Lesser Matters
{ for doctorroseprompts 'hold' | it has been a while since i've written anything. i'm rusty. it shows. i'm sorry. }
Nine/Rose
angst, romance, forgiveness | Father's Day aftershocks.
She is hiding in her bedroom like a naughty child waiting for someone to come and scold her for her unacceptable behaviour. She is trying desperately to hold herself together and to resolutely not think about the events of today.
Rose is still reeling from everything that happened earlier and even though the Doctor saved the day – again – she cannot quite get over the fact that he would not have had to do so had it not been for her actions. Her stupid, selfish, actions that undeniably displayed her basic human weakness.
The Doctor has forgiven her. Swore that he did not mean the things he said. As good as promised that he would never leave her behind. Rose knows he meant every word, every tender, careful touch and even though she does not doubt him in the least, she cannot deny that she feels unworthy of all of it.
Cannot deny that she does not forgive herself.
Rose feels undeserving of the Doctor's forgiveness, his friendship, his (Dare she acknowledge it, even in the safety of her own head?) love.
What had been going on in her mind? What did she think was going to happen? Did she really think that she would just be able to stay by her father's side as he died – too quickly and too cruelly? Was she honestly expecting to just stand by and watch as her mum lost the love of her life and do absolutely nothing to try and fix this particular, this personal, universal injustice?
She is amazed how much she has aged in the past few hours. It has not even been a full day but Rose would swear that she is at least a few centuries older.
Rose stands up and heads into her ensuite to wash her face and she takes a good, long look at herself, again wondering how she ever thought that she would be able to stop herself from trying to save her father's life.
"So stupid," she whispers to herself. "Still such a stupid, selfish, useless little girl."
She splashes cold water on her face and takes a deep breath as she grabs a towel to pat her skin dry. Rose pushes her hair behind her ears and gathers her courage as she finally leaves her bedroom. She walks into the kitchen and prepares a fresh pot of tea for herself and the Doctor (a peace offering, if you will) before going to look for him.
The Doctor is in the console room when she finds him. He is sitting on the jump-seat with his eyes closed. He looks like he is dozing but Rose knows better. He is hyper-aware as always and she has no doubt that he knows she is here.
She is proven right a moment later when he tilts his head towards her and opens his eyes. He offers a small smile and lifts his arm in invitation. Rose does not hesitate as she sets down the tea tray and settles next to him on the seat, cuddling as close to him as she can get.
The Doctor does not object. In fact, she knows it is exactly what he was hoping for when his contented, quiet sigh directly follows her actions.
Rose feels a slight brush against her hair and closes her eyes at the warmth that spreads through her with the Doctor's soft kiss pressed to the top of her head.
She sniffles quietly and whispers into his chest, "I'm so sorry."
He holds her a bit tighter as they both close their eyes and breath in the silent comfort that only they can offer to each other.