Author's Note: Hola! So this is a songfic that was inspired by the amazing song Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg. I highly suggest you take a listen to this beauty before (or after) you read the story. Here is a link to the youtube video watch?v=Ar9Ip7pSqEg
Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or the characters and I do not own the song Same Old Lang Syne. I am merely a fan of both.
It was 10pm on Christmas Eve and Freddie found himself driving through the snow looking for an open grocery store. He cursed his mother under his breath as he strained to see the road ahead. Finally pulling into the parking lot of Hey Food, he breathed a sigh of relief that he got there safely before getting out and heading into the store.
"Where is the whipped topping?" He asked the first employee he came into contact with shaking the snow off his clothes and hair.
"Aisle 6 in the frozen foods next to the desserts," the worker responded. He was young and he didn't even look up from his cell phone as he answered.
"Thanks," Freddie replied and walked off in that direction. He felt bad for the kid. The store was empty except for the few employees he saw restocking shelves. It was almost eerie with the faint sounds of Christmas carols echoing off the walls.
His annoyance level was high. He usually only saw his mom for dinner on Christmas Day, spent the obligatory additional 2 hours and then would go back to LA. That was plenty of time, in his opinion, until Mother's Day when he would come back to visit. Carly had insisted on spending Christmas Eve with her this year and baking pies together tonight to help them "bond".
He had loved Carly for as long as he could remember but his feelings for her had been mostly unreturned for the bulk of his life. This all changed after they had graduated from college. They had both moved back to Seattle and started reviving their friendship. On the day he was leaving for LA for his first job, she had told him she was in love with him and they have been together ever since.
She must know I'm planning on proposing, he thought to himself aware of the box that was in his coat pocket as he meandered through the store. Getting engaged was the natural next step in their relationship but for some reason he wasn't able to do it. Initially, he was excited. Carly had brought up the topic first and he immediately started looking for the perfect ring and planning on how he was going to finally claim her as his prize. He decided to make a video about things he loved about her and at the end he was going to get down on one knee and say the words he had been rehearsing to pop the question. All he was waiting for was the ring, but once he got it he kept finding reasons not to do it and how another day or time would be better. The problem was that "perfect" day or time he was waiting for just wouldn't come. It wasn't that he didn't love her anymore it was just their relationship lacked a certain passion. It was like they were best friends who live together and have sex sometimes. He wondered if she was really in love with himor just in love with the comfort and stability of their relationship.
He turned down Aisle 6 and saw a blond woman looking in a freezer window. I guess I'm not the only idiot in a grocery store on Christmas Eve. As he walked down the aisle he realized he recognized her. His heart began thundering in his chest and he backed up a few steps. He quickly opened a freezer door and pretended to look inside. Oh hey! Here's the whipped topping. He grabbed a container and glanced quickly in her direction, a sigh of relief escaped him. Good, I don't think she saw me. . . He could not believe that Sam Puckett was in Seattle, let along in the same grocery store as him. He had not seen her since Carly left to go to Italy their senior year and that was 8 years ago now. His calls, texts and emails to her had gone unanswered so he had given up after a couple months of trying. The last thing he heard was some ridiculous story of her being an animal tamer for a show in Vegas. She had gone completely off the grid. She even only talked to Carly on and off for a couple of months and had also lost touch with her.
He had a quick internal battle over whether or not to say anything or to just hide behind the door until she left or attempt a quick getaway since he already had what he came for. She started walking in his direction and stopped to look in another freezer. He shut the door he was hiding behind and decided to go ahead and do it. As Freddie approached her he tried to script out what he was going to do and say to get her attention.
When he reached her his brain had stopped working. She was digging through her purse looking for something when he touched her arm.
"Off!" She said loudly as she snatched her arm away. She looked at him with a scowl, poised for a verbal attack.
Their eyes connected. He had forgotten just how blue her eyes were and suddenly lost his ability to speak. "Erm," he mumbled stupidly.
The hardened expression she was wearing fell from her face. Her eyes widened as if she was looking at a ghost.
"Oh my god, Freddie Benson?" She said in complete disbelief. She dropped her wallet and grocery basket, the contents of both scattering across the shiny white tiled floor.
The commotion caused them both to jump which made them crack up laughing.
"Yeah, it's me," he felt as if he was grinning ear to ear. "Good to see you, Sam." They stared at each other for a beat. "Still a mess I see," he said as they both knelt down to the floor.
"I guess so," she said laughing as she put her items back in her purse. Freddie collected the groceries that were in her basket. Her laughter was music to his ears. A carton of eggnog, a bottle of rum, bacon, 3 boxes of fat cakes, and a ham. Things really don't ever change.
"Why are you in a store on Christmas Eve? I'm surprised your mom let you out of the house. She is probably watching you on her tracking device right now."
