just sat there and cried without saying anything else. Then, he began to calm down as he said more quietly, but with the same amount of bitterness "April, why did you leave me to do this alone? You were always the better parent out of the two of us. You always knew what to do or say when May was upset. You also were always right there for her when she needed you. Compared to you, I'm a royal screw up of a parent. I don't even know why I was allowed to be one,". He stopped when he felt a familiar embrace envelop him from behind.

"That's because you're the best one there is," said the one who gave him the embrace.

Purposefully avoiding making eye contact, Roger replied darkly "Mimi, you don't know the half of it,".

"Oh really?" Mimi questioned. "What don't I know?".

"That some months after April died, I slipped into a deep depression and social withdrawal,".

"And...?".

"And it was so bad that Mark and Maureen had to care for May. I did nothing but neglect her. Oh wait. I also scared her and hurt her because when I wasn't ignoring her, I was yelling at her. I never so much as raised my voice once to her before then...,". He began to cry again, but this time, he did so silently.

"Well, okay, maybe that was bad," Mimi agreed. "But you know what, Roger? That's in the past now. Baby, seeing you now, I never would've guessed that had ever happened, or even could happen. The way you are with her now makes me jealous. You wanna hear about a father who screwed up? Let me tell you about mine,". She paused to take a deep breath before going on. "People never would've guessed my father's true character. He was doing okay financially. I mean, he had his own shop. He also had a wife who loved him, and four healthy children. What more could a man want, right? Well, get this. When I was about nine years old, my mom took the little ones to go visit my grandparents in the big city while I stayed behind to help dad in his shop. So she's gone for a few days and everything's going fine. Or at least it was until I caught my own father screwing my own third grade teacher! I was so pissed at them both that I threatened to tell my mom. It wasn't until my father had beaten me nearly to a blackout that I promised never to tell. And that wasn't the first time something like that happened. I caught him a few times later, and he always beat me, even if I immediately swore not to tell,". She said all this without flinching once, as though this had happened to someone other than herself.

"Mimi, my god, I had no idea!" said Roger, wide-eyed.

Shaking her head, she said "No, no one would. But, Roger, my story is not unique. I've known plenty of people who have had fathers who have done similar things or worse. And most of the people I know who didn't have dads like that had dads who were never there at all. As in they walked out before their kid was even born. And then there are countless fathers who didn't even keep their kids. But you kept yours and stayed, didn't you?".

"Yes, but-,".

"But nothing, Roger. By doing that, you've done better than most fathers out there,".

Roger shrugged. "But that doesn't make me a good dad,".

Mimi turned his head so that she could look directly into his eyes. "Maybe not. But it shows you love her, and loving your kid as much as you love yours makes you an excellent dad. And don't you dare try and tell me you don't love her! You wouldn't fool me! Yeah, maybe you made a mistake or two, but we all do! The biggest mistake you'd be making is not forgiving yourself, especially since May has already forgiven you,". Roger said nothing in response, so she added "Look, you're only hurting yourself right now, but if you keep this up, and you might just hurt May too. You don't wanna do that, do you?".

Roger shook his head. "No, I don't. Mimi, you're right. I have to let it go,".

"Good," said Mimi. She kissed his head, then said "And as far as April not being here goes, well she's missing out on something really great. Two things, actually. You and May are the best things ever, and she's missing out, big time,". She gave him a comforting smile. "I know you guys miss her, and rightfully so, but you need to understand that demanding her return will do no good. She can't come back, so we have to move on,".

The broken man told her "I don't think I can do that,".

Resting her head on his shoulder, she whispered "Then I will help you, just like you're helping me with my drug habit. And like you, I won't give up on you, no matter how frustrated I get,".

He looked at her with teary eyes. "Promise?".

"I promise,". In order to express his gratitude, Roger wrapped Mimi into a tight and loving embrace. They sat there like that for a moment before finally breaking away.

"Where is my daughter?" Roger asked as he stood up. Mimi pointed so that he could see May was sitting on a rock that was just a few yards away, playing with her favorite stuffed bear. He went to her, picked her up, then said "Alright, let's go home,".

"Wait, Daddy, I wanna say something to Mommy, too,".

"Alright," he said as he walked with her back over to the grave while Mimi went to go pack up their picnic. "Go on, baby," he said to May when they got there.

"Put me down, please," she asked. He did so. Then, she said to the gravestone "Happy Birthday, Mommy. I picked this flower for you,". She laid down a small yellow dandelion she had found earlier that day. "I'm gonna leave it here because maybe you can turn into a ghost and take it back to heaven with you. It's a present because it's your birthday and because I miss you. I love you, Mommy,". She stopped, then turned to her daddy and asked "Daddy, I wanna kiss and hug Mommy, but she's not here. Do you think she'll feel it if I kiss and hug this stone?". Roger was so taken by what had just happened that he was on the verge of tears again, so he could only nod. May smiled and said "Yay!". She then gave the tombstone a loving hug and kiss. To it, she said "Bye, Mommy. I'll see you later,". She then stood up and lifted her arms, indicating she wanted to be held. Roger obeyed her wish, and then they walked over to Mimi, who was just about done packing up their picnic.

"Let's go," was all he said before they made their way home.

************************************************************************************************************************April 2, 1990

Dear Journal,

It was nice to visit April's grave again. I was able to get a lot off my chest and I feel more at peace right now than I have in a while. Mimi was totally fine with going along with us to the cemetery, which made me very happy. I needed her there. She kept me from falling completely to pieces.

May did a lot better than me. I didn't see her cry once, but she looked very sad when she realized she had to hug and kiss her mother's tombstone instead of her mother herself. I think that sometimes, she still is trying to understand where her mother went, and why we can't see her anymore. Even though she is pretty smart, death is not something she gets too well. I mean, she is only 6. She shouldn't have even been exposed to death by this age. She's just a kid. No kid should lose anybody they love at such a young age, least of all their mother. I only hope that the virus waits a few years before it takes me, so she can grow up a bit. I think losing the both of us while she is still a little girl will kill her. Besides, it would really be nice if I could watch her grow up, at least until she's eighteen and old enough to take care of herself. Sure, she has Mark, Maureen, Collins, Joanne, Angel, and even Mimi to take care of her (provided they're still around) if something happens to me, but I'd still really like to be there for my little baby. I'd love to do things like teach her to drive, make sure her boyfriends respect her and don't try anything with her until they've committed to her (and until she's 35! I'm willing to sacrifice seeing my grandkids if it means that she has them only when she's ready), or be there the day she graduates, and also make sure she doesn't make the same mistakes I did. Guess that really isn't up to me, though. I might just have to trust that the others will do that for me. I hope they would.

In other news, Mark visited us today and gave us some news on our boho friends that we haven't heard from in a while. Like, for instance, apparently Maureen and Joanne have gotten back together. And not only that, but they're actually getting engaged! They're having some sort of commitment party next week. All three of us are invited. Should be fun.

Let's see. What else? Oh, so I just remembered. Months ago when Maureen had her show, there was a riot that happened on the lot. Apparently Mark got footage of it and later sent it in to this news show called Buzzline. They liked his footage and bought it. Well, I guess they liked it so much that they tried hiring him, and he just accepted. That's good, I say, although he personally feels as if he's sold his soul. He thinks he's become a sell out. I think he's smart for taking the offer. Cash is always a good thing to have. And he'll still have time to work on his film. Speaking of that, it does kind of get annoying with him always pushing a camera in my face. I think I'll have to talk to him about this. I agreed to be in his film, but I didn't agree to have him standing RIGHT BEHIND ME TRYING TO FILM EVERY SINGLE WORD I WRITE!

Roger stopped writing so he could give his filmmaking friend a shove, making him nearly drop his camera in the process.

"Hey!" yelled Mark as he just barely his precious camera. "You almost broke this!".

Shooting Mark a look that showed how much he did not care, Roger said "Well, next time don't violate the personal space,". He drew an invisible box around himself to indicate where this personal space was. "You aren't allowed to come in to my personal space!".

"But I am allowed," said Mimi seductively. She was standing just to the side of him until she stepped in front of him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Of course you are," said Roger with a devilish smile. Mimi stood on her tiptoes and she started kissing him fiercely. Roger growled as he began to fill with desire. He let Mimi's hands grab the hem of his shirt, and he continued to make no objection when she started taking it off him.

"Uh, guys?" Mark interrupted. "You know I want to keep this documentary about the homeless and people with HIV, not about what you two are doing,".

Roger broke away from Mimi, laughed, and then teased "Well then, leave. Or maybe you should stay. After all, this is what some people with HIV like to do,". He resumed the make out session with his girlfriend.

Mark made a face then said "You guys are gross. And mean. Now, thanks to you guys, I've got some editing to do. Bye,". He left the loft as soon as he said that.

This time, Mimi broke away and laughed as she said "Well, it didn't take too long to get rid of him, did it?".

Roger pouted. "Do we have to stop now that's he gone?".

"Nope," said Mimi as she locked lips with him again.

The two of them were making their way towards the bedroom when May came in the living room. She must have been thoroughly confused by what she saw. She tilted her head and asked "Daddy, what are you doing? Why are you carrying Mimi like that? And why is your shirt off? It's cold in here!".

Alarmed, Roger whispered to Mimi "Shit! I forgot she was still awake. I'm sorry,". Mimi pretended to go to sleep, so Roger played along and said "Oh... well, uh... May, well, Mimi was sleepy and she wanted me to carry her to bed. Shh! See? She's sleeping now. And, it's your bedtime too. Go on, get in bed. I'll be there soon to kiss you good night,".

"But, Daddy, why is your shirt off?".

He thought quickly. "Because, Peanut, it's kind of hot in here,".

May crossed her arms and said "No, it's not. It's chilly!".

"Well, maybe my body's thermometer is broken, because I'm hot," he said with a small smile.

"What's a furmomater?" May inquired.

"I'll tell you later. Just go to bed, little one," said Roger patiently. As she scurried off to her room, Roger entered his own with Mimi still pretending to sleep in his arms. He placed her on the bed, and once she opened her eyes, he said to her with a chuckle "Sorry, but Daddy-duty calls,".

With a smirk, she answered "That's alright. I'll be right here waiting,". Roger left the room thinking about how grateful he was that Mimi, despite not being an actual parent herself, was still so understanding and patient with these kinds of things.

************************************************************************************************************************The morning sun soon rose and shone its light into the bedroom. Some of its rays shone into Roger's face, causing him to wake up. He opened his eyes and looked at the clock. It read 6:30 A.M. Roger smiled to himself because this meant he did not have to get up and get May ready for school for about another fifteen minutes. He could hear Mimi's slow and steady breathing right beside him, and he turned to face her. She was still asleep, so he stole the chance to look at her bare body. No, he was not doing it for reasons that one might think. She had been looking slightly ill lately, and he just wanted to see what the matter was; and since he could not really tell what was going on when she was wearing clothes, now was his opportunity to do so. Slowly, so as not to wake her, he pulled back the covers. The sight that he saw caused him to sigh. Mimi's ribs were even more prominent now than they had been a few days ago. Now I have to make sure you're eating? Roger thought to himself. Damn, you're lucky I love you, Meems. He blinked back a few tears, and then took a look at her arms to see if there were any track marks. He was relieved to not find any. At least you didn't sneak out on me and shoot up, thought he. He checked the rest of her body and there was nothing else that he could see that was wrong with her, and this made him very glad. Still, her prominent ribs made her look very frail, so he instinctively wrapped his strong arms around her to protect her. Then, he buried his face in her hair and began to gently kiss her neck.

He continued this until she began to stir. Her eyes fluttered open, and he started to caress her cheek with his hand. "Morning, beautiful," he said.

"Morning, babe" mumbled Mimi in response.

Roger felt her shiver, and he looked down to see that he had not yet pulled the covers back up. He frowned and pulled them back up.

Raising her eyebrow, Mimi asked "Babe, were you looking at me when I was sleeping?".

Roger's cheeks turned red. "N-No. I mean, yes, but not because of that," he stammered. "I just noticed you've been looking sick lately, and I wanted to see what was wrong,".

Mimi said thoughtfully "Hmmm, well I haven't been shooting up,".

"And you haven't been eating, either. Mimi, your ribs are showing!" Roger said flatly.

"I've always been a tiny girl," she said matter-of-factly.

"Yes, but not like this," he responded, concerned. He took her hand and pressed it to her ribs to show her what he meant. "You're becoming just skin and bones, Meems. I don't wanna see you like this. You need to eat,".

"I'm sorry, babe, but it's not me. It's my boss. He said he'd fire me if I didn't lose some weight,".

"My god, that guy is an ass! There's nothing wrong with you,".

"That may be true, babe, but he seems to think there is,".

"Well, I don't care if you get fired! I won't let you starve yourself!" Roger said heatedly. He kissed her cheek, then added "Besides, I don't think he can fire you. You're the sexiest dancer in there, and it makes me sick to say it, but you bring in the most money from the patrons and he needs you,".

Mimi laughed at this and said "You're cute when you care,".

"Mimi, I'm serious. I won't let you do this to yourself. I can't lose you too,". He closed his eyes tightly in an attempt to stop his oncoming tears.

Mimi's face grew serious, and she brushed his cheek with her hand as she told him "Alright, Roger, if it really matters to you, then I won't listen to him,". She sealed her promise with a hug. After the embrace, she said to him "Love, your daughter needs to get to school,".

Roger immediately got up to get ready, but not before giving his girlfriend one last kiss on the forehead and saying "Okay, I'll go. But when I get back, I'm making you a big sandwich and you are going to eat it all, okay?".

"Okay, Rog," Mimi said with a smile. Roger then finished getting ready and left.

************************************************************************************************************************A few days passed, and then came Saturday. This day found the Davis-Marquez household getting ready for a party. May, in particular, had put on her favorite Cinderella-like dress that Angel and Mimi had bought her, and she was now currently getting her hair straightened by Mimi. May did not really understand the nature of this party, so she asked Mimi "Mimi, why are Auntie Maureen and Auntie Joanne having a fancy party?".

"Because, sweetie, they're getting engaged," said Mimi as she ran the straightener through another section of hair. May winced a little when the straightener grazed her skin. "Oh, sorry, May. Didn't mean to burn you,".

"It's okay," said May sincerely. Then she said "Mimi, what does 'engaged' mean?".

"It means that they want to get married," Mimi answered.

"What does 'married' mean?" asked the very curious six year old.

"Oh, that's right. Your parents weren't married and you probably don't really know anyone who is," Mimi mumbled, more to herself. Then, she spoke up, saying "Um, you like Cinderella right?".

"Yeah! She's my favorite princess!".

"Do you remember how at the end of the movie, she was with the prince and she was in a carriage and she was in a pretty white dress and they kissed?".

"Yeah," said May, who was wondering what this had to do with her question.

"Well, she was dressed in a pretty dress because she was getting married to the prince. When you get married, you go to a place like a church and you dress up real fancy. Then you go with your true love and you stand in front of a bunch of people and you make a promise to always love each other and take care of each other. It's like a really fancy party and it's fun," Mimi explained.

"Oh," said May. "But Auntie Maureen and Auntie Joanne aren't getting married, you said. You said they're getting engaged. What does that mean?".

Mimi said "All that means is that they're having a party because they want to get married, but they can't get married right now,".

May cocked her head and asked "Why?".

Before answering her, Mimi made her neck straight again and told her "Don't move your head,". Then, as she continued to straighten May's hair, she said "I can't really tell you that until you're older, sweetie. You wouldn't really understand,".

May pouted. She hated being told she was too little to understand things. She could too understand things! She was the smartest in her class! Mimi noticed her facial expression, so she put down the straightener and asked "Hey, what's that face? Huh?". She then tickled the young girl until she laughed, then said "C'mon, girlie. Let's get your shoes on. Your dad's gonna be in here any minute to rush us out of here,". And sure enough,as soon as May finished putting her shoes on, her daddy walked in there, telling the two girls it was time to go.

"Daddy, carry me!" said the little girl, her arms outstretched to reach her daddy.

"Oh, Peanut, I can't today. My shoulder is killing me. I must've done something to it when I carried my stuff to my gig yesterday," said Daddy as he rubbed his shoulder. May gave him the puppy dog look, but it did not work on him this time. "I'm sorry, May, but I just can't do it today,".

"I'll carry you, linda," Mimi offered.

"Okay," said May, not completely disappointed. She really liked Mimi now, so she did not mind being carried by her as much as she used to. Still, Daddy always carried her the best. He knew just where to hold her in a way that made her feel comfortable and secure, so she was a little disappointed by the fact that he could not hold her today.

