A/N Disclaimer: I don't own the Suite Life series or the segment "C'Mon Man!" I wrote this out of boredom and thought it was funny. If you've seen Monday Night Countdown during football season, this fic is based directly off of that. Hope you at least get a kick out of it, focusing on the comical parts of the episodes that are pointed out by the hosts.

Hosts:
CB: Chris Berman
KJ: Keyshawn Johnson
TJ: Tom Jackson
CC: Cris Carter
MD: Mike Ditka

Note: The time in the parentheses mark the point of the episode on which the clip is coming from and the bold quotes are right from the episodes. Everything else is said by the hosts.

The Suite Life Sets Sail S1/E1

CB: We're getting closer to our weekly viewing of our favorite show and you know what that means. It's time for the season premiere of our new weekly "C'Mon Man! Suite Life Edition." Here we go, Key, let's kick off the season, what do you got? (the clips start)

KJ: (2:08) I'm headed to the opening scene before the title card. The twins tell Mr. Moseby they're attending Seven Seas High and their mom says he can afford it with her discount and watch what happens. He screams "NOOOO!" and then dives off the boat. He must've learned from Matthew Mitcham from the Olympics in Beijing 2008. C'Mon Man! (the other hosts chuckle at this comment)

TJ: (8:13) Key, I'm moving ahead to London negotiating with Padma for her own room. The two aren't happy with the attitudes of one another. It reaches the point where London 'graciously' offers Padma "One from the top or two from the bottom," and Padma gets drawn in. How does she react? "I'm filthy rich, I'm filthy rich. Hold that gangplank. I've got things to buy!" Sounds awful perky for having just been duped out of school. C'Mon Man!

CC: (10:03) Let's see how Zack gets acquainted with his new roommate who we all think is a guy. Now watch what happens when Bailey walks into the room and introduces herself and then Zack... "Hey broseph, what's going on? Zack Martin." He sends his fist in for a fist pound and she shrieks like a little girl and flinches (the other hosts laugh crazily). (11:52) Later on, it's time to go to class and the announcement comes on for that and watch London and her response: "Hey invisible voice, five minutes does not work for me." Look, she's in a towel and robe and Bailey all dressed like a guy. Real contrasts in girl cosmetics there. C'Mon Man! (laughter from the hosts)

MD: (16:34) Here we are in Zack and Bailey's room and Bailey's been discovered to be a girl. Naturally, Zack's interest in her comes up and he pledges to keep her gender a secret and she takes his hand with both of hers and he places his free hand on top of hers. Cody, still thinking Bailey's a guy, comes in and asks: "Why are you guys holding hands?" and they break into a dysfunctional secret handshake. Save it for the endzone, Zack. C'Mon Man!

CB: (19:04) You remember when you were in school and you had to do a fire drill? What do you do? You move out of the building single-file. Well here, Zack, Cody, Bailey and London miss the memo that there's a drill going on so they stumble and fumble their way to the life jackets and then take a fall into the water when they can't keep their balance. (the hosts start chuckling) They didn't float away and the water is warm, why? Let's ask Moseby. "Probably because it's a hot tub." London asks. "Why is there a hot tub in the middle of the ocean?" (Moseby look of disapproval). C'Mon Man! Now look you're supposed to follow all the rules of a fire drill because you never know when you'll have to use that drill but that was silly (chuckling from others).

Parrot Island S1/E2

CB: Well last week was a good day for C'Mon Man and we think this week was filled with even more C'Mon Mans! Don't you agree, guys?

CC: One show in and I've been scratching my head a lot.

CB: As have we all I think. Key, what do you got to start off this week? (the clips start)

KJ: (1:17) We're going to take a look at what Cody brought for Bailey to cheer her up. a delicious and yummy seaweed smoothie accompanied with a broccoli boost (laughter). Later, the ship turns around and there's a big movement and he fumbles the smoothie all over Mr. Moseby who ordered the turn around. If that's what will get Bailey all cheered up, C'Mon Man!

TJ: (4:03) Key, let's head over to where Ms. Tutweiller said she would take us in pursuit of lost London, Parrot Island. Nobody seems that thrilled about it, especially Woody and his explanation? "I got more green between my seventh and eighth toe." Watch how all his classmates call an audible and back away from him. (laughing) C'Mon Man!

MD: (15:25)Zack and Cody by odd chance encounter the prison where their friends are and want to get them out. Cody puts Zack on his shoulders and and Zack tries to break them out. Unbeknownst to them, Simms is right behind them. Look how calmly he offers a crowbar and cordially says you're welcome after Zack thanks him. Is this really a law enforcement figure or an imposter? (laughter in studio) C'Mon Man!

CB: (17:09) I'll tell you something, most guys will do whatever they can to get a girl they're attracted to, so Zack and Cody congregate in the prison cell the best way to impress Bailey. And they settle on a SPITTING contest before getting stopped by Moseby (laughter). And to think they were trying to be mature about the whole thing. C'Mon Man!

CC: (10:15) Here we are in the prison and we've located London. She is joined by Mr. Moseby and he shows all his power to Constable Simms in an attempt to get him out. Simms demands reparations so Moseby gets his wallet out and almost fumbles when the cost is $10 million so to entice Simms, he offers his Mr. Freezy Cone Club Card. C'Mon Man! That won't move him, but it will move us. Because we can have ice cream on set here. (After the clips are over, all five anchors have a soft-serve ice cream cone in their hands) What do you think, Boom.

CB: I'll tell you, our crew here know how to make it right. Some chocolate sprinkles here are good.

MD: And a cherry here as well.

CC: We don't want to spill anything on our notes here so let's be careful.

Broke 'N' Yo-Yo S1/E3

CB: Last week, you voted your favorite C'Mon Man! and the winner was Woody's green toe remark about Parrot Island. This week, Key, C'Mon Man! What do you have for us? (the clips start)

KJ: (0:21) Let's head to the deck where Cody is enjoying a banana fofana smoothie and Mr. Moseby tries it and Cody tells him, "Dude, you're bogarding all the fofana!" Moseby finishes it off and replies "That's like drinking a mother's love." And then he licks whatever's left of the smoothie on the cup. Way to set an example, captain. C'Mon Man!

MD: (1:58) How does Cody expect to compete with the likes of Johan Yo at the 'Yolimpics' if he doesn't know the first thing about yo-yo mechanics? He shows his brother his trick that he mastered and then knocks a girl's smoothie to the floor. The girl asks if that was supposed to happen and Cody improvises says it was. "Oh then yay!" (the hosts laugh at this) She maybe impressed but she lost her smoothie. C'Mon Man!

TJ: (8:07) Coach let's head to the new loft that London was so kind to build for Bailey to sleep on. Bailey gets a little peeved at London's autocratic way of running things in their room so she says, "Look London, this isn't easy for me to say because I don't like to complain and I really want us to be friends, but... Oh dadgummit, I'm just going to say it." Too late, London is asleep. You think any coaches would have a job for long in a case like this? C'Mon Man!

CC: (13:00) Tommy, to that point, Bailey devises her plan to get London out of the room so her bed can have its rightful place on the floor. How does she do that? She lands a recorder next to London and plays sea snark noises. London gets scared and asks what sea snarks do and Bailey says among other things, "They are attracted to red nail polish." London replies, "I'm wearing red nail polish. They might nibble on my piggies!" Now I don't know how that can be the most of her concerns when, and I looked it up, SEA SNARKS DON'T EVEN EXIST. (laughing) C'Mon Man!

CB: (21:13) Well, we all like a good competition every once in a while and Cody is on his way to winning the yo-yo competition, Zack screws up with his towel launcher and Cody gets distracted and loses the competition. Johan Yo is declared the winner and Bailey consoles Cody "Don't feel bad, Cody. He is a professional. Moseby: "A professional? This contest is for amateurs only! Ladies and gentlemen, even though the brilliant Mr. Yo was clearly the best, I must reluctantly give the award to the other kid." Oh man! All that good work for nothing! C'Mon Man! (clips end, back to hosts)

KJ: They could have been told about that before the contest started.

MD: I'll tell you something, I always made a point before games to check with the officials on every rule before every game so I never miss anything.

The Kidney of the Sea S1/E4

CB: I'll tell you what, guys. Three episodes in and I'm finding it enjoyable to find a C'Mon Man! moment in every show and I'm sure our viewers are as well. So let's not waste any time and get going this week. Key, How about it? (clips start)

KJ: (1:55) How about some cake, Boom. We all love cake if you can have it. But while London is trying to get her dog Ivana off the helicopter, the baker with the vanilla bone-shaped cake with white and strawberry icing gets bumped and it heads right for Violet who is dressed all nice and lovely. Ashton, her brave boyfriend, hides behind her (TJ starts chuckling) and Zack steps in front of the cake before it reaches Violet. Quite a smooth move by the hot boyfriend huh? C'Mon Man!

TJ: (4:31) Key, we're not done with Ivana. London gets herself pampered by her personal servant. "Oh snookums, I'm sorry that your landing was so rough." And Ivana has herself pampered by her own personal servant. We should be hearing about animal cruelty activists outraged at that. C'Mon Man!

CC: (7:43) Let's join Zack, Violet, Ashton and company for dinner and Ashton presents Violet with the Kidney of the Sea and puts it on her. Violet's mother declares that "She can wear it to my birthday gala tomorrow night. I'm going to be 30." They look oddly at her. "35." Still oddly. "OK 40, but that's as high as I'll go." Somebody's in denial, lady. You're not getting any sympathy from us so, C'Mon Man!

MD: (12:34) Well, we're going to move ahead to Zack and Violet having fun on their day together and at the end of the day Zack is attempting to draw Violet as she sits in a lounge chair on the deck. He shows it to her and she loves how she looks in it, but I'll tell you something, I've seen many more five-year-olds with better artistic skills than that. (cracking up from colleagues). C'Mon Man!

CB: (20:18) Well at the birthday gala aforementioned, a wild goose chase ensues after Violet's mother and Ashton are exposed to have framed Zack. In the chaos that follows, Zack busts the ice sculpture of Violet's mom and lands in the hot tub. Violet meets up with him, takes his hands and Zack says "Don't ever let go." Violet answers "I'll never let go." (colleagues try to suppress growing laughter) Now we did some homework on this and look at this. (Zack and Violet are side-by-side of a still picture of Jack and Rose in the water after the Titanic sank) Jack and Rose are in biting cold water 12,400 feet above the ocean floor, Zack is four feet on the hot tub floor (hosts let out laughter), so let's leave it to Moseby to ruin the moment: "It's a hot tub. Just stand up!" C'Mon Zack! (clip ends)

TJ: There's no lives at stake there.

CB: No there sure weren't, but anything to get a chuckle out of us and the audience.

More to come hopefully.