Starting in on me already. He could hear the smile in her voice. He rolled his eyes at her playfully. He was amazed that even after all this time how quickly they fell back into their old rhythm.
"She sent me to get whipped topping for a pie she's making." He purposely didn't mention Carly which sent a small pang of guilt through him. "What about you?" Freddie asked as they both stood up.
"I needed supplies to get me through tomorrow at my mom's." She gestured for the grocery basket but he waved her off and carried it as they made their way towards the checkout line.
"How is your mom?"
"The same pretty much. She is only slightly less crazy than she was when we were in high school, but it's only because she is getting old and running out of energy for shenanigans," she joked.
Freddie placed her basket and his container on the belt and the cashier began to ring the items in together.
"Hey this stuff is separate!" She snapped to the cashier who froze in the middle of scanning.
"It's ok Sam, I got this," an amused smile played on his lips. "Please proceed," he said to the cashier.
Freddie paid and they headed out of the store into the cold winter air. He had let Sam walk in front to show him to her car. He took the unsupervised time to admire how she looked. Her long blond curls bounced against the black motorcycle jacket she was wearing over a long purple sweater with tight black leggings and black boots. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. He appreciated how her clothes accented her curves and the way her hips moved as she stomped through the parking lot in her Sam Puckett way. He realized he couldn't recall why they had broken up in the first place or why they haven't talked in so long.
"This is me," she said when they reached her black Ford SUV.
"Your vehicle is huge," he said, placing her bags in the back.
"I like to be a dominating force on the road," she quipped.
"That is a scary image," he returned. She closed the tailgate spraying snow everywhere and looked at him. He loved the way the cold weather flushed her cheeks as the snow fell quietly around them.
"So . . . " she started, a smirk appearing on her face. She looked down to try and hide it. She put her hands in the pockets of her jacket and kicked some salt crystals on the ground. "You probably have to get home huh?"
Shit! Ok, is she telling me she wants me to go home or she doesn't want to go home? I probably should go since I have been gone a while. I'm surprised they haven't called me yet to see what's taking me so long.
"No, I don't," he lied. He put his hand in his pocket and flicked the switch on the side of his phone to put it on silent.
"Do you want to get a drink? Maybe there's a bar open nearby," she suggested as she tucked her hair behind her ear.
"I don't think there are any bars open on Christmas Eve and even if there is one it's probably a really depressing scene. I have a better idea. Why don't you warm up the car and I'll run back into the store and grab a six pack?"
"Alright, I'll meet you back here then." She replied.
"Okay," Freddie said, he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. He fought the urge to run into the store and instead put his hood up and walked quickly as if he was hurrying to get out of the cold. He considered checking his phone for messages as he approached the beer cooler but thought it best not to know if he was being missed. He got the beer, paid the cashier and left the store walking quickly to Sam's SUV. He went around the passenger side and she had rolled down the back window.
"Get in nub," she commanded. She was sitting in the backseat; her booted feet were crossed at the ankles and resting on the console between the front seats. Freddie opened the door and climbed in putting his bag on the floor and the beer in between them.
"I thought it would be more comfortable back here." She twisted the lid off a beer and handed it to him and did the same for herself. The car was warm, she had the windows cracked and Christmas music was playing in the background.
"Let's toast," Freddie said holding out his beverage. "Merry Christmas Sam."
"Merry Christmas Freddie," she said with a smile, rolling her eyes at the cheesiness of the situation and clinked her bottle against his. They both took long drinks, hoping it would help ease the awkward tension.
"So. . . what have you been up to? Last thing I heard is that you were working as an animal tamer in Vegas."
Sam choked on her beer while trying not to laugh. "You actually believe that?"
"I didn't at first," he said through his laughter. "But the combination of you, Vegas and wild animals isn't completely out of the ordinary. But I mean no one has seen or heard from you in years.
"Well," Sam started through her laughter. "I was in LA for a couple of years had a roommate, started a babysitting business but I got tired of that and decided I wanted to go to culinary school. I ended up at a school in DC and graduated from there. I started working at this gastropub where I met a guy who is now my fiancé." She said he last 10 words so fast he almost didn't catch what she said.
Fiancé? Did she say fiancé?
Freddie glanced at her left hand for confirmation and sure enough there was a ring on her finger. He didn't know how he could have missed it before. It. was. huge. Twice as big as the one he bought Carly. He was annoyed with himself that he felt disappointed to hear that she was engaged. He knew he had no right to feel that way. He had wanted Carly and had held Sam at arm's length waiting for her to come around and love him back.
"Congrats," he said trying to sound like he meant it. He polished of the rest of his beer. "Tell me about him."
"His name is Pete; he owned the restaurant I worked at."
"Wait! Are you engaged to Pete Foster?" Freddie asked raising his eyebrows.
"That's him," she said rather unenthusiastically.