But, she cheered up immediately when Daddy came and kissed her on the cheek as he told her "That's my girl,". Mimi then stooped down to get her, and when she had her, May realized that Mimi was not so bad at holding her as she thought she would be. She was actually quite comfortable in Mimi's arms.

"Now we need to hurry and catch the subway if we wanna get to the party on time," said Daddy as he ushered the other two out the door.

Within no time, the three of them arrived at the restaurant where the engagement party was. May immediately let go of her father's hand when some of her favorite people came into view. She immediately dashed to them, squealing happily "Uncle Collins! Angel! Uncle Mark! Hi!".

All of them turned to her, and each greeted her. Then they argued over who would get to hug her first. May thought this was funny so she laughed and let them go on for a few moments, before finally choosing Angel, who said sassily "See? I told you I was her favorite!". She gave May a tight squeeze, then an Eskimo kiss, and then stood back to take a good look at her. "My, my, girlfriend, you look absolutely gorgeous in that dress! I wonder which kind person gave you it?" said Angel with a wink.

"You did, Angel! You did!" May chuckled.

Angel raised an eyebrow and asked "Oh I did, did I?". May nodded, still laughing.

"Hey, Angel, can I say hello to my niece now?" asked Uncle Collins.

"Sure thing, honey," Angel answered.

Uncle Collins then stepped in and quickly picked up the little girl and spun her around, kissing her on the forehead. "How's my favorite niece?".

"Good!" said May.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. You know, your daddy promised he'd take you to see us more often. And you've only visited us like, what? Once, Roger?".

Daddy said "Hey! It's not my fault! I've been really busy between my various gigs and taking care of both Mimi and May,".

Uncle Collins rolled his eyes and said "Yeah, yeah, like I haven't heard that one before,". He put May back down on the ground, in order to let her hug Uncle Mark.

"Hey, May, do you think you could give a twirl for the camera so I can show the folks at home how beautiful you look in your dress?" asked Uncle Mark when the hug was over. May nodded and he filmed her as she gave a wonderful twirl. "Wow, you look just like a princess," said Uncle Mark.

May grinned and said "Thank you!". Then she asked no one in particular "Where's Auntie Maureen and Auntie Joanne?".

"Right here, cutie pie!" called Auntie Maureen, who popped up right behind May, with her arm linked with Auntie Joanne's.

"Auntie Mo!" May said excitedly. She then politely greeted Auntie Joanne, but she immediately attached herself to her favorite aunt, who hoisted the little girl onto her hip. "I missed you, Auntie Mo-mo!".

"I missed you too, muffin! How've you been?".

"Good!"

"Great! Getting along with Mimi?".

"Yeah! We're friends now!".

"Really?" asked Auntie Maureen, who was genuinely surprised. May and Mimi both nodded. "Well, hurray! I'm glad!".

Auntie Joanne politely interrupted by saying "Honey bear, we should go sit down now. They're about to serve the food,".

"Okay, pookie,". And then, all the guests sat down at their tables.

Of course, May was seated right in between her father and Mimi at the start of the dinner. And while the meal went on, she stayed in her seat, as was expected. But when dessert came, Daddy gave her permission to go and talk to her aunts and uncles and play with them, just so long as she was not too loud and did not run around. She immediately went over to Auntie Maureen and Auntie Joanne, and gave them the card she had worked on earlier. It said: Dear Auntie Mo and Auntie Joanne. I am happy you two love each other and I hope you will always love each other. Love, May.

"Aww, what a sweetheart!" said Auntie Joanne, who began to play with May's hair.

"Yeah! Thanks, sweet stuff!" said Auntie Maureen. "Don't worry; I'll always love this lady right here!". She blew Auntie Joanne a kiss. A few other adults that May did not know came to talk to the two women. She could tell that those adults were going to be there for a while, so she went to go see Angel, who was at that point sipping some tea.

May got the idea to sneak up behind Angel and scare her, just for some laughs. She snuck her way to Angel's chair, without making a single sound. Soon, she at Angel's chair, and she crouched down real low. Then, it was time to pounce, but just as she was about to do so, Angel suddenly turned around and said "Boo!".

"Ahhh!" May screamed. Her drag queen friend had caught her completely by surprise.

Angel laughed and said "I've told you, May, you can't mess with the master of scaring!". She then started to attack the little girl's stomach with tickles. May giggled loudly in response.

"Stop, please!" she begged, in between her giggles.

"You have to say sorry first," Angel insisted.

"I'm sorry, Angel! I'm sorry!".

Angel ceased tickling her. "That's a good girl," she said.

"Angel, can you teach me how to be a better scared?" asked May.

"Well, not right now, because right now's not the time for that. But, maybe later?".

"Okay," said May, who was a bit disappointed. She did not really like to wait.

"Oh come on, girlfriend. Don't be sad! Come here," said Angel as she picked May up and placed her on her lap. She looked at May and asked "Better?". May nodded. Then Angel began talking with Uncle Collins, and May sat there quietly on her best friend's lap. Eventually, she got sleepy, so she rested her head against Angel's shoulder. Soon, she was fast asleep. She slept for a little while, and was only woken up by the sound of Auntie Joanne and Auntie Maureen yelling at each other.

The first thing May heard when she woke up was Auntie Maureen yelling to Auntie Joanne "Baby, I love you! But, you are a control freak, a snob-yet-over-attentive, and anal retentive woman! I can't handle this anymore! You know that boys and girls are always flirting with me! It's not my fault! I still love you, pookie, and it's you who takes me home! Please! Accept me for who I am!". She attempted to throw herself at Auntie Joanne, and asked her "Kiss, pookie?".

"No!" exclaimed Auntie Joanne. "Honey bear, I love you too, but you're a hot mess that I just can't deal with anymore! I like lists, order, commitment, and you don't like any of those things! I can't stand this any longer! I can't believe that at our own engagement party, you go and start flirting with the waitress! You know I hate that! You know it! It's not fair! All I ask for you is some commitment, because I need it!You won't accept me for who I am!".

Auntie Maureen threw her hands up in the air. "Fine, then! We're done!".

"Fine!" huffed Auntie Joanne.

Auntie Joanne stormed out after that, but Auntie Maureen went over to the table May and the rest of her closest friends were sitting at, then sighed as she said "She's such a-" but May could not hear the rest of what Auntie Maureen had to say because Angel quickly covered her ears.

When Auntie Maureen stopped talking, Angel released May's ears, leaving her free to ask the drama queen "Auntie Mo, why were you yelling at Auntie Joanne?". The young girl asked this with a hint of fear in her voice. She was not used to hearing people yell, and so she was frightened whenever she did.

While not looking directly at her, Auntie Maureen said "Because Joanne is a such a pain in the-". She stopped suddenly, looked at her, then added "tush".

Not really understanding, May further inquired "What did she do?".

"She likes to tell me what to do," said Auntie Maureen bitterly. "But, it's okay now. I won't be seeing her anymore,".

"Why?" asked May, who still did not understand.

"Because we've broken up,".

"What does that mean, Auntie Mo-mo?".

"It means that we hate each other now,". She said that without a hitch.

May made a big frown. "But, you just promised me you'd always love each other!".

Her aunt said coldly "Yeah, well get used to people breaking promises, kid. All throughout your life, people are just gonna break promises and break your heart. If someone promises that they'll always love you, don't believe them for a second. More than likely, they're lying and they just want to-,".

"That's enough, Maureen!" interjected Daddy, who had just joined the conversation. "Can't you see the way you're talking to her is making her upset?". It was true. Auntie Maureen's harsh and bitter tone was causing May to cry a little. She was not used to this side of her favorite aunt.

"What? I was just trying to spare her some heartache. The sooner she learns, the better,".

Daddy was getting angry; that much May could tell. He was very red in the face. He pulled Auntie Maureen aside to talk to her. Meanwhile, Angel was able to calm May down by playing a game of tic tac toe with her.

************************************************************************************************************************Roger had had a funny feeling that Joanne and Maureen's commitment to each other would not last too long. He knew Maureen all too well. She was too flirtatious to stay in one relationship for too long. He was truly surprised that her relationship with Mark lasted two years. He thought that maybe Mark had changed the wild woman. But, that theory was proven wrong when the drama queen left the filmmaker for the lawyer. And after meeting Joanne, Roger knew that that relationship would not last too long either. Maureen's overly flirtatious personality would clash with Joanne's structured and committed lifestyle. Thus, he was hardly surprised at all when the two of them began arguing, even if it was at their engagement party. He actually found it a bit amusing, as did the rest of his friends, apparently. They were all trying to hide their giggles. Except for Mark. Mark was giving Joanne a look that said "See? I told you she doesn't commit...,". But he was not doing that out of spite or anger. In fact, he looked like he felt sorry for Joanne. He also looked hurt, as if he was reliving his own breakup with Maureen. Roger felt bad for his friend, so he put his arm around him to cheer him up. Mark smiled at him appreciatively. Then, all of the bohos watched as the argument escalated into a full blown scream off. The two women were so loud that they woke up May from her nap. Roger grew kind of pissed at that. He knew that May did not react too well to people arguing, and it broke his heart to see his daughter's face fall as she watched the mismatched lovers fight.

After the argument had reached its end, Roger watched as Joanne stormed out of the restaurant, with Collins following right behind her, no doubt to talk to her or at least console her. But Roger himself made his way towards his daughter because she would no doubt be confused and upset by all this and she would want him there to explain it to her and probably comfort her too. However, when he got there, he found Maureen was already doing that for him. But Roger did not like the way Maureen was speaking to her. Her tone was cold and bitter, which was not how May needed to be spoken to right now. He expressed his chagrin to Maureen, but she brushed it off, with her excuse sounding something like May needed to know that life is not a bed of roses or something. Roger's cheeks burned red, but he kept his cool for the most part as he led Maureen away from the others to talk with her privately. Once they were alone, he said to her sensitively "Look, Mo, I know you're heartbroken. I'm sure you were just being friendly with that waitress and maybe Joanne overreacted. But, do you have to take it out on May? I mean, she is only six years old, and she's already been through more than what she should ever have to go through. She found her mother bleeding out on the bathroom floor, remember? And also, she probably won't have me around for very long either. Besides, she doesn't understand relationships, especially not problems like this,".

Maureen rolled her eyes as she said "Roger, I'm not stupid, okay? I know exactly what she's been through. I was there for it. But, you wanna know what you're problem is, Rog?". She poked him in the chest. "You try too hard to protect her. You can't protect her from everything. One of these days, she's gonna get hurt. The sooner she realizes that that's life, the better. And the sooner you realize you can't shield her from it all, the better off you'll be,".

At this, Roger was extremely livid. Maureen had just attacked a part of his personality that was deeply rooted inside him. He had half a mind to curse her out, or slap her, but his mother had raised him better than that. So instead, he replied coolly "Alright, Maureen, maybe you're right. But, I'm her daddy, and I feel it's my job as such to protect her. My dad was never around to do that for me, and look what happened. I'll be lucky to reach thirty,". He added emphasis to this point by rolling up his sleeve and pointing out the track mark scars.

His words made an impression on Maureen. "Okay, I guess I can understand that. I wouldn't want my kid to do the same shit you and April did,". Roger tensed up at the sound of his ex's name. He must have done so visibly, for Maureen placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. She said to him, sympathetically "I'm sorry, Roger. I was being inconsiderate just then,".

Roger forced himself to relax as he said "No, it's alright. She and I screwed up big time, and that was completely our fault. And it's her fault she's not here,".

Maureen gave him a sad smile as she said "Yeah, it is. But, look on the bright side. At least you have Mimi now,". Roger only nodded. His anger ebbed a bit and he did not really feel like talking to Maureen anymore, so he excused himself. All he wanted to do now was go home, since he was now emotionally spent. He went to Angel and May, and made sure to thank Angel for watching his daughter and spending time with her before taking her away from the drag queen. He then quickly located Mimi. Once she was found, the three of them headed home.

************************************************************************************************************************June 10, 1990

Dear Journal,

It's been some time since I've written in here, but I'm really bored right now and my guitar's being a pain in the ass because it won't tune for some reason so I'll write some stuff down. I talked to my mother the other day for the first time in weeks. She asked how all of us, even my friends, were doing (which is a little odd, I thought, but I guess since she hasn't seen any of us or heard from us since May's seventh birthday, she was curious).Told her we're doing good here, which is pretty true, for the most part. And when I say she asked about all of us, I mean it.

She asked about Angel.I told her that she's fine and has been healthy, which is true, but who knows how long that'll last. I mean, AIDS is a nasty thing, and highly unpredictable.

Naturally after this, my mom wanted to know about me and my health. That was probably her real reason for calling in the first place, but maybe she didn't want me to feel singled out. Anyways, I told her I'm fine. Honestly, health-wise, I am. I've been taking my AZT religiously everyday, and I just went to the doctor's a week ago, and they say my T cells look fine, as does everything else. That's great news. But, my mom is a worrier, and she asked me if I had any plans for May in case something happened to me in the near future. I told her that since Mark is her godfather, he'd be responsible for her. That, though, hurt my mom's feelings. She said she felt it should be her taking care of May in the event that happens, but I told her that when I go, the last thing May will need is to be uprooted from her home and all her friends to go live in a city far away. Thank god my mother understood that and dropped the matter afterwards. Conversations like that really upset me. I know my mom means well, but twenty-seven year olds don't like to be reminded that they might not make it to next year, especially if they have kids.

Mark's been good. He still is at his Buzzline job, which he hates, but at least he's making money. He's also still working on his film, but I think he's hit a creative block. I haven't seen him with his camera as much as I used to.

Mom also asked about Collins, who I said is good too. He and Angel are still happily living together and are still so in love with each other. Actually, Collins was over one day, and after we complained about life here in New York, he revealed that his dream is to go to Santa Fe and open a restaurant there, and he wanted us all to go with him. Mimi and I said he was crazy, because New York is just one of those places that, no matter how much it sucks, you can't ever really leave it. There's too much to love about it. But, he brushed off our comments, saying "Hey, one can dream, right?".

Joanne and Maureen are by this point still separated. Joanne still lives in her own apartment, and Mo moved in with one of her cousins or something. The both of them have been over to visit, but they always come separately. It's kind of sad because they both still love and miss each other, but they refuse to talk to each other. Mimi and Angel have been trying to get them to talk, but I stay out of it. My relationship has its own problems; I don't need anyone else's.

Oh, Mimi hasn't been using. At least, not that I know of. But she's been looking really ill again. I don't know what to do. I want to help her, but nothing I do seems to be working. I'm... I'm so scared of losing her, and I just have this feeling that out of the two of us, she'll be the first to go. I-I can't do that again. Not again. And I don't think May could either. Despite her problems, Mimi has really become an excellent step-mother for May. Recently, Mimi's been pretty helpful in helping me with May. I mean, I haven't really left the two of them alone because I don't quite trust her alone with May yet, but she's been helpful still because she's helped her with homework, and getting her ready for things like school and all, and she loves playing with her. They've become good friends. Actually, a few days ago when Mimi was at work, May came up to me asked if Mimi and I were ever going to get married (because apparently Mimi explained to her what getting married means) and she also asked me if we were ever going to give her a little brother or sister, because apparently she kind of wants one. I was really caught off guard with this one. All I could say to her was "Maybe someday...,". I couldn't give her a straight answer. I mean, in an ideal world, I would love to do both of those things. Besides April, Mimi is the only person I've ever dreamed of settling down and raising a family with. But I don't know if this is something she would want, or something that would even be possible, with both of us having HIV. I know I'd have a hard time living with myself if I knew I gave my children this deadly virus, and the chances of that happening are great.

Roger's shoulders began to tense up, and they got to the point where he could not write anymore, so he closed his journal and put it away. And then he began to do what he always did when he had a lot on his mind- pace. He must have paced his room about twenty times before Mimi walked in. The Latina was dressed in only a bathrobe, as she had just gotten out of the shower. Roger gave her a good look over, before chuckling and telling her "You know you're teasing me,".

Mimi faked innocence and said "Who? Me? Why, I was just coming in here to get my clothes on. Didn't know you were in here,".

"Come on, Meems, you think I'd fall for that? You could've just brought your clothes with you into the bathroom,".

Mimi drew closer to him and she began to tease him further by whipping her bathrobe tie around as she said "Yeah, but that wouldn't be as fun, now would it?".

Roger smirked and conceded "No, it wouldn't,". He leaned in to kiss her, but pulled away at the last moment, asking "May's asleep, right?". Mimi nodded, so Roger grinned devilishly while saying "Well then...,". And then their lips crashed together.

