Waiting for the End
On the third day after the Pharaoh Atem's departure from the land of the living, Seto Kaiba had still not set foot outside his office.
This had not been his plan. After Atem's final duel with Yugi Muto, he had honestly expected to go back to work the next day as if nothing had changed. But something had changed, he knew that now. He hadn't then; although he'd begun to suspect something was wrong when, on the first day, he found himself unable to get up and walk out of his office. Instead, he had continued to sit at his desk long after nightfall, doing anything he could to keep himself busy.
He'd begun by reading through every company report he could find, no matter how insignificant it was to the overall status of KaibaCorp. Mokuba had interrupted him, but Kaiba had sent him home, telling him that he would be working late and that he shouldn't wait up for him. With Mokuba out of the way, he had returned to his reading, unable to shake the feeling that if he looked through the tedious reports for long enough, he would find something. He hadn't the faintest idea what that something would be, but he knew he had to find it.
When there were no more reports to read, he had turned on the television and stared at news reports until his eyes hurt. It was 2 AM. The rest of that early morning was spent switching back and forth between the TV and his computer, with only a brief pause to watch the sunrise and think of Ra, the Egyptian god of the sun. Hell, if wandering spirits and shadow magic were real, why not ancient gods? Why not indeed?
He tried, he really did, to keep working on the second day as if everything was normal. It was hardly his first sleepless night, but concentrating was simply impossible for him. A weariness unlike anything he'd ever felt had come over him, and by noon he had requested that all his calls be held, all meetings postponed, and that he not be disturbed for any reason. When Mokuba tried to call him that afternoon, he disconnected the phone. He spent the rest of the second day playing Duel Monsters against his computer, winning every time and taking no pleasure at all in his victories. When Mokuba brought him dinner, he snapped at him to get out. And when the second night fell, the shadows found him sitting in his empty office, trying to forget the past.
And so the third day came in silence. There were no phone calls demanding his attention. He did not turn on the TV or his computer. None of his hated sycophantic employees came to bother him with company-related trivia. He barely felt strong enough to stand, but he used what little strength he had to walk across his office and lock his door. He knew that he would never be able to pretend that he cared about KaibaCorp today.
On a whim, he turned the TV on one more time, and flipped through some more news reports. He had never seen so much nothing in all his life. How the hell was he supposed to care about the economy or wars in far-off countries or which celebrities were gay when a goddamn Egyptian pharaoh had just walked out of his life? A goddamn Egyptian pharaoh...he switched the TV off again...he hadn't even believed was real.
"Atem..." he whispered, turning the word over in his mind. He'd devoted years of his life to his obsession with a man whose name he hadn't even known, whose existence he hadn't even believed in! Years spent in fervent anticipation of his next chance to duel the King of Games, and years spent tasting bitter defeat each time they had clashed. And now he was just...gone.
"Gone..." The word left a horrible taste in his mouth as it escaped his lips. Atem, the pharaoh, the King of Games had left this world forever. And he, Seto Kaiba, could never defeat him now. He had passed into the afterlife, where he and Kaiba would never duel again.
He had never once defeated Atem in a duel. Even atop Pegasus' castle, the pharaoh had outdueled him, even after Kaiba had brought his most powerful monster to bear against him. Even Kaiba's last desperate strategy had failed to defeat Atem. It was Yugi who had been defeated, Yugi who had held Atem back that day. How ironic was it then that Yugi had ultimately been the one to sever Atem's ties to this world?
Kaiba's eyes were suddenly drawn to a drawer in his desk as a long-forgotten memory came back into his mind. He opened the drawer with an inexplicable feeling of apprehension; that drawer had not been opened in more years than he could remember. It was empty, save for one thing: a small, framed photograph. He picked it up gingerly, as if the thing could somehow contaminate him through even the slightest contact. It was a photograph of his stepfather, Gozuburo Kaiba.
Kaiba remembered this picture. When he had first taken control of KaibaCorp all those years ago, when he had first claimed his father's office for his own, he had kept the photograph on his desk where he couldn't help but see it. Its purpose was to remind him of the tyrant he had sworn to never be. As long as he remembered the evil his stepfather had inflicted on so many people, him and Mokuba included, he could ensure that he would never be like him. He had honestly thought that it would work...but after only a few weeks, he'd hidden the picture away in that drawer. At the time, he'd believed his reason to be that it was necessary to move on and forget the past, but now he was certain that the real reason was that he didn't want to look at the picture and see himself.
A renewed wave of hatred for his stepfather coursed through him, and he threw the picture across the room. Rot in Hell, Gozuburo, he silently growled. You're the reason I've never had a single friend in my life! The wave of hatred then turned to a bitter sadness as he realized that Atem was probably the closest thing he'd ever had to a friend.
He knew now what he had been searching for in those company reports. He'd been looking for something that made him feel anything at all. But there was nothing. There was nothing because this was not him! The cold, unfeeling, money-obsessed cynic sitting in this office wasn't Seto Kaiba; it was Gozuburo pretending to be Seto Kaiba. Seto Kaiba was a gamer, a strategist...hell, he was the second-best duellist in the world! He was supposed to be bringing home trophies, not going to meetings and making deals with people he didn't even respect, much less like. This wasn't Seto's life. It was Gozuburo's.