"Sam, he owns like most of the big name four star restaurants on the east coast! He is opening a restaurant in the building next to the Bushwell. My mom was making a big deal about it because they have the sidewalk blocked off for construction."
"Yeah, I know. That's why I'm here. We moved from DC last week. He is in New York now on business but he will be here tomorrow." She took long gulps from her bottle polishing it off. For someone who was engaged to a millionaire, she didn't seem excited about it. Being a trophy wife would have been old Sam's dream job.
"Well aren't you just the blushing bride," he said sarcastically as he opened another bottle for himself and one for her.
"I dunno, when I left Seattle, I thought it was going to be for good I guess. I'm not sure how I feel about being here again. And Pete. . . I care about him, he takes care of me, and he makes me feel safe. . . "She trailed off, picking at the label on her beer bottle. He could tell that she felt like she had said too much.
It was not lost on Freddie that Sam had not mentioned the word love. "Well I'm happy for you and I'm glad you are doing ok. The years have been good to you Puckett?" He pressed his lips together, yup I shouldn't have said that. He took a swig of his drink.
Sam smiled and rolled her eyes at his comment. "Anyways, enough about me and my life. How are things going with you, Benson? I heard you are going to be directing a fancy new show."
"Yeah, it's a comedy that is going to be on primetime on NBC. It's about 4 friends who work at a tech company they started. The show has been a lot of fun but the hours suck."
"That sounds right up your alley. Looks like you are getting everything you wanted in life. The perfect job, the perfect girlfriend . . . how is Carly?" She asked as she put the bottle to her lips.
There it is. I should have known she was going to bring her up. He couldn't read her face. She didn't look upset but that didn't mean she wasn't boiling on the inside. He swallowed tried to give himself sometime to think of the right thing to say. "She's good . . . she . . . misses you.
He could tell that he caught her off guard with his answer. The confident exterior she had for most of their encounter had fell down completely.
"I miss her too," she said quietly as she swirled her bottle around.
"Then why can't you -"
"Freddie." She interrupted sternly and looked up at him. "It's too late." She said with a shrug. "It's in the past now, we have all moved on to bigger and better things. I'm not going to lie . . . not being friends with Carly anymore sucks . . . a lot."
He winced at her words and took a long drink to prepare himself for what he was going to say. "Sam," he started speaking as calm as possible. "I know you hate talking about this stuff but honestly I feel like I am so in the dark about what happened with you. . . with us. I mean you disappeared after Carly left for Italy, you didn't return any of my attempts to communicate with you, and Carly said you stopped talking to her after that Christmas. Neither of us got an explanation." He realized after he finished that his voice has been steadily rising as he spoke and his heart was hammering in his chest. He didn't realize that he was still so affected by her absence. Initially he didn't think anything of it. Sam was known to go off the grid when she was upset but when his texts, calls and emails went ignored for several days, he felt hurt and betrayed that both of his best friends had left him alone in Seattle.
She didn't answer immediately and took several gulps of her own; she looked like she was trying to resist her instinct to run from the truth.
'We were so young, just kids really. And all the craziness with you and me . . . and you and Carly. Does Freddie still love Carly? Does Carly love Freddie? Do I love Freddie? Does Freddie love me back? It was this horrible, painful cycle that we were in and no matter what someone was going to be hurt." She stopped to take another long drink. She wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her jacket. "I was mostly used to being second best in my life, but I thought that after Carly left it would be different with just the two of us. But she called me from her cab that night when I was on my way back up to the loft and told me that she kissed you and that it meant nothing to her but she didn't know how you felt. Even though I was happy you mentioned us getting back together earlier that day I knew that kiss gave you the glimmer of hope you have been looking for since you guys broke up after you saved her life, that one day she would come to her senses. I was scared of becoming her placeholder, accepting your love and affection only to be cast aside when the girl you really wanted came back into your life. So, instead of joining everyone in Spencer's apartment I left, I ran. I still spoke to Carly until I just couldn't take hearing anymore about you and Spencer and Gibby and how you guys missed and worried about me."
Freddie's insides were clinching in guilt. He had to admit that at the time he was really confused about his feelings and it seemed like Sam was too. The only person who wasn't confused was Carly who told him and apparently Sam too that the kiss meant nothing to her. When he realized Sam wasn't coming back he was pissed. He didn't know she knew about this kiss. He was so involved with his own feelings at the time to realize that Sam was hurt too . . . really hurt. Not only had she lost her best friend, her sister, but she probably felt betrayed by him talking about getting back together one minute then the next minute he was kissing Carly when her back was turned. He felt like such an asshole.
"I'm really sorry Sam . . . about everything," he said looking to her eyes trying to sound as sincere and apologetic as possible.
"No Freddie, I am the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have left the way I did. And I was always telling you that Carly was never going to love you back but I was wrong. You guys are in love and together."