Suddenly, though, Mimi pulled away. She said softly "Baby, you're so tense. What's the matter?".

"Nothing, Meems," fibbed Roger as he tried to kiss her again.

Mimi, however, was not convinced. She carefully pushed him away and asked again "No, Roger, what's wrong?".

Roger sighed. He did not want to let her know how worried he was about her health. He was afraid that somehow that news would upset her, because maybe it would just remind her of how fragile her health was. Most times Mimi was a strong and proud woman, and she would not want her pride hurt by the reminder of her inevitably early death. So he thought up a lie as quickly as he could. "Well, it's just that I have this gig coming up tonight, and Angel is supposed to watch her, but she can't come until a half hour past the time my gig starts,". This was not a total lie. He did have a gig that night. However, Angel would have been there on time.

After thinking for a moment, Mimi said "Hmm, well maybe I could babysit May for that half hour?".

"Mimi, I don't know...," began Roger. He knew he should not be letting this lie continue, but he still preferred to not let her know the real reason for his worry.

Mimi interrupted "Oh, it will be great, Roger! She and I can have some girl time. I could take her out for some ice cream or something,".

"Mimi," said Roger "I just don't know if I can trust you alone with her,". His girlfriend looked a little hurt and confused, so he explained gently "It's just, and don't take this the wrong way, but your record hasn't been this cleanest,".

The Latina put her hands on her hips. "Hey! I've been trying! And I haven't used in like two months!" she said defensively.

"I know, I know," admitted the songwriter.

"So, don't you think I should get the chance to prove myself? I mean, I've been nothing but responsible with her anyway,".

Roger sighed. She was right. She had always been very responsible with his daughter. Maybe I should give her a chance. That would make her very happy, wouldn't it? After a few more moments of debating the issue with himself, he finally said "Alright, Meems. You can take her out for some ice cream. But, don't take her out for more than fifteen minutes, and come back here immediately, okay? Then Angel will be here to take over for you,". Mimi nodded in understanding. "Mimi, promise me. No more than fifteen minutes,".

"I promise," said Mimi sincerely.

Roger breathed a sigh of relief and said "Good. Thank you,". Then, he smirked as he grabbed her chin. "Now, I think we were about here," he said before kissing her with much passion.

As the day drew on, Roger became more hesitant to let Mimi take his little girl out. He could not help but feel that this was going to be a mistake. What if Mimi was just using May for something? Her drug dealer, The Man, had always had a thing for little girls... Roger nearly threw up when thoughts of what The Man might do to his daughter came to mind, but he immediately pushed those thoughts away when he realized that Mimi would never do something like that. She may try to score smack, but she would never do so at the expense of a little girl's innocence.

Then Roger thought about all the ways May could get injured or killed, and he almost called it all off. But, he remembered that so far, Mimi had always been very careful with his child, and so he realized that she had not recently given him any good reason to mistrust her. She had been clean for a little while now. Also, when he saw the excitement on May's face when she found out she was getting ice cream, he found he could not say no.

When the time came, the three of them left the loft at the same time, and since their destinations were on the same path, they walked together. The ice cream shop was the first stop. Before leaving, Roger picked May up, kissed her on the cheek, then told her to behave. He also kissed Mimi on the cheek, but not before saying "Remember, Meems, I'm trusting you with my baby. Please bring her back to me in one piece,".

Mimi stroked his cheek. "Roger, don't worry. She'll be fine," she assured.

Nodding, Roger kissed her chastely on the lips, and then turned to go to the club that his gig was at.

Some minutes later, Roger found himself at his gig, performing a couple of hit songs of the day. But his hands must have been playing of their own accord, for his mind was preoccupied with worry for Mimi and May. Every so often, he glanced at the clock on the wall, counting down until thirty minutes had been up and he could breathe again. Thirty minutes is how long Mimi and May had to be alone until Angel came. He prayed nothing would happen in those thirty minutes.

Time seemed to be moving extremely slow that day, and the worry was making Roger sick, so he tried to distract himself. He scanned the crowd in an effort to drown out his worry. But people watching was not all that interesting tonight- many of the patrons were either so sober that they were no fun to watch, or so drunk that they were passed out cold and therefore just as boring to watch as the sober patrons. So then Roger tried pushing his worry away by watching people put money into his tip jar. By his count, the money he was earning so far would buy a few meals or so, which was not too bad. He glanced at the clock again. It was now forty minutes passed, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

However, he breathed too soon, for immediately after, the main entrance to the bar was kicked wide open, and Roger's drag queen friend burst through and called out to him, but he did not need to hear her words; the look in her eye told him everything. Something was wrong.

The songwriter could tell by Angel's disheveled state that whatever had happened was an emergency, so he hurriedly excused himself, jumped off the stage, and walked quickly to his friend, all without packing up his gear first. "Angel, what are you doing here?" he asked.

Angel was out of breath from her rush over to the club, so she all she could say was "Roger... May... car...hospital,".

"Wh-what?" Roger said because he could not believe his ears. He refused to believe that he had just heard the words "May", "car", and "hospital" in the same sentence.

Angel gained control of her breathing. "Roger, something happened. M-May... she got hit by a car!".

It was a very fortunate thing that Roger had not been holding anything fragile in his hands at that moment, else he surely would have dropped and broken it. He actually went weak in the knees, and he had to grab hold of a chair to keep from ending up on the floor. He felt nauseous, and his voice shook and cracked as he asked "Is she... Did the car kill...?". He could not even bring himself to finish that question.

"I don't know for sure. I don't really know what happened at all," Angel answered honestly. "Mimi phoned me as soon as she called the ambulance, but she was still in shock, so she did not speak very clearly. All I know is that May was hit by a car and is now at the hospital,".

"Take me to her," was all Roger could manage to say before fear and worry constricted his vocal cords. He and Angel then practically ran all the way to the hospital, which thankfully was only a few blocks away. As Roger sprinted as fast as he could, he kept praying in his mind Oh, god, please let my baby be alive. I don't care if she's badly banged up. I just need her to be alive, please.

************************************************************************************************************************The first thing May noticed when she opened her eyes was a very bright light. The light was warm and inviting; that is, it was until she realized it was causing her head to pound. Tears fell down her face as a result of the intense headache she was suffering, and she let out a small whimper.

"Good. You're awake now," said a person whose voice May did not recognize. She dared to peek at the stranger. He unnerved her a bit, because between his long white coat and small square glasses, he had an almost cold and unfamiliar aura. He strode to her side, and peered over the rims of his glasses as he asked very calmly "Do you remember your first and last name, little girl?". He was holding a clipboard and pen, ready to make observations on her.

May slowly opened her eyes completely. "I'm May Davis," she said, suspicious of the stranger's desire to know her name.

The stranger smiled and said "That's right, May. Now, do you know where you are?". The little girl shook her head, and winced from the throbbing that came as a result. "You should mind your head, May. You were in an accident, and you're in the hospital,". The stranger extended his hand for her to shake, and he said "My name is Dr. Madden. Now, May, tell me, how are you feeling?".

May tried to take his hand, but her arm would not move, and it hurt when tried to move it. "Ah, be careful," Dr. Madden warned "Your radius has been fractured in multiple places,". The little girl shot him a quizzical look, so he explained calmly "Your arm is broken very badly. See how black and blue it is?". He showed her the bruises on her right arm.

May naturally was scared by this news, and she found that she needed to see one particular familiar face at this moment. "Where's my daddy?" she asked.

Dr. Madden's smile fell. "I'm afraid that doesn't answer my question, May. How are you feeling?".

May repeated very anxiously "Where's my daddy? I need him,".

But Dr. Madden seemed to ignore her. He said "Now, May, if you're in any pain at all, I can have a cast put on your arm, and I can also give you some medicine through that IV, ". He pointed to the needle that was sticking into her arm. The sight of the needle and its attached tube protruding from her vein frightened May very much, and she let out a small scream. "Now, now," said Dr. Madden soothingly, "It's alright. That IV is in there to make you feel better. In just a minute, we'll put some medicine in, and the pain will be gone,".

"No! I want Daddy!" May insisted. "I want my daddy! Where is he? I need him!".

Dr. Madden sighed and shook his head. "I'm afraid we don't know where your daddy is. Perhaps he is on his way?".

May's bottom lip quivered "B-But, I'm s-scared, and I w-want him to h-hold me,". She was crying loudly now.

"Well, I'm sure he'll do that once he's here," was all Dr. Madden said before leaving May all alone in that foreboding hospital room.

************************************************************************************************************************Roger could probably have easily beaten any Olympic runner in his dash to the hospital, such was his speed. When he arrived in the hospital's lobby, he wasted no time getting to the desk and telling the lady behind the glass "I need to see a May Davis, please, ma'am,". His friend Angel, who had just come in after him, stood a little ways off to the side. She was still dressed in drag and probably did not want to make the lady uncomfortable.

The lady behind the glass was having a not-so-private conversation with her co-workers, and apparently they were chattering away about things like their ex-boyfriends, the cute doctors in the office, and their bad one night stands. Only in Alphabet City..., thought Roger as he rolled his eyes. He did not have time for this. He tapped on the glass to gain the attention of the lady behind it. At first, she turned and glared at him, but then she must have found herself strongly attracted to his fit physique, for she eyed him up and down several times, barely concealing her lust. She laughed airily then asked as she bridged her hands together and balanced her chin on her interlaced fingers "Can I help you, sir?".

Roger huffed, then repeated with forced patience "I need to visit a patient. May Davis? She was just brought in here a minute ago,". The lady looked clueless as to who he was talking about, so he began to describe his daughter. "She's only seven, and small for her age. About 3'5" and 40 pounds. She has brown eyes and blonde curly hair?".

"Ah, yes," said the lady behind the glass who was still trying to be flirty and seductive, much to Roger's frustration. She began to search a filing cabinet, and when she found the folder she wanted, she pulled it out. After examining it, she smiled and said "Alright, sir, we do have a May Davis on file here. And... you're right, she was just admitted. She's being seen by Dr. Louis Madden,".

"Good, great," said Roger. "I'd like to go see her now,".

The lady shook her head. "I'm sorry, sir, but only blood relatives and/or emergency contacts are allowed in at this time," said she in a falsely cheerful tone. She batted her eyes and leaned forward, no doubt to show her low neckline.

Roger smiled smugly. "Well it's a good thing I happen to be both. My name is Roger Davis. I'm May's emergency contact... and father,". He added some emphasis on that last word because he knew that his revelation of his paternity would cause this lady's interest in him to plummet. And thankfully it did, for he was really starting to get heated. There he was standing, worried about his kid, not even knowing if she was alive, and this lady was wasting his time by trying to get with him.

The lady shot him a death glare, as if he just was not allowed to be there, asking her to do her job and as if his sole purpose in life was to be her next trophy. But, she quickly put on her happy face again. "Christine, could you call Dr. Madden out? We have a parent who is requesting a status on a patient," she called out to the girl behind her. The girl named Christine did as she was told, and within a minute or two, she was finished. Roger then was instructed by the young assistant to go and take a seat while waiting for the doctor.

As Roger turned to go take a seat, Angel came up to him and whispered "What was that all about?".

Roger shrugged and said "She wanted to get into my pants,".

Angel gasped as she shook her head and said "How terrible!".

Sliding into his seat, Roger concurred "Yeah, when we're done here, I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the head of the hospital concerning the level of immaturity amongst the staff members here,". Then he hunched over, closed his eyes, and began to bounce his knee, anxiously awaiting the doctor.

Not too long after, a doctor with a long white coat and small square glasses entered the room, checked his clipboard, then asked "Is there a Roger Davis?". Roger immediately shot up and went right to the doctor, with Angel following close behind.

"That's me," he said, bouncing anxiously on the balls of his feet.

The doctor smiled and extended his hand, saying "Hello, I am Dr. Madden,".

Roger took his hand and nodded. He then resumed bouncing on the balls of his feet. Dr. Madden smiled warmly and said "You can relax, Mr. Davis. May is alive,". Never had Roger felt so much relief as in that moment. Hearing that he had not just lost his precious treasure made him so happy that he started to cry. Angel offered him her shoulder to release his emotions on to as Dr. Madden took a few steps back to give him a moment.

After taking time to collect himself, Roger asked Dr. Madden tentatively "C-Can I see her?".

Dr. Madden nodded and said "Of course you can. She's actually been asking for you, actually. But, I have to warn you,". Roger braced himself for the worst. "Her accident was kind of rough. She suffered a head injury, which caused her to black out-,".

"A head injury?!" Roger blurted out, alarmed.

"A relatively minor one," said the doctor calmly. "From what we can see, she has only suffered a concussion. She also has a badly broken arm, but we have fitted that with a cast now,". He sighed, then continued "We will, however, have to keep her here overnight, because she blacked out and got a concussion. We need to monitor her for twenty-four hours, then you can take her home,".

Roger frowned and furrowed his brow. "Will I be able to stay with her? I don't think she would really like staying in the hospital by herself,".

Dr. Madden gave him a sympathetic look. Then, shaking his head, he answered "Mr. Davis, I'm afraid that as May is not a long term patient, you are not authorized to stay with her past visiting hours,". Roger hung his head, and Dr. Madden responded "I'm really sorry, Mr. Davis, but's policy,".

Angel was being thoughtful when she told Roger "Then I will go and get you a room at the nearest way, you won't have to be as far away from her like if you were to go home,".

The songwriter looked at his friend, and said "Thank you, Angel, but you don't have to do that,".

Angel waved his comment away, saying "Of course I do, Rog! And it will be my pleasure!". And before Roger could protest, she spun on her toe and swiftly made her way out the door.

"Come on, Mr. Davis," said Dr. Madden. "Your little girl wants to see you,".

As the two of them walked down the halls to get to May's room, as question popped in Roger's head, and he asked it aloud to the doctor "Dr. Madden, do you know exactly what happened in that accident?".

Dr. Madden frowned. "No, I'm afraid I don't know much about that. The woman who brought your daughter in here was in hysterics and she could not get a whole lot of information out. And the gentleman she was with was so in shock that he would not speak at all,".

That last sentence felt like a punch in the gut. Wide-eyed, Roger asked "Wait, what gentleman?". There was only one person who could be that "gentleman", and he would be the last person Roger ever wanted to see. But the doctor could not confirm Roger's hunch, for he had not asked the man for his name. However, it did not take long for the songwriter to see that his thinking was correct, for as soon as they turned the last corner on to the corridor where May's room was, he saw them, sitting together. Mimi and Benny were sitting together. Seeing Benny sitting with his girlfriend caused Roger's stomach to flip. He got the impression that Benny was the one who had driven the car that hit his kid.

Mimi looked up and saw the doctor and Roger coming down the hallway, and she immediately got up and started apologizing to him. However, he was livid with her. He wanted to yell at her and Benny, right then and there, and blame them for everything that had just happened. But that would have to wait until later. Right now, May needed him. So, he simply snapped back at Mimi "I'll deal with you later,". That got her quiet, and Roger only glared at her for a second before entering his daughter's hospital room.

************************************************************************************************************************Once Roger was inside May's room, he saw that what Dr. Madden had told him was true. There she was, lying on the bed as comfortably as she could with a broken arm, clutching her favorite toy bear for security. She looked as though she had been crying earlier, and even now she was letting out a few sniffles. Dr. Madden walked to the foot of her bed and told her with a broad smile "May, someone special is here to see you,". He gestured to the door.

The moment May saw her father, her face immediately lit up. "Daddy!" she said excitedly. And, had she not been so tired, she might have leapt off the bed to give him a big hug and kiss, but alas, she did not appear to have much energy to do anything.

Roger immediately sat in a chair by her side. "Hi, May," he said while leaning over to kiss her cheek.

"I'll leave you two alone for a while," said Dr. Madden. He then stepped out of the room.

May turned and looked at Roger with her big brown eyes, and she said "Daddy, my head hurts a little still, even with the medicine! And my arm hurts! And I'm scared! Please hold me?".

Roger sighed lovingly. He nodded and said "Scoot over, Peanut,". May moved over as best as she could, and Roger helped her the rest of the way. Then, he climbed into the bed with her, and once he was in, he wrapped his arms around her and held her against his chest. She began to cry. He started to kiss her head, and in between kisses, he said soothingly "Oh, May, it's alright, sweetie. Daddy's here. Shh... don't cry, my baby, don't cry,". When May stopped crying, Roger took her arm with the cast on it, gently brought it to his lips, kissed it, and then said "That's my brave girl,". He smiled at her, and she smiled back. She then nuzzled her face back into his chest. "I love you so much, May," he told her.