Business had never made Kaiba happy. Not even the creation of KaibaLand, the childhood dream he had shared with Mokuba, had brought him any joy. Duelling was his only escape, his only pleasure. The duel arena was the only place he could be himself, with both his strengths and his insecurities on display.
When he was much, much younger, Kaiba had laid out his cards in rows on the floor as he devised his strategy to bring down Gozuburo. Now, with no one to defeat and no strategies to devise, he did it once again. And, in a manner quite unlike himself, as he laid each card down, he took a moment to think about what he and this card had been through, what victories it had brought him, and what defeats it had endured. There were old friends, like Saggi the Dark Clown, and new ones, like Kaiser Sea Horse. Old strategies, like his Crush Card Virus, had given way to new ones, like his XYZ combo. And, of course, there were his three Blue-Eyes White Dragons.
Kaiba held each of these cards for a moment before adding them to the rows. The three dragons were his signature cards; they had made him infamous, and he had spent a lifetime tracking them down. No duellist in the world save him could wield a Blue-Eyes. But for the first time, these thoughts stirred no pride in him, and gave him no pleasure.
His deck was now spread out over the floor of his office. As he sat back down in his chair, he saw a lifetime of battles staring up at him from the faces of the cards that had been his weapons. But what the hell did any of it matter now? Atem was gone! He was never coming back! And he hadn't even said goodbye!
Roaring with fury, Kaiba swept everything off his desk with a violent wave of his arm. Papers and computer equipment fell to the floor without Kaiba even noticing. He collapsed on to his desk, shaking.
"Damn you..." he growled between heaving breaths. "Why did you have to leave? Why do I have to stay?" He'd spent years chasing a victory that was now forever out of his reach. What was the point of any of it? What was he supposed to live for without Atem? And God, did he envy Atem. To be able to walk proudly into the afterlife, with friends wishing you farewell and friends waiting for you...Kaiba would have none of it. When he died, he would die alone, and no one would ever miss him. Well, except maybe...
Suddenly, someone started pounding on the other side of the door.
"Seto? Seto! Seto, open the door!"
At first, Kaiba wasn't even sure that the voice existed outside of his head. But he dismissed that notion quickly. He'd spent enough time believing that everything around him was a hallucination. Mokuba's frantic pounding continued, and it occurred to Kaiba for the first time that he'd been shut up in his office for three days. Three days! And his behaviour...Mokuba must have been terrified.
It took all the strength he had left, but Kaiba forced himself to move. He forced his body out of his chair and, carefully stepping around the giant rectangle of cards in the middle of the floor, walked to the door. It swung open barely half a second after he unlocked it, and Mokuba charged in as if he was going to embrace his brother, but stopped himself short of actually touching him. Instead, he hung back, regarding Kaiba like a potentially dangerous animal. Mokuba was scared of him! To frighten his little brother like this...he was more like Gozuburo than he'd ever believed possible.
The two brothers stood there, staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity to Kaiba, but in the end, he decided to break the silence.
"Mokuba," he said, his voice raspy...it occurred to him only then how thirsty he was. "Have Johnson get the limo ready."
"Where are you going?" Mokuba asked quietly, his eyes never leaving his brother's.
"We are going to see Yugi," Kaiba said. "I want to duel the real King of Games. If everyone thinks that I'm just going to sit around while some kid prances around with my title, they don't know Seto Kaiba. Have the limo out front in fifteen minutes," he instructed, turning back into his office. "I have some cleaning up to do first."
"You got it Seto," Mokuba said, and even though Kaiba couldn't see him, he could hear the smile in his voice. "Wow...what happened to this place? Do you want me to help?" Kaiba turned back to face his brother, and for the first time in a very long time, flashed him a reassuring smile.
"Don't worry Mokie," he said. "I'll be okay." Mokuba's jaw dropped; Kaiba hadn't called him Mokie since they were children, long before Gozuburo had come into their lives. He beamed a massive smile at Kaiba, and ran off.
Strangely enough, Kaiba found it difficult to remove the smile that had formed on his face, and ultimately decided not to bother trying. As he picked up his cards one by one, each brought a new idea into his head, ideas for what he could do now that Atem was no longer stealing all his attention.
More KaibaLand parks would have to be built. Highly-ranked duellists all over the world would have to be knocked off their pedestals, starting with Yugi. Perhaps he could even host another tournament. Anything to show the world that Seto Kaiba was back.
The last cards he picked up were his three Blue-Eyes White Dragons, and each stirred a different thought in him. As he picked up the first, he thought of Atem, who now rested in peace somewhere far away. As he picked up the second, he thought of Yugi, the King of Games...his next great opponent. And as he picked up the third, he thought of Mokuba, and the light that had come into his eyes when he'd called him Mokie. Perhaps, Kaiba thought, there's still something to live for after all.