This was not the same Sam Puckett he knew from high school. He was so impressed on how much more mature she was, how violence wasn't her initial reaction and how she didn't run when the conversation got difficult. He chuckled a little. "Did you ever think we would be arguing over who was more sorry?"
Sam's laugh rang in his ears like music bouncing off the walls of the car. "Definitely not," she said smiling and placing her empty bottle in the carrier.
For the next several minutes they tried to steer the conversation back to something frivolous but they ended up spending more time drinking their last beers then talking.
Sam put the last empty bottle in the case and Freddie leaned over to look at the dashboard it was almost midnight.
"Wow, it's getting late. We have been talking a really long time."
"Yeah you better get back." She said with a smile and opened her door. Freddie took a deep breath and opened his.
Sam met him on the passenger side. The Nat King Cole's silky smooth voice was crooning out The Christmas Song, the music floating out of the open door. He pulled her into his arms in a tight hug. She was so warm. He felt her breath on his neck. He was finally allowing himself to feel the emotions that he had been hiding this whole time. He wanted to hold on to her forever.
As they let go of their embrace, their eyes met, her blue eyes searching his brown ones. He couldn't stop himself. He touched her cheek with his hand, she closed her eyes at his touch, and then he slid his hand into her hair pulling her face to his. He kissed her, their lips crashing together softly. A fire he hadn't felt in so long rose within him. He broke the kiss long enough to give her a chance to protest. When none came they went back under.
He parted her lips with his tongue and they fell into a slow sensual rhythm. He felt her pressing her hips against his, her nipples poking through her sweater against his chest. . Kissing Sam felt so . . . good. She felt like coming home and going on an adventure at the same time. Something inside of him started to snap. The kiss was growing more intense; Sam was sliding her fingernails along the back of his neck and scalp and pulling her face closer to his deepening their kiss. He loved the feeling of her silky blond curls in between his fingers, he slid his hand under her sweater, caressing the soft skin on her back, the way she smelled like vanilla but tasted like beer and chocolate and marshmallow and slightly sugary . . . a fatcake to be exact. This is getting out of hand, he thought to himself but he just couldn't stop. They were getting dangerously close to going over the edge. Their kisses were growing fast and hard, she grazed her teeth along his bottom lip driving him crazy. It took everything in him to not groan out loud, lay her down in the backseat and make love to her; he was finding it harder and harder to resist this temptation.
He pulled back from her to give them a chance to catch their breath. "Sam, I -" Freddie started, he pressed his forehead to hers, their lips inches apart.
"Don't," she said in a whisper, looking up to meet his eyes. He wanted to protest . . . he had to tell her that he still loved her as much as he did when they were 15, that he was sorry for everything, that he regretted not trying harder to stay in touch, that he wish he would have chosen her, that kissing Carly was a mistake, that he didn't want her to marry this guy. It was too late though, he could see it in her eyes. She had already decided that she was done . . . that she had gotten too vulnerable, said too much, opened up too much . . . and it was time to run. Sam started backing away.
"I'm sorry," Freddie blurted out as he untangled himself from her. "Sam," he added softly.
"I'm not," she replied with a shrug, her confident wall was back in place. "I'll be seeing you Fredward," she said as she pedaled back a few more steps.
Freddie stuck his hands in his jean pockets. He looked down at the ground smiling sadly at the sound of his full name as he kicked some salt on the ground. "No, I won't," he replied meeting her gaze.
She gave him a knowing smile. He thought he had seen a twinkle in her eye before she turned away from him and walked around the back of the car to the driver's side. Freddie grabbed his bag from the back seat and shut the door. He watched her drive out of the parking lot and suppressed his urge to wave thinking it would make him look pathetic.
A twinge of pain started to grow in his chest when he could no longer see her car as he wondered if he was ever going to see her again. Just for a moment he was back at that night in the elevator, when Sam Puckett broke his heart by giving him reasons why they didn't belong together and he had let her go without a fight. As he turned to make his way to his car he noticed she put the carrier with the empty beer bottles on the ground which made him smile; littering was such a Sam thing to do.
He put his hands in his coat pockets when he came into contact with the forgotten ring box. He stopped walking as he pulled it out. The diamond glistened under the parking lot lights as the snow fell around it. He was startled by a large raindrop that had landed on the ring and looked up to the sky to watch as the fat snowflakes turned into rain. He put the ring back in his pocket and walked to his car, trying to forget about the last few hours even though his unsaid I love you and the taste of beer and fat cakes still lingered on his lips.
Author's Note: So that's it! I hope you enjoyed it. I wanted to leave the ending open for reader's interpretation if the kiss incited any change to Sam and/or Freddie's future plans. I would really appreciate a review on my labor of love :)
Thanks for reading!
Random Sass