"I love you too, Daddy," she answered. Her father resumed kissing her head over and over. Looking up at him, May giggled and said "Daddy, why are you still kissing me? I'm not crying anymore,".

Roger looked into her eyes. His own eyes began filling with tears, and he had to choke them back in order to say "Oh, I know that, May. It's just that I'm starting to cry now,".

May cocked her head and asked "Why, Daddy? Are you sad?"

Shaking his head, he replied "No, Peanut, I'm not sad. I'm actually very, very happy. I thought-,". He had to stop when a lump formed in his throat. He swallowed hard, then took a deep breath, and went on "I thought that I would never see you again, May. I thought you were leaving me,".

"Just like Mommy did?" May questioned innocently.

Roger closed his eyes and nodded. "Yes, May, just like Mommy," he said.

And then it was his turn to be kissed on the head over and over. In between kisses, May said "Daddy, I don't even know how to find Mommy! And I wouldn't leave you, Daddy! I love you too too much!". She squeezed him around his middle as tightly as she could with just one arm. And then, the two of them just sat there cuddling, and May eventually fell asleep in Roger's arms.

They stayed together like that until Dr. Madden came in to separate the two for the night. Roger tried to leave the bed as carefully as possible so as not to wake his daughter, but apparently, he was not careful enough, for she woke up anyway. At first, she blinked her eyes in confusion at him, but then she seemed to understand what he was doing, for she grabbed his hand and cried out "Daddy, don't go!".

Roger looked at her and sighed. He twirled his finger in her curls and said "I'm sorry, baby, but I have to go,".

"D-Do I have to stay here by m-myself?!" asked the little girl, who was worried.

"I'm afraid so, Peanut. Dr. Madden says that you have to stay here until tomorrow because you bumped your head, but I can't stay because I'm not a patient,". May's bottom lip began to quiver, so Roger stroked her cheek and said "Hey, hey, I'll be back here tomorrow, okay, Peanut?,". He looked into her eyes for the next part. "And, if you can prove to me you are a brave girl by staying here all night and doing what the doctors tell you, then I promise that I will bring Angel in with me tomorrow. Sound good?".

May smiled a bit and nodded. Then, furrowing her brow, she asked "What about Mimi?".

Roger's muscles tightened at the mention of his girlfriend's name, but he was cool as a cucumber when he replied "I don't know, May. Perhaps... if she's not too busy,".

May frowned, but said "Okay, Daddy. I'll be good!".

"That's my girl," Roger said before kissing the corner of her mouth and exiting the room. And now it's time to get the story out of Benny and Mimi, he thought.

************************************************************************************************************************The moment Roger walked out the door, he saw right away that his girlfriend and former friend were still sitting outside the room. The both of them looked at him expectantly. He then realized that they, unlike him, were still in the dark about May's status, since this hospital only seemed to talk to blood relatives or emergency contacts. After a moment or two of intense silence, Mimi asked carefully "Roger, is she...?"

"Dead?" Roger finished. Mimi nodded. "No, she's alive, but she had a concussion and she broke her arm. She'll have to stay here overnight because she blacked out,". He watched Mimi's and Benny's faces for their reactions, and saw they looked relieved.

Mimi stood up and walked to Roger. "Baby, I am so, so sorry for what happened, but I swear that –,".

"Not here," Roger growled. He motioned for the two of them to follow him, and they must have sensed his anger, for they followed without question. He led the both of them all the way out of the hospital and to a secluded spot just behind the building. He needed to be alone when he talked to them, such was his fury. To keep from exploding right away, he took a deep breath and asked calmly "What happened?".

This time, Benny spoke. "Roger, first of all, I have to apologize. You may be wondering why I'm here in the first place. Well, I have a confession to make,". He looked at his feet before going on. "I was the one driving the car that hit May,".

Bitterly, Roger said "I figured as much, Benny. It's like you to get back at your enemies by taking away from them the things they love,".

Benny opened his mouth and protested "I can't believe you, Roger. You really think I would try to kill May, just to get to you? You're insane!".

"I wouldn't put it past you, Benny. You've already done terrible things to other people. What's the murder of a little girl to you?" Roger snapped. Benny shook his head in disbelief. Roger rolled his eyes and said "Alright, then, asshole, what were you doing there in the first place and how the hell did you manage to hit my kid?".

Benny's calmness greatly contrasted Roger's irritation. "I was on my way home from the office, and I passed by that ice cream shop, like I do every day. And today, when driving by, I saw Mimi and May ordering some ice cream. I noticed that Mimi looked a little ill, and I made the decision to pull in, and I swear, I didn't see May come out in front of me until it was too late,".

Roger turned to Mimi and asked her "Why was she in front of his car in the first place, and not by you?".

Mimi answered "I saw Benny drive into the parking lot. I walked towards the car myself to go and see what he wanted. I was going to tell him to get lost. She followed me, but she stopped to pick up a flower, I think, then ran to catch up with me. Because of that, she accidentally ran in front of Benny's car and that's when she got hit,".

"Mhmm," confirmed Benny. "Honestly, Roger, I tried to stop the car once I saw her, but it was just too late. I couldn't do anything!".

Roger scoffed and said "Like hell you couldn't!". Mimi and Benny looked confused, so he explained, darkly "You could have not been seeing each other behind my and Muffy's backs,".

"Allison, Roger. My wife is named Allison. And Mimi and I aren't doing anything behind your backs,".

"Benny is right, Roger. That's the first time I saw him in months," Mimi assured.

For a long moment, Roger did not reply. He simply looked at the two people in front of him. The both of them could not have been anymore opposite from each other. Benny had made it in life. He was successful. He had it all. He had money, a house of his own, and even a possibly long future with someone he loved. Mimi had none of that, not even the promise of a long life shared with someone she loved, just because of the virus. She was going down, and she was going down fast. Then, Roger realized that even though they were both probably telling the truth, he could not handle anymore shit from them, especially Mimi. "I don't believe you," he said finally.

"What?!" asked Mimi incredulously.

"I don't believe you," repeated Roger, this time more slowly and with more bite. "What you two are telling me is a lie. Mimi, do you think I'm a dumbass? I know you were just using May to go see Benny. Before, I never would have thought you would do something like that. Use my INNOCENT daughter for your own selfishness,". Then he folded his arms and said coldly "You never cared about May, did you?".

Mimi said, completely shocked "Roger, do you even hear yourself?! I LOVE that little girl to death! Why do you think I spend so much time with her?".

Roger shrugged and said "I don't know. I think at best, you're just taking pity on her because she lost her mother. Or maybe you're just using that to your advantage,".

"Baby, I would never, EVER do anything like that to you. I know that what you and April had was special, but I would never dream of using that against you in any way. I love you,". She tried to take his hand, but he would not let her. He was so upset.

He snapped at her "Oh yeah? And what the hell do you know about love? Do you think it's a game? Do you think you can just play with another person's emotions like some toy? Because you couldn't be any further from the truth, Mimi,".

It was Mimi's turn to get angry. "Funny, it seems like YOU'RE the one who has no clue what love is. You tell me you do, and maybe you did with April, but you don't with me,".

Roger was extremely hurt by this. "Don't you dare bring her up again," he said heatedly.

"But it's true, isn't it?" Mimi replied. "You always go on and on about how much you loved and still love her, and that's fine, but you have never once told me that you love me,".

Roger was completely taken back by this declaration. He racked his brain, thinking about the past few months, and he came to the realization that Mimi had told him she loved him several times, but he had never even once said that he loved her. But, he knew that he did love her, and with all of his heart, too. So why had he not made sure to tell to tell her that everyday? That, however, would have to be answered some other time. Right now, he was too upset to think straight. "Well, maybe that's because I DON'T love you, Mimi" he said cruelly. Mimi gasped, and she looked like she had been slapped. He knew he had hurt her, but he just could not handle her anymore, so he added "At any rate, I just can't deal with your shit any longer, Mimi,". He stopped to close his eyes and take a deep breath. "It's over," he said coldly.

Mimi's eyes were filling with tears, and Benny just glared at Roger and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder as she asked "It's over?".

Nodding firmly, Roger said "Yes, we're done. As soon as May can go home, I'm packing us up and leaving. We'll go live with Mark again, so you might just see us in passing, but that's it! You won't see or hear from us ever again! And don't try to convince me to come back! I won't! I can't take this anymore! May doesn't need this either! So just do us all a favor and stay out of my way!". He shoved his hands in his pockets and he started to go.

Behind him, he heard Mimi call out to him "Fine, then! I don't need you anyways!".

Roger stopped in his tracks, turned, and laughed icily. "No you don't, do you? You've got Benny now! I'm sure he'll be as good to you as I was,". Then he turned to leave again, and all he could hear was the heartbreaking sound of Mimi's agony.

Roger continued to storm off, not really sure of which way he was going for a while. He remembered that Angel had booked a motel room for him, and he knew that she was probably waiting for him to meet her, just so she would know that he was alright. But, right now, he was too upset to see anyone, and he needed to blow off steam. He needed his guitar. However, he had left that at the bar, had he not?

Luckily, the bar was not too far away, so it was only a matter of minutes before he was trying to open its front door. The door was locked, and it did not take Roger too long to recall that this bar closed early on weeknights. He peered into the window to see if his precious guitar was even still where he had left it, and to his relief, it was. But he was still greatly agitated, and now, he did not have his guitar as an outlet. And he did not have his journal either. All he could do right now was slump to the ground and let his emotions out by crying, which is what he did. And while he cried, he reflected on what had just happened.

He had almost lost his daughter forever, and it would have been Benny and Mimi's fault. Yet, this was not actually the main reason why he was angry with them. He was not sure of his real reason, but he wanted to know it, so he replayed the conversation with them in his mind, this time paying attention to more than just the words that were said. He remembered the way Mimi had looked. She looked frail and sickly. She looked like she was... dying. Roger then realized the true source of his frustration. He could not stand seeing her so ill, especially when there was nothing he could do to fix it. He would not be able to protect her from her own doom. That was probably why he was mad at Benny too, because, in addition to him running over May, there was nothing he could do to save Mimi either, even with all of the money that he had.

Crying was not making Roger feel any better at all. He needed to do something else, something that would quickly and most certainly ease the pain. His arms began to itch. To any other person, this itch would have been nothing more than just annoying. But Roger knew this type of itch all too well, and he knew that the only way to cure it was to inject his veins with the brown liquid poison that had gotten him to this point in life. He was not surprised by the fact that his body was aching for a hit. In fact, he was only surprised by how long it had been since this had last happened. Not even on the day that April died had he thought about shooting up. Perhaps he really should have been alarmed by this sudden desire, but he was not. No, he was eerily calm as he checked his wallet. The contents of it told him he would not be able to afford any high quality stuff, but at that moment, he could not have cared any less. He walked towards the old alleyway where he had scored a countless amount of smack before, and he imagined the look his former dealer would give him when he saw him come crawling back.

As he drew near to that old alleyway, Roger could see The Man, leaning up against his old spot on the wall, just like he used to when he had Roger and April's souls in the palm of his hand. He was smoking a cigarette, cool as a cucumber, and Roger was jealous of the peace about him that he seemed to have, whether it was false or not. The itch in Roger's arms grew stronger. He had to satisfy it. He hated himself for feeling this way, but he just could not handle everything right now. He had to shoot up. He took a step forward, and he would have taken more, had he not felt a hand on his shoulder trying to stop him.

"Roger...," said the owner of the hand.

"Angel?". Roger turned his head. "What are you doing here?".

"Stopping you," she said seriously.

"How did you know I was going to-?"

"Because I know what happened, Roger. Mimi and Benny told me everything. And I also know you, and I know about your past. I'm not a dumb ass, Rog. I may not have ever been on smack, but I know people who have. I mean, Mimi is my best friend! So I know how a junkie might deal with things, even if they're ex-junkies," said Angel. She held out her hand to him, and then told him "C'mon, Roger. You don't need it,".

Roger rolled his eyes. "What the hell do you know, Angel? I do need it!". He started to break down again. "I j-just c-can't handle...," he said as his voice shook. Tears began to fall down his face again.

Angel threw her arms around him and she tried to soothe him "There, there, Roger. It's okay. It'll all be okay. Shh...,".

Throwing her arms off of him, Roger snapped "No! It won't be okay!". Angel looked shocked at his aggression, so Roger explained in a calmer tone "Angel, my kid nearly died today, okay? And it was on Mimi's watch, and Benny would've been the culprit. I thought I could trust Mimi. I trusted her with the one thing that matters most to me, and she screwed up!".

After he finished speaking, Angel looked at him with her knowing eyes and asked "Is that all that's bothering you?".

Averting her gaze, the songwriter answered "No,".

"Then what is it?".

For a moment, Roger considered telling his friend the truth. He wanted to tell her that the other reason for his pain was that he was afraid to watch Mimi suffer and die, but he held his tongue when he remembered that Angel could very well soon be in the same boat. Somehow he felt that talking about his fear out in the open might put a jinx on his friend, and that the drag queen would be gone by the morning. So he let silence fill the air.

In response, Angel sighed and said "Fine, then don't tell me. But I'm sure that whatever it is, it's not worth risking your life over,".

"Maybe it is," Roger replied sarcastically.

"No, I know it's not. But even if it was, think about this: What would May think if she saw you shooting up?".

Time itself seemed to stop. "May...," was all Roger could get out. He closed his eyes and thought for several moments, and when he was done thinking, he said "She would be so upset. Though she has never seen anyone do that before, let alone even see a bag of the powder or a syringe used for it, she would know. I know she would know. She's like that, you see. There are things that she just knows, and I have no clue how, but she does,".

"You're right," Angel agreed. "She would know. She'd know exactly what you were doing, and it would crush her to see her father so broken. And that's why you can't do this. If not for yourself, then for her. Walk away, right now, for her,".

Nodding, the songwriter echoed "For her,". And, this time, he took his friend's extended hand and let her take him out of the alleyway.

************************************************************************************************************************That night, May had an unrestful sleep. She could sleep for a few hours or so before the doctors would wake her up to see how she was doing. And then she would go back to sleep, but a few hours later, the same thing would happen again. So she did not get very much sleep at all. Thus she was pretty cranky the next morning when she was woken up again. She could faintly hear someone calling her name. "Go away!" she said to whoever they were. That was how sleepy she was.

But this person was persistent. "C'mon, Peanut, please get up?".

Peanut? There was only one person in the entire world who called her that. "Daddy?" she said as she opened her eyes blearily. And sure enough, it was her father who was calling to her.

He was smiling at her, and he kissed her lips, whispering to her "Good morning, May,".

"Good morning, Daddy," she yawned in response.

Daddy frowned and said "Oh, May, baby, you must be so tired, aren't you?".

May nodded, then asked "Daddy, is it okay if I can go back to sleep?".

"I'm sorry, baby, but no," Daddy told her as he shook his head. "Dr. Madden asked me to wake you up so you could eat some breakfast,". And, as if on cue, May's tummy growled. She had not had much to eat the night before, and she surely was hungry now. Daddy chuckled and said "Your tummy is talking to you,".

As she started to wake up, May pointed to her tummy and replied "Yeah, it says 'Feed me!'".

Daddy raised his eyebrow. "Oh it does, does it? Well that's why we must feed it right away!". It was then that May noticed that there was a tray of food sitting on the foot of her bed. First, Daddy helped to prop May up comfortably against some pillows, so that she could eat. Then, he grabbed the tray of food and carefully set it on her lap.

Smiling, he told her "I asked the nurse to get you your favorite breakfast, princess. What do you think?".

May looked down at her tray and saw that her favorite breakfast of toast with peanut butter and banana slices, as well as a cup of orange juice, was there. She beamed and responded "Good, Daddy. I love it!". She began munching right away.

"I knew you would," said Daddy after he kissed her head. He then sat down, and pulled his chair closer to her. He did this so that it would be easier to help her eat. This was something she needed help with because she had broken her right arm, which was her dominant one. She nearly spilled her orange juice a couple of times, but other than that, she did just fine.

When she was finished, she asked her daddy "Now can I go back to sleep?".

He shrugged. "I guess so, May. It's too bad you wanna go to sleep, though. I mean, Angel was gonna come visit you, but if you wanna sleep all day, I'll call her and tell her to go back home...,".

"No, please don't, Daddy! I don't wanna go to sleep now! I want Angel!" said May as she crossed her arms. She began to chant "Angel! Angel! Angel!".

"Alright, calm down," Daddy laughed. "She'll be here soon enough, baby,". And Daddy was right. Angel arrived in the room just a minute or two later.

