I'd Rather Die

By: Montez

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Supernatural and hold no claim other then I love the show and all the Winchesters. God Bless Mr. Kripke for coming up with them.

Author note: I have this story posted on another sight(It was before I found this site) Supernatural was one of the first shows I tried fan fiction on and this is one of my short ones. It is set during the episode when we had evil Sam. It's in the hotel room after the dead hunter was discovered.

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His voice breaking, a slight shiver across his shoulders, near tears in his pleading eyes as he presses the gun to my chest, "You promised," echoing in my head. In his eyes I see: reservation, fear and hopelessness. He is giving up on himself. Something I could not and will not ever do. He doesn't understand that as long as there is breath in my body I will protect him.

He grabs my hand, forcing the gun into it. Begging with his tear filled eyes for me to end what he believes he is suffering. What he doesn't know is that I'm suffering too. For over a week my world was lost; not having any idea where he was or why he'd gone, not knowing if he was dead or alive. All my life I have been suffering for him, ever fearful of loosing him, and he never knew. When he was at school, yes I knew where he was, could watch him from a distant. I knew he was safe, but that didn't stop the suffering of having him cut me from his life. Now he's wanting me to do that forever.

Ever since that day in the hospital when our father burdened me with this possibility I have suffered more. How could our dad have ever thought I could turn on my brother, the one I have spent my life protecting. Did dad not realize what he was expecting me to do?

"I've always tried to keep you safe." I nearly whispered. Trying to show strength while my world was crumbling, looking at the gun that had saved me countless time as if it was the most horrific thing I had ever seen. I met his eyes, praying that he couldn't see the pain this was causing, only to find his pleading with me to end a life. Doesn't he know it would end two? "I can't."

'Please', crosses his face. I see torment in his eyes. The thought that he had killed an innocent person was eating at his soul. That wasn't my brother on that video! Not the one I grew up with, cared for, and loved above everything.

"I'd rather die," I say dropping the gun onto the bed. Doesn't he see that if I did what he wants I'd turn and put a bullet in my own head. Yes, it would be easy to end my own life without him in it. I was ready to do that in Oregon, didn't he see that then. Without him there is no me!

As I step by him, I know that if it's the last thing I do, if it cost my last breath in this life, I will save my brother. Without him there is no life.

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a/n: this is what I felt was going on in Dean's mind during this scene. Hope I got the emotion of that across.

Thanks for reading.