Weekend Trips

Summary: "Well, I guess, uh, she was the first woman to break my heart and I don't like to talk about things like that." – Tony DiNozzo SPOILERS FOR SHELL SHOCK PART ONE

Warnings: Someone committing suicide

Tony flipped through the photos of his childhood; he must have sat in the cafeteria, staring at each of the pictures, for a long time now. He just couldn't leave, get away, escape, anything.

Tony felt more than heard Ziva coming up from behind him. Still, he could not bring himself to look away from the bittersweet-in-hindsight memories that each picture brought.

"There you are!" exclaimed Ziva cheerfully as she spotted Tony. As she walked around, Tony glanced at her and stuck the photos in his backpack, both thankful and regretful for her arrival.

"Are you looking at more homely pictures?" teased Ziva, poking him in the arm. She chuckled in amusement as Tony sighed and then sighed again.

He wanted to look at those pictures again; he felt the upmost need to just flip through and get lost in the happiness, even if it brought him back the pain.

"Tony…I love you…"

Ziva sat down, probably worried, but Tony couldn't bring himself to care. "Are you alright, Tony?"

Finally, finally, Tony was able to look up at her and tried to discern if she was actually trying to help. An impulsive thought ran through his brain and acted before he could even think about it. "Can I show you something?"

"Yes," Ziva agreed. That short syllable was both very sincere, yet still showed her amusement from earlier.

Tony had no idea why he was doing this, sharing his mother with Ziva, but he reached into his backpack and took out the pictures anyways. As he fixed the photos, he couldn't help but stare at the photo in the front as he passed the pile over to Ziva.

Ziva glanced at Tony, meeting his eyes as he was watching Ziva's expression, before looking back to the photo.

It was a very old picture, and the quality was poor. The picture was set in New York and showcased a blonde woman and a young Tony. The blonde woman was beautiful and they looked very close.

Ziva looked at Tony. "Is this your mother?"

"Yes," Tony answered quickly as he had anticipated the question.

Ziva made a noise of amusement. "Wow. She was beautiful."

Tony apprised Ziva more closely before staring at the photograph. (Although he knew it wasn't the correct time to think of such things, a small part of his mind remembered Ziva's hints about being bisexual and shuddered.)

"Well…" Tony paused, taking in a small breath. "I guess she was."

Tony shifted in his chair, now feeling awkward. Why was he doing this? Why was he sharing this with Ziva?

"How come you never talk about her?" asked Ziva.

Tony feigned ignorance, although he knew very well it was true. "I don't?" He glanced at Ziva and met Ziva's eyes.

"No," Ziva answered, shaking her head slightly. The two stared at each other, Tony still feigning ignorance, when Ziva spoke again. "No…you don't."

Tony looked away, making a noise of wonderment. He shrugged. "Well, I guess, uh, she was the first woman to break my heart and I don't like to talk about things like that."

Tony looked up at Ziva, their eyes meeting once again. They both averted their eyes when Ziva next spoke.

"But you don't like to talk about because you don't want to," stated Ziva. She glanced at Tony. "Maybe it causes you too much pain."

Tony stayed silent for a few moments, the last words that his mother ever spoke to him running through his mind.

"Tony…I love you…but…"

"So, she was the one who took you to the movies, huh?" asked Ziva, trying to distract Tony from his thoughts.

"Yeah," Tony stated, looking down again as he remembered the wonderful, yet now very sad, memories. "Yeah, we would go to these, uh, dollar matinays, these weekend trips into the city. It was this theatre that she loved on 42nd street; it was pretty run-down. She loved movies, and, uh, I think she loved the escape."

Tony could tell that he confused Ziva with his last words as his mind remembered reasons why she wanted to escape.

"DID YOU EVEN LOVE ME? DID YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT ME DID YOU JUST MARRY ME BECAUSE YOU SAW MY POTENTIAL AS A TROPHY WIFE?"

Tony continued on, pushing past those memories. "This was the last movie we ever saw together. Right before she—"

"I can't…I can't do this anymore. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I'm so weak, Tony. I'm sorry I can't be there for you anymore."

"—The Little Prince," Tony said instead, trying to make the memories disappear. It wasn't working.

Ziva nodded. "'That which is essential is invisible to the eye.'"

Tony blinked in surprise before staring at Ziva in a smug way. "Ziva David, did you just quote a movie?"

Ziva chuckled once. "No. I quoted a book. That was made into a movie."

They stared at each other for a bit, both of them amused. It managed to ward off Tony's dark memories for a while at any rate.

Suddenly, the amused look slipped off of Ziva's face. "Tony…what happened to your mother?"

And then Tony was back to when he was eight years old, watching as his mother tore her room apart.

It was chaos, Tony thought, watching his mother as she threw another glass cup at the wall. It seemed to break into a million pieces, almost like his mother was doing right now.

His mother and father had just had a huge argument; loud enough that he managed to hear it from upstairs despite them being in the living room. He knew that she was going to need comfort, as he sometimes did when his father was too harsh, and waited for his mother in her room.

She stormed in, face with red with anger and her eyes showing her heartbreak. She immediately started throwing things, yet as none of the debris hit him, Tony knew that she was being careful.

After a while, she collapsed on the ground, her chest heaving and her breath coming in and out rapidly. Tony got up from his place on the bed, the only area in the room that was untouched, and hugged his mother as she sobbed.

"I can't…I can't do this anymore," his mother said in-between sobs. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I'm so weak, Tony. I'm sorry I can't be there for you anymore."

Tony's eyes widened, but didn't dare let go. "…Mother?"

His mother broke out of his embrace, smiling despite the tears, little bits of liquid crystal, falling down her face. "Tony…I love you…but…"

She seemed to cut herself off. "Tony, please go to your room. I'm fine now."

Tony shook his head, knowing that his mother was not fine. He hugged her again. "No. I want to stay here with you."

His mother sighed and kissed the crown of his head. "I love you, Tony. Never forget that."

"I love you too, mother," Tony said fiercely. "Everything is going to be okay."

They sat there, in the eye of the destroyed remains around them. Tony didn't know when he fell asleep, but he could almost feel his mother lifting him up and depositing him to his room. He felt another kiss to his forehead.

"I'm sorry," he could hear her say. "I love you."

In the next twenty minutes, he awoke to the sound of a gun-shot.

"Tony?" prompted Ziva in a worried tone.

Tony came back to the present, looking at Ziva.

"She died," he said shortly. Tony stood up, making extra care to take the photos gently from Ziva's hands and put them in his backpack. He turned around and left, leaving a quiet Ziva behind.