May's best friend came in with a big bouquet pink roses, as she knew they were the little girl's favorite. She brought them over to the table on May's side of the bed, and told her "These are for you, chica, so that you will have something pretty to look at as you get better,".

"Thank you, Angel!" said May, truly grateful. Angel walked over to the other side of the bed so that she was across from Daddy. But before she sat down, she stretched over to kiss the young girl on the cheek. "Angel, did you bring anything for us to play with?" May asked.

"Of course I did, girlfriend!". Angel pulled up a big bag of stuff. She began to empty out its contents, naming each item as she pulled them out. "Let's see... I brought coloring books and crayons... and some make up and nail polish... and some things to do our hair with... and a camera to take pictures with when we're all dolled up! Sound good?".

"Uh-huh!" said May enthusiastically.

"Alright!" Angel smiled. "But, there's something I wanna do first,". She reached down way deep into her bag and pulled out a black marker. In a sort of mock formal tone, she said "Now, Miss Davis, may I please have the honor of signing your cast, which, might I add, is a lovely shade of pink?".

May cocked her head and asked "What does 'signing your cast' mean?".

"It means that Angel wants to write you a little note on your cast," Daddy explained.

"Oh!" said May once she understood. "That's just like the girl Mary-Jane, in my class. She broke her leg one time, and everybody wanted to put a little note on her big big purple cast because they wanted her to get better. I was a little jealous because she didn't let me write on it,". She frowned a little as she began to recall her exact feelings that day.

Angel said "Aww, don't frown, girlfriend! I'm gonna leave you the best note ever! You'll love it! And your daddy wants to leave you one too, I'm sure,". Daddy affirmed this statement with a nod of his head. "Now, chica, please hold out your arm,". May obeyed her best friend and allowed her to write.

When Angel was finished, May noticed that she had written quite a bit on her cast. "What does it say, Angel?".

Smiling, Angel responded "It says: 'May, you are my bestest buddy in the whole world. And you are one brave and tough little girl. That's why I know you'll heal up real quick, and before you know it, your arm will be all better again. Love you, girl! Love your best friend, Angel,'. And then I drew lots of hearts!".

May grinned widely as she gave Angel a big hug. "Oh, thank you, Angel! I love it!". She kissed her on the cheek. Then she turned to her daddy and asked "Daddy, do you wanna write too?".

"Of course I do, Peanut!". Daddy took the marker from Angel and he began to write his own message. When he was done, he said "Okay, May. Here is what it says: 'My little Peanut, I really hope you get better soon, because I can't wait until your arm is all better and you can draw your pretty pictures again, or play with your guitar. I love you so much. Love, Daddy'".

May crawled over to her daddy, and then thanked him in the same way she had thanked Angel. Upon finishing, she let out a big yawn, for she was tired again.

"Hmm, I think you should get some rest, May, before playtime," said Daddy.

May did not argue with him. She was indeed very tired, so she made no objection whatsoever. In fact, she immediately shut her eyes and went to sleep. And the rest of the day went on like that, with May spending most of the time resting, and waking up only every now and again to play with Angel and her daddy, the both of whom stayed by her side the entire day. Finally, though, it was time to leave the hospital and go home. May's legs were a little bit weak from the accident and also from not using them for some time, so Daddy and Angel had to take turns carrying her until they reached the building where she and Daddy lived. Angel did not go inside with them- she really had to get home to Uncle Collins, so she quickly said good bye and then left. Daddy then carried May up the stairs, but to her surprise, he did not stop at their floor. Instead, he went up to Uncle Mark's flat. "Are we going to visit Uncle Mark, Daddy?" she asked innocently.

"Not exactly, baby," he replied. May shot him an inquisitive look, and he explained "Peanut, uh, we kind of can't live with Mimi right now,".

May frowned and asked "Why?". She liked living with Mimi.

"Well, uh, you see, Mimi and I are kind of mad at each other right now,".

May gasped. "Daddy, why? Do you not love each other anymore?".

"No, princess, we still love each other very much," said Daddy, shaking his head. "It's just that Mimi and I make each other feel angry when we see each other, so we have to live in different places until that stops happening,".

"When will that stop happening, Daddy?".

Daddy sighed. "I don't know, May. But, we're gonna live with Uncle Mark until it does,". May pouted and crossed her arms. She was not happy to be moving again. "Oh, May, I know you don't like this. I don't like it either. This is just something we have to do right now, though. Hopefully we can be back with Mimi soon. But look at it this way. At least you can sleep in your old room again, right?".

The little girl was still upset, but she wanted to please her daddy, so she nodded.

"That's my girl," said he to her as they entered Uncle Mark's flat.

************************************************************************************************************************July 4, 1990

Dear Journal,

Well, today is the 4th of July, or was. I mean, it's almost midnight, so it's almost the 5th now. Anyways, today was kind of nice. I mean, there was a cook out at the community center and the food was free, so of course me and the rest of the Bohos were there, eating up as much as we could. That was fun. And there were games and stuff for May to do, which was really nice. I think... I think she might have actually made a friend her own age today. If that's so, then this is great! I mean, her only friends that she has right now are adults. At any rate, she was playing with this little girl all day long. They even watched the fireworks together.

Oh, god. Fireworks. Mimi used to like fireworks. God, I kind of miss her. Yes, we're still broken up. I think it will be for good. And I know that since I broke up with her, I shouldn't miss her. But... I do. God, I miss her so much. Yet, we can't go back together. She's sick, and she could die very soon. But it's better off this way. May and I shouldn't be near her. It isn't good for us, to watch her die. And she is still irresponsible, from what I can see. I can sometimes hear her stumbling loudly into her apartment late at night, and she is obviously high if she's making that much noise. It kills me to hear it, but I am done with her. I can't go through what I went through with April. Not again. And neither could May. It would kill us both.

Speaking of April, I just remembered. Today was the day she and I met, eight years ago. Damn, time flies. Kind of reminds me of how I was planning to ask her to marry me. I was gonna ask her on our 7th year anniversary, and I had the whole evening planned. It was just gonna be the two of us. May would've stayed with our friends. I was gonna take April to all these places that held lots of meaning to us, like CBGBs for some dinner (because that's where we met), and then to Central Park (because that's where we shared our first kiss and also we used to take May there a lot), and then finally to Times Square (because she hinted that she had always wanted to be proposed to there).

At each of the places I was going to take her, I was going to remind her of the significance of each place. And at Times Square, I had a little speech memorized, just for her. I remember I was going to tell her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me, and also how grateful I was to have her. I would have thanked her for our beautiful daughter. And then I would have told her that I knew she wanted me to ask her for some time, and I was going to apologize for not doing so. Then I would've got down on one knee and popped the question. I was planning on using the ring my mother gave me, for when I found "the right girl".

But, there are some dreams that cannot be. April is gone now. And it doesn't seem like I can make my dream come true with Mimi, either. Perhaps I am just doomed to never be married.

************************************************************************************************************************A few months passed, and it was October again. Roger was sitting on the couch, absent-mindedly strumming a few chords on his Fender. He glanced over at his daughter, who was playing with Barbie dolls with her new best friend, Natalie. It was Saturday, so they were not missing any school. Roger smiled. May's cast was off now, and he also really liked that his daughter had a best friend her own age now, and so he made no objections when Natalie's mom asked him if her daughter could stay over for a few hours while she ran some errands. He only hoped that Mrs. Thropp would be willing to do the same for him someday, if he needed it. He watched as his daughter played with her friend. She looked so happy to be laughing, playing, and being a normal kid with someone her age that for once, Roger could almost forget what she had been through in her few years of life.

He refocused his attention back on his guitar. He was still trying to find that one song to leave as a legacy, but he was still haunted by a creative block. So he continued doing what he always did, which was play a bit of Musetta's Waltz. After playing a few bars, he was interrupted by his roommate Mark, who burst through the front door. He looked very flustered and alarmed, so Roger promptly stood up and asked "Mark, what's wrong?".

Mark went over to him and whispered "We need to talk alone,". Roger nodded and followed him into the other room, but worry began to tingle his spine. Whatever had Mark in this much of a frenzy would not be good. Once they were both in the room and the door was shut, Roger waited for his friend to speak. Mark began with a question. "So you wanna know who I saw on my way home from the corner store, Rog?".

"Sure," said Roger.

"I saw Collins,".

"Oh really? How's he been? Haven't heard from him in a long while,".

It took a moment for Mark to give an answer. He frowned, and that frown told Roger that something was not right. Finally, Mark said "He's... he's not doing so good,".

Roger furrowed his brow. "What do you mean 'He's not doing so good'?". Mark just looked at him. "Oh my god. He's not... his T-cells... are they low?" Roger wondered, very concerned now. Having low T-cells in the blood was almost a death sentence for someone with AIDS.

Mark shook his head. "It's not his T-cells we have to worry about...,".

The songwriter's eyes grew wide when he realized what the filmmaker was implying. "Angel?". Mark nodded his head slightly. Roger buried his face in his hands and said "Goddammit! No! Not Angel!".

Quietly, Mark said "What's worse is she's been admitted to the hospital. She is very sick, and because her T-cells are so low in count, she can't fight the sickness,".

"What?" Roger asked incredulously as he allowed his eyes to meet those of his friend.

"She's in the hospital, Roger. And the doctors are saying she doesn't have much time left. Only a few weeks, maybe,". Mark's eyes began to water as he said this.

Putting his face back in his hands, Roger mumbled "This can't be happening. No...,". He began to feel a lump in his throat. And then he realized something. "Oh my god! May! What am I gonna tell her? Angel is one of her best friends... she'll be devastated when she finds out... and just when I thought she might start to have the pain-free life of a normal kid,".

Mark put a hand on the songwriter's shoulder, then said "Rog, there's nothing we can do, except for perhaps make sure we visit Angel as often as we can. She probably would like visitors. We could make her feel better. And it would give May a chance to process what's happening... and to say good bye,".

"Yeah," Roger grunted. Then, for a while, the two friends were in silence. Roger's mind became plagued with the stress this news was giving him. He began to pace the room in an effort to clear his head. He began imagining how short the straw that was drawn for his life must have been, for how else was it that he had such an ill-fated existence? He thought about all the terrible things that had happened to him in his life, and he wondered how much more of it he could take before he cracked. And as he thought, he started to toy with the almost insane idea that maybe all of his problems were rooted in New York, and that maybe if he ran away, they would disappear. Several months ago, Collins had shared his idea of opening up a restaurant in Santa Fe, New Mexico. At the time, Roger had laughed at him, but now, Santa Fe was starting to look better and better.

Mark and Roger agreed to go and pay a visit to their ill drag queen friend once May's friend was picked up. And when the little girl had gone home, Mark went to his room to get ready, while Roger went to get his daughter. He approached her and said "C'mon, Peanut. We have to get ready,".

"Where are we going, Daddy?" she asked.

"To the hospital," he told her plainly.

May started and whimpered, and Roger understood why. After her accident, she had developed a fear of hospitals. She cradled her formerly injured arm as she said "But, Daddy, I'm all better!".

Roger sighed. "I know, I know, May," he said. "We're not going for you. We're going for Angel,".

"Angel? Oh no!" May gasped. "What happened to her?". She looked like she was very worried about her best friend.

"She's... she is... sick,".

May thought for a little bit, then said "Well, let me get my medicine for her. It tastes like bubblegum! I know she'll love it,".

Roger shook his head. "I'm afraid that won't work, May," he said sadly.

"Why?" asked the naive little girl.

"Because," began her father "Angel has a really bad sickness in her blood. Just like... just like...,".

"Just like Mommy?" May suggested.

"Yeah,".

The seven year old frowned. "Daddy, is Angel gonna die?".

Upon looking into her big, brown, innocent eyes, Roger found that he could not answer that question. So instead, he told her "C'mon, May, we have to get ready to go,".

"But, Daddy, is Angel gonna die?" she repeated.

"Later. Go get your shoes on,".

"No! Tell me now!" she demanded.

"No, not now!" he replied.

"Yes! Tell me! Is she?".

"I don't know, May. Just go get your shoes on!".

With tears in her eyes, May yelled "Yes you do know, Daddy! You know everything! Is she gonna die?!".

Fed up, Roger replied harshly "Fine then! Yes, May, Angel will die! You happy?!". His anger took May by surprise, and she started crying. Realizing how badly he was treating her, he quickly knelt down to her level and hugged her tightly. He whispered "Peanut, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you,".

She wiped her tears away and answered "That's not it, Daddy,".

"I know, baby," he said as he kissed her cheek. "I know you're upset about Angel,". He stood up again. "But, let's go visit her. Who knows? Maybe we can make her feel better. Okay, sweetie?".

Nodding, she replied "Yes, Daddy,". She then hurried off to put on her shoes, and in no time, she returned with not only her shoes on, but also her jacket, hat, and gloves.

"You're such a good girl, May. Thank you," Roger told her.

"You're welcome," she responded as she went to go grab her trusty bear. Once she had him, she said "I'm ready to go,".

"Great. We just have to wait for Mark now,".

Soon, Mark was out of his room, and then they all made the trip to the hospital, all three of them desperately wishing that they had no reason to go there.

************************************************************************************************************************At the lobby of the hospital, Roger sat down while May played with her bear on his lap. Mark talked to the lady behind the glass. Roger had had his fill of the flirtatious and unprofessional woman. And then Mark took a seat beside him, saying "My god, I can't believe how completely obvious that woman was being,".

Roger raised an eyebrow and asked "Even with you? Mister Girl-repellant?".

Mark scowled but nodded. "I don't know how you dealt with her that time when May was admitted here,".

"I wanted to punch her brains out. Then I realized she probably didn't have any,". The two friends both laughed at that comment, which was good. Right then, after all that had happened to them, they needed something to laugh at. However, things got serious again once a nurse called the three of them over. She led them to the room of their ailing friend. When they got to the door of the room, they were instructed to wait outside of it as the nurse went inside to get Angel ready for visitors. While waiting, Roger turned and saw they were not alone. Maureen and Joanne were there too. And so was Mimi. Roger would have been cursed if he did not admit that he just then got a sick feeling in his stomach when he saw his ex-girlfriend. And she looked just as unpleased to see him. Nonetheless, she used her finger to motion him to her, and he obeyed her summon.

He followed her for a little while until they were out of sight of the others. "Look," Mimi began "I know things didn't end well between us-,".

"Not at all," Roger interrupted, his arms crossed. "Last time I checked, my daughter nearly lost her life under your watch,".

Mimi looked at the floor. "Yeah, I know," she said. She lifted her head. "And we haven't seen much of each other since, let alone even said two words to each other. But clearly, both of us are friends of Angel and should be there for her at this time, so we can't really avoid each other now,".

"Are you suggesting something?" he asked impatiently.

"Just that maybe we leave our bitterness at the door when we see her,".

"I'm not going to pretend anything, Mimi,".

"I understand. I'm not asking you to pretend that we're together again. I just want us to be civil to each other, at least when we're in that room. Do you think you could do that, Roger? For Angel? We shouldn't be causing her anymore stress,".

With some bite, Roger said "Mimi, I'm not a total asshole. Of course I will be civil to you,".

"Oh thank you! Roger, that's-,".

"But only when we're in that room," he coldly cut in as he walked away from her. "Nothing changes when we're outside of it,". He did not bother to stop and hear her reaction to that. He just kept walking back to his friends, determined not to say another word to her. He promised to be civil to her, but that did not mean he had to talk to her.

Ages seemed to go by before they were let in to see Angel. But, eventually they were let in by Collins, who had been with her the whole time. There she lay. Between her being out of drag and looking like death itself, Roger almost did not recognize her. Angel weakly smiled and greeted her guests with a strained "Hi, guys,". Everyone greeted her in their turn, and made sure to tell her how great she looked, but she was not fooled. "You know you guys can't bullshit me," she said. Just then, May appeared by her side. Angel said "Whoops, sensitive ears. Sorry, Roger,".

"It's alright," said Roger. How could he really care if someone who was as sick as Angel swore in front of his kid?

"Angel, are you gonna get better?" May asked, worried.

Angel slowly shook her head and answered "I don't think so, girlfriend. Not this time,". May lowered her head and let out a sniffle. "Hey, chica, why the long face?".

"I don't want you to go," May said, her bottom lip quivering.

Giving her a sad smile, Angel replied "I know you don't. But it seems like somebody wants me up there in heaven, because that's where I'll be going,". She waited until the little girl was looking at her. "But, it's bad for us to be sad right now. There'll be plenty of time for that later. Let's be happy, okay?".

May nodded, and then she gently climbed into the bed with her best friend so she could snuggle up against her. She kissed her friend's cheek and smiled. "Okay, we'll be happy," she said.

This time, Maureen spoke and said "I've got some nail polish! Who wants to paint nails?".

"Me!" said Angel and May simultaneously.

************************************************************************************************************************October 30, 1990

Dear Journal,

I don't even know what to think anymore. Here I sit, in a hospital cafeteria, surrounded by my daughter, all my friends, and Mimi (The nurse kicked us out for the time being so Angel can have her lunch and take her medicine in peace. Joanne thought it'd be a good idea to grab lunch here, and May was hungry, so I said "Sure,".), but while they're all talking and laughing, I sit here and write in my journal, wondering how the hell they can even pretend happiness at this time. Angel is dying. She is... dying. How can anyone find anything to laugh at? Why would they even bother to try? Mimi, especially. She's got HIv, which could easily turn into AIDS. She could soon be in Angel's spot, wasting away on some hospital bed, getting most of her nutrients through a goddamn feeding tube. Then again, so could I.

Roger's stomach lurched, and he shut his eyes tightly, waiting for the nausea to pass. He also closed his journal.

"Hey, Roger, are you okay?" asked Maureen.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I think it was the taco meat. I just need some air," he lied. Maureen looked unconvinced, but he did not care. He got up and stepped out to the nearby patio, all without another word. Once outside, he took a seat by the bed of roses and began to think, as he often did, about all the horrible things that had ever happened to him. He was so lost and confused. He wondered what he had done to deserve all of it. Sure, he had used smack, and he had a child out-of-wedlock, but did that really make him such a bad person who needed to be punished in this way? And if it did, then why was May being punished too? What did she do to deserve losing her mother and friend, with the guarantee of losing more loved ones, including him? The losses might destroy her, especially the loss of him. He was her father, and she needed him. Yes, he had already had a plan set for her when the time came. Mark agreed to take care of her in his place, and Maureen would be there for her when it came time for girl problems, but still, Roger wished he did not have to make such plans. He really wanted to be there for her himself.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his beeper. Right on cue, he thought bitterly. He reached into his back pocket to grab the small baggy that held his daily dose of AZT. He swallowed them dry, since he had forgotten his drink inside the cafeteria. A cold October breeze nipped at his cheeks as he stood up to return to his daughter and friends. He folded up his collar and thought God, I hate the fall. Hopefully the falls in Santa Fe aren't so damn cold.

************************************************************************************************************************May was watching her father when he went outside to the patio. He looked so sad and scared, sitting there all alone. This made her nervous. Whenever her daddy was sad and scared, so was she. But, soon enough, he returned, and he was smiling as he drew near to the little girl, picked her up, and kissed her on the cheek. He whispered in her ear "I love you so much, Peanut,".

"I love you too, Daddy," she answered. She was relieved. If Daddy was smiling, then everything was fine. He gave her another kiss on the cheek as he sat down with her on his lap.

Daddy then began listening to the other adults talking about boring grown up things, so May decided to play with Gabe. She hopped off her daddy's lap and walked a little bit away from the others, just so she could talk to her bear, like she always did when she needed someone to talk to. She gave him a quick hug and kiss before saying "Gabe, those grown ups like to talk about really not fun stuff. But you and me talk about fun and cool stuff, right?". She pressed the bear's mouth to her ear, "listening". And as she turned her head to "listen" to the bear, she caught her father frowning again. She asked her bear "Gabe, why is Daddy so sad all the time? I know Angel is very, very sick, but Angel told everybody she wants us happy. Why doesn't Daddy be happy?".

She "listened" to the stuffed toy.

"Hmm, maybe you're right. Daddy was a lot happier when we lived with Mimi. I wish I knew why they're mad at each other. They still love each other. And I told Daddy that it's not Mimi's fault I was hit by a car. It's Benny's fault. He's mean. But Mimi is nice. What do you think, Gabe?".

She "listened" some more.

"Hmm, yeah. Adults are dumb sometimes. But, I think I understand why Daddy is always so sad. I don't want Angel to die either! She is my bestest friend, besides Natalie and Daddy and you, of course... I'm gonna miss her a lot when she is gone. I hope she gives Mommy a big hug and kiss for me and tells her I miss her a lot,". May stopped to let out a small sniffle, then whispered "Gabe, if everybody else died or left me, would you still be my friend?... you will? Oh hurray!". She hugged and kissed the bear.

May was interrupted when Auntie Maureen came to tell her "C'mon, sweetie. Nurse says we can go back to Angel's room,". May gladly followed her aunt back to her friend's room. Once she was there, she took her usual spot, which was right by Angel's side on the bed, so that they could snuggle. For hours, they all sat, talking and laughing. Auntie Maureen had brought make up and nail polish, so they also did a little bit of dress up.

Eventually, though, it was time to go home. But, May did not want to leave. She was so comfortable, lying next to her friend, and besides, it was torture for her to stay away for too long. So, she begged her daddy "Daddy, can I please have a sleepover with Angel and Uncle Collins tonight?".

He bit his lip and replied "Baby, I don't know... I mean, I guess, if it's okay with Uncle Collins and Angel,". He looked at them.

Angel nodded while Uncle Collins said "Yeah, sure. She can stay with us. We'd love to have her here,".

Nodding, Daddy told them "Thank you, you guys, but you don't have to do this-,".

"Nonsense, Roger," Angel weakly cut in. "We love this little girl, and we want her here,".

"Alright then," Daddy gave in. Then, to May, he said "Now, May, you know you won't be able to sleep in your pajamas if you stay here, right?".

"Yeah, Daddy, I know. But it's okay. I'm comfy," she smiled at him.

He smiled back. "Alright, then, beautiful,". He went and gave her a loving squeeze and kiss on the forehead. "I love you, Peanut. See you in the morning,".

"Love you too, Daddy. See you in the morning!". Daddy kissed her one last time before leaving the room.

May's time spent with Uncle Collins and Angel was very nice. They played games like tic tac toe, Hangman, and dots and boxes. They also built a bunch of puzzles and colored in coloring books. Then, it got to the time where after dinner, they just sat, talked, and exchanged lots of hugs and kisses. One particularly memorable conversation was when Angel retold the story of how she had caused an Akita named Evita to jump to her death. May remembered how at first, she thought that this was a horrible thing to do, but now, the story made her laugh because she knew that Evita was Benny's dog. But, after all the conversation, Uncle Collins got up and said "Okay, sweetheart, it's time for bed now. Angel needs her rest, and so do you,".

May nodded and said with a yawn "Okay, Uncle Collins,". As Uncle Collins went to lay down on the mat the nurses had given him, May snuggled closer to Angel, and fell asleep with her head on Angel's chest.

Peacefully, she slept on; that is, until she was woken up by various people shouting and rushing around and just making lots of noise. May opened her eyes to see lots of people running about everywhere.

"Quickly!" one of them shouted.

"We can still save him!" yelled another.

"Someone get the kid out of here!" commanded a third. And suddenly, May felt herself being lifted off the bed and into a stranger's arms. This stranger tried to carry her out of the room, but she kicked him, and he dropped her. She landed on her feet and ran straight back to Angel's side.

Many doctors were crowded around her sick friend, and they were attaching all sorts of weird things to her body. This frightened May. What happened to Angel? She voiced this question out loud several times, but most of the doctors just ignored her. Only one answered, but they did so rudely. "Get out of here, kid! This is an emergency! You shouldn't be here!".

"But this is my friend! And I wanna know what's wrong!" the stubborn little girl demanded. She crossed her arms and stomped her foot, but the doctor only reacted to her stubbornness by shaking his head. He pushed her away from the bed, a little too roughly. Luckily, Uncle Collins was there to catch her. After brushing herself off, she watched the doctors go to work on her friend. They were using all sort of painful looking devices and techniques on her, and for what reasons, May knew not. To her, it just looked like they were hurting Angel. "Stop it!" she cried out. "You're hurting her, guys!".

"No, May, they're not hurting her. They're trying to save her life," said Uncle Collins, who had a single tear forming in his eye.

May went white. "Oh no! Angel! Please! Don't die!". She watched helplessly as the doctors tried to save her friend. She listened to the heart monitor, as Auntie Joanne had told her it let everybody know if Angel's heart was still beating. It was making very rapid beeping noises which were unlike the slow and steady beeps the machine usually made, and May's fear increased. She held on to Uncle Collins more tightly. Then suddenly, there was a long and continuous beeping sound, and the doctors stopped what they were doing. All of them stepped away from the bed, and one said "I'm sorry, Mr. Collins. There's nothing else we can do. He's gone now,".

"No," said Uncle Collins in a small voice. Almost robotically, he set May down, then went into Angel's bed, held her, and began crying. All the doctors and nurses began to go.

"Wait! Why are you leaving, guys? Is Angel okay?" she asked.

One of the nurses gave her a sad look and said "Angel is dead, honey,". And then, it was just May and Uncle Collins in the room.

May was in disbelief. Her friend was not really dead, was she? The little girl cautiously approached the bed. When she reached it, she asked in a nervous tone "Angel?".

"She's gone," Uncle Collins told her through his tears.

"Gone?! Really?! Oh no! ANGEL! COME BACK!" May cried. She climbed onto the bed herself, and flung herself over her deceased best friend's already chilling body, sobbing and begging her to come back, just as she had done with her own mother, a little over two years ago.

************************************************************************************************************************It was three in the morning when Roger and Mark got the call. The two friends had been up all night, neither able to sleep. The filmmaker was rehearsing for his spot on Buzzline, and the songwriter was plucking out some chords on his Fender, when the dreadful ringing started. Somehow, Roger knew what the call was for, even before Mark picked up the receiver. And his hunch was confirmed when he saw Mark's face pale at what the lady on the other line was telling him.

"Thank you," Mark said finally, hanging up the phone. He stood there for a moment or so, looking as if he was digesting the news. And then, he looked at Roger, and with his eyes, told him everything.

"Angel's dead," said Roger.

It was not a question, but still Mark answered "Yes. She died just five minutes ago,".

Roger ran both hands through his hair. He went off on a rant. "Christ, this is unbelievable! Just so damn perfect! First April, and now Angel! Dammit! I just... this can't be...no. Just... no,".

"I completely agree, Roger. Why the hell should good people like them get to die? Shit, you'd think that people with AIDS are always these horrible people who deserve what's coming. It's a horrible disease," said Mark.

"Don't you think I know that, Mark? I happen to have it too," Roger snapped.

"I didn't mean to remind you of that," Mark said apologetically.

Roger calmed down. He said in a small voice "I never forget,".

"Roger, I'm so sorry-,".

"Let's just go to the hospital, okay?" interrupted Roger, who was not intending to be rude, but just wanted to change the subject. "This isn't about me. And besides, May is still there, and no doubt she needs her daddy,".

Mark sighed. "You're probably right about that. Let's go,".

They arrived at the hospital in minutes. When they got there, neither of them bothered with talking to the lady behind the glass. They had the location of Angel's room memorized, so they strode right past the protesting lady and went straight to room A113. The door was wide open, and the two friends could see that Angel's corpse had already been removed. Only Collins and May were in there, standing at the foot of the bed, crying softly and holding each other. Mark went to give Collins a comforting embrace, and Roger saw that all of them looked so sad, lost, and confused, but his daughter especially so. She turned her head, and she looked relieved to see him. "Daddy," she said as she ran into his arms. He picked her up, and gave her many kisses as she buried her face in his neck and cried even louder.

In between sobs, she tried to say "Daddy, i-it was s-so horrible! Angel! S-She i-is d-,".

"Shh, Peanut. I know. I know," Roger told her softly. He rubbed her back and kissed her cheek. "It's alright now, baby,".

"No, it's not! Angel was my friend! I want her back!" the seven year old said firmly.

"I know you do, May," Roger sighed. He lifted her head and looked at her. "Let's go home, okay?".

May shook her head. "No! I wanna stay here!".

"Yes, May. We're going home. We need some sleep. Both of us. It will help," he said. May looked doubtful, so Roger asked "Hey, am I ever wrong?".

"No, Daddy,".

"Then, let's go home. Sleeping will make us both feel better. I promise,".

This time, May nodded and said "Okay, Daddy,".

Before leaving, Roger turned to Collins and said "I...I can't even imagine what you're going through. April was different. But...,". He paused, searching for words of comfort. None could come to his scattered brain. Finally, he shook his head and told him "I'm sorry. So, so sorry,". Collins gave him a small smile. He knew the young father was trying. But, Roger was still hating himself for his lack of loquaciousness, even when he and May were well away from that place of misery.

He only stopped being so hard on himself when the two of them got home, because he then turned his attention to getting May dressed for bed. Despite the fact that it was a chilly October night, he let her wear her favorite nightgown to bed, just to make her happy. He also agreed to let her sleep in his bed with him, because she told him she was afraid to sleep alone. And to help her have a good, long, nightmare-free sleep, he heated up a glass of milk for her. The milk did the trick, for almost as soon as she finished it, she fell fast asleep in his strong arms.

He, however, could not sleep so easily. His mind was still reeling from the events of the night. One question kept eating at him. Why Angel? Angel, who was the kindest, most considerate, and dare he say it, beautiful person on the planet? Why did she have to die? And why did May have to witness the death? Had she not suffered enough already? Her cries haunted him, echoing in his mind.

Roger's eyes flew wide open as a new thought came to his mind. If this was how she was after her best friend's death, then how would she react to the inevitably premature death of her father? Roger wondered if she even remembered that he had AIDS, too. He had told her this shortly after April died, but there was a strong possibility that she had forgotten, or had not understood. She had only been five years old.

The young father decided that since he could go at any moment, he needed to make sure she understood this as soon as possible. He spent the next several minutes planning how he was going to tell her, before finally falling asleep.

************************************************************************************************************************The next morning was pretty gloomy inside the loft. Everything that happened was tinged with sadness. Even when jokes were attempted, they were only half-heartedly laughed at. May was the least conversational all day long. In fact, she had not said a word since she woke up. All she did was clutch her bear, and occasionally let out a small sniffle or tear. This scared Roger. She had not been so quiet when her mother died. He wished that there was something he could do to make her feel better, especially since he needed to talk with her that day about the fact that he had the virus too. Then, he got an idea. It was Halloween that night, and although May would not be going trick-or-treating, that did not mean she could not get candy, right? He knew exactly what to do. Checking the kitchen cupboard, he found what he was looking for. For his birthday, he had gotten a bag of Swedish Fish. He had been saving it for a rainy day, but now he felt May needed it more than him. He grabbed the bag then went to look for his daughter.

He found her curled up on her bed, her knees tucked into her chest and her face buried in her bear. Roger knocked on the door post, and she peered at him in between her strands of loose curls. "Hi, May," he said tenderly.

She said nothing back.

"I brought you something,". He held out the bag of Swedish Fish for her to see. "It's your favorite candy!".

Still, silence.

Sighing, Roger took a seat beside her and said "I thought you would like to have some,". He stroked her cheek. "Do you want some?". He opened the bag and offered her a piece.

She still did not speak, but she did nod, and she took the candy and ate it.

"Good girl. Would you like some more?".

She nodded again.

"Well, okay, I'll give you some. But, first, I need you to say the magic word,".

May frowned and buried her face again.

Roger said lovingly "Oh, c'mon, Peanut. Don't do that. Just say it, please?". She shook her head. "Why won't you talk to me, baby?".

Silence.

Getting another idea, Roger stood up and said "Okay, well I guess I'll leave you alone now, and I'll take the candy with me,".

Just as he was about to step out the door, he could hear a faint "Please" escape his daughter's lips. Turning, he asked her "What was that? I didn't hear you,".

May lifted her head and said louder "Please,".

Smiling, the young father replied "That's my girl,". He handed her a few more pieces of candy as he once again took a seat beside her. While she was nibbling her candy, he pulled her into his lap and rocked her. "That's my girl," he repeated. He ran his fingers through her hair.

May began crying again, so Roger kissed her cheek and said "I know you miss Angel, sweetie. But you know what?". He waited for his daughter to look at him. "She's in a much better place now. She's not in any pain at all, and I bet that right now, she's dancing and playing drums with some real angels,". He smiled at her.

May smiled a little in return at the thought. "Yeah, I bet so too," she said. Then, she asked "Daddy, do you think Angel and Mommy are gonna be best friends in heaven?".

Roger chuckled. "Peanut, knowing your mom, I bet she was the first one to give Angel a hug when she got there. And I think that right now, they are such best friends now that they are even neighbors in heaven and they do everything together, just like you did with them when they were still here,". The smile on May's face grew and she even giggled a little. It made Roger happy to see his little girl do that. But, his happiness melted away when he remembered why he had come to talk to her in the first place. He closed his eyes and let out another sigh.

May cocked her head and asked "What's wrong, Daddy?".

"Oh nothing, Peanut," he replied. "It's just, there's something very important that Daddy needs to tell you,".

"What is it?"

Roger took a few moments to collect his thoughts. This was a situation that had to be handled with care. Finally, he opened his mouth and asked her cautiously "May, honey, do you remember why Mommy died?".

"Yeah. She cut her arms open with a knife," the child answered, a sad look lingering in her eye.

"Okay, yes," said Roger. "But do you remember what I said about why she did that?".

"Yes. You said she had a sickness in her blood,".

"That's right, May. I did say that. But I never told you what the sickness is called, and I think it's about time you knew. It's called AIDS,".

"AIDS? What's that?".

"It's the disease your mother had. Angel had it too,".

"Yeah, you told me, Daddy. But, does AIDS always make you very sick and in the hospital like Angel was?".

Roger nodded. "Yes, it does. It's why your mother took her life. She never wanted to get so sick like that. And AIDS is a disease that always ki-,".

He was interrupted by the sound of his beeper and its ever-perfect timing. He reached into his pocket and took his dose of AZT. "Daddy, why do you always have to eat that medicine?" May inquired.

"Well," he said "this is what I'm trying to tell you. Do you remember how, after we left the bathroom when we found Mommy, I took you to the living room chair and we sat together?".

"Yes," she answered.

"Okay, and I told you how Mommy and I went to the doctor to see if we had the disease AIDS. And you asked me if I was sick too, remember?".

"Yeah, I do, Daddy," said May. Then, suddenly, her eyes opened wide with shock as she realized where he was going with this. "Oh no! Daddy! You have AIDS?!".

He hugged her even tighter. "Yes, princess," he affirmed.

May shook her head as her bottom lip quivered. "No, Daddy, no! You're gonna die!".

Roger knew this was not a question, but still he repeated "Yes, princess,".

A look of sadness and growing fear shadowed his daughter's face. "B-But, if you d-die, I w-will be all alone! N-Nobody will be there to take c-care of me!" she stammered.

The young man kissed her cheek and told her "No, you won't, baby. Do you think I would leave you without making sure someone would take care of you after I'm gone? I'd never do that. I love you too much,". He kissed her head, then continued "Uncle Mark will look after you. And you'll also still have Uncle Collins, Auntie Maureen, and Auntie Joanne,".

May buried her face in his chest, then cried "But, Daddy, I want you! I love you!".

"I know, baby, I know,". He rubbed her back to calm her. "But, remember that promise I made to you that day? I said 'May, I can't promise that I will live a long time. I can't promise that I'll be there to see you off to college, or be there on your wedding day, or that I'll be able to meet your children. But I can, and do, promise that I will live as long as I can, and that I won't try to end my life early,'. And I'm going to keep that promise, honey. It's why I take my medicine everyday. It won't cure me of AIDS, but it lets me live for as long as I can, and that's what I plan to do. I love you, May, so, so much,". He continued to rock her in his arms, kissing her and comforting her with loving words until she stopped crying. When she finished, he looked at her and asked "Are we better now?".

"No...," she said in a sad tone.

"I understand," said Roger with a nod. "But, really, Peanut, it's okay. Everything will be okay,". He reached for the bag of Swedish Fish and put a few more pieces in his hand. "Here," he said, offering the candy to her.

She took the candy gratefully, and she verbally expressed her gratitude.

"You're welcome, sweetheart,". He waited until she ate the last piece before asking "How about now? Better?".

"A little," May replied with a shrug.

Roger smiled, and after standing up with her still in his arms, he said "That's my girl. Now, c'mon, let's go see if Uncle Mark is back from work yet,".

************************************************************************************************************************November 2, 1990

Dear Journal,

Well, things at the loft haven't been much better. Angel is dead. Funeral's tomorrow. It's been hard on all of us. May especially. She hasn't spoken much since Angel's death. I don't think me telling her I have AIDS helped, either, because now, she never wants me out of her sight. Like, right now, she is currently clutching tightly onto my waist. Maybe she thinks that by doing that, she can save me. I've tried telling her that I'm alright, and that I'm not dying anytime soon, but she doesn't believe me. Hopefully, like her being afraid of using the bathroom after finding April's body, this is just a phase that will soon pass.

There are other areas where we haven't been doing so good, either. Like, all we've had to eat for the past week or so is dry cereal, cold, black coffee, and water from the tap. Yeah. A real feast. Also, we forgot to pay the heating bill for this month, so we've all been freezing in this chilly October/November weather. It's a good thing Santa Fe is almost always warm.

Ah, yes, it's actually happening. I've decided that life in New York is no longer good for May and I. It's harsh, cold, and we still see Mimi, and she should be the last person we ever see, given all that has happened. So, the plan is to, right after Angel's funeral, head down south to Santa Fe, New Mexico. There, hopefully, we will find a place to live and I will get a job to support us. I hate the idea of having a day job, but I'll need one if I really want to make the move down there. Of course, I can do some street performing in my free time, so I can let creativity flow then. Only problem is, I don't have a guitar anymore. I had to sell it to buy a car that would take us to Santa Fe. Guess I'll have to sell the car when I'm down there, and buy a new guitar. It won't be the same as my old Fender, but what else can I do now?

Mark knows, and he's tried to talk me out of going, but my mind is set. May and I cannot live here anymore. Life's too hard here, and I just can't even stand it anymore. May doesn't know of the plan yet. I doubt she'll take it very well, but this is partly for her own benefit. I hope she'll see that someday.

************************************************************************************************************************The day of the funeral came quickly, and everyone was all dressed up to attend. Even May was dressed in her best, and Maureen came over to do her hair, just to make her feel better. But, nothing could make anybody feel better that day.

When everyone was ready, they made their way to the church where the funeral would be held. May was carrying a bag in her hand, and Roger tried to make the situation lighter by asking her what was in the bag. She answered, quietly "It's a secret,". And Roger then gave up. He knew the stubborn child would not tell him until it was time.

As they took their seats inside the church pews, Roger looked over to see Benny and Mimi filing in, and they were together. Roger groaned a little. Shit, he thought, but he said nothing. He just kept his eyes forward, purposefully avoiding making eye contact with either of them.

The ceremony began with everyone each giving their own eulogies to Angel. Mimi was the first to go up. Her eyeliner was running from the amount of tears she had shed before hand. "Angel was one of my closest friends. It's right that it was Halloween when she went, because it was her favorite holiday. I knew we'd hit it off from the moment we met. That skin head was bothering her, and she said she was more of a man than he'd ever be, and more of a woman than he'd ever get,". In spite of himself, Roger chuckled softly at that statement. That was totally something Angel would have said.

Everyone else who wanted to went up and spoke in their turn, but after Mimi's speech, Roger could not help but only think of how much he was going to miss Angel. Thus, he was not really paying attention to anything else, that is, until his daughter tried making her way to the front so that she could say a few words. This caught him off guard. She had not told him she would be speaking. He watched her climb the stairs to where Angel's closed casket was. On top of the casket were all sorts of things, like flowers and coins for luck in the after life. There was also a picture of Angel, out of drag and AIDS-free, and it was to this picture that May spoke.

But first, she began by pulling out the contents of the plastic bag she had brought with her. Inside was her favorite teddy bear with the Santa hat, and a pair of scissors. Roger wondered to himself what on earth she planned to do with those things. And then she spoke, saying in a soft voice "Angel, you were my bestest friend. Even over Natalie, and even over Daddy, sometimes. I sure am gonna miss you. And,". She paused to present her bear to the picture. "Gabe and I were talking, and he said that he and you were friends too. And he and I got to thinking that maybe, because we loved you so much, we should leave you a present. And I was thinking we could leave a really special present. And Gabe said we should leave his hat! It is a special hat that Gabe loves, but he wants to give it as a special present. I thought that's a good idea. It's special to Gabe because it is his favorite, and it is good too because it makes me think of how you were always so nice and happy, like Santa. So that's what we're gonna give you, Angel. Gabe's Santa hat. Maybe you can find a teddy bear in heaven and put it on him? I bet he'd look real nice,". Then, May took the scissors that she brought, and cut the hat loose from the bear. She placed it carefully on the coffin, then, she picked up the picture of Angel and hugged and kissed it, telling it "I love you, Angel, and I will miss you so, so much. And so will Gabe,". Then, without another word, she turned on her toe and went back onto her father's lap, where she started to cry softly.

The last person to get up and talk was Collins. He walked up to the coffin, slowly, and when he got there, he did not actually talk. He sang, softly. He was singing a tune that Roger guessed they had made up, for he had never heard it. Collins was singing so softly that Roger could only catch the line "I'll cover you". And then, Collins just broke down in tears. In response, everyone stood up in their pews, one by one, to show their support. Collins expressed his gratitude with a broken smile.

After the service, it was time to bury their friend in the ground forever. This was a really emotional time. Everyone was in tears, even May, who still did not fully understand why Angel was gone. She clutched her now hatless bear the entire time, so much so that Roger was surprised its stuffing did not come out. Not that Roger could blame her. He was clutching her the entire time in the same way she was clutching her bear. Roger did not shed as many tears as everyone else. He would do that later, but still, he sure was going to miss Angel.

************************************************************************************************************************The burial happened so fast that before Roger knew it, he was walking away from the gravesite, May in his arms. He shed a tear, for he remembered his plan to leave New York as soon as Angel was in the grave. He was going to carry out his plan- he had to, for the sake of him and his child, but that did not make it easier for him.

Mimi came up to him and disrupted his thoughts by asking, tears still in her eyes "Roger, is it true that you sold your Fender to buy a car?". Benny trailed right behind her.

Roger sighed "Yes, it's true,". Then, he glared at Benny. "It's true you're with this yuppie scum?" he asked Mimi, bitterly.

She did not answer. Instead, Benny turned to her and said "I thought you said you'd never speak to him again,".

"You have no authority to tell her who to speak to!" yelled Maureen. Roger wondered why she was getting involved. This was none of her business.

Thankfully, Joanne voiced his thoughts. "This isn't any of your business, Maureen,".

"I'm not talking to you, Joanne!".

"Of course you're not! You never did when we were together, so why wouldn't you now?!". Joanne was very cross. "Can you believe it, guys?! She acted like I don't even exist sometimes,".

Mimi said "I know how you feel, Joanne,". She looked directly at Roger, and then went on. "He was the same way. I put in everything I had into this relationship, and what did I get in return? Nothing,".

And now Roger was mad. He put May down, and asked her to go play over by some nearby trees, and thankfully, she listened. When she was gone, Roger said to Mimi in an ice cold tone "You know, that's rich coming from the one who has been two-timing and who was also responsible for my daughter's injury!". Mimi looked extremely offended, but he did not care. Acting like this towards her would make leaving her much easier.

Mimi looked like she was going to protest, but she was stopped by Collins, who begged "Guys! Please! You all promised you would be cool today,". And Roger suddenly felt very ashamed for fighting at Angel's funeral, and by the looks on everyone else's faces, he was not alone. Roger watched as each of them from that point went on their separate ways, in silence. So this is it, he thought to himself. This is the end of it all. He had to sit down on a bench to take it all in.

As he was sitting, Mark approached. He looked at Roger, the sadness in his eye very apparent. "So, I here there are great restaurants in Santa Fe,".

"Yeah," said Roger murmured. He sighed. "Mark, how could Mimi do this to me?".

Mark huffed. "How could you just let her go like that, Roger?".

Bitterly, Roger replied "You have no clue what she put me through,".

"She still loves you, you know," said Mark, crossing his arms. "And I'm getting the feeling that the reason why you are pushing her away isn't really because you're jealous or because of May's accident, because you know deep down inside you that she's not cheating and that the accident wasn't anyone's fault. You're afraid to see her get weaker and weaker,".

Sighing, the songwriter agreed and said "She looked really sick today,".

"That's because she is running out of time, Rog! And instead of helping her, you're skipping town!".

"I-I've got to go," said a fed up Roger. He got up and turned around to call his daughter to him, when he saw Mimi, standing right there. "Y-You heard that?" he stammered.

"Every word," she answered.

At this point, Roger was on the verge of breaking. Mimi was so pale, so thin, it was a wonder that the day's steady autumn breeze was not blowing her away. But, he held his ground when he asked "What do you want?".

She looked into his eyes, and it took all of his will not to recoil. Death was in her eyes. She sighed and said "I just came to say goodbye, love. Good luck in Santa Fe,".

It pained Roger to hear just how broken she sounded, and he could no longer stand being there. He said nothing back to her. He simply called May back to him, and once she was there by his side again, he turned to Mark and told him "I'll call,". Then he took his daughter and went out the gate of the cemetery. The chilly autumn breeze nipped at them, and as the fallen and dead leaves from the trees flew past them, Roger came to the conclusion that he really hated this time of year. Everything dies in fall.

************************************************************************************************************************The day's events had exhausted May to a point that as soon as she and Daddy arrived at home, she went straight to the couch and lay down. But, her mind was so full and her heart so grief-laden that she could not actually fall asleep. She had to settle for curling up in a ball and closing her eyes, trying to empty her head of all the questions and thoughts she had. Some of those questions and thoughts included "Why is everybody I love dying?", "How long will Daddy be alive?", "I wish Mommy was here to hug me," and "Why is Daddy so mad at Mimi? It wasn't her fault the car hit me,". Her mother was not there to hug her and make her feel better, but her father was, and she wanted him. But, he was too busy rushing around packing things into bags, running downstairs, coming back up without the bags, and then doing it all over again. It was only after he had done this about five times did May bother to sit up and ask "What are you doing, Daddy?".

He said nothing. He just sighed and avoided eye contact.

But now, May was curious, and she would not give up until she was answered. She repeated her question. Still, he said nothing. She asked three more times, and he remained quiet. Finally, really desiring an answer, she hopped off the couch and hugged his legs, preventing him from moving. "I won't let go until you tell me what you're doing, Daddy," she told him.

And then, he looked at her. He chuckled slightly and said "You're a stubborn little girl, aren't you?". She nodded. He chuckled once more. "Just like your mother,". He picked her up off the floor. "I guess I should tell you now," he sighed. "We're moving?".

"Oh! Are we moving back with Mimi?" May asked, smiling for the first time all day.

Daddy shook his head. "No, baby,".

May frowned. "Oh. Where are we going?".

"A place that's far away. It's called Santa Fe,".

"How far is it?".

"Well, it will take several days to drive there. It's why I bought that car,".

May pouted. "Daddy, I don't want to move far away!".

"I know, baby, but we must," he sighed.

"Why?"

"Because we can have a happier life there. It's always sunny, and warm, and we won't get so sick down there. And we'll be far away from people like Benny and Mimi,".

May's frown deepened. "Why do you hate Mimi so much, Daddy? It wasn't her fault I got hurt,".

"I know, Peanut. And I don't hate her,".

"Then why don't we still live with her, if you still love her?".

"May, you wouldn't understand,".

"Yes I would!" said May, who was offended by that statement.

Daddy put her down. "No, you wouldn't,". Then, he took her by the hand and led her to her room. "Time to pack your things, now,".

May withdrew her hand immediately. "No!".

"May, please. Listen to me. We're packing your things now,".

May stubbornly remained rooted to her spot. "No, we're not, Daddy. I don't want to leave!" she said defiantly.

"Baby, I know. But we're moving anyway, whether you like it or not," Daddy said, slightly mad and slightly sad.

May saw tears forming in his eyes, so she stopped defying him and obediently went to her room to pack up her things. But she cried the entire time. Daddy saw her tears, and he stooped down to hug her and comfort her. "Oh, Peanut, I am so sorry. But, Santa Fe will be good for us. You'll see. You're gonna love it there!" he said encouragingly.

May doubted his belief in his own words, but nonetheless, she nodded and said "Okay, Daddy. I trust you,".

He gave her a watery smile and said "That's my girl,".

Once she was packed, Daddy ran her bag out to the car, and then he came back to get her. He took her in his arms and hurriedly ran outside with her, leaving her little chance to say goodbye to the place she had spent most of her life in. Tears fell freely down her face as her father sat her in the backseat of the car and buckled her seatbelt. And, under normal circumstances, May knew her father might have begged her not to cry at this time, but he could not get any words out between his own sobs. All he could manage was "I'm so sorry,". And then he started the car, and they pulled away from that old industrial loft, and headed south.

************************************************************************************************************************Roger had done a lot of hard things in his short twenty-seven years on earth, but leaving New York seemed to be the hardest at the moment. He had grown up in Boston, but that was never his home. No, he always truly belonged in New York. And now he was leaving it, possibly forever. Many times on this long, 4 day road trip to Santa Fe, he almost turned around and headed back to the Big Apple. But then he remembered why he left in the first place, and that was enough to keep him away. Little did he realize, though, that Santa Fe would bring its own problems.

For instance, Roger had to find a place for him and May to live. But he could not afford any of the places that he found. So, for the first few nights, they had to stay in the car he bought, and they lived off of peanut butter sandwiches and tap water. Eventually, though, they were taken in by an old bartender, Logan, who gave Roger a job as a drink mixer and let them stay in the flat that sat just above the bar for a reasonable price. The flat was small and dark. It had only a single bedroom, a small living room, a bathroom with a faulty tub and shower and sink, and a tiny kitchenette. It was not much by any means, and it made the old industrial loft back in New York look like a castle, but at least it was a place to sleep.

Every Friday, Logan let Roger play his guitar, which he bought after selling the car, for the patrons, and when Roger was not at the bar working, he was on the streets, performing for money.

As for May, she was immediately put in a local public elementary school. And, as always, she had a hard time making friends, especially once more information about her got out. She was relentlessly teased for where she was currently living, for where she had come from, for her father's lack of money, for her friends back in New York, and also for her mother's death. In other words, she was teased about everything. This went on for weeks before she said anything to her father.

Roger's time in Santa Fe was not that much better than May's. Sure, he had found a job that paid okay, and his boss was a good guy, but this did not really do much to rid him of his state of discontent. The always warm and sunny Santa Fe did nothing to brighten his mood. He missed New York, and everything in it. He missed his friends, his old guitar, all the places he used to visit in the city, and he would be damned if he said he did not miss the old industrial loft where he used to live, no heat and all.

And, he hated himself for feeling this way, but he also missed Mimi, terribly. In fact, it seemed like he would see her everywhere he looked. If he went out shopping, he would see a scarf and say to himself "Oh, I bet Mimi would like this," and he would be in the middle of purchasing it when he came back to his senses. And when he would perform at the bar or in the streets, he would see at least half a dozen Mimis before finally calling it a day and going home. Roger could have even sworn that when he and May had Thanksgiving at Logan's house, Logan's black poodle, Amanda, had the same hair color and texture as Mimi.

On one particular day, Roger found himself standing on some random street corner, strumming his guitar, just improvising a tune, when all of a sudden, a young woman stooped down over to put a tip into his guitar case. And as she did so, he caught a glimpse of her eyes. The eyes... they were just like Mimi's. Wait, no, they were not. Mimi's eyes were more captivating, full of emotion, wonder, and warmth. They had attracted him to her, like April's smile had done before. And then it hit him. The inspiration for this one song glory that he had been trying on and off to find all year had been right before him, in eyes of the woman that he could no longer deny he loved.

"Your eyes..can't get them out of my mind...," Roger mumbled to himself, or so he thought until the woman who tipped him shot him a weird look.

"Excuse me?!" she said.

Roger blushed several shades of red from embarrassment. "S-Sorry, was just thinking out loud,".

"Oh," she said. "Thinking about some girl, are we?".

Roger laughed. "You could say that,".

"Oh, not just any girl, I can see. A girl that you truly are in love with,".

The songwriter sighed and hung his head. "And truly miss,".

The woman frowned. "Where is this woman now?".

"Far, far away from here,".

"Go to her,".

"What?!"

"Go to her,".

Roger sighed again. "I-I can't,".

The woman smiled. "Bullshit,".

"What...?"

"Bullshit,".

"No, I know that, but why is that bullshit? You don't know anything about what happened,".

The woman sighed and shrugged. "Perhaps not. But, I can tell you really miss this girl, just by looking at you,".

Despite barely knowing this woman, Roger decided to be honest with her. "I can't go back to her. She is...dying, and I can't watch her die. It would just be too painful,".

"Oh, like this?" asked the woman, right before she gave him a good slap across the face.

"What the hell was that for?!" asked Roger, angrily.

The woman laughed and pointed at his pocket. "I see that bottle of AZT, man. Sounds to me like you are in the same boat as this poor girl you have abandoned...,".

"Yeah, I am. Thanks for reminding me," Roger interrupted as he sighed. He then attempted to pack up and leave, but the woman stopped him by standing in his way.

"Hey!" said she, "I wasn't finished! I was gonna say that maybe she feels the same way as you...,".

"Well, there you go. It's better that we are apart,".

Roger tried pushing past her again, but she stood firm and would not let him pass. "No! You're interrupting me again! What I was gonna say this time is that maybe she misses you like hell too!".

He closed his eyes, and he thought for a moment about what the rather intrusive woman was saying. Then, finally, he sighed and admitted "She probably misses me even more, if that's possible,".

The woman smiled smugly. "Probably, especially if she is dying,".

"And I'm the asshole who left her,".

"Hey, you said it. Not me," said the woman as she threw up her hands.

Roger laughed a little. "God, maybe I should go back to her,".

"It would make the two of you feel much better, I am sure,".

He laughed again. "And what are you, some sort of love expert?".

She smiled. "Actually, I am," she said as she handed him a business card.

He took it and read it out loud "'Grace Samuels, Ph.D. Marriage Counselor',". He then chuckled and said "Thanks, Dr. Samuels-,".

"Oh, Grace, please,".

"Okay. Thanks, Grace, for your advice. You know, I just might actually go back to her, at least to see her once,".

Grace smiled. "I know you will go back. I could tell that all you needed was a push in the right direction,".

Roger touched his face and laughed. "Or a slap,".

************************************************************************************************************************It took Roger all of one day to pack everything back up again and to sell his new guitar for a couple of one-way bus tickets to New York. He and May had to take the bus back, for he had sold the car he had in order to buy his new guitar, and he did not get nearly enough money from the new guitar to purchase another one.

May was super ecstatic when she learned they were moving back. She actually started crying tears of joy when Roger told her, and they shared a long and happy embrace after that.

It would take them about a day and a half to get there by bus, but they did not care. May had her coloring books, sketch pad, and stuffed bear to keep her busy. And Roger had his song. And when he first got on the bus, he only had a few lines written, and one or two chords. But by the end of the ride, the song was finished, notes, lyrics, chords, and all. And all he had left to do was practice the song on his guitar...that he no longer owned. Roger sighed when he remembered that. And he sighed again when he remembered he had no money to buy another one. Maybe that guy from the pawnshop will give me my old Fender back, if I beg..., he thought to himself. It was a long shot, but it was worth it anyway.

As soon as the bus passed that old pawnshop, Roger pulled on the yellow wire, to signal to the driver that a stop was requested. And when the bus came to a complete stop, Roger gathered his things up and instructed May to do the same. After she finished, together, they stepped off the bus, and both took a deep breath through the nose of that familiarly scented New York air. Both of them smiled. One more stop, and then they would be home again. And after that brief moment of realizing they were back where they belonged, Roger took May by the hand into the pawnshop.

The pawnbroker was more than happy to give Roger back his old Fender, on the condition that Roger pay it off by monthly installments. Roger would have agreed to any arrangement, though. He personally was just glad to have his guitar back in his hands. His veins coursed with excitement when he held his it again, and he could not help but smile at the glossy instrument when the contract was signed and it was his again.

When he finished the deal with the pawnbroker, he walked over to his daughter, who was admiring a statue depicting a mother and her young child. And for a few moments, he stood in silence and watched her, for she no doubt was thinking of her own mother when she looked into the eyes of the immortal one cast in marble. Or perhaps she was thinking of their friend Angel, for upon closer inspection, he saw the child was actually a cherub. It was possible she was thinking of both. Then, smiling, he tapped her shoulder, and when she turned around, he held up his guitar for her to see.

She smiled big and pointed at it . "You got it back! Hurray!" she said.

Roger, still smiling, nodded and said "And I dedicate the first song I play on it to you! What would you like me to play, Peanut?". He started to tune the guitar while he waited for her answer.

May laughed and said "Daddy, you know which song is my favorite!".

Roger also laughed and nodded. "That I do, Peanut," said he as he began to perform "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes", just for her, not caring one bit what the other customers nor the owner thought. Because in that moment, all that mattered to him was playing his guitar and singing to his daughter, who sang along. He just cared about making the both of them happy, which was an emotion neither of them had felt at all during their stay in Santa Fe. But luckily for the both of them, nobody seemed to care at all about what they were doing.

When the song finished, Roger kissed his daughter's head and asked her "Do you know what time it is now, baby?".

May shook her head. "No, Daddy. I can't tell time yet! Nobody taught me how!" said she sincerely.

Chuckling quietly, Roger gave her a wink and pretended to check his watch. He said "Well, I'd say it's time to go home,".

Furrowing her brow, May looked at the watch herself and said "I thought watches only had numbers...,".

Roger laughed again and said "I was just kidding, Peanut. Literally speaking, it's 4:30 p.m., but it is also time to go home,".

May smiled up at him and asked innocently "To Mimi's house?".

Looking down, he sighed and shook his head. "Maybe someday," he told her, "but not today. No, today, we go back to live with Mark. Is that okay?".

The little girl nodded, but replied with a hint of sadness "Yes, Daddy. That's good too,". And then the songwriter put his guitar in its case again and held it with one hand, using the other to pick May and their few bags up. After doing so, he kissed her head, and then exited the shop and walked in the direction of that old and familiar industrial loft.

************************************************************************************************************************After a few blocks, the songwriter's arms grew tired from holding everything, so he set May down and had her walk alongside him. And when they turned the corner and May saw the building she called home, her face lit up, and she smiled a grand smile. She looked at her father and saw he was doing the same. She looked back at the building, and noticed the distance between it and herself, and got an idea. To her dad, she said "Race you!", and then she took off at full speed.

It took Daddy a moment to notice what she was doing, but when he did, he cried out with a laugh "Not fair!". And then he took off after her. He caught up with her, and scooped her into his arms again and blew a raspberry on her belly, not noticing he had dropped several bags in the snow.

May laughed. "Daddy! Put me down! I have to win the race!" she insisted.

Daddy rolled his eyes and laughed as well. He said "But it's not fair that you took off without even counting to three first! I wasn't ready. This whole race is unfair!". But he put her down anyway, and off she ran again, and she did not stop until she had reached the door of the building and touched it.

May turned to her father and yelled triumphantly "I win!".

And he smiled back at her and nodded, then he stooped down to pick up the bags he had dropped and walked to her. He kissed her head and told her "Of course you did, Peanut. You are a very fast runner,". He opened the door for her and let her in, then followed her up the stairs. May led him all the way to the floor just below theirs, and then she stopped and looked at the door to a flat. The door to Mimi's flat. Longingly, she stepped closer to the door, and made a fist to knock on it, and was just about to do so when she felt Daddy's big hand on her tiny shoulder. All he did was shake his head slightly, but it was enough to make May realize she could not do as she wished in this instance. That still, for the present, contact with Mimi in any way was not permitted, or to even be attempted. With a small sigh, May looked up at her father, gave him a small nod to tell him she understood, and then proceeded on up the stairs to their own flat.

When they walked in to their flat again, smiles came on both of their faces once more. That is until they noticed Uncle Mark was nowhere to be found.

************************************************************************************************************************Roger was not as concerned as May was about Mark's absence. "He's probably just out running errands, or working, or something, sweetie," he assured her. However, for whatever reason, no matter what he said, she did not believe him, so he agreed to help her search the flat for him, though he was still unfazed. And thus, he did not make that much of a big effort to find him.

However, after some hours had passed and the sun was set, Roger did start to get slightly worried. Where the hell could he be? he asked himself. Unless Mark had gone out with friends, he should have been back a while ago. And Roger doubted he was with friends, simply because of the way things were with everyone when Roger and May left New York, unless they were all out drowning grief at some dingy club, which was never like Mark. So now he felt reason to be worried. And after checking on May, who was perched at the window and on lookout for Mark, he grabbed his jacket and his shoes and put them on, with the intention of simply going to the roof to see if he could see his friend walking along the streets from up there. He told May where he was going, and then exited the flat and ran up the stairs to the roof.

It took only a second for him to see his filmmaking friend standing there, with his trusty camera in hand and favorite scarf wrapped around his neck to combat the cold. No doubt Mark was trying to film the night sky as a reminder that despite the darkness faced in life, one can always find the light, or some other weird metaphor.

Roger could not help but keep back for a few moments and laugh to himself a bit. Mark was always a funny little guy, but even more so when he was in his filmmaking mode. But then, a realization came into Roger's head, and he sighed. He could not be so sure that Mark would be as happy to see him again like Roger was to see him. After all, the last time they even spoke to each other, they argued. And that was only just before Roger packed up and moved across the country. The songwriter sighed again when he realized that Mark might not even let him and May move back in. Sure, Mark was not a heartless guy, and more than likely, he would not kick them out. But still, Roger could not be sure.

Either way, he did not have to ponder this for long. Mark turned around to catch the sunset from another point of view, but his eyes met Roger's immediately. Roger gave him the best smile he could. Mark's expression remained unreadable.

With a sigh, Roger said "Look, yes, it's me. And yes, I've come back. And, well, I-I just wanted to say that I'm-,", but he stopped his speech when Mark came and gave him a big hug, which he returned. He chuckled quietly and said "I missed you too, buddy,".

The hug lasted a few moments, and when it ended, Roger asked "Could you ever forgive me?".

Mark laughed. "Man, I forgave you the second you walked away,".

"You too, man," Roger replied, smiling genuinely this time.

"And, of course you guys can move back in," said Mark, returning the smile.

Roger raised an eyebrow. "How'd you know I was gonna ask you that?".

"I didn't. I don't usually expect you to be so polite," Mark teased.

"You're an asshole, you know that?".

"You too, pal,".

Roger rolled his eyes and laughed, but he gladly received and returned Mark's second hug. He really had missed his best friend very much. "Man, you really have no freaking clue how good it is to see you. I can't wait to see everyone else again,".

Mark looked down and sighed.

Roger sighed too. "So, things are still the same as I left them?".

"Bit worse, actually,".

Frowning, Roger automatically assumed what he believed to be the worst. "Mimi?".

"Yeah,".

That single word felt like a stab to the heart. "I-Is she...?".

"No," said Mark with a shake of his head. "But she's missing,".

"'Missing'? What do you mean 'missing'?," Roger asked, worried.

"I mean that she left the rehab she was in after only a week, and no one has seen nor heard from her since. No one has any idea where she is,".

"Well, have people looked?" Roger asked, a bit hotly.

Defensively, Mark replied "Of course we have, Rog. Trust me, everyone has been looking for her everyday. We've been searching the streets, making phone calls, posting her pictures everywhere we can. Hell, we even have the police looking for her, and they are actually making an effort to,".

In response, all Roger said was "Watch May,". And then, before he could be stopped, he took off, ran down the stairs, and then exited the building, to go and search for Mimi himself.

************************************************************************************************************************December 24, 1990

Dear Journal

Christmas Eve. The most joyous evening of the year. And the only one here who is even remotely happy is May. But even her happiness is tinged with sadness because Mimi is still missing. And for the past three weeks since I have been home, there hasn't been a single day where I'm not out searching for her (except for today, but only because it is Christmas Eve and I need to spend it with my daughter). However, there hasn't been a single sign of Mimi. No one knows where she is, and believe me, we've asked everyone, including her drug dealer, her boss at the Cat Scratch, and even some of her co-workers.

The only one who thinks they might have seen her was a girl who waits tables where Mimi works. The girl said she thought she saw someone who looked like Mimi camping out in an abandoned ice cream truck near by. Naturally, we tore apart the truck in search of her but found no sign of her having been there. That means she either wasn't there at all, or she was but left and cleaned up thoroughly before leaving. I hope to god it was the first. If she is living out on the streets with HIV in this cold weather...

Anyways, despite all that shit, some good things will happen tonight, I guess. Like, Collins is coming over for a visit. May and I haven't seen him since moving back. He is only just getting over mourning his loss of Angel. I hope he brings some Stoli. God knows I could use a little bit of that right now.

Another bit of good news is that Mark has finally finished his documentary about people with AIDS and HIV. He's dedicated it especially to friends of ours who have passed away, like April and Angel. We're supposed to screen it tonight. I'm pretty sure it will be damn hard for me to watch though. Mark managed to put in clips of both April and Mimi. It will be damn hard seeing my two exes, especially if I start thinking about why they are my exes. But, Mark seems excited to show us his documentary, and May is excited to see it, so for them, I'll do my best to try to enjoy it.