This story deals with the serious theme of depression, and touches upon cancer and death. If you are sensitive to stories dealing with this, do not read this story.

And now to my usual Authors Note:

So guys, this isn't what I usually write, as I prefer to write light hearted stories, but my life hasn't exactly been awesome at the moment, and sometimes I feel like shutting everyone out. I haven't actually went into detail on this with anyone, but I've instead kept on going with my life, and tried to pretend it isn't there. It's not a good tactic, please don't copy me. But I felt like I needed to remind myself of that, and my reminder came iin the form of this story.

I am dedicating this story to anyone suffering clinical depression, and to those we lost to this tragic mental condition.

To those that are not lost, but losing; Give yourself your own reminder. Don't give up; it will get better, if you just believe. You have people to prove wrong, and a life to live; giving up is not the way to accomplish this. I've been where you are, and I know it's hard, it feels impossible to get out of the situation, but you have to believe in yourself, or it will become impossible. You can do it, and if you have any doubts about yourself, or just need someone to talk to, I respond to every message I get. I have a Twitter as well, so if you're a guest and have Twitter, post your account name in the reviews if you want to talk about anything. And I mean anything, from depression to your sexuality, I'll be there for you. You exist for a reason, and my mission in life is to make as many people find theirs as possible.

Enjoy the story.

Ted pulled himself up from his desk, ready for another day of kids everywhere, demanding their favourite song, yelling at other kids, running scared from Nette, only to see him shrink away from them and go back again. He was ready for the kids to ask stupid questions, even hurtful questions that, in their minds were perfectly innocent. It's not their fault. They can't feel the storm raging in his head. They can't feel the pain he feels.

Exiting his office, he took his place on stage, with Chi on one side, Bon on the other, and breathed in deeply. In and out. In and out.

"One more day," he whispered. "Get through one more day, then it's Sunday."

For Ted, Sunday was the one day when the hell calmed a little; when he finally had a day to be quiet, and stay away from the torture all around him.

It took mere seconds for the kids to come racing in. Instantly, they had four crowds; one in front of the stage, eager to hear the band, one over with Mangle, to play pirates, and hear stories, a few around Nette's box; the few that liked him, and weren't scared, and the rest were scattered about the tables, waiting for pizza, and listening to the music in the distance.

"Alright kids!" he yelled, trying to mimic his old upbeat tone. "Who's ready for some music?"

"YAY!" Came the roaring response, hurting his head, and almost making him wince.

"Keep up the act," he murmured. "Don't let them see anything but what they expect."

And so it began.

When the day was eventually done, all Ted wanted to do was flop down onto his bed, and not move until the next morning. But there was something stopping him. Namely, Bon was blocking his door.

"Need help with something Bon?" he asked, attempting to keep up the voice he'd been using for the kids.

"I'm not a child," Bon said softly. "You don't need to fake your own voice for me."

"What do you want?" Ted asked again, in his usual exhausted voice. What was the point? Bon was already onto him.

"Are you okay?" Bon asked, still in the same soft voice, like he was worried about scaring him away.

"I'm fine." Ted almost growled, trying to shove past him. "It's been a long week, I'm tired."

Bon stood his ground. "No. You're not fine. Long week? You've been like this for months. You can tell me what's wrong -"

"No, I can't tell you what's wrong because there is nothing wrong. Just leave me alone, I'm tired."

"Ted." Bon said sharply, using the kind of voice that makes you look at them. "Stop. You're being ridiculous. It's obvious there's something wrong. You've been moping about for months, you hardly talk to us anymore, and you only smile for the kids. Except you don't smile; I can clearly see you're faking it. Chi's been worrying, and it's hurting all of us to see you like this. Every day, we end up talking about it, whether we want to or not. There's always this- this uncertainty that you're going to come out of your bedroom.

One night, in the dead of winter, Chi came into my room at four in the morning, in tears. I'd been up late, writing a report for college, so I was awake when she came in. She was sobbing her heart out; it took half an hour for her to even tell me why. I sat for thirty minutes holding my best friend, as she cried at four in the morning. You know why? No, you don't.

You've been blind to what this is doing to us Ted. She'd had a nightmare that she went to the kitchen for a glass of water, and instead found you bleeding to death on the kitchen table. She had a nightmare that you killed yourself Ted. Ever since, I've had trouble sleeping, because I always worry that when I wake up, Chi will be on my bed, after having the same nightmare.

Why can't you trust us anymore? More importantly, why can't we trust you? You're our friend, our leader, and we don't even know if we'll talk to you most days.

I'm going to ask you one more time; what's wrong Ted?"

Throughout this speech, Ted had tried to interrupt many times, but every time he'd find himself cut off, as Bon continued. Now, Ted was in tears.

"I don't want to hurt you," he sobbed. "I don't want to hurt any of you. Please… just leave me alone."

This time when he pushed past Bon, Bon let him. He knew he'd gotten through to Ted, and that was enough. It would only hurt them both to push further.

