Disclaimer: I own nothing except an overactive imagination and way too many plotbunnies.
The Hole is Where the Heart is
By the time Kurt drags himself back to the loft at night he's tired. And not just "time to sleep" tired, no. He's tired to the bone, body and soul. Regardless of how often he goes to bed early – or as early as he can, all things considered – it never really helps.
He goes over his diet with a fine tooth comb, starts eating vitamins, and checks with a professional that his workout schedule isn't too much. He even goes to see a doctor, taking a slew of tests, parting with what feels like half his blood. It could be iron deficiency, right? (He hopes it is, because there are so many scary options out there.)
And nothing.
Kurt's healthier than he's ever been, and yet he feels like a shadow of himself. One morning as he's almost falling asleep at the subway he spots a girl reading the Hobbit and is reminded of the description of Bilbo. Carrying the ring made him live longer, but it also made him feel spread thin. And that's how Kurt feels. Thin. It's as if someone's grabbed hold of him and pulled, and pulled, and soon he'll be see-through.
He knows what's wrong. He just doesn't know why, or how to fix it.
It all comes to a stop when he sways and almost collapses at the diner. Dani is back, and sees it, and takes charge. She makes sure that instead of going home or to NYADA to study, or back to to put in some extra (unpaid) hours, or meeting up with Blaine, Kurt goes home with her. She plops him down on her futon, tells him in no uncertain terms that if he moves she'll tie him to it, and then proceeds to make him dinner. Oh, and she makes him turn off his phone.
It's the most relaxing evening he's had in ages. There are no disturbances, because no one would think to look for him here, and Kurt's allowed to just...be. They listen to music, they chat about everything and nothing, and after hot cocoa with a splash of brandy Dani practically demands Kurt spend the night.
The extra mattress is a bit too thin and lumpy, and yet. Somehow he wakes up more rested than in weeks.
Oh, he pays for it later, when Rachel and Blaine both spend hours telling him what an irresponsible thing it is, for him to just disappear like that and not let them know where he is, or give them a way to reach him. It's still worth it, for feeling like an actual human being for almost 12 hours straight.
That he can't remember the last time that happened should probably worry him more than it does. That it doesn't should also worry him. He knows, he really does. It's just that he doesn't have the energy for that.
Two days later Dani shows up at the diner, somewhat guilty look on her face, and hands over a binder. She won't tell him what's in it, just that she thinks it might help him with how tired he's been.
There's no time to even look at it that day, because Rachel needs him to help her practice her lines, and the next day he has a date with Blaine. Then there's Blaine needing him to proof a paper, and Santana needing help to fix an outfit, and Rachel needing someone to listen as she complains about how no one understands her vision for Fanny.
And then, of course, Kurt's got his own school work, and classes, and work, and so it goes. It takes almost three weeks for him to find a couple of free hours without interruptions – Rachel's being wined and dined by her director, and Blaine's having a bro-night with Sam, and Santana... Well, he doesn't know what Santana is doing, and thinks he's probably best off that way. She said not to wait up, and that's enough.
The binder contains several articles that's been either printed out or copied, and a few sections from a book (or several? Kurt doesn't know) and they're all about emotional vampires.
Once he realizes Kurt almost puts the binder away, because really? Vampires? Emotional or not, that's just too much for Kurt. It gives him flash-backs of Tina's most vicious goth phase – and that time she threatened Principal Figgins, a secret she's shared with no one but Kurt – and no.
He's got maybe three hours. He could watch a movie, or read a book, or go take a nap. It's so tempting to do one of those things instead of reading quasi-psychological mumblings.
But it's from Dani, who never asks for anything, and who's always so sweet and supportive, and so Kurt powers on. The further he comes the less he reads for Dani, and the more he reads for himself. Because here, finally, is something that makes sense. The way the texts speak of people who drain you of all your energy and use you up to improve their own lives while giving nothing or little in return? It's familiar. Much, much too familiar.
It describes living with Rachel and Santana so well that Kurt almost starts looking for hidden cameras, and he definitely looks at the writers' names to see if he recognizes any of them. But what's even worse?
The texts describe what it's like being in a relationship with Blaine so well that it feels like a punch in the stomach, and no matter how much he tries to defend his fiancé Kurt comes up with nothing.
He's gone over every single aspect of his life in order to not feel so drained, and nothing he's done has helped. He's got the paperwork to prove that he's physically 100%. He's even seen a counselor a couple of times to talk about Finn. The only thing he hasn't done is look at the people in his life, which is beginning to look like a dangerous oversight.
Once he's done reading, and truly thinking about what he's read with an open mind, Kurt feels wrung out, and scared. It all fits. He's always been the one to take care of others, and he's never minded, but he's always gotten something back. This time... Well, maybe it's not fair to say he's getting nothing from his roommates, or his fiancé, but he's not getting enough and he's giving too much.
No. That's not right either. It's not about Kurt giving, it's about the others taking. They're taking everything – and they don't care that they're draining him dry. Maybe they don't notice, because none of them look at what the others are demanding, but surely they should see anyway? Surely they should know that Kurt doesn't exist for them and them alone? And surely they should realize that they're not upholding the balance?
Either way, it doesn't matter. Something needs to change, and since neither of the three seem to be willing to see, it's up to Kurt. As usual.
It shouldn't come as a surprise that Rachel explodes the first time Kurt says no. It shouldn't come as a surprise that Santana reacts by mocking him. It really shouldn't come as a surprise that Blaine yells, storms out and falls into someone else's bed. It shouldn't, and maybe it doesn't really – maybe it's more crushed hopes than surprises. It still hurts just as much.
What also shouldn't come as a surprise, but somehow does anyway – and isn't that just sad? – is that in the end Kurt doesn't have to do it all alone. He's got Dani now.
~The End ~