The next morning, Mangle asked if she should check on him.

"He's usually up by now," she argued. "Even if he's not with us, he should be in his office by now. It's nearly noon for Christ's sake!"

"Don't exaggerate. It's only twenty-five past eleven," Bon replied calmly. "Ted had a long week, and I think it does best if we leave him be today. If he falls behind on paperwork, Nette or I will help him."

"If he lets you help," she muttered under her breath, but she did as Bon said. They all just accepted that if Ted wasn't around, Bon was in charge.

"Should I at least bring him breakfast?" Chi asked anxiously. "I don't want him going hungry…"

"I think it'd be best if I did it," Bon said gently, and Chi didn't argue. The thought of talking to him properly after so long filled her with worry.

He took a tray of a simple breakfast; a bowl of cereal, and a glass of orange juice, and knocked on the door.

"Ted?" he asked simply. "I'm coming in. I've brought you breakfast."

Chi and Mangle frowned at each other, surprised. They had never seen Bon be so direct with Ted.

In he went, and found Ted, clearly awake, and barely pretending the opposite.

Closing the door behind him, Bon attempted friendly conversation.

"Heya, Ted. Got your breakfast right here; Chi wanted you to eat something. Up you get, you lazy little pooh bear."

"Oh, hah hah hah." Ted groaned, pulling himself up. "You a comedian now? Thought you were my guitarist."

Bon gave him a look. "Oh come on Teddy, you know the band comes first with me. Wouldn't leave you bunch of weirdos for the world."

Ted rolled his eyes, and took the tray, placing it on his lap. He started to eat, and tried to ignore Bon's constant checks. He kept looking at him, as if Ted was going to disappear.

"Ted…" he said cautiously. "Are you ready to… talk about it?"

Ted sighed. Bon wouldn't give up, and it might help to tell someone… he'd kept this secret for so long…

"Okay."

Bon looked up, shocked. "Did you just say-"

"Okay. I'll tell you."

Flashback

It was Boxing Day in the pizzeria, and everyone was still cheery from Christmas. Ted was getting ready to go home, and meet up with all his brothers and his parents for the first time in months. All seemed well, as the four anthros said goodbye, to each other as they were all going back to their families, and to Nette, who would be staying behind to watch the pizzeria and look after BB and JJ.

Ted got to his parent's house before any of his brothers, so he was first to greet his parents. When they saw him, his mother's face broke into a smile, and she ran to hug him. Meanwhile, his father stayed where he was, with a grim expression.

"Son," he said quietly. "We have some bad news."

"Where's everyone else?" he asked, worriedly.

"They're not coming. We already told them."

"What's wrong?"

"Honey…" his mother spoke. "I have Cancer."

End of flashback

"So that's why you were back before all of us… I'm so sorry…"

"That wasn't all." Ted said, staring at the ground and trying to keep his voice level. "There was a different reason for Shaf not coming."

Bon sat next to him and put his arm around him. "You don't need to tell me, I won't blame you if don't want to…"

Ted took a deep breath. "Shaffy was killed in a car crash. Shab was- Shab was driving. He wasn't badly hurt, just a fractured wrist. But his mind; it'll never be the same. He watched his best friend die. He watched my brother die, and he was strapped to a seat too tightly to get there in time."

This was too much for Bon. Sure Shab was never good at staying in touch, but how could he not have told him this? Bon broke down in tears.

"Ted… I'm- so, so sorry," he trembled, putting his other arm around him.

Ted returned the hug, and they both cried into the others fur, losing themselves in hopelessness for a moment, a moment that for Ted, made a big difference, in a lot of things. It marked when he started to believe he could get over this. It also marked when he realised a huge thing about himself, and how he thought of Bon.

It was an hour later when they both had the strength to go out to the others. In that time, Bon and convinced Ted to tell the others, and stop shutting them out. After that hour, they exited Ted's room, hand in hand, and smiling at each other. They sat down and told the others why Ted had been acting the way he had. But then Ted told them more, more about how it had affected him and why he'd shut them out.

"After I heard about Shaf… something broke. I didn't have the will to get up in the morning. Remember my "flu"? It wasn't flu, it was… depression."

That marked the first time Ted had faced the facts, and said out loud that he was suffering from depression.

Quite suddenly, Mangle got up from the table, and walked around to Ted. She gave him a quick hug, and whispered in his ear, "You can get over this. We're all here to help you. You know that, right?"

"I'm going to phone a physiatrist." Ted announced. He was on a mission, to help himself, and all his friends, and he knew the first step would be a diagnosis. It wasn't going to go away in a day. But with Bon by his side, he could beat his depression.

(And that marked his first kiss, with his first boyfriend!)

I was glad to end this story on a positive note, a way I'd like everyone's stories to end. Unfortunately, not all stories do, and that's one thing that always makes me sad. This story has helped me cheer up a lot, and I hope that I helped at least one person out there.

Peace out guys